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It's an old topic, but I feel the need to rant... Got a message on SLS that just said "Interested" and a dick pic. Seriously? Does that ever actually work? Are there really women out there in the swinging net who actually see a message like that and say "hell yeah, give that to me baby!"? What the fuck is wrong with people!?

It happens sometimes. there are other ways to have sex. Penetration does not have to be the goal.

I don't think my wife would sign up for that, nor would I ask her or want her to. I think that there is an element of degradation to it. I don't feel that way about a gangbang that is non violent and a consensual romp.

And not the good kind of bondage...

I'm starting to feel that there is some kind of personal issue a man is dealing with to do this. They obviously know that a dic pic and grunt won't get them laid. I think some guys are just so proud of owning a dick, they have to show as many people as possible. I bet there isn't even an expectation for a reply, or another thought about the recipient of the pic. Their part is done.

I know this is a bit mean and nasty, but the next time they send you something like that. Do a google search for a pic of the nastiest STD. ridden genital pictures you can find, and send it back to them.

As a woman, I'd say both, just depends on the chemistry. As a 53 year old woman (how the hell did that happen?! ) I didn't know my body until my third and current husband, who has shared the past six years with me. I suppose age, empty nest, swinging and being nude every moment I can has much to do with it, but sex is an awesome event! I no longer panic and back away and we are into serious foreplay, and I've even started to squirt! We have noticed many in the lifestyle don't want to participate in foreplay, the want to fuck, fast & hard, which, like I said is OK too, I just wonder how many are missing some fantastic orgasms because they are unaware.

Now it was by no means our first but this story did remind me of a road trip we made with friends. We'd swapped with them several times at their home or ours but this time we were headed to a hotel at the beach together in our custom van. It was about a ten hour drive. About two hours into the trip my wife and the other husband made the back seat into a bed and started making the trip more fun. I loved adjusting the mirror and watching. Oh, and, the other wife wasn't as interested in watching but did enhance my voyeuristic pleasures by giving me a wonderful blow job. Thank goodness for cruise control or I would have been accelerating along with the action. After they finished in the back, he drove while I enjoyed his wife in the back. You know, I'm pretty sure he left the mirror the way I had it. Have any of you found that most of us men like to watch our wives with others, an a lot of the wives would rather not see?

Yeah, I hear you. While they need to just be ignored, the fact that they sent these things to you is invasive. Not what I want to see in my in box.

We generally expect that when a couple asks us back to their place, they want to do us. It is more difficult to escape the spider's web if you are in their house. So if we do not want to go forward, we won't continue the evening.

Congrats on your new found freedom from the norms of society. Unfortunately society has a great "hold" on many of us. Have fun and I encourage you to try it.

This is the operative statement. Do you think that you would be interested in one or more of the swinger clubs in nearby Pennsylvania?

He pulled out of her as he was cumming and sprayed his cum up to her neck. As I lay next to her I thought I would continue the erotic moment and began to suck on one of her nipples to discover a drop of his cum that I had just licked off of her breast. AWKWARD!

It is surely common 'flake' behavior. It is also fair to say that SLS is relatively non-selective about who gets on. Still, it seems a bit unfair to tag the website with accountability for the juvenile behavior of a few. We would be frustrated not by the lack of opportunity to meet new people but rather by the time wasted in raising expectations. In another thread, we bemoaned related 'flake' behavior. Another board member commented that they had progressively limited their email, chat, phone conversations until they could actually meet the 'other couple' in person such as for coffee or drinks or a light meal. This is not only good advice that we have taken to heart, it seems increasingly important. Perhaps we are getting older or noticing it more, but in all phases of our lives people seem to renege on their commitments with increasing frequency. We view the world differently; our word is our bond. Perhaps we expect too much.

I love you baby. And sorry for reinforcing your belief that you were broken. I hope you now know that you are not broken, just not fully awake. And you are waking up now. I love you more and more everyday.

