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I haven't been back to update this post in a while, so just thought I'd do so. We had a great weekend with our friends recently. I happened to be out with my daughter the day before our date. She knew we were having company over and she was going to babysit the little yappy dog overnight. I said I wanted to stop into the wine store to see if they had a big sippy-box of carmenere (they do). "I think I want to stop in at La Vie En Rose, too; I want to see if they've got any swimsuits on sale." "Yeah sure, Mom. I know why you want to go there." she said, "You want to shop for your big weekend." She grinned at me. "Party woman." "Okay, fine," I said, "I want to see what they have. I just don't want to make you uncomfortable." "I don't want to make YOU uncomfortable." she said. "Don't worry about that. It doesn't make me uncomfortable at all." So - and this is kind of weird - she and I went shopping for lingerie. She's, like, helping me pick stuff out. She's old enough to wear this stuff herself, so...there's that. But I guess it's still a little weird. Especially the part where I'm picking out a nice new pair of boxers for her Dad, knowing that it's not for my benefit. Anyway, our twisted family dynamics aside, she texted later the night of our visit, letting us know that the dog was doing fine and didn't bark once. Great. NOW he shuts up. The other night, my son and I had a conversation about love and marriage. He's an old-fashioned practical-minded kind of guy. He's sworn against marriage, saying it's a 50/50 bet against someone taking half your shit. And he has no interest in staying with someone who doesn't put out on the regular. *sigh* He's 20 and knows everything. I warned him that, later in life, he needs to brace himself for the fact that he's going to learn a whole world of new shit about love and it's going to change everything he believes now. "Like what?" he asked. "I'm not telling you." I said, "You already know too much." "What's that supposed to mean?" "It means you can't fill a cup that's already full (paraphrasing here). You won't listen to me now because you think you already know the answers. I just assure you that there's a lot more to marriage than a legal contract and a couple of rings. Look: your Dad and I don't even wear rings anymore." "Yeah, but you gotta admit, you and Dad are a little odd." "Yes," I said pointedly, "We are. But it doesn't mean we don't know what we're talking about." If I could leave my kids with any life lessons about love and marriage, it's to show them what real love, passion and mutual respect look like. I can only pray that they find the forever kind of love we've found.

So here's the story.... My partner and I have just started. She slept with one woman at a swingers club who was very inexperienced and it ended up a disaster. Then she pulled some guy in a sauna. He was even worse. Couldn't get an erection then when he did he orgasmed in 2 seconds. Fine it happens. So she said that's OK. Just lick me. He refused saying its disgusting. She felt used and very disappointed. I said it was just unlucky but she says actually in her experience sex is shit 95 percent of the time. The guy is either clueless or just out to get himself off with no consideration for her. This surprised me. As a guy I when I fuck women I want them to cum. As many times as possible. Or if they don't at least have a good time trying. Its an ego macho thing which I presume most men have? My partner has had quite a few partners so its not a inhibition thing and she orgasms at least twice every time we fuck. Shes now in this phase of maybe its me or maybe its not worth it etc So I ask: Men: 1) what are you trying to get out of swinging. In all honesty? 2) Are men who are shit at sex not embarrassed? Women: 1) what are your experiences. Is a lot of your experiences shit or at least not very good? What are you after. Just the excitement of it? 2)How do you find a good fuck. Do you target couples, middle age, younger, geeky? Or is it just impossible? Is it better in a club because everyone's watching so you try harder? Are swingers generally better than non swingers because of experience? 3) is it possible she just attracts the wrong guys? We really don't know where to go from here. We will keep trying I guess but its not fun being used or having shit sex. Thank you!

You have identified two issues--managing expectations and managing the (swinging) relationship, brief though it may be. 1. Initial expectations in the LS often far exceed what actually happens. Swingers' clubs are not packed with porn stars; house parties are not non-stop orgies; etc. If you change your expectations to "we might find interesting people to play with", you'll likely end up being more selective at play and having more fun. 2. The use of "fun" and "play" is not accidental. The happiest times we have had is with people who laugh and seem comfortable in their own skins. Relaxed, agenda-free, and comfortable making conversation and showing interest in us (and we in them) on several levels. Sex is messy, imprecise, sometimes awkward. But is is also exciting, glorious, and can feel terrific for all concerned with a little flexibility on give and take. Keeping it "light" and playful is a good start. 3. People bring different skills, experiences and anxieties. Some clues for us: does the couple behave like a couple, are they genuinely in love with each other, and do they seem to be on the same page? Are they drinking lightly, if at all? Do they seem to be communicating with all their senses? Does the interaction seem relaxed or urgent and forced? How do they give -- and accept--compliments? It seems to us that our best experiences are with those who seem genuinely interested in us as a couple, and we hope vice versa. Yes, you want a good fuck. The most important sex organ is between the ears. Pleasing a partner starts--and ends--with the right attitude. We see you are from London. Please accept our deep condolences for the horrific events perpetrated recently in Manchester and now in your city. We have many happy memories and will not be deterred from returning soon. Stay safe.

Hey Everyone, Mr. K here. I have another question. Please bear with us as we are new to this and figure it's just best to ask. We have been getting IM's from single men. I'm really not impressed. I'm not saying they are creeps or anything and I'm certainly not judging... I'm just wondering why? (Besides the obvious) Doesn't that defeat the purpose? I understand that there are couples that enjoy inviting a single man into a threesome, however I would think that is the exception and not the norm. How often do these guys actually get involved? So far this seems to be our only hangup. We are open to swapping eventually but I'm not to keen on some random guy having sex with my wife. A single guy we know? It's possible. A couple we know? More than likely. A guy just hanging around? Not in a million years. If these guys are into the lifestyle wouldn't they have a friend they could bring along? How do you know they aren't creeps just trying to get laid? I guess what I am trying to say is that we are open to play but everyone needs to have some skin in the game. (Pun intended)You can't come to our party without bringing a side. I also see a lot of complaints on club reviews regarding this. What are your thoughts?

Something we forget after we've been with our SO's for so long is how much experimentation we did to find out what we like and what we didn't like. I try to keep a mental note of my repeat playmates of what works right, whether it's a more firm or more gentle touch, slow or quick, and in one case, to flick her clit left-to-right versus the customary up-and-down. But the difference there is wanting to know what works, to give your playmate an experience they will enjoy. I can't speak for other guys because I'm the only guy I've even been. But my philosophy is a satisfied partner is more apt to return the favor. That, and feeling her tense up as she's just on the brink of orgasm is one incredibly erotic moment.

Single women are rare. That's why they are called unicorns.

In terms of stimulation to my cock, there's a lot less when I'm sheathed, so much so that sometimes find it difficult to achieve orgasm. Although when I'm playing with anyone who isn't my wife I almost always use one. (Those times when I'm just not able to come wearing a condom my partners are usually happy to finish me orally or my hand, which is fine with me.) From an erotic/aesthetic perspective, I enjoy semen. I enjoy fucking a pussy that's wet and filled with semen. I like watching it drain from a pussy. And I enjoy cream pies. But this is only with partners I know and whose sexual health I have a high degree of confidence in. It's one of those trade-offs that comes with the lifestyle. I try to make a reasonable rough-and-ready risk analysis.