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Much of the above information is not accurate or applicable in the United States. CDC.gov is an excellent resource for scientific information. There are also many threads in this subgroup STD & Safe Sex Issues

I really like this response. You will feel more attraction to some play partners than others, and sync more with some. As the variation in replies suggest, different couples have different boundaries when it comes to admiring these other people. I like the suggested boundary of being sure your desire for a life partner is still about your hubby. This is the kind of swinging I like anyway, one where there is appreciation for the playmates, but never any courtship like gifts or calling them boyfriend/girlfriend, etc...

I think with the right person you can have a family and swing. I do think that one year is not long enough to make the life-long commitment that you make when you have a child with someone. We started swinging when our kids were 5 and 2 years old. We very rarely swing at home. We pay our sitter $10 an hour. The babysitting plus going toa club or hotel party can get really expensive. It's worth it to us to have a night out, and not be worried about strangers in our home or little knocks at the door.

We're on the upper side of the age curve in this hobby and so have years of experience as swingers and even more as simply sexually active people. Over the years, we've seen behavior swing markedly towards the hard and fast experience. We attribute it to the pervasiveness of porn (not that porn is a bad thing!) Most porn depicts multiple position changes, acrobatic sex and hard and fast boinking. We get it, if you're just watching, slow and sensual, soft and gentle is kind of boring. Nothing ruins an evening of play for Mrs Doc faster than being flipped and tossed around on the bed into 10 different positions and mercilessly pounded for 45 minutes. We want and enjoy orgasms and like to share them. When we want to sweat like pigs and exercise for an hour, we go to the gym. Slow and sensual for us!!!!

I recently posted about meetings we have had where we didn't use protection. The thread was moved to another section. I have a question to ask the other women on here. Do you feel a difference between your partner wearing a condom or not? We are still new and our only meetings have been with a couple we met last year and their friends. In a party setting (twice) the men used condoms. When we met with just the couples, two of them separately, we didn't use anything. My husband says it takes the fun out of it when he wears a condom. He said he loses feeling and spontaneity. I can understand that. It is one of the reasons we both got "fixed". He says I must feel the difference, but I don't. Do others feel a major difference?

About two years ago my husband mentioned he wanted to watch me get fucked by somebody else. Over the past year he has been pushing it on me every day, and he gets so turned on even thinking about another man fucking me. He sends me pics he has found on the net to make me get more and more into it. My question is, am I in the right place? I'm starting to get more and more into the thought of it. But I'm not sure where to start. The only thing is, I don't want him being sexual with other people. Is there a place in swinging for someone like me?

We have a family and swing. We took a few years off for the family part. Have a family. It is 10000000 times better than swinging.

In my earlier life I was married, and she wanted children - me not so much. Ultimately it was a big factor in our divorce, and to this day she is upset with me for not having a child with her because the opportunity for her to have kids passed. I think you need to determine your priorities. Not to sound harsh, but you want your cake and eat it too, and as others have pointed out I don't think you are really listening to her. I also think you need to ask yourself if you are potentially willing to give up the LS in order to have a family, with the small chance you can return to the LS later - and you may never return to it. Here's another way to view it.....you may be asking her to give up having children so you can continue in the LS. She is asking you to potentially give up the LS to have children. Not an easy decision. C

Great idea Sun&Moon. I will certainly try it. Although I am not sure if it would really work for aftershave since the real purpose of aftershave is to act as an astringent for the freshly shaved skin. For colognes and perfumes it would work great and spread the scent around.

1.How can I guarantee swinging will still be there after we have children? You can't. Life doesn't come with guarantees. 2.Could we play through a pregnancy or are we talking a few years off? That is entirely up to you. My wife and I played a little into her first trimester, then took some time off... more because of a lot of life factors than just because of having a kid. 3.Can we still play in the house once we have children there? I think that would depend on the house, the kids and the play. Practically speaking, we married people with children do continue to have sex. It's a little more difficult to find a quiet time and more likely to be interrupted at various ages, but it does happen. Adding more people into the mix makes it more complicated but not impossible. For my wife and I, we usually reserve our serious swinging playtime for nights when our son sleeps over with a friend or relative. 4.Would it be better with a man or women? Again, I think it depends on the people involved. It sounds like your lady has no interest in playing with women, so I'd say that is the most significant factor to consider. 5.Would it be safer going poly / friendly exclusive relationship type thing? Again, annoying I say "it depends" ... depends on what you mean by "safer," depends on your personal relationship dynamic with your partner and potential other partners. Certainly, I would be reluctant to invite complete strangers into my home for casual sex while a child is present... but to be honest, I'm reluctant to invite strangers into my house for any reason whatsoever, so I might not be the best to give advice on that front. However, none of this addresses the elephant in the room. To my mind, the way you've described your situation raises a lot of red flags. Clearly, you want things (like MFF) that she doesn't. You are very interested in swinging and continuing to swing, and you obviously are concerned she isn't. She really wants a kid. You want a kid, but you also want some things to stay the same. (Very important note: Nothing will stay the same after you have a kid. Everything will change.) It seems to me that you and your lady need to sit down and talk. A lot. About swinging, about starting a family, about what you want and need and wish for. Everything. Because having a kid, having a kid is huge... this is an entire human being who you are responsible for, for the rest of their lives. It really helps to have your act somewhat together before you take that on. You can do it... the secret to success doesn't change - communicate, communicate, communicate.