Hi this is the wife. I just wanted to give my side so there is a better understanding of what my husband is saying. My entire sex life has been well, a lie. I had to base what was out there on what I got. It was always hard and to the point. I have heard of slow and sensual but never received it. I was a product of my parents selfishness in a sense. I love older men yet was never shown anything new. When my husband came along, again the pace was set into his pace. This continued for many years until I just didn't want to have sex any longer. Recently we talked about the lifestyle and opening up to each other. It has been exciting. 3 days in a row we had sex. 1st day hard and fast, next day s&s, next day same. I told him I have NEVER felt what I felt those 2 days. I came more those 2 days then our entire marriage. There was a sense of closeness and love, a connection that wasn't there before. I had an entirely new outlook on life and he rocked my world. I'll take that over hard any day.��

We're on the upper side of the age curve in this hobby and so have years of experience as swingers and even more as simply sexually active people. Over the years, we've seen behavior swing markedly towards the hard and fast experience. We attribute it to the pervasiveness of porn (not that porn is a bad thing!) Most porn depicts multiple position changes, acrobatic sex and hard and fast boinking. We get it, if you're just watching, slow and sensual, soft and gentle is kind of boring. Nothing ruins an evening of play for Mrs Doc faster than being flipped and tossed around on the bed into 10 different positions and mercilessly pounded for 45 minutes. We want and enjoy orgasms and like to share them. When we want to sweat like pigs and exercise for an hour, we go to the gym. Slow and sensual for us!!!!

I am in the slow and sensual school. That's how we do it. I've had some partners who like it rough and it's not my style.

Okay. There is a new update. So my wife and I have had time to actually have an honest and transparent conversation and I think we understand each other better. She knows what my concerns were and I now understand her better. Before me, she had some really bad experiences with her previous boyfriends. But she never really new any better. Her sex life was not that great and she felt like her equipment was broken. She new how to get her self off but even then it took her a while. And to make matters worse, I was not any better then them. It all came down to communication that opened the gates. From the beginning she had told me that she was really hard to please. And to an extent she had proved it during our sexy time. There were a lot of things she would not allow me to do due to being tickled near certain areas. Soft and Sensual she said she had no real feeling and when I go down on her it would take her so long that even she would get frustrated. After a few years, I finally had the guts to come out of the closet to her about my bisexuality. One of her old friends let some information out of the bag that she is a bisexual too. (I know this seems like I am getting of topic but it all ties in, I swear) I had already come to terms that I would not have sex with anyone else again. It did not go as well as I hoped. It was a big shock for her and I get it, it was understandable. I did not think she would react like that since she herself is bisexual. She said that she did not tell me because all the guys that knew, always thought that was a free ticket to threesomes and those were not on the table. Remember how I said that she thought her equipment was broken? Funny thing is that she did not tell me because she thought that by me knowing, I would assume that she just wanted to get with a girl. She assumed that I wanted to be with a guy and would leave her. It took a while but finally she calmed down and realized that I love her above all else and that she is my world. But the sex was still the same. She eventually came up with an idea from her sister that this was a good thing and to think about the doors this would open for her to explore her sexuality and share it with me. And she got excited. Seeing her get excited got me excited. But we were going at it all wrong. Super rushing, and she would dictate to me what we should be writing on our profile for dating. And that is where I saw the red flag. Hence me asking the original question to you all. I am happy to say that we have had a more detailed talk and she started to do some research herself and saw where we were headed. I had told her if she only gave me a chance I think I can help. I found out that since she had a certain expectation of what it normally is, that she did not allow her self to be satisfied. From just talking and being open and really telling all to each other, she started to get wet. Something she normally does not do. This was my ticket in. I know she is turned on and took the reins and did not let her dictate what was about to happen. I gave her SLOW AND SENSUAL and it became INTENSE. She had an orgasm that was not felt before and was shocked to see what can happen with this new form for her. I was able to make this feeling last a little longer for her since I had full control of our tempo. And right when I saw her arching so hard and really getting loud that you could see she was about to explode that is when I became savage and just switched gears and gave it to her fast hard and with no mercy. She lay there quivering. And was speechless. And all she can say after that was "wow, I am a believer". After this we made love a second time and this time she was able to get more out of the experience. Sad to say that after all these years and 4 kids later, we had finally made love for the first time. That was three days ago and now she has been wanting me every night since. And she has been more open about her fantasies. I feel like this is the beginning of something beautiful. We decided that we still want to go forward with the lifestyle and she is very exited to watch me be with a man. But this time we are taking things slowly. We have been changing our profile and it no longer says full Swap. We are not ready yet. We are doing this for the right reasons now. Later once we both feel comfortable we will go to the next step and actually engage. Right now we just want to go to clubs and maybe parties. But mainly to watch and maybe find a couple that is willing to have fun with their own partner but in the same room with us. Having sex while someone else in the room sounds really sexy to both of us. Now what we are truly looking for is a couple that even if they are not interested in us per say sexuality would become good friends with us and maybe mentoring us through this lifestyle. I don't know if such a thing exist but hoping it does. Sorry for rambling but I needed to get that off my chest. It was not fair to just leave this story unfinished. I feel like someone else might come through with a similar problem. And maybe this thread will help them as well. In the spirit of full transparency to my lovely wife who is the best woman in the world and I could not see myself living without her. I am going to link her to this whole thread and she can read everyone's responses as well as my own. That way she can call BS if she sees it. Hopefully she will put in her two cents or opinions in the matter on this thread so that it helps another new comer. Thank you for taking the time to read all this and am very grateful that a forum like this exists and is there to help us out in our new adventure.

