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Modern life--"it's complicated". Our daughter knows. She is helping design the outfits for our next cruise's theme nights. She's happy that mom and dad are still happy and still together having met 42 years ago. Adult kids (different from teenage kids" seem to understand the idea of discretion. Vanilla friends, not so much. We do not broadcast, as a rule they do not seem particularly interested. Interestingly, we periodically do social events where vanilla and LS friends are present. Our LS friends have vanilla lives like everyone else, and the interactions are uniformly gracious. The only issue that arises is "how do you know [us]?", and the universal answer is that we met through "friends of friends". People manage their relationships as they choose. Since we are, for all intents and purposes, just a long-married couple happy together, no one pays us any mind. We like it that way.

Hi, We're quite new in this too, but I just wanted to share our experience to inspire you. We opened up our marriage, after 14 years happily together, 6 months ago. From the start, I (the wife) very much wanted to meet other guys solo. My husband didn't feel like keeping me from this, though he preferred not to be excluded form my adventures. So we agreed on telling each other 'as much as possible', and both created dating site accounts. From the start it was obvious that it was much more easy for me to meet guys, then for him to meet other ladies. Simply because there are not that many ladies on those apps looking for casual sex. I started seeing the first guy after a month, and from then on every 2 or 3 weeks different guys. In the beginning it was quite stressful for both of us, not knowing what this would lead to concerning our own sex life, but after 2 or 3 months the stress reduced and we started to visit swingers clubs, to have some shared experiences as well. For us the key to success, was the fact that we were very honest and open about our thoughts and feelings towards ourselves and each other. I think openness and trust is what you need to fully enjoy the swingers lifestyle. The fact that my hubby acknowledged my desire and need to feel free, made me love him even more. Our sex life has never been better. He loves to see how much attention I get, and how this turns me on. I hope that my experience will inspire you in any way. Please feel free to reply or contact me if you like to talk about your own experiences. xSuzy

Weird situation here. We've had some initial meets with some other couples, and have found that they are 'out', in terms of the Swinging Lifestyle, to family and friends. One couple is fairly well-known in the local area for their vanilla lives, and make no secret about it at all. We discovered they were 'out' because they use the same face photo on SLS as they do on Facebook. Turns out he and I went to the same school, and have mutual friends on FB.... so, that's both weird and a reason not to be Facebook Friends. Another couple -- very open to family and friends, including their teen/young adult children -- turned out to be the parents of a girlfriend one of our kids was dating (we were going to meet in the 'vanilla' world the next night! -- how weird is that?!)! Again, we decided NOT to pursue any play with them, because they were so open with their daughter, it was a near certainty to get back to our own kids. Are we just old fuddy-duddies for keeping all of our 'adult' non-monogamous interests secret? Or are we just completely out-of-touch with the young hep-cats these days?

Me and my husband are bi. I don't mind doing guys and females, I just don't know about couples. My biggest fear is that we are married and I don't want this to come between our marriage. He has done this before I haven't.

So here we go with our first post. We are a very happy married couple of many years. During sex we both talk about having another person, male, satisfy the wife. We have talked about this in and out of bed for a couple of years. Now, we would like to follow through. The wife already knows what type of person she would like and knows what she would like to happen. We have not jumped in to find the right person one because we are not sure how and two because we are concerned with diseases or potential of contacting something. Just as a side note we both have only been with each other. Any advise?

Wife and I had our first FFM. It went even better than expected!Met the girl at a bar...she was a 10 and at least 12 years younger than me. Very secretive and only gave us her nickname, which was fine...she was being safe. 30 minutes of chit chat and back to our place. I was extremely nervous that I would not be able take care of two girls...but I rocked it! Wife is not bi or into girls, but she happily agreed to use a double dildo with the girl. One of the best sexual experiences of our lives! We hope she gets back to us to do it again.

My advice: Have nothing further to do with this couple. Block them. Cut off all contact. Do not reply to any messages. Full stop. This is not normal or acceptable behavior in swinging circles, or any circles for that matter.

Your relationship with this other couple is completely off the rails. There are widely accepted protocols in the lifestyle. One, play together as a couple until you are very experienced. We are moderately experienced and we never play without the other partner in the same place. Second, you have to communicate and work together as a team. No separate communicating or texting. If one of you likes one member of a couple and the other one of you do not like the other, that's the end of your couples play. Maybe one of you can get together with the liked one at a house party, but unlikely. Offering money sounds like prostitution. I know you are in Vegas, but you should lose this couple and read this site to learn the "norms" of swinging.

We would and we have. On only one occasion did a guy try to cross the line with me. On the whole, men who identify as bi or bi curious on swinger hookup Web sites understand that they are not going to have any man-on-man play when out on a date with a straight-straight couple.

