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Thank you all for your thoughts. I had a feeling we were doing the right thing on pulling the pin...my wife and I feel much better on our decision now...although we will have to find new playfriends and that will take time, but it will add to some fun in itself....thank you all.

What bothers me is that he is able to flirt, sext and compliment others but not me despite claiming he loves me. There should, in my thought process, still be a healthy sexual desire including those things. We are missing a huge part and it's hard not to be downright offended that he can do those things with other women due to the anonymity, but not with me.

What?!! You tried to talk with him and he got upset about it? I would pull more than play rights. It may very well be time to move on...

The general rule is, if you feel uncomfortable, don't do it. The other guy not wanting you to be involved? I'd run as fast as I could.

As stated above: nail - head. Listen to yourself on this one. If your relationship is missing something, you shouldn't be swinging. Swinging will only make things worse as it magnifies problems. I can count on one hand the number of times I've told Ms. Gold I love her...today (but it's only 8am). There are multiple red flags in this quote alone (only twice SOBER?). Bottom line is there is a huge communication break down here (that leads to a lack of trust and apparently questions about how much love is involved). If he can't or won't tell you that he loves you, for whatever reason, that is a bad thing. Why? Because it makes him vulnerable? Because he has problems trusting others? Swinging makes me love Ms. Gold more than I ever thought I could love anyone. It has made our relationship shoot to heights I never imagined possible. I don't care who knows I love her and make it a point to tell her that every day. I couldn't be able to stop myself even if I wanted to (and I sure don't). So, I do things like that for others all of the time...doesn't mean I love them. Kindness isn't the same as love. Saying he loves you along with backing that up with showing he loves you by doing little things, well that's different. I am thankful for everything Ms. Gold does for me and I figured out that telling her that makes her want to do more for me...which in turn makes me want to do more for her. I want her to know how awesome I see her as being. I want her to know how important she is to me. If she is feeling insecure, I am doing something wrong and need to fix it. If he can't talk to you about his feelings for you, then this is where your problems start. That he can flirt, sext and compliment others and you can't is another warning flag. You both should be equal in your relationship. That he doesn't want you doing these things shows (IMHO) a lack of trust on his part. Him not wanting to have 'reconnect sex' (or at least reconnect cuddling) afterwards is also strange. I usually can't keep my hands off Ms. Gold (seeing her playing is SO sexy). So telling you he loves you is a problem. Trusting you seems to also be a problem, and he is unwilling to talk to you about why it is a problem is a problem. We agree with what cplnuswing said: You seem to have the love, trust and communication needed to be successful in the L/S (should you choose to). Just from your limited posts here, it sounds like you are trying to communicate, trust and love him. It doesn't sound like you are getting back nearly as much as you are giving. Back to your original question: Instead of asking this, ask yourself if you removed the 'lifestyle' from the question how would you feel. Is this normal for a (any) relationship?

I do think that most people who hear the term "soft swap" probably infer that there will be hand/oral stimulation going on, rather than heavy petting and mutual masturbation, but it's definitely something that there are people out there who would be into it. "Same room play" is a thing, too. When we started exploring the idea of playing, I had a lot of fun with encouraging Mrs. EastInWest to dress provocatively and get fairly hands-on on the dance floor or at bars. She likes to have her breasts touched and it was fun for her to have a socially acceptable outlet. It is one possible way to explore this type of play and keep it light/fun, since there aren't too many vanilla men who will protest a woman who wants to grope or be groped a little and you can cut it off harmlessly if either of you feel uncomfortable. With that in mind, have your boundaries discussion in advance - both with potential partners and each other. Before we were "exclusive", many years ago, we had an unplanned play session where some incidental flirting led to touching led to Mrs. EastInWest necking and giving head topless in the back of the car. Fine with me, I'm always game to watch a woman perform and the sex was great afterwards, but it could just as easily be a very bad time for some couples if either of you don't feel like you know where to stop or aren't dealing with a respectful play partner.

