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Years ago after a particularly lengthy session the girl I was seeing at the time got up for a split second and held eye contact with me as she fell into the wall unable to stand. A case where actions really did speak louder than words.

I have been playing for about 15 years and I had no clue about this site until years into it all. Glad there are places like this people can exchange ideas.

I just saw this thread and would say the following on bareback versus condoms. Here is my guidelines, in part borrowed from another one of my posts. I tend to see it as a three step process which I actually like. 1. Traditional Swinging where all the norms apply. I tend to do this on occasions but not regularly. Use a condom. 2. Fuck Buddies is where we met and had a good time and want to repeat that, generally swinging norms apply. Normally use a condom. 3. Friends with benefits where we hang out with each other and families do meet. Being friends is as important as the sex and the sex gets even better as we learn what flips each other switch. At that point swinging norms are not usually in force. A FWB is someone that you hang out with but realistically you are not going to make them your SO in life. I have two FWB for ten plus years, we know each others sexual health histories. This realm for me is bareback friendly.

I think the most beneficial thing you could do is to have some lifestyle fun and see just how many other men will be attracted to you - and they will. Don't think that everybody in the lifestyle has to look like the porn stars on Playboy's "Swingers" show - they don't.

Every comment here has brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for the perspective. And yes, I have considered the possibility that it could be post-partum and that theory isn't off the table for me. However, I do think this may just be a common doubt and feeling among woman with children, especially when they are relatively young (5 and under). I will continue to work at this. The conversation spawned. Between my husband and I and when asked if he'd take pre baby me or post baby me ( body wise) he said he'd choose the pre. However, he did say that if it were post baby me and another woman with the same attributes I wish I had, he'd still choose me. Respectable response. Honest but still reassuring. But that is what spawned it. He'd take me regardless, but he'd prefer the pre-baby me. I can't fault the man for his honesty, I guess it ties to don't ask questions you don't want the brutal honest answer too.

As a husband of 16 years and a father of 3, I can definitely say that sometimes the physical changes can be alarming, but never unwelcome. We all are on a journey with the same end; and how you get there affects the vessel. My wife has always and forever been my best friend; but there have been periods where the physical has waned for whatever reasons (3 kids, 9 miscarriages will wreak havoc on a woman's body). That being said, my affection, love and attraction to her has also never been solely physical. As we all get older, needs do change and sometimes the "taut tummy tight package" 20 year olds simply get exhausting. Have you ever tried TALKING to somebody in their early 20s? IT'S TERRIBLE!! that being said, my wife is who I choose to be with and who I choose to express the vast majority of physicality with. Because she IS the mother of my children, she IS the woman I married, and she DOESN'T have a taut tummy anymore. Which is 400% ok.

Great thread ! As this has been my wife's biggest concern since I finally told her my Kink 2 years ago ... Thks for the thread !

I didn't want to drop the accusation myself, but since someone did, I'll say it: Clue #1: the author is providing all these pleasurable details about his wife's encounter, yet claims to be appalled by what happened? I'd be asking the forum for swinger-friendly criminal defense attorneys, not helping the forum masturbate to it. Clue #2: the author provides no surprised/shocked transition to the fact that his wife is pregnant, a very unlikely result from one encounter in your late 40s, and he's certain that the baby is definitely the other man's. Unless they never have sex and he's in a very extreme cuckold situation, none of this adds up. I think having a black guy inseminate his wife without his consent is just the author's fetish and he was hoping we'd tell him stories, too.

Mrs. E has always been this way, that she's wet and ready to keep going until she doesn't get any more attention and cools off. Invariably, she cums gently when a man enters her and cums hard when she feels a man finish inside her. She's finding that having another man waiting is a big attraction of the whole swinging concept.

Since we are usually looking for FWB, we want to make sure that we start out with the friends part first and the benefits come a little later. Even the first meeting can go really well only to find out later that there are deal breakers (they are also members of the Nazi party or KKK or believe in cannibalism). While we would never totally rule out playing on the first date, it would really have to be something special happening between everyone. What we want to be very careful about is that one of us ends up 'taking one for the team'. Once 'play' is brought up and put on the table, it can be more difficult of someone who is borderline about the other couple to say they are not interested/ready yet. We also think (as others have already said) that it's important to not have that pressure on anyone and have the opportunity for us to talk together outside of the other couple. We also have a signal for 'not going to happen/lets think about leaving'. Why spend the entire night if one of us has already decided this is never going to happen.

I think communication is important and also, if your relationship is going to be open, it is even more imperative to DATE your primary partner or spouse. if you are actively pursuing each other while you are engaging others, it is less likely that one will fall in love with another and not have kept an open bond with the partner. As I stated above, I did fall in love with my other partner, but I also was maintaining my bond with my spouse and he was fully aware of my feelings every step of the way and we were also closer than ever. I never had a desire to leave my husband in favor of this other guy, I just wanted to spend more time with both them but if I was not openly and actively communicating and connecting with my spouse after each encounter with my other partner, I could easily see how that could bring me to want to leave one for the other more attentive partner. Both of us are agree that feelings that develop remain outside of our union and that our union is primary. That keeps me secure. if a relationship seems to be becoming a problem, we both agree that we will end it. That is all it takes for me to feel secure.

Lionheart is succinct and spot on; communication. When you think you're done communicating, communicate more. Keep communicating. Also, the very fact you are asking this question is great! It means you are conscious of the possibility of problems, and are proactively looking to nip them in the bud before they become a problem. This is very, very good! I would add; make sure you do things as a team. Even if you are playing separately, keep doing it as a team; make sure the other spouse always knows what is going to happen, and talk about what happened afterwards. My wife and I really enjoy that. It's like re-living the escapades. SASS has some great points too; She notes that she doesn't truly understand her husband's desire. Well, as a husband I can say this; *I* don't understand my desire to see my wife having sex with other men Seriously. I don't. I know even the thought of it turns me on, but I can't explain why. I enjoy her being able to play with other men, with or without me. I've come to accept I might not ever fully understand why, just that I do. I also 100% agree about loving many at the same time. I think it bizarrely illogical that we can love two parents, four grandparents, many kids, but when it comes to romantic love, suddenly we're incapable of loving more than one? That just doesn't make sense to me. I'm deeply in love with my wife. I'm also in love with a girlfriend from long ago, with whom I am still very close friends (but nothing sexual happening). My wife knows this, my old girlfriend knows this, everyone's fine with it. My old girlfriend loves me too, and so does my wife. My wife has had sex with her primary partner (other than me) probably more than a hundred times. They are in love. Not to the same depth as she and I are, but they are in love. I don't feel our love is somehow replaced by her love for him, nor replaced by my love for my old girlfriend.

In the last four years my marriage has been seriously tested and almost rocked off course and it has been somewhat "open" for 12 years. Early on, when he first asked me to be open, it almost broke me apart. But I was honestly curious as to how it would be and after months of contemplating I agreed to try it. We talked A LOT in those months about why he wanted to bring others in, what our expectations were, what are rules would be etc. I still don't truly understand his desire and motivation but I have discovered my own. I find that I really enjoyed some of the experiences we had and felt especially close to him again when we had so much new and exciting things to talk about. I feel my relationship is "secure" because he tells bears his soul and so do I. I believe love is a choice as well as a feeling