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Consider that there is a fair chance that something will happen. I picked up HPV and withdrew from swing for about a year. A few times over the last twelve years, we have acquired minor infections, all treatable. We have no illusions. Worse can happen. We decided. The reward justifies the risk. You should not go into this blindly.

That is not how it is supposed to work. It would be best if you found a couple where both want to swap with both of you. If the other husband does not want to play with you, your husband should decline to play with the other wife. Another variant would be to attend a house or hotel party and either of you can play with whom you want. It does not have to be a couple for couple exchange.

We had our friends K and L down for an overnighter, and it was so great. We've never entertained at home before, actually. We told the kids to find someplace to be for the night, and to take the problem-dog with them (the little yappy chihuahua bastard who likes to pick fights with the other dog). So they did, and other than one of the other dogs barfing on me, it went well. It was so great to not feel rushed and to just hang out, curled up on the couches, chilling and watching TV with good friends. Adjourning to the bedrooms when the mood strikes. Making as much noise as we want because our closest neighbours are a good quarter mile away. Grabbing some cold water and chocolate covered strawberries from the fridge. Those were a total hit, by the way. Amazing what you can do with a couple of melted chocolate bars and a container of berries. Out for dinner, back home for round two - - and snuggling until somebody starts snoring. Then back to bed with your spouse...for round three...and falling asleep exhausted. Round four with your own spouse next morning before a hearty bacon and egg breakfast at a truck stop diner by the 401. We've been blissed out all weekend. It's been a long seven months of all work and no play since we last saw our friends, and we all agreed it's been waaaay too long. Mr. intuition and I were talking about how we like the idea of quality over quantity. It's not often you'll meet friends with whom you'll click so well. They're really genuine people, which appeals greatly to me. I'm a little put off by stand-offish people who keep you at arms length. I don't mean any harm to anyone, and I trust the integrity of my own relationship to feel at ease expressing ourselves as freely as we like. These two are like that, too. We'd love to find another couple or two...or maybe three...whom we could consider actual friends.

Usually it is the guy that the other female doesn't fancy and so he gets left out. When things didn't 'click' the first time, we wouldn't give them a second time. This is almost you having to 'take one for the team' so he can play. Move on, find another couple, and don't look back at all.

Yer when it more about swinging and less about real life partners then i get what your sayin for sure - Time to rekindle the fires i think - but it will take two to want to do it. I think some times every one goes off track and needs to rethink who and what is important in there life. now you probly have done this but i'll say it any way. 1. Stop swinging all together - 2. Sit him down a have ( or try to have ) a straight talking conversation about every thing your not happy with. ( remember there is nagging and there is talking ) 3. realize swinging is not the problem - the problem comes from taking each other for granted / this kind of swinging needs full team work 4. make time just for the two of you. / you don't have to have sex just be with each other and do something you guys like doing together - ( if that's wild sex ok then lol ) I know you know all this anyway - but sometimes we all need to be reminded - and that's the point to remind him that you are number one ( which he knows anyway - but takes for granted ) Lastly - while ED may not be a problem to you i bet it's more of a problem to him then you think - most men see it as failing and it can be a really hard thing to handle for lots of guys ( i would dare say 95% of them - but try and get them to admit it no way ) Sure as you get older and stuff it happens - but if i were you i would look more closely at why he's doing what he's doing and why. Just a thought - i may be of base.

PassionFruit It's not about the sex any more - it's about his attitude to you and your feelings, this is a huge red flag 0 stop swinging now and fix this before going ahead again. Be firm say no more at lest until you can have some respect shown to yourself from him and any one else for that matter.

If it makes you feel bad don't do it, so you need to talk to your partner about not playing with this couple again, hopefully he'll have your back on this one, it's perfectly understandable why you feel this way

Okay, first off, yes. That's definitely a form of swinging. Mr. intuition and I both agree. It's also fucking hot. What is the definition of swinging? Basically anything that falls outside of traditional monogamy due to the couple's adventurous spirit. You have entered the swinging 'spectrum'. Even if you haven't formally discussed it, there's an unspoken understanding, and yeah, as long as everyone is cool with that, it totally qualifies. I have to say, that's awesome. Delicious.