We had been married about four years when we were seduced by another couple we had known for several years. I knew that my wife had liked, and maybe even had a crush, on the other husband all along so it was pretty easy for him to seduce her. I liked the other wife and she and I both had no problem with our spouses enjoying each other. After that, we swapped with four others, all were friends first. After our last time, probably three years later, for no particular reason, my wife told be that she just wasn't interested in doing these things anymore. I was disappointed but respected her decision and wedid quit. About twenty years later her interest seemed to return and we had a few more years of, mostly soft-wing, adventures. She sort of just lost interest again and that was the end. I hope that gives you some insight to what might be happening with your wife. Sometimes, some folks, find it exciting enough to give it a try but not enough to continue. And, of course, it also could be that she was just trying it for you.

I agree with everyone above. As soon as I read the "he got pissed" part of your post, that's all I needed to know to say to cut ties with them.

By the time my husband told me he loved me I had already left my life and my country and moved halfway around the world to be with him, so I can totally understand "knowing" that someone loves you even when they're not very verbal about it. BUT I don't think you're getting the non verbal signals either, the little passing caresses and looks that let people like cplnuswing know you're in love with each other and let you feel secure in the relationship. I don't think this is really about the big gestures, sexting or anything else, this is about a lack of micro gestures that show someone's true feelings regardless of what they say or don't say. In order to be a happy swinger, you have to feel loved, not just think you're loved, but feel it in the very core of your being, that's what gives the confidence to share your partner, because you know that that love is there. I'm sorry but I don't think you have that with your current partner and until you do, swinging will always be an uncomfortable experience for you.

We have a couple that we played with and had great experiences. They text us almost every day to say hi, but everytime we try to make plans with them, they're too busy. Weird.

Dd has a fantasy where she is tied up and blindfolded on a chair like the one in the pic and ganbanged, fucked to complete exhaustion. Ideally it would be bareback so that she could get multiple creampies and her breasts covered in cum but we are way too worried about std/sti to actually do that part. We own the chair now, so I'm sure she will get her gb soon, albeit with protection. Please excuse what looks like a mess in the background, the chair is currently in our storage room until we can set up a dedicated playroom.

No, it's usually about 50/50 separate/same room split (IMHO) Ask the hostess but probably you will only need to bring whatever you want to drink It usually depends on the group having the party. It might just be a night of talk and drinks or it could be a night of the most perverse sexual depravity imaginable...if you're lucky Are they good friends that also happen to be in the L/S or are they good L/S friends? Good friends, no. Good L/S friends, why not, but you should ask the hostess before asking your friends.

First: go with NO expectations other than having a fun night out with your SO. You don't need to be feeling any pressure, especially self induced. Just have fun...it's just a bar with dancing and other couples just like any bar...of course you will probably see more skin than you would ever see at a normal bar and maybe even watch what some people only do in the privacy of their bedrooms, but that's the point in going, right? Second: You're not interested in full swap at this time so even the slightest possibility of full swap is off the table and not going to happen. Maybe remind your man of this just so you are both on the same page. Never move faster than the slowest person is comfortable with. You are not comfortable with this at this time so it isn't going to happen (currently it should be one of your 'rules' and should not be changed unless discussed and agreed upon in the future outside of the possibility of it happening). Now, go and have a good time. It's okay to be shy, but at the same time, be nice. Say hello and be polite like you were taught. Swingers are friendly people and want to get to know you. There IS a big difference (and it's easy to spot) between shy (uncomfortable to be there) and not interested (I don't want to be there, go away). Walking thru the door will probably be very hard and uncomfortable to do, but by the end of the night, I strongly suspect that you will look back and think how silly it was for you to have been worried about it. When you get there, if you tell the desk that this is your first visit, they will usually give you a tour, show you were everything is, and make you feel more at ease with everything. Let others know that this is your first visit (great conversation starter). Usually, IF anyone is thinking about wanting to play, someone will mention 'what are you looking for?'. Don't be afraid, just tell them what you are interested in. Finding a single woman will probably be hard (they are called unicorns for a reason), but finding another couple willing to allow only the women to play is a very real possibility (if we were there and felt a connection, we would be game). Just plan on having a fun night out and you will do just fine. Most swingers don't bite (too hard and only if you ask) and are very nice and friendly. I think you will find that it was much more exciting than you expected...and it usually leads to some great sex when you get home (sometimes before you get home ). Let us know how things went and we will you a great evening!