Hi this is the wife. I just wanted to give my side so there is a better understanding of what my husband is saying. My entire sex life has been well, a lie. I had to base what was out there on what I got. It was always hard and to the point. I have heard of slow and sensual but never received it. I was a product of my parents selfishness in a sense. I love older men yet was never shown anything new. When my husband came along, again the pace was set into his pace. This continued for many years until I just didn't want to have sex any longer. Recently we talked about the lifestyle and opening up to each other. It has been exciting. 3 days in a row we had sex. 1st day hard and fast, next day s&s, next day same. I told him I have NEVER felt what I felt those 2 days. I came more those 2 days then our entire marriage. There was a sense of closeness and love, a connection that wasn't there before. I had an entirely new outlook on life and he rocked my world. I'll take that over hard any day.��

I think you'll find this without actually looking, if you just went to a club and were honest with people about being very new, very cautious, you'd find plenty of couples more than happy to spend time with you and answer questions , at least that's our experience so far. I'm a little worried that you say you don't need to feel attracted to this couple, I mean I get what you're saying but wouldn't it be better if there was an attraction? If you answered no to that question then I don't think you're really mentally ready to do this, if your at all scared or intimidated by attractive couples then I think your not really being honest with yourselves about trusting your partner. As newbies to a club we were similar in that one of our biggest worries was that people would be expecting us to have sex with them or that we would create a scene by turning a couple down or saying no, it was nothing like that as it happens , once people know it's your first time in a club they tend to not expect you to play anyway and nobody ever really expects you to play whether you're new or not. I'd say go to a club and make friends with the regulars, then you know if you ever return chances are you'll already know someone there, and they'll most likely always keep an eye out for you and have your back. First time we played at a club a regular came up and asked if the heating was OK, but I could tell that really he was checking that we were ok because he knew we were new to things and the couple we were with were more hardened swingers, we were fine and it was a great night

This is 90% of the problem from my standpoint as well. Granted in the beginning I thought if they chatted when I contacted his wife she'd be open minded for getting together without​ excess of booze and party distraction. However once that was shot down and him all of a sudden saying he has a Hall pass changed that dynamic. To me he became a single male and those rules of courtesy and etiquette applied. Ignoring me and disrespecting me guaranteed​ his downfall. He's been cut off for texting. He's sent some "how are you" texts, but my wife has not replied. We're back on the same page and I'm working on writing up a combination of our rules and procedures for different situations. That way we're more likely to stay on the same page. Thanks everyone.

Okay. There is a new update. So my wife and I have had time to actually have an honest and transparent conversation and I think we understand each other better. She knows what my concerns were and I now understand her better. Before me, she had some really bad experiences with her previous boyfriends. But she never really new any better. Her sex life was not that great and she felt like her equipment was broken. She new how to get her self off but even then it took her a while. And to make matters worse, I was not any better then them. It all came down to communication that opened the gates. From the beginning she had told me that she was really hard to please. And to an extent she had proved it during our sexy time. There were a lot of things she would not allow me to do due to being tickled near certain areas. Soft and Sensual she said she had no real feeling and when I go down on her it would take her so long that even she would get frustrated. After a few years, I finally had the guts to come out of the closet to her about my bisexuality. One of her old friends let some information out of the bag that she is a bisexual too. (I know this seems like I am getting of topic but it all ties in, I swear) I had already come to terms that I would not have sex with anyone else again. It did not go as well as I hoped. It was a big shock for her and I get it, it was understandable. I did not think she would react like that since she herself is bisexual. She said that she did not tell me because all the guys that knew, always thought that was a free ticket to threesomes and those were not on the table. Remember how I said that she thought her equipment was broken? Funny thing is that she did not tell me because she thought that by me knowing, I would assume that she just wanted to get with a girl. She assumed that I wanted to be with a guy and would leave her. It took a while but finally she calmed down and realized that I love her above all else and that she is my world. But the sex was still the same. She eventually came up with an idea from her sister that this was a good thing and to think about the doors this would open for her to explore her sexuality and share it with me. And she got excited. Seeing her get excited got me excited. But we were going at it all wrong. Super rushing, and she would dictate to me what we should be writing on our profile for dating. And that is where I saw the red flag. Hence me asking the original question to you all. I am happy to say that we have had a more detailed talk and she started to do some research herself and saw where we were headed. I had told her if she only gave me a chance I think I can help. I found out that since she had a certain expectation of what it normally is, that she did not allow her self to be satisfied. From just talking and being open and really telling all to each other, she started to get wet. Something she normally does not do. This was my ticket in. I know she is turned on and took the reins and did not let her dictate what was about to happen. I gave her SLOW AND SENSUAL and it became INTENSE. She had an orgasm that was not felt before and was shocked to see what can happen with this new form for her. I was able to make this feeling last a little longer for her since I had full control of our tempo. And right when I saw her arching so hard and really getting loud that you could see she was about to explode that is when I became savage and just switched gears and gave it to her fast hard and with no mercy. She lay there quivering. And was speechless. And all she can say after that was "wow, I am a believer". After this we made love a second time and this time she was able to get more out of the experience. Sad to say that after all these years and 4 kids later, we had finally made love for the first time. That was three days ago and now she has been wanting me every night since. And she has been more open about her fantasies. I feel like this is the beginning of something beautiful. We decided that we still want to go forward with the lifestyle and she is very exited to watch me be with a man. But this time we are taking things slowly. We have been changing our profile and it no longer says full Swap. We are not ready yet. We are doing this for the right reasons now. Later once we both feel comfortable we will go to the next step and actually engage. Right now we just want to go to clubs and maybe parties. But mainly to watch and maybe find a couple that is willing to have fun with their own partner but in the same room with us. Having sex while someone else in the room sounds really sexy to both of us. Now what we are truly looking for is a couple that even if they are not interested in us per say sexuality would become good friends with us and maybe mentoring us through this lifestyle. I don't know if such a thing exist but hoping it does. Sorry for rambling but I needed to get that off my chest. It was not fair to just leave this story unfinished. I feel like someone else might come through with a similar problem. And maybe this thread will help them as well. In the spirit of full transparency to my lovely wife who is the best woman in the world and I could not see myself living without her. I am going to link her to this whole thread and she can read everyone's responses as well as my own. That way she can call BS if she sees it. Hopefully she will put in her two cents or opinions in the matter on this thread so that it helps another new comer. Thank you for taking the time to read all this and am very grateful that a forum like this exists and is there to help us out in our new adventure.

I agree with the last post, I feel you guys should go only as fast as the slowest person. Talk it over, a lot, and decide what you guys are comfortable with experimenting with. I understand the notion that some people may have hidden agendas and are trying to get you to "soften" up on the idea of letting them fuck other women, but don't discount that there are guys like me out there also that genuinely LOVE to see their wife fuck other people. I love to participate at the same time also. I have thought about the idea of the traditional, full swap, situation, and have often thought that I would be too distracted by wanting to watch my wife to enjoy the other woman at the same time! This fetish is real.

That which you get from swinging will be in direct proportion to the amount you're willing to invest. If you answer vaguely other people will read it as reluctance and be less willing to open up themselves. Still, It's understandable that a couple won't be willing to bare their souls to strangers. If someone asks "What do you do for a living?" one can simply say, "We're really new at this and not yet at ease talking about our vanilla lives." That has the advantage of being true. "Let's talk about ideas instead. How do y'all feel about foursomes? Both couples together or in separate rooms?" If someone asks you to dance, simply say,"We're not dancers. Would y'all like to sit down and chat for awhile?" As the four of you exchange more and more ideas, y'all and your prospective partners will feel more at ease. If you remain closed and non-communicative, you will never gain trust and swinging will always be less than thrilling. That's my opinion.

Seeing that you have just signed up. I want to say, welcome to Swingersboard. I do not perceive your question as being whether or not you can properly place yourself into a category like swing. What I perceive in your story is that your husband's behavior is not normal. Having sex with another man while he watches can, within a context, be normal. His obsession, however, will lead both of you into trouble and it is damaging your relationship with each other.

I think you can enjoy your playmates, be friends with them and realize that the play is for fun only.

Having a connection with your play partner only makes it better...more exciting. Just as long as that connection doesn't interfere with your relationship with your actual partner. As long as the two things can be kept separate, everything's good (great, in fact). Machiavel55: