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We started off thinking we would prefer separate rooms, and while that preference faded to not strong feelings either way, separate is still something we like for the reasons described above, the pace is just different. Our best play sessions have been a hybrid of the two with play going on in two areas of the house, coming back together for all on the same bed, and then maybe drifting back apart later. With good playmates, that all just seems to happen organically. There's nothing planned about it, which is probably why it is so good; when mind and body are just going with the flow, that's one less barrier to really enjoying yourself. And yes, you have to have trust in each other and in your playmates to let that barrier fall, but when you do, it's great. That works really well for playing at a house where it's just you four and you have free run of the place. We don't go to clubs like we used to, but there, when we do play it would be together. The only exception would be if it was with someone we already knew and trusted. Playmates we just met though, it's going to be together. It's not so much a safety thing, although that's there, it's more of a comfort thing. Playing alone or together, we're always a team, and in an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar people, that's the approach we are going to take in a more visible sense. When you feel like someone has your back, it's just more comfortable.

This is why we always say don't waste time about meeting for the first time. If it looks like a possible connection, then schedule a meeting for dinner or drinks (only). You will find out more in the first 5 minutes than you ever will via texting or email. On the other hand, at least they said something and didn't just not show up. Better luck with your next meeting.

The thought of running into someone you know is usually frighting at first, but you just need to remember that you are both there for the same reason. They don't want others to find out any more than you do. Say hi and move on. In the future when you run across each other, you will both smile knowing that you share a secret with them.

Have had it happen twice. Pretty awkward at first, then funny and a bonding experience. Played with one couple, not the other. Hey, they are there too. Also, other couples usually will not spread the word that you are Swingers because they don't want to be outed. We call it mutually assured destruction.

I wouldn't immediately assume it's for either of the negative reasons you posit. Just as you can enjoy chocolate without denigrating vanilla, you can enjoy both separate and same room. Same room enhances the experience with more positions, the extra turn on of watching the other couple and feeding off the sounds. Separate is more intimate where you focus just on each other. Slower pace sounds par for the course. It's not about jealousy or detachment, just the experience.

hello, my fetish belong to high heels¡ since i was 8 i started to feel attraction for my auntie work shoes and when i had the chance i touch them with the tip lf my cock, the sensation of the soft leather made me cum. during years i"ve had the time to cum on many female relatives, friends, girlfriends and even unknown people.

At a club we are strictly same room, unless it's with someone we already know. Mrs.Stop feels safer knowing I'm right beside her. For a house party we're okay with separate rooms. It's a very different dynamic when you're alone with your playmate and has the potential of being too intense. Emotions are definitely in check when your SO is there with you. With established friends there is little to be concerned with. In a new situation, tread carefully.

It has been years since my wife and I have done anything other than MFM threesomes, but I remember doing 4somes with a couple and how separate rooms and even separate homes was extremely exciting. Each of us could relate more easily with our playmates when we were alone with them. It was great and caused us no problems.

First trip to our local swingers club, we ran into people we knew. I don't remember exactly, but I'm pretty sure we hadn't gotten more than ten feet inside the door. We all laughed, we hung out and chatted for a bit and then we went our separate ways for the evening. You want a really tough situation - try explaining to someone else how you know the couple you met at a swingers club when you run into them at church. That took some fast thinking, let me tell you.

This describes my wife and I pretty much perfectly! That is exactly how we both feel! It is like an obsession for me! i pretty much imagine another guy fucking my wife while i watch every time we have sex now!

My wife was just like you! My wife was/is so sexy and loved having sex with me. I began to fantasize what it would be like to see her enjoying sex to the point that I brought up the idea of recording us. Setting up a camera and making a video. NO WAY! I couldn't get the idea out of my mind of being "out of my body" and watching her getting fucked. My fantasy soon turned from imagining me fucking her into imagining that it was someone else fucking her. I couldn't get those images out of my mind. The image of someone else fucking her turned into an obsession. I began to try to talk her into trying it to make my favorite fantasy come true. She was shocked. She couldn't understand why I would want another man to have sex with her. She thought I didn't love her anymore. To me it wasn't about love. I loved her very much. It was just all about sex. Just another fun thing to do as a couple like going to the movies or out to a bar or restaurant. It took me a long time talking her into trying it and when she finally did she LOVED it1

This may or may not be the primary motivation on the part of her husband. I can attest to the desire and pleasure of watching my wife with another man WITHOUT any hidden or secondary motivations. That, in and of itself, is a huge turn-on. Meanwhile, I think most of us here join in encouraging her to take care of herself and to be sure that she is not coerced into doing something that she doesn't want to do.

It's hard to guess from your description whether your husband perceives a mutual interest and thinks he's helping while you feel like he's pushing...or if he really is knowingly trying to push something on you that you don't really want. Aside from that, yes, this is a thing that people do and it's very common. "Hotwifing" and "cuckolding" are two different types of things, but both involve the woman having sex with other men. The obvious and most important question is whether or not you're actually interested in having sex with other men...regardless of whether or not he would be playing with other women. Don't get pushed into something you don't want to do.

