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We had our friends K and L down for an overnighter, and it was so great. We've never entertained at home before, actually. We told the kids to find someplace to be for the night, and to take the problem-dog with them (the little yappy chihuahua bastard who likes to pick fights with the other dog). So they did, and other than one of the other dogs barfing on me, it went well. It was so great to not feel rushed and to just hang out, curled up on the couches, chilling and watching TV with good friends. Adjourning to the bedrooms when the mood strikes. Making as much noise as we want because our closest neighbours are a good quarter mile away. Grabbing some cold water and chocolate covered strawberries from the fridge. Those were a total hit, by the way. Amazing what you can do with a couple of melted chocolate bars and a container of berries. Out for dinner, back home for round two - - and snuggling until somebody starts snoring. Then back to bed with your spouse...for round three...and falling asleep exhausted. Round four with your own spouse next morning before a hearty bacon and egg breakfast at a truck stop diner by the 401. We've been blissed out all weekend. It's been a long seven months of all work and no play since we last saw our friends, and we all agreed it's been waaaay too long. Mr. intuition and I were talking about how we like the idea of quality over quantity. It's not often you'll meet friends with whom you'll click so well. They're really genuine people, which appeals greatly to me. I'm a little put off by stand-offish people who keep you at arms length. I don't mean any harm to anyone, and I trust the integrity of my own relationship to feel at ease expressing ourselves as freely as we like. These two are like that, too. We'd love to find another couple or two...or maybe three...whom we could consider actual friends.

Funny you should ask for an update. Here it is flashback style. On Saturday night we went to our first house party. Rules and play plans discussed. Nothing went as planned, but all for the good and we had a wonderful time. We group played with 2 other couples and left with that wonderful Lifestyle high that comes from a rock the world play session. On the way home my wife says the gentleman she was with asked for her phone number and she told him no. She told him she gets herself into too much trouble. She then told me that when the texting with the smitten husband began she got a taste of the LS high. The night we played with this couple, she got a LS high from being with him, but it was the first time it wasn't experienced by us both and all playdates after that didn't provide a significant LS high. It didn't take long for her to get addicted to getting the high every day through his text and then it turned to sexting. It replaced the high we weren't getting from subsequent playtimes. He was kind and attentive telling her what she wanted to hear. She admitted it was like an addiction and we all know to the addict it's all about the high, nothing or no one else matters. That was a huge admission and the first time I sensed regret. She was sorry for the hurt she caused me. The flashback. My wife had a relapse last Friday. I got suspicious when I mentioned something about our problem couple and her body language changed and her response was not what I suspected. Turns out the smitten husband and her had been texting throughout the day, but she had deleted the conversation like she had done previously when I asked to see her phone. So we are finally alone for the evening she's in a good mood and affectionate. I'm a powder charge ready to blow trying to figure out how to calmly start the conversation without going right to angry hurtful and say things you can't take back. Ultimately she senses my mood and says "you're mad at me aren't you"? I told her I was going to pull up some info on the computer and have her read it and we'd talk. I had been researching ”emotional infidelity” “emotional affairs” “cyber cheating’ etc. I showed her a series of 3 memes. The first said “AN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR - Is toxic to your relationship with your spouse and will cause serious damage to the marriage whether or not it ever becomes sexual”. The second explained some of the key points of the affair. Denial of wrongdoing, “we're just friends we didn't do anything” and stating it can be worse than sexual infidelity because there can be sex without emotion but emotion is the key element in this kind of affair. The third said “CHEATING doesn't mean you have to kiss, meet, or have sex with someone else - once you find yourself deleting messages so your partner will not see them, then you already are there”. At that point she knew how serious this was to me and blocked the numbers. What still bugged me was the “I get it, it happened, I'll stop, get over it and drop it” attitude. Even after a discussion of dishonesty and the loss of my trust. So all day Saturday I felt that all I solved was the current problem and would be questioning her honesty and whether she could ever gain my trust waiting for it to happen again. So you can see how relieved I was to hear her thoughts Saturday night. Bottom line for us and this makes sense that it really isn't a person that loves you going out of their way to hurt you. It was getting sucked into an additive activity where the high meant everything. Nothing else was even on the radar. How many smokers have had family members beg and plead for them to stop and it falls on deaf ears. We were lucky because from an addiction standpoint this was easy to deal with once it was seen for what it was. We're good now and realize the need to be careful. Who was it that stated their wife said we're playing with gasoline. That is so true. An additional discussion we had was as a long term married couple, we get complacent in the simple interactions with our spouse. We don't ask about their workout, because we see the sweat and flushed face. We don't have to tell them they are beautiful, they should just know it. Do we walk up and whisper what we'd like to do to them when we're finally alone. I'm going to work harder at being far less complacent with the love of my life of 43 years and my true soulmate. Thanks everyone and If this helps anyone else I'm happy.