* Small thing -- humerus is spelled humorous. * "We are both ambitious and busy bees" -- No need, I think, to say this. It sounds negative and I always advise people to stay away from anything that seems negative. I don't know what else I could tell you. You have a really great profile. If you were within our age range, we'd be hitting on you.

As a woman, I'd say both, just depends on the chemistry. As a 53 year old woman (how the hell did that happen?! ) I didn't know my body until my third and current husband, who has shared the past six years with me. I suppose age, empty nest, swinging and being nude every moment I can has much to do with it, but sex is an awesome event! I no longer panic and back away and we are into serious foreplay, and I've even started to squirt! We have noticed many in the lifestyle don't want to participate in foreplay, the want to fuck, fast & hard, which, like I said is OK too, I just wonder how many are missing some fantastic orgasms because they are unaware.

Both you and your wife should consider yourselves lucky you escaped with no injuries or worse. Neither you or your wife had any clue about this guy or what he was capable of. Let me tell you how this could have went. After pleasantries this guy and your wife crawled in the back seat in a secluded location (probably in the dark) with you in the front seat. Anything that happens in the back seat is now beyond your control! This guy is holding your wife's life in his hands! What would have happened if this guy started slapping your wife around and started chocking her. If you tried to intervene you probably would put your wife in greater danger. At this moment a couple of things would probably happen. This guy would probably produce a weapon and demand you get out of the car. He would then drive away and you probably would never see your wife alive again. Think I am weaving fables? I am a police officer (my wife and I are swingers) and scenarios like this happen every day. The bad thing about this happening to swingers is there a reluctance to report the situation I just described. This is not an acceptable way to get started in swinging. Go to a local club and meet and great with other swingers. Plus one or both of you will not be murdered.

Here's mine. My girlfriend and I go to a swing club. We're in the hot tub, and she gets hit on by a guy, decides (with my approval) to go off with him to a private room. While they're doing that, I get dressed and head for the dance floor. There's my ex-wife. She's shown up as a single female. She approaches me, tells me how much she's missed me, that she has to have me right then and there. I tell her to go fuck herself.

I'm no jackhammer, have never aspired to be. Lovemaking will be more vigorous after we've been with others or after we've been away from each other's company. Sometimes it's hair stroking, other times it's hair pulling. Whatever the level of intensity requires. Just make it fun for both.

I think that separate play is for Swingers with a lot of experience. We are moderately experienced and we are hesitant to play in separate rooms at the same party. It is very hard to get a four way match, but I think that you are far from playing separately if you are anxious about it. Take baby steps and enjoy the ride.

Hi this is the wife. I just wanted to give my side so there is a better understanding of what my husband is saying. My entire sex life has been well, a lie. I had to base what was out there on what I got. It was always hard and to the point. I have heard of slow and sensual but never received it. I was a product of my parents selfishness in a sense. I love older men yet was never shown anything new. When my husband came along, again the pace was set into his pace. This continued for many years until I just didn't want to have sex any longer. Recently we talked about the lifestyle and opening up to each other. It has been exciting. 3 days in a row we had sex. 1st day hard and fast, next day s&s, next day same. I told him I have NEVER felt what I felt those 2 days. I came more those 2 days then our entire marriage. There was a sense of closeness and love, a connection that wasn't there before. I had an entirely new outlook on life and he rocked my world. I'll take that over hard any day.��

We're on the upper side of the age curve in this hobby and so have years of experience as swingers and even more as simply sexually active people. Over the years, we've seen behavior swing markedly towards the hard and fast experience. We attribute it to the pervasiveness of porn (not that porn is a bad thing!) Most porn depicts multiple position changes, acrobatic sex and hard and fast boinking. We get it, if you're just watching, slow and sensual, soft and gentle is kind of boring. Nothing ruins an evening of play for Mrs Doc faster than being flipped and tossed around on the bed into 10 different positions and mercilessly pounded for 45 minutes. We want and enjoy orgasms and like to share them. When we want to sweat like pigs and exercise for an hour, we go to the gym. Slow and sensual for us!!!!

Okay. There is a new update. So my wife and I have had time to actually have an honest and transparent conversation and I think we understand each other better. She knows what my concerns were and I now understand her better. Before me, she had some really bad experiences with her previous boyfriends. But she never really new any better. Her sex life was not that great and she felt like her equipment was broken. She new how to get her self off but even then it took her a while. And to make matters worse, I was not any better then them. It all came down to communication that opened the gates. From the beginning she had told me that she was really hard to please. And to an extent she had proved it during our sexy time. There were a lot of things she would not allow me to do due to being tickled near certain areas. Soft and Sensual she said she had no real feeling and when I go down on her it would take her so long that even she would get frustrated. After a few years, I finally had the guts to come out of the closet to her about my bisexuality. One of her old friends let some information out of the bag that she is a bisexual too. (I know this seems like I am getting of topic but it all ties in, I swear) I had already come to terms that I would not have sex with anyone else again. It did not go as well as I hoped. It was a big shock for her and I get it, it was understandable. I did not think she would react like that since she herself is bisexual. She said that she did not tell me because all the guys that knew, always thought that was a free ticket to threesomes and those were not on the table. Remember how I said that she thought her equipment was broken? Funny thing is that she did not tell me because she thought that by me knowing, I would assume that she just wanted to get with a girl. She assumed that I wanted to be with a guy and would leave her. It took a while but finally she calmed down and realized that I love her above all else and that she is my world. But the sex was still the same. She eventually came up with an idea from her sister that this was a good thing and to think about the doors this would open for her to explore her sexuality and share it with me. And she got excited. Seeing her get excited got me excited. But we were going at it all wrong. Super rushing, and she would dictate to me what we should be writing on our profile for dating. And that is where I saw the red flag. Hence me asking the original question to you all. I am happy to say that we have had a more detailed talk and she started to do some research herself and saw where we were headed. I had told her if she only gave me a chance I think I can help. I found out that since she had a certain expectation of what it normally is, that she did not allow her self to be satisfied. From just talking and being open and really telling all to each other, she started to get wet. Something she normally does not do. This was my ticket in. I know she is turned on and took the reins and did not let her dictate what was about to happen. I gave her SLOW AND SENSUAL and it became INTENSE. She had an orgasm that was not felt before and was shocked to see what can happen with this new form for her. I was able to make this feeling last a little longer for her since I had full control of our tempo. And right when I saw her arching so hard and really getting loud that you could see she was about to explode that is when I became savage and just switched gears and gave it to her fast hard and with no mercy. She lay there quivering. And was speechless. And all she can say after that was "wow, I am a believer". After this we made love a second time and this time she was able to get more out of the experience. Sad to say that after all these years and 4 kids later, we had finally made love for the first time. That was three days ago and now she has been wanting me every night since. And she has been more open about her fantasies. I feel like this is the beginning of something beautiful. We decided that we still want to go forward with the lifestyle and she is very exited to watch me be with a man. But this time we are taking things slowly. We have been changing our profile and it no longer says full Swap. We are not ready yet. We are doing this for the right reasons now. Later once we both feel comfortable we will go to the next step and actually engage. Right now we just want to go to clubs and maybe parties. But mainly to watch and maybe find a couple that is willing to have fun with their own partner but in the same room with us. Having sex while someone else in the room sounds really sexy to both of us. Now what we are truly looking for is a couple that even if they are not interested in us per say sexuality would become good friends with us and maybe mentoring us through this lifestyle. I don't know if such a thing exist but hoping it does. Sorry for rambling but I needed to get that off my chest. It was not fair to just leave this story unfinished. I feel like someone else might come through with a similar problem. And maybe this thread will help them as well. In the spirit of full transparency to my lovely wife who is the best woman in the world and I could not see myself living without her. I am going to link her to this whole thread and she can read everyone's responses as well as my own. That way she can call BS if she sees it. Hopefully she will put in her two cents or opinions in the matter on this thread so that it helps another new comer. Thank you for taking the time to read all this and am very grateful that a forum like this exists and is there to help us out in our new adventure.

I've heard it qualified that "physical relations" can be sorted into three categories: making love, having sex, and FUCKING. We in the lifestyle might be able to add a fourth, recreational, but where the first three are all linked fairly directly to emontional the fourth tends to avoid messy emotional attachment for obvious reasons. While each individual might have their own preference as to their specific flavor, "hard and fast" tends to gravitate towards fucking or recreational sex because those two subcategories tend to be more selfish styles of physicality simply due to the goals: even gentlemen who swing or participate in LS choices can be construed as "selfish" because getting a partner off sometimes can be the most selfish thing you can do. I personally love getting a woman off for the sense of accomplishment and have had skewed ratios nearly all my life. If my partner or partners has 4 to my one I'm a happy camper. Stylisitically, it makes sense to have familiarity and capability in all four fashions; especially in our lifestyle. That being said; physical limitations, emotional limitations, synchronicity, personality, and simple preferences will affect everything. I've had the absolute best time with partners that upon first inspection would be absolutely no fun at all, and then I've had the deadest fucks ever out of the stereotypical "hot girls" who simply lie there. Had one lady friend in my younger years who (thankfully only a couple of times because I ended it due to the oddity of it) who make neither eye contact nor let me "look at her" because she was embarassed of the faces that she made. Wasn't a good time. Have fun, experiment, and most importantly communicate with perspective partners. Chemistry leads the pack - good luck and good swinging!