Hello, Just wanted to give you my perspective. My wife and I are just like you guys, my wife plays with other women, but mostly other men. My wife only does this because it is my fantasy and I have told her that it is a huge turn on for me. My wife and I have been together for 10 years and married for 5 years, and she has slept with 1 other woman and 2 other guys in front of me since we have been married. We couldn't be more happy or in love with each other. We both love and respect each other, and treat these times as crazy adventures. My wife was reluctant at first I think because she may have thought I would be jealous or resentful, but over time she has realized this is not the case and has not changed the way I feel about her one bit, except for maybe feeling more in love with her. I think you guys just need to talk, a lot, and have real, honest discussions about what you want and expect. Also agree to cut it off at any point and hold no grudges if it goes bad. Agree that it is an adventure and neither of you know how it will turn out until you do it. You have to, in the end, agree to love and respect each other at all times!!

Hello and welcome! Now, I'm only speaking from hearing one side of this story but this feels like a wife who is a pleaser by nature and will go outside her comfort zone to please. This is not an unusual fantasy but it would be better if you both came together on deciding to go forward. His constant pushing would cause anyone would to cave eventually. Depending on your upbringing, going forward could have some long term issues. Look out for your own well being on this one. Go forward if the idea really appeals. A lot of women that do this love it. If you love sex, if you can have sex just for fun, you might give it a shot. No regrets right? I have a feeling though, that if you start doing this, you may also start hearing new ideas. Just be careful.

We keep our face pics private on the sites and open them to those with whom we have planned to meet. We think our photos are erotic and tasteful and appreciate that in other profiles. We're not big fans of blatant crotch pics. Mrs Doc looks in the background of couples profile pictures, a pile of clothing or dirty socks on the floor will get a thumbs down from her. Pictures taken next to an above ground pool behind a trailer are not going to get her panties wet. Big gobs of pubic hair or a full ashtray by the bed will get a thumbs down too. It doesn't matter how sexy I think the woman is, if the guy's only picture is of him on his Harley with a cigarette in his mouth and his long gray ponytail blowing in the wind, there is absolutely no chance. We are both equally turned off by gang bang photos and she thinks that if there's a picture of a hard on and it is more than a handful and a half, the thing is probably going to be too much work to get up and not worth the effort. Again, doesn't matter how sexy I think the female is, "supersize me" is not in Mrs Doc's vocabulary. We're grownups, we have genitalia, we hope that you do too, we hope that they are normal looking and function within normal ranges. If you own a jet, a private RR car or a Fear the Walking Dead yacht, we wouldn't mind a couples picture taken next to it (or an invitation), otherwise, your mode of transportation isn't important to us. We'd rather see a picture of your dog and not a creepy one either!! We're not picky, we just like playing with couples similar to us and look for that on the profiles.