Hello all, The Mrs and I have begun researching clubs and we have one in MD picked out based on reviews and proximity. We have not registered yet but we had some questions/concerns in general from the community. We are both interested in the experience (likely same room or private room being watched). The first trip we've decided primarily to just check the scene out however timing for subsequent trips is limited by life's schedule. We do have some quesfions/concerns. Primarily is safety. I've read several threads commenting how, typically single males, will stay nearby play areas and either try to interact or grab ass. Im not talking about penetration. I understand this is hardly indicative of the community as a whole but the act of isolated individuals bit ultimate unwanted contacted in that manner is sexual assualt. Im sure most people arr polite and ask but honestly how prevalent is this behavior? I'm sure it varies by club but those people are out there all over and a club may eject the person but that doesn't eliminate what happened. Even if it's just one idiot who happens to do it, that would cause my wife all sorts of problems. Secondly on a more pleasant topic, what are good protocols? As I stated we are primarily going to check the scene, but if the sex gods smile upon us and the opportunity to play even by ourselves presents, how is that handled, assuming it's in a designated play area? For instance I read about the newer couples going to see and end up just watching. I get it that could be creepy. Do you stay put side the room, do you enter the room, assuming it's not a private room?if you enter do you interrupt the festivities to announce yourself and ask if it's ok to watch? That extends to same room if in, I guess the couples or group room? Or in those rooms do you just sit down by yourselves and get to what you're going to get to (as a couple with no swap)? Thirdly, we both tend to be shy (ironic since we're considering having sex in front of others...), and I understand this is a social experience but I don't know, I guess are there tips for shy people to still engage? Lastly, and I realize this could be club by club, but we, well, both have body image issues and would rather not fully disrobe in the event of playing. Is this acceptable as far as etiquette? Are there other etiquette issues newbies should be aware of? Sorry for the long post. Im sure I or the Mrs will have additional questions later. I appreciate any feedback.

I think my late wife and I would not be wondering if the couple swings. Instead we would be telling each other, "Wow! Beth and Henry really seem to have it together." We'd set our goal at becoming more acquainted with them, and try to learn more about their personalities. After a hundred questions such as "How do y'all feel about chocolate donuts?" Laura would ask them,"How do y'all feel about group sex/swinging/swapping spouses." Notice that this is not an invitation, just an attempt to explore their thoughts as you've done before. It cannot be answered with "yes" or "no" and must result in a discussion. The woman should ask the question, since ladies are perceived as less sexually threatening. If they ask, "Why do you ask?" tell them, "No fair to answer a question with a question!" Then go on. "We read a sexy story on Swingers Board/Penthouse/Playboy and have been talking about it. I was wondering what y'all might think." (Be prepared to find the magazine and share it with them.) My wife asked this question many times in our 27 year marriage. The most common answer was, "We've talked about it." The least common (but best) was, "We've only done it once, but we loved it! We've been wantin' to fuck y'all so bad! Wanna do it now?" If at any time they seem negative, ask them, "How do y'all feel about Sesame Street's new character?"

My girlfriend really likes inside her. Even during mfm threesome she prefers myself and the other guy to cum in her.

I don't think it is the word , label or meaning of either that people struggle with. I think it is being able to accept who you are and/or be comfortable with it or to even be open about it. I never put thought into liking both genders it just makes sense to me. For me and who I am it is what it is. It is who I am. I don't define every aspect of myself or my life. I think that is where people get stuck in their acceptance of themselves. In order to be who you really are, you have to accept yourself for who you are. To me, I am who I am and I like what I like. If someone doesn't like it or has a problem with it, it doesn't make it my problem, it is theirs.

I'd love to get rid of labels in real life but when I'm looking for a partner in an ad or someone asks in a swing situation it is helpful to have a shorthand so that expectations are clearer (more quickly in wiring or online- obviously in person more communication can take place). So far, I can't figure out a shorthand that works for me...