Leaderboard

Well, it really depends on how much of a relationship you're looking for. If you're talking "we all move in together and look after each other's children" then you're firmly in polyamory territory. But if you're looking for "we're good friends who care about each other, see each other once or twice a month, maybe vacation together and like to screw" you can definitely find that within the swinger community.

It's not a dumb question at all. The short answer is yes, there is such a thing as two couples being in a relationship. As to how it works, that really depends on the relationship. We have had a poster here on the boards who is in a polyamorous relationship with another couple and, I believe, a single women. They live together and even have children together across couples. On the other end of the spectrum, we have swinger couples here who become friends with their play partners and only play (have sex with) people with whom they have some kind of friendship - whether casual or close. What is important to remember is that relationships that involve more than people can be very complex. If you have four people, you have at least six different relationships - even if they aren't all sexual ones - to balance and maintain. Depending one the depth of those relationships, it can take a lot of time, a lot of work and a lot of emotional energy. For those who can do it, it can be very rewarding. For those who can't, it can cause problems. Are you over thinking this? You know, whenever I ask myself that question I already know the answer is yes. I think you do too. Are you setting yourself up for a terrible situation? Honestly, that depends a lot on your situation. The core of both swinging and polyamory is this: open, honest communication. Can you talk to your husband about anything and everything? Every fantasy, every fear, every foolish hope and crazy dream, every emotion that you feel but tell yourself you shouldn't, everything you are afraid to say, every dumb question? Can you, if you needed to, share all of it with him and will he listen? Can he share all of that with you and will you listen? If you can, you're off to a great start (and way ahead of where I was at 25.)

We've been 'dating' the same couple for over three years. Sometimes we play together, sometimes we do vanilla things together...movies, boating, concerts, we've even gone on a couple of vacations together. So the answer to your question is: yes, you are a weird couple...just like we are a weird couple. Look for couples that are looking for FWB. Usually this means that they want to have a friendship (or at least everyone is attracted to each other and there are common grounds and interests for all) before sex. It's really a quite popular stance. Are you overthinking this? Already answered above...if you think you are, then you are. Stop it and just enjoy, don't keep thinking and over analyzing everything (that's MY job...I put the anal in analyze). We don't know you two well enough, BUT if you stick with the basic rules you will most likely do just fine. What are the basic rules you ask? Love trust communication - you can't have too much of any of these. If you are not sure you do have enough of any one, then work on increasing that. Set boundaries and do not exceed them until you have the chance to discuss them alone with your partner in a non-sexual situation. Never move faster than the slowest member is comfortable with. No means no. If one of you says no about something, then the answer for both of you is no. Never take one for the team. Enjoy the trip as much as the destination. Finding another couple where you all feel interest is HARD and will take work, but the payoff is worth everything that you put into it. This is a team sport. It is something you do WITH your SO at all times. Go team! Don't take 'rejection' personally. If another couple isn't interested in you, instead of worrying why they aren't, just move on. Sometimes (a great deal of the time) there just isn't a match from one of them. If they know that it isn't going to work for them, they are doing you a favor and saving you a bunch of time by letting you know (BTW, this is much easier said than done). Have FUN. And finally: Love trust communication - I started with this and I'm finishing with this. If you truly, deeply love each other then you will trust each other. If you trust each other then you can (and should) talk about anything and everything. By communicating with each other it always leads to greater love for each other. A vicious circle... I'm sure that there are a few things I'm just overlooking at the moment, but I'm just as sure that others will chime in and post them. Good luck and let us know how things progress.

And understand, of course that it will probably happen slowly, gradually. Even if there was "love at first glance" with your present partner, you know you didn't get married the next day. Take it at whatever speed it happens at, enjoy your journey.

Google polyamory relationships. That should give you a good bit of reading material.

Long story...short version. First exposure to swingers was a clothing optional trip to Desire. First time topless/nude in front of others. Met some swingers, found out they are better than most vanilla folks. But we did not do anything there other than she posed topless for another photographer. Started posing for other photographers. Then started meeting other couples for fun photo shoots. Liked going to Desire and decided to try a swinger cruise. Wasn't until the 3rd cruise that we even set foot into the big playrooms. Slowly, we met up with other couples and continued to explore. Now on our 7th LS cruise coming up and continue to met couples and when the chemistry is right, we have fun doing soft swap and full swap on a couple of rare occasions. Now we book 3-4 LS vacations per year and look forward to each one of them!

Totally agree...

I hope you realize that a swinger discussion board is not representative of the general public or most guys your age.

Also depends on how it's sold. The most expensive lingerie in the world won't cover up discomfort; and a cheeseball Walmart bra can be sexy if a lady is working it.

Great advise and that was our plan, we are still navigating the LS so thank you.

You know, I hear this a lot and my only thought is "you're doing it wrong." It's like saying taking off your clothes interferes with the flow and spontaneity. After all, you have to fumble with buttons and zippers, arms and legs get stuck and where do you put things down... but that's not how it works at all. We habitually make the absurd and clumsy act of taking off our clothes part of the play. We choose to make it sexy. Hell, stripping is practically an art. Approaching putting on a condom with the same mindset and it ceases to be an awkward action. Having a woman looking into my eyes with lust while slowly rolling her fingers down my cock is unbelievably sexy. Or teasing her, making wait, while I put it... that can be amazing. Or funny. Or fun. Or really whatever you want it be. Putting on a condom only breaks " flow and spontaneity" if you come into it with the mindset that it will.