Okay, first off, yes. That's definitely a form of swinging. Mr. intuition and I both agree. It's also fucking hot. What is the definition of swinging? Basically anything that falls outside of traditional monogamy due to the couple's adventurous spirit. You have entered the swinging 'spectrum'. Even if you haven't formally discussed it, there's an unspoken understanding, and yeah, as long as everyone is cool with that, it totally qualifies. I have to say, that's awesome. Delicious.

I have herpes 2. I am asymtomatic. I do not have outbreaks, gave it to my daughters father and didn't know I had it. You cannot trust what someone says... if they have something or not, because they can have it and not know it.

I don't think it's a red flag, but it may be inconvenient, depending where you play. At a club or home it might be fine. If you are going toa hotel, it doesn't usually make sense to get 2 rooms unless you are all planning to spend the night. Until you meet face to face you won't know if there is an attraction. We play same and separate room, but I probably prefer separate room slightly. We know a few really great couples who only play separate room.

I think this has been said many times in this forum..... Swinging doesn't solve your problems, it shines a huge spot light on them. Having children isn't going to fix insecurity issues she is having. When we first joined, I asked about jealousy, as K was concerned she might be jealous if I was with another female. She thought it might be ok for her to go ahead with another male, as did I. The advice given to us was sound.....she shouldn't swing until she is comfortable with me doing it too. It isn't worth the risk in case she changes her mind because if she didn't I would resent her for it. What I see is you're gambling with her desire to have children, and hedging your bet you can continue in the LS later. I honestly don't think you're ready for children. Your comment "Suppose I'm a little paranoid about the subject, several ex partner have promised we can explore swinging together and then once they have moved in and got the feet under the table they change their minds and try and cancel it all off." is a huge red flag. Who's to say this partner won't do the same. I would predict that if you had the children, and the jealousy issue doesn't go away, that will be the death strike to your relationship as you will resent her and the children, who will suffer the most. I think you need to resolve this one way or the other before you have kids....and she may even change her mind later which you need to be okay with.

I haven't read all the replies since 2009, but I thought I'd just put my own thoughts and experiences out there. Mr. intuition and I are poly in theory, but not in practice. At least I don't think so. I have made it clear, at least from my end, that he is encouraged to find good experiences wherever he can. I want this for him. This includes other relationships if he wants them. I just want his life to be full and complete and happy. We haven't discussed this at length yet, but I think it's probably an area that needs to be addressed. Frankly, anyone who has dabbled in swinging should at least make a cursory visit to the Poly forum. Sex and emotional attachment are traditionally entangled, and it's one of the social trainings that we need to unlearn. They've been ingrained in us from the get-go, and they're in there deep enough that we owe it to ourselves to devote some time to introspective study, to determine how we really feel, and what we really believe for ourselves. If you discover that, in fact, you don't see how to disconnect love and physical affection, then don't try to. All that's left to determine is whether or not you're monogamous or polygamous. I think that, while I have a lot of love to give, I find it difficult to attach myself to someone. Mr. intuition is one of the few people who has ever been up to the task of being relied upon to that degree. I simply can't entrust someone with that much of myself. And I realize that, if he dies before I do, I don't know what will be left of me. I've given away as much of my heart as I can afford without losing myself. I have nothing left to give anyone else, other than warmth and affection. It's genuine love, the universal kind, but it's not an attached kind of love. Does that make any sense? I don't need to make a life with someone to genuinely love them.

What one person calls 'broken', another might call 'perfect'...IMHO, great sex is a combination of both and should be constantly evolving (so that it doesn't become stale and 'boring'). But unless you try something new and different, you never know what you might enjoy. When I was young, I had a GF who always said that, for her, sex was 'trying'. Meaning she was willing to try anything (twice from what she said, just to make sure that if she didn't like it the first time that impression was correct).

We have a family and swing. We took a few years off for the family part. Have a family. It is 10000000 times better than swinging.