Thank you. I think what you are saying would possibly be true except that there was a background of my having read many other posts on this forum before this thread. I always think it is inappropriate for anyone to make suggestions about the strength (or lack thereof) of another's marriage. And that sometimes happens on this board (lots of other great conversation also happens on this board so not a criticism--I like this board). She said "most couples aren't strong enough to deal with the first few swaps." That is a superiority type statement, maybe generically made without any real intention related to my marriage, but suggesting in general that swinging couples are stronger than those who start but stop. I just don't agree and don't even think that level of knowledge about human relations is possible, particularly without a PhD in psychology, and even then, probably not. I have done plenty of research. If you Google "swinging effect on marriage," you can find articles written by therapists saying that couples who choose to swing are avoiding the really difficult work of keeping their marriage interesting and exciting and at the highest possible level of intimacy together. You can also find articles reaching an opposite conclusion (though not many by PhDs in human psychology). I personally cannot decide which is best and true for us. That is what I continue pondering. We both want what is best for our marriage first and foremost. And I really wish I knew the answer. Unfortunately, I don't think anyone really knows or can know the truest answer. We just live and die together, and hopefully make the best choices we can to enhance our marriages. But to say that only "strong" couples can continue in swinging...sorry but that is offensive to anyone who might choose not to get involved. And I've been on plenty of boards so I do not mean to say "that is offensive" to offend the person who posted. S/he surely meant nothing offensive by the statement--but still it is offensive to those of us on the fence so I wanted to point out my feelings. I am interested in learning about the experiences of swingers; I do not want an evaluation of my marriage, directly or indirectly. I've seen that happen on this board and the subject of the evaluation almost invariably is offended. So I think that type of statement (or any statement evaluating the marriage of another) really should be avoided unless requested. Let's put it this way. I am very into fitness. What if I said "only really strong people stick with workout regimens?" Might that offend those who do not regularly go to the gym, but work hard, take care of their families, and do the best that they can in life?? It's not a huge point because that was just a minor statement but overall I would just greatly appreciate no evaluations of my marriage. I don't want to end up in a conversation justifying my marriage. We are incredibly happy, happier than I ever thought possible with another human being, and I am just incredibly blessed beyond my wildest imaginations to have met the man who I am so happy to call my husband. He's such a wonderful blessing that sex (or not) is secondary although also very VERY hot between us. Whether we swing or not (which will be determined solely based on whether we think this enhances our lives)--not going to impact that reality. For those who posted who are considering a FFM, I would just say that I think we handled the situation better than most (even including my crying) because we talked, and talked, and talked for literally 2 YEARS, in and out of the bedroom. We role played down the most exquisite details (or rather I should say we "fantasy talked.") We experimented by getting a mutual lap dance at a strip club (which went fine but also took some adjustment afterward--a few weeks then I was fine and could easily do it again--no problem). Then we went online and exchanged numerous emails and then had great sex looking at photos of potential playmates. Honestly we talked about this probably thousands of times overall. The talk was sexy as HELL and also helped our sex life tremendously. I became much more open about explaining and requesting exactly what I wanted in bed--and my husband is so kind and generous that he always obliged. I also made his pleasure my ongoing and undying mission. We have phenomenal sex and actually not even sure that we need any spicing up beyond these fantasies, although the possibility of reality, and maybe some reality, helps keep things at the utmost/ultra sexiest and hottest. We also read a few books, watched numerous videos, watched plenty of threesome porn, and ... kind of made this our little mini-hobby without adding others for a long time. IF we had not done all of those things, to the point where the actual event almost seemed like we had done it before, then I think it would have been FAR more difficult. Even the experienced swingers on this board, if you read other threads, suggest that a threesome is more difficult emotionally. I just felt that a threesome was still what WE should do because I don't want to be with another guy (see above paragraph about great sex with hubby). My fantasy is hubby with another woman. That's still my fantasy. Until I start WANTING another guy, we felt this was the best path for us. (And also my hubby is not comfortable with the idea, although he has said that he would try if I had that craving...I just do not). And actually we are still considering regular swinging because I'm not really sure how I would feel about another guy. I am also concerned about my husband's feelings because we haven't had 2 years of him facing the reality (in fantasy). I just could not bear hurting him. And my vision of guys having "recreational sex"--yeah, not so much fun for me anyway. We are considering going to a club just to see the reality for ourselves, but with the rule that we will not swing in the club. I do apologize if I have offended anyone by asking for no comments on the strength of my marriage (other than well-deserved compliments!) Again, I am just trying to ask politely because I don't want to feel like I'm defending something that doesn't need defending. Kind of a frustrating waste of time, at the very least, and I'm trying to learn more about whether swinging becomes easier emotionally. My feelings overall, let's say yesterday and today, are generally neutral outside the bedroom, and very hot inside the bedroom. It's bothering me less and less. Even writing this has helped. And of course hubby and I have talked about every conceivable permutation of how we both felt. Of course, that helps, and has brought us closer. I'm just really still not sure if having sex with others truly enhances your marriage overall. I have no idea. No judgments. I just don't know if that would be the case for us--or not. I love that he had a great thrill and so does he. But he absolutely is "the type" who could live without and also be very content as long as I was happy. So I'm very lucky to have a great guy and also thank everyone for the thoughts and ideas. Seems like some people say that they had some minor difficulties at first, and others did not. So I guess there is no easy answer--just like everything else in this crazy swinging experiment. Another weird aspect of swinging, for me anyway, is that if you take the fantasies further and further, or if you get into the lifestyle, I would guess, and take the experiences further and further, ultimately it seems to me that you have to land at some variation of polyamory. I know most swingers are NOT polyamorous, but I'm not sure why. It seems to me that would be the natural evolution (that has even been the natural evolution of our fantasies). You start together, then it gets more exciting to think about being apart (more risk/adrenaline/excitement/pleasure for those who are having sex), then it naturally sort of evolves into...they fall in love. I mean, sex, great relationship = love. I know swingers just have "recreational" sex, but IMHO they just have not fully evolved, or taken the experience further. But I am the type to go "all in" with something. So I can see myself pushing toward that line. And THAT seems risky as hell, even for a couple who is totally and completely in love. I actually have no doubt that we will be together forever (far too much history and love). But still having another true lover would complicate things and I'm not sure that would INCREASE our intimacy (and despite that being on the outskirts of my fantasies--I have no doubt that would be BAD for me emotionally). It's just very confusing although I'm hesitant to include this last thought bc not trying to get into a full blown polyamory vs swinging discussion. I've read several of those on this board already. I understand the distinction. I just think some emotional feelings are inevitable when you have sex with another (and this was the conclusion of that psychologist who wrote the article I mentioned--that feelings naturally develop whenever sex is involved) and possibly not the greatest for your marital bond. But I know there are swingers on this board who have been doing it for years and very sincerely seem extremely happy. I guess my question is whether we would be happiest with swinging. Happy versus the happiest you could make each other--not sure whether that includes swinging for us or not. The sucky thing is that I thought I would know the answer with certainty after our first experience. That folks doesn't happen. You just have more questions about how this might evolve in your marriage--could be good or bad--and you really can't know without doing it--and I can see this would be a never ending cycle of unknowns.