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It's not about what he wants, it's about what everyone agrees to. I understand the excitement in watching to women together, but shouldn't come at the expense of someone else's comfort. "This is not what WE want to do" is what you tell him. And if that's a problem for him then the party's over. Selfish? Who doesn't get into the lifestyle for selfish reasons??

The general rule is, if you feel uncomfortable, don't do it. The other guy not wanting you to be involved? I'd run as fast as I could.

I miss those younger days when I knew everything. Luckily as I get older I have forgotten some of that everything I already knew making me open to new ideas...

Yup, unicorns are hard to find. I actually found one once... that was fun. It can be done. I'm more interested in exploring the "why is it so hard to find a compatible couple" part of the question. Of course, the answer is relatively obvious. Finding one person you hit it off with is hard... finding two people you hit it off with is very hard. Finding two people who hit it off with another two people... that's actually damn hard.

I am going to make a prediction--virtually all the replies from the experienced and the wise members of this board will tell you "DON'T DO IT!" They will tell you the potential risks are just too high and too predictably unfortunate. They are the voices of experience and reason, they will be right. Maybe there is a contrary view? What if your "close friends" have as much to lose from disclosure of these activities as you do? "Close friends" don't always stay close and can become estranged, so don't ignore that potential--guard against blackmail by knowing that you are not the only ones at risk. Affairs involving sex are risky, even with just two people, but life would be boring and not rewarding if everyone was unwilling to take the risk. Whatever you do, keep us posted.