Define 'normal'. Seriously. A threesome is unusual in our society, but polygamous marriages are common in other societies. What is 'normal' has no proper definition. It doesn't matter what we think. What is normal isn't really important anyway. If, ultimately, you and your wife become swingers, polyamorous, what have you, that is your 'normal', and no one else gets to define it for you. I would encourage you not to live in a world that is defined by what OTHERS think is normal. If you do, you're permanently living in a cage, one defined by others. That's not a pathway to happiness. At first, it seemed not normal to be engaging in non-monogamy. Over time, this has faded, and non-monogamy is now normal for my wife and I. Taboo? Meh. Sure, in our society it's probably considered taboo. So what! If society doesn't know about it, so what? As an aside, and perhaps informative, I've seen various things that have shown that people are far more upset about the idea of a couple being non-monogamous with permission than they are about the idea of one or both spouses cheating. Cheating is more 'normal', less 'taboo' than swinging. Let's see, cheating is harmful, evil, destructive, duplicitous...any number of negative terms. Swinging is...loving, caring, sharing, enjoying. Hrmm...what is taboo again? Don't believe what society tells you. Believe what you tell each other. Sexual orientation has nothing to do with it. If a guy watches porn where a man and a woman are having sex, is the watching guy not straight because of that? It's no different if a guy is watching his wife have sex with a man. Doesn't make him less straight. As to why the thought is enjoyable? Oh wow. I've spent the past nine years trying to figure that out. I can't tell you. All I know is despite upbringing, social programming, and prior monogamous experiences throughout my life, watching my wife have sex is incredibly erotic. Seeing her respond to a man inside of her is absolutely exquisite. Hell, just TYPING about it gets me horny, and we've been doing this for nine years now! For my wife's part, she loves being the center of two men's sexual attention. She loves having sex and giving oral sex at the same time. It's her favorite thing. She loves having us play tag team with her, with me having sex with her, then the other guy for a while, then me, then the other guy... it's wonderful for her. Don't expect there to be an explanation, per se, as to why. If it is something that both of you are turned on by, it's something that may never be adequately 'explained'. Just revel in it. See answer above. It's a very different experience, and nothing in monogamous 1:1 sex can prepare you for it. MFM sex can't hold a candle to 1:1 sex. 1:1 sex can't hold a candle to MFM sex. They are different. There are many different experiences you can have in an MFM you could never have in 1:1 sex. I love kissing my wife passionately as another man enters her for the first time. My wife loves having both of her breasts kissed at the same time by the two of us. As mentioned, my wife likes having sex and giving oral sex at the same time. My wife enjoys laying with her back against me while I hold her, caress her, kiss her...while another man is having sex with her. As mentioned, she loves the tag team. With one (long term) partner, she goes bareback, and loves having both of us cum in her. She loves me watching her. When we first started doing this, she always wanted me interacting with her, holding her, etc. She still loves that but now she also really enjoys me just sitting back, maybe off the bed, and just watching her. Some inner voyeur or something. Some of the most intensely aroused moments in her life have been while engaged in an MFM. Every couple I've heard talk of it have had a big increase in their 1:1 sexual activity both before their first time and after their first time doing something in swinging. It is a very, very intense sexual stimulant. If you stay doing it, some of that wears off...but at least for my wife and I, never completely. Awkward? Maybe. Some guys have a hard time their first experience, with feeling odd being sexual in front of another man. Their erections might not be totally cooperative. I had this problem our first time. I really enjoyed the lady in question. She was fantastic! We really clicked, and had a lot of fun playing...but mr. happy wasn't completely cooperative. There was one other time where it was a problem, but that had more to do with the woman than awkwardness. She just wasn't my type in bed. With time, being sexual with other people around becomes 'normal'. See question 1... Oh hell yes, women fantasize about it too. In fact, there's a saying that women are really the ones that run swinging. If you think about it, this makes total sense. If guys were really running the show, few women would go along with it! Women are just as much into swinging as men are, and fantasize about it just as much. My wife doesn't participate in this forum, though we frequently talk about things on this forum. She's just not a computer type However, I'll offer this; send me a private message, and we can exchange phone numbers. My wife would be very happy to talk to your wife and share her experiences. We've done this before, to the great relief of couples who got to talk to actual, real, live swingers Seriously, it can be a great benefit, even if you never go down this path. I can say this; my wife had considerable trepidation before we got into swinging. Before I met my wife, I'd been involved for a short time with a woman who was married, and playing with permission. I was friends with both of them, and knew everything was on the up and up. I would not have had sex with her if she had been cheating on her husband. When my wife and I were dating, this came up. She was very upset about the idea, said it didn't matter if she was playing with permission, she was still cheating on her husband. I contradicted that, and we just left it as agree to disagree. Prior to nine years ago, I would have bet a zillion dollars that my wife would never...ever...ever...consider getting into swinging. It just wasn't going to happen. I didn't ask for it. I didn't really even consider it. I would have died a gloriously happy man if my wife and I remained monogamous, as I've been fortunate to find the perfect woman. Then one day...my wife said that one way in which having two men would be nice is by having two men massage her at the same time (she's addicted to massage). That started the discussion, and