Op, I feel exactly the same, swinging seems to have overtaken. I long for the sex session where he wants to have sex because he fancies me and not because he's getting his rocks off about swinging. A sad situation and difficult to rectify. Maybe some sex starvation?

I think the fact that it happened for a second time was the kick in the teeth to be honest. I wouldn't knowingly swap with a couple if the female didn't fancy him, He normally sits back and watches girl on girl. I think a hotel party is a good idea. He could play with Megan Fox and I wouldn't get jealous, it's all about involving each other and having respect.

Thanks for the questions and response. ED was a natural progression of aging and health issue - so not changed by the lifestyle. As far as satisfying him visually - he has always watched porn on a regular (daily) basis. Sometimes this has weighed on me as I also attribute this to "if you need OUTSIDE stimulation to want ME - what's the point" I guess it's a mind game on my part - I can acknowledge that and have read that perhaps this is what some men need. (especially a very visual one) Guess I'm just being un-realistic to think I could be desirable "just because" - it's what I feel so.....shouldn't everyone think like me?! :-) At this point we have pulled back from the lifestyle - I think there was too much of ME associating with his pleasure with another woman and my perception of lack of desire for ME coupled with MY very unsatisfying experience, that it was just more than I wanted to deal with any longer. Will have to see where things go. :-)

Thanks for the reply - yes, I do find some other men attractive. I have noted to my guy that I DO feel the problem is I HAVE to desire the other person, and there is a combination of lack of that type of guy in the lifestyle in our area (race) AND the experience of the guys I have been with not into me - feeling like going thru the motions, If it's bad or fake sex, what is the point? (other than my partner is enjoying his time with the swap) I am sure that many of us have struggled initially with the idea of swinging as it's against societal norms, I was open enough to it, but am questioning why we're doing if the experience sucked so much that I try to forget. The last 2 times were so awkward that I couldn't even discuss in a normal "de-brief" conversation with my guy. I wanted to forget it, and never discuss it. (nothing horrible happened, In 1 instance "she" was NOT "BI" like she said she "totally was" and I basically was like, "can I please dis-entangle my leg from you 3 and just go shower" and the other instance it was a couple that BOTH were "pillow princes" (not sure if that can be for a male - not sure the term. :-) - neither reciprocated ANYTHING, um, ok, then.... I felt like I've really tried to be open to experiences, but the more open I am, the less positive any situation is for me. (not for him) We have stopped for now, I'm keeping an open mind, and maybe if we find a couple that clicks it will be different.

In my earlier life I was married, and she wanted children - me not so much. Ultimately it was a big factor in our divorce, and to this day she is upset with me for not having a child with her because the opportunity for her to have kids passed. I think you need to determine your priorities. Not to sound harsh, but you want your cake and eat it too, and as others have pointed out I don't think you are really listening to her. I also think you need to ask yourself if you are potentially willing to give up the LS in order to have a family, with the small chance you can return to the LS later - and you may never return to it. Here's another way to view it.....you may be asking her to give up having children so you can continue in the LS. She is asking you to potentially give up the LS to have children. Not an easy decision. C

I think with the right person you can have a family and swing. I do think that one year is not long enough to make the life-long commitment that you make when you have a child with someone. We started swinging when our kids were 5 and 2 years old. We very rarely swing at home. We pay our sitter $10 an hour. The babysitting plus going toa club or hotel party can get really expensive. It's worth it to us to have a night out, and not be worried about strangers in our home or little knocks at the door.

People that smoke don't realize that their hair, clothes, face, hands, car, house, and even money smell like smoke. We choose to avoid it. Again, we realize we are not the "sport" couple now. So a trip to the mountains with our FWB would not work well with a smoker.