He made me squirt the first time. He admits it was by accident, and we both were like wow! Then a few years later, he made it happen again, and now can make it happen almost regularly. Only down side is if we don't happen to put down a (couple) of towels, it makes for a day of laundry. He admitted to doing research on the web to find out what techniques work the best, and also practiced on me (I was a willing participant) until he had it pretty much down pat. First couple times were using his hand/fingers, but now can use his '5th' appendage almost as well as his hand/fingers. Another good tip, they make mattress covers that have a plastic lining under them that go under your bed sheet to prevent the mattress from being stained. It is a pretty intense amazing feeling, but it isn't necessarily our goal to make it happen when we play.

This is where I disagree. They aren't sex toys. They ARE people, and deserve to be respected as such. I just don't attribute a great deal of meaning with regard to relationships to sexual attraction or physical pleasure. A friend of mine had a FUCKING HORRIFIC first experience with her husband and another woman (a loooooootttt of vodka involved and months of anguish in the aftermath...because she worked with they psychotic, narcissistic bitch), and she never really got over it. She said she used to feel like his special princess, up on a pedestal, apart from other women. And now she feels like "just another vaj". The truth is, yes...yes you are. Every other woman out there can offer your husband exactly the same thing: a hole into which to put his cock. If you want to use sex as the thing that defines your relationship, I'm sorry to say, this is the reality. The only solution is to keep all the cock/pussy to yourself so that no one else will ever compete with you. The alternative is to challenge the way we see sex and relationships and start to look for those other ties that bind us to one another. If you agree that a relationship should be more than being 'just another dick/vaj' to one another, then it should prompt the question, "So what else is there? What differentiates me from other women/men?" For us, the answer has been - for lack of a better word - 'selfness'. No one else is me. No one else is Mr. intuition. I am confident in my relationship, because no one else is better at being me, than me. I will never be blonde, petite, math-smart, socially gifted, or built like a gymnast. I will never be a size zero. But you know what? I'm so okay with that. What do I have to offer my husband, that other women can't? Honesty. Total, blatant, glaring honesty. Myself. And the confidence to allow him to be himself, too, including his attractions to others. What do I have to offer him? In a nutshell, the world. I don't make him choose between me and all of the experiences he could potentially have out there in the wide, wild world. He gets all that...AND me. You show me a woman who could love him more completely, more unconditionally, and I would SEND him to her. My goal is to make his life as amazing as it can possibly be. If you ask me, I'm a pretty good catch, and he's an idiot if he can't see it.

I was going to "like" this but I decided to LOVE it instead!

This. I have always been a squirter. Ever since the first time I had sex. I used to ALWAYS hold it back because of the attitude or disgust. Which meant for me not having fulfilling orgasms for a GIANT chunk of my sex life. I got over it after years! And when I finally found a partner who didn't care and wasn't disgusted it was such a relief! Now to answer the original question! I always squirt to some extent with PiV sex. And can with oral if my partner is dedicated. I never with solo play. The volumes differ GREATLY! So much so that hubby and I just always use a tarp when we play. And we always travel with a smaller version of it when we go out to play with others. There is nothing worse than having to pay to have a friends couch cleaned cause you ruined it!

I knew coming in it wouldn't take long to see a response like this No offense, I really don't want to sound bitchy or throw off the thread. But this is really super annoying and offensive. When it comes to sex with women, yes especially squirting women, pee DOES happen. if you don't like it, you probably shouldn't be having sex with women. Why does it happen. ..? Because when we are cumming/squirting there is an incredible pressure in our pelvic region. Unlike men, we don't have a nifty little valve that cuts off our urethra when we are cumming. It doesn't happen all of the time, or even most of the time, in my experience. But yes, it can and does happen. Constantly bringing it up and acting like it is the most disgusting thing in the world can -really- hinder a woman's experience. We are already self - conscious about it enough because -duh- we don't want to pee on someone. So then we feel like we have to hold our orgasm in so we don't do something that we really have absolutely no control over. ANNOYING!! Again, sorry for the derailment, and I'm not attacking anyone. I just wish that every squirting thread on here didn't have someone posting that crap. Edited because my auto correct is an idiot.

This is Mike, the male half. I really don't see how it's any of your business whether or not someone is "bi". They have no obligation to disclose anything about their sexuality to you or anyone else. I absolutely agree that this type of lying is really just being discrete. If I was having sex with males (which I don't, by the way) and someone asked me, I would most likely deny it if I knew they might be biased against me because of it. You go on to say: "Most couples have a real problem with bi males mainly because most males of lifestyle couples are straight." Yeah, well so what? If you have a problem with that then its YOUR problem, not theirs. And if they lie and tell you otherwise then I say good for them. It really amazes me that swingers (who you would think would be very open minded) can be so uptight. And to think that someone owes you a full disclosure of their sexuality just because you swing with them is beyond uptight – it is ridiculous.