oodles of hours of discussion, research, question asking here, and talking over things over and over again, ...six months later we found ourselves playing with another couple. It was a very nice experience. We had our first MFM a few months after that, and enjoyed it. It wasn't perfect, but it was nice. A couple of weeks after that, we had an MMFM (yes, 3:1!) and one of the other guys was very good. My wife was intensely aroused, and thoroughly enjoyed the experience. She absolutely loved having sex with this particular guy. On the way home, she was all giddy in the car and said "Ok, NOW I'm a swinger!" Not that I was ever trying to 'sell it' to her, but she was absolutely sold. We've had many experiences since then, most of them MFMs. Only one, with another couple not an MFM, has been negative. See my answer to Q5 above My wife used to get butterflies before having sex with a new sex partner in swinging. She was nervous. That's gone away now. Now, it's normal, fun, enjoyable, and very fulfilling. The first few years we got into swinging, we went to a number of swinger clubs. We don't do that really now, though we're not averse to it. Now, we're into longer term arrangements, but certainly not opposed to more traditional swinging. My wife has been seeing her current lover now for about two years. This is our 'normal'. It's not taboo to us, but we know it would be to (most of; 2 know) our friends, family and employers. The sexual thrill of it all has never completely worn off. My wife still fantasizes about partners. Here's an idea I've seen offered before, to give your wife a tiny taste of what it might be like. While in bed with your wife, have her give you head while you use a nice penis shaped dildo on her. Encourage her to actively fantasize that the dildo is another man. Let her close her eyes and enjoy the thought, the fantasy, the possibility. Don't be surprised if she becomes wildly turned on, and finds it intensely erotic No, this isn't a way to 'convince' her and shouldn't be thought of that way. It's just a way to 'window shop', so to speak, to see what it might be like. You can ask as many questions as you like We will never turn you away. the people on this forum were very helpful to us when we first got into swinging, and over the years I've seen it be helpful to lots of other couples. Also, I'd like to point out that there are plenty of us here, myself included, who will tell you if you're barking up the wrong tree, headed in the wrong direction, whether red flags are going up, or even if we think you're just not compatible with swinging. Not everybody is. I would say that you should not be surprised if your wife changes her mind back and forth many times. She of course has the right to change her mind, even in the act of having sex. It's ok. There's no contract here, no obligation. Your wife seems very receptive to the idea, and that's a good first step. It's just a first step. You have a journey in front of you, one the two of you need to take hand in hand, whether it leads to swinging or not. Never try to rush her, just open doors. Be patient. One day passing is nothing. I know of some couples that have taken more than ten years to get to the point of inviting others into their bed. As mentioned, it took us six months. Your excitement about the possible fulfillment of this fantasy may be driving you too hard. Step back, relax, take a breath. Understand; sex is a very different thing for women than it is for men. For a woman, she is bringing a man physically into her body, inside of her. Most women do not easily separate sex from love, whereas most men have an easier time of that. I think because of this it takes more women more time to adapt to this thought than men. Not every woman is the same of course, and stereotypes fail on first contact with reality. For her part, she shouldn't agree to have sex with another man only because you have this fantasy. My wife is very much motivated by my desire for her to have sex with others, but it is not by any means the only motivation, or even the prime motivation. It's part of the whole picture. She loves how much I love it, and loves it more because I love it, but she would love it anyway even if I didn't love it (but still approved). Also, and I can't stress this enough, if you can't talk about this out of the bedroom while doing mundane normal day to day stuff, it's possible this is _only_ a fantasy, and might not be anything more. Even if that's all it is, just a fantasy, stop being disgusted by it. It is not disgusting at all, even if you act on it. What is disgusting is determined only by you and your wife. Some people find BDSM disgusting. Some think oral sex is disgusting. Some think having sex with the lights on is disgusting. Some think porn is disgusting. Don't live your life by other people's measures of what is "acceptable". Live it by _your_ measures and that of your wife's. Her having sex with another man isn't disgusting, nor is your wanting her to do so. My wife just said yesterday; when she is having sex with another man it is an act of love on my part, and on her part. It's true. By the way, my wife just stopped by and said "what is disgusting is cheating!" Feel free to take us up on the offer to talk on the phone. We are in earnest.

That's pretty much my husband's view in a nutshell. Also like others, he loses sensitivity as he has gotten older and has trouble cumming with a condom, even though we buy the thinnest ones available. As for me, I sometimes have dryness issue when it comes to condoms but not when it's bareback. I know I can always use lube but it just feels more organic and intimate without condoms. And I have to admit, I do like the feeling of a man cumming inside me and cum dripping out.

In terms of stimulation to my cock, there's a lot less when I'm sheathed, so much so that sometimes find it difficult to achieve orgasm. Although when I'm playing with anyone who isn't my wife I almost always use one. (Those times when I'm just not able to come wearing a condom my partners are usually happy to finish me orally or my hand, which is fine with me.) From an erotic/aesthetic perspective, I enjoy semen. I enjoy fucking a pussy that's wet and filled with semen. I like watching it drain from a pussy. And I enjoy cream pies. But this is only with partners I know and whose sexual health I have a high degree of confidence in. It's one of those trade-offs that comes with the lifestyle. I try to make a reasonable rough-and-ready risk analysis.