It's not uncommon. Sometimes life just gets in the way but sometimes underlying reasons are the cause. Knowing the reason may not help, and the wife may not want to discuss that. She may not even know why the drive is gone. When my wife wanted to quit, I just said ok and that was that. I figured if she wanted me to know why, she'd tell me.

I think you really hit the nail on the head with this post. From what you've described, I just don't see this working out as a swinging relationship. Working on limited information here of course, but to be blunt about it, my sense is you have what it takes, but he doesn't. Of all the swinging couples we have met on more than just a passing basis, the one thing that stands out about them is it is very very obvious they love each other. They don't make a big production of trying to convince others that is so, you can just tell without a doubt that's the way it is, you just sense it. If you're not picking that up from him, then others certainly won't, and in the long run I don't think you can make things work without it.

So he has a hard time expressing emotions and you are unhappy because he isn't able to express his emotions. Also, he either says that he loves you...or he doesn't, regardless as to the words used. It sounds like he has gotten 'comfortable' with your relationship and it no longer is as important or special as it was. To be successful in swinging you need love, trust and communication. It sounds like the communication has always been difficult (especially for him) and now the love is in question damaging the trust you have. Stop swinging and talk to him. He either needs to be reminded that you two have something special...or that he is moving on because the excitement of the relationship has waned. Either way, the two of you need to talk and find out where you both stand. Good luck, we hope the best for you.

It's not about what he wants, it's about what everyone agrees to. I understand the excitement in watching to women together, but shouldn't come at the expense of someone else's comfort. "This is not what WE want to do" is what you tell him. And if that's a problem for him then the party's over. Selfish? Who doesn't get into the lifestyle for selfish reasons??

I am no psychologist, but he has to pay more attention to you or you will head elsewhere. We are skeptical about relationships that turn to swinging before they have had their own "honeymoon" period. Tell him how you feel, see if he comes around. Your expectations seem to be reasonable.

Soft swinging is sexual contact that doesn't involve intercourse. You may find someone who is willing to do this with you. Don't be surprised if you find that others are looking for a bit more involvement. You might want to start out by visiting a club and see what goes on. Then go home and talk it over. Have fun.

What can I say? It would be a crime for me to not show off my best assets. When you have long legs, you have to use them to your advantage.

May not be that wild, but... There is a manager at work that is very good looking. I hadn't thought about him before, but some time ago I was sitting next to him with my legs crossed at his desk going over some stuff and I was wearing a somewhat short skirt and some heels that day, and I thought I might have caught him sneaking glances at my bare legs. I wasn't too sure at first but when he stood up to grab something as he was coming back I saw an unmistakable bulge in his pants and he clearly had an erection. We were being professional, but I couldn't help but be turned on by the fact that he was clearly hard for me and maybe even fantasizing about me. I had this daydream about him placing his hand on my leg while we were chatting and working his hand up my skirt, and I immediately just swung my legs over him and straddled him sitting on his lap and unbuttoning his shirt while making out. I'd slide down and open his pants and pull his cock out and give him a long wet blowjob until he couldn't hold back anymore and then he would stand up and spin me around and push me over his desk, lift my skirt and slide himself inside me and thrusting himself hard inside me. He'd wrap his arm around my upper body and pull me up close to him as he would speed up his thrusts as he was nearing the point of cumming and I would start to moan and breathe heavily and finally he would just explode inside me. I'd turn around, give him a kiss, pull my skirt down, adjust myself and leave the office like nothing had happened and walk out in front of everybody, knowing what we just did, but no one else knew....unless they heard me moaning... That was my fantasy. We, of course, stayed professional and parted ways like co-workers, but I had that entire fantasy while we were sitting next to each other. I really wish I knew what his fantasy was at that moment.