I would need to be married to have kids but thats me personally. As for you, if you and her really only and I say only like MMF and you want to swing safely then go for it. If you want to try MFF as well, I would deal with the jealously issue first. I personally dont have that problem as my wife is bi and will do both which is good as I like both equally. Some hard decisions coming up mate, lay your cards on the table and see what she says and how you feel. Good luck

1.How can I guarantee swinging will still be there after we have children? You can't. Life doesn't come with guarantees. 2.Could we play through a pregnancy or are we talking a few years off? That is entirely up to you. My wife and I played a little into her first trimester, then took some time off... more because of a lot of life factors than just because of having a kid. 3.Can we still play in the house once we have children there? I think that would depend on the house, the kids and the play. Practically speaking, we married people with children do continue to have sex. It's a little more difficult to find a quiet time and more likely to be interrupted at various ages, but it does happen. Adding more people into the mix makes it more complicated but not impossible. For my wife and I, we usually reserve our serious swinging playtime for nights when our son sleeps over with a friend or relative. 4.Would it be better with a man or women? Again, I think it depends on the people involved. It sounds like your lady has no interest in playing with women, so I'd say that is the most significant factor to consider. 5.Would it be safer going poly / friendly exclusive relationship type thing? Again, annoying I say "it depends" ... depends on what you mean by "safer," depends on your personal relationship dynamic with your partner and potential other partners. Certainly, I would be reluctant to invite complete strangers into my home for casual sex while a child is present... but to be honest, I'm reluctant to invite strangers into my house for any reason whatsoever, so I might not be the best to give advice on that front. However, none of this addresses the elephant in the room. To my mind, the way you've described your situation raises a lot of red flags. Clearly, you want things (like MFF) that she doesn't. You are very interested in swinging and continuing to swing, and you obviously are concerned she isn't. She really wants a kid. You want a kid, but you also want some things to stay the same. (Very important note: Nothing will stay the same after you have a kid. Everything will change.) It seems to me that you and your lady need to sit down and talk. A lot. About swinging, about starting a family, about what you want and need and wish for. Everything. Because having a kid, having a kid is huge... this is an entire human being who you are responsible for, for the rest of their lives. It really helps to have your act somewhat together before you take that on. You can do it... the secret to success doesn't change - communicate, communicate, communicate.

Hi this is the wife. I just wanted to give my side so there is a better understanding of what my husband is saying. My entire sex life has been well, a lie. I had to base what was out there on what I got. It was always hard and to the point. I have heard of slow and sensual but never received it. I was a product of my parents selfishness in a sense. I love older men yet was never shown anything new. When my husband came along, again the pace was set into his pace. This continued for many years until I just didn't want to have sex any longer. Recently we talked about the lifestyle and opening up to each other. It has been exciting. 3 days in a row we had sex. 1st day hard and fast, next day s&s, next day same. I told him I have NEVER felt what I felt those 2 days. I came more those 2 days then our entire marriage. There was a sense of closeness and love, a connection that wasn't there before. I had an entirely new outlook on life and he rocked my world. I'll take that over hard any day.��

It's important that you both keep communication open when you're outside of the bedroom also, you both need to be on the same page with regards to what is fantasy and what is reality. For example you might like the fantasy of her being really dirty at the club but in reality taking baby steps might be a better option. We both fantasise a lot in the bedroom but our club experiences are dialled back a fair bit...at least for now lol

We're on the upper side of the age curve in this hobby and so have years of experience as swingers and even more as simply sexually active people. Over the years, we've seen behavior swing markedly towards the hard and fast experience. We attribute it to the pervasiveness of porn (not that porn is a bad thing!) Most porn depicts multiple position changes, acrobatic sex and hard and fast boinking. We get it, if you're just watching, slow and sensual, soft and gentle is kind of boring. Nothing ruins an evening of play for Mrs Doc faster than being flipped and tossed around on the bed into 10 different positions and mercilessly pounded for 45 minutes. We want and enjoy orgasms and like to share them. When we want to sweat like pigs and exercise for an hour, we go to the gym. Slow and sensual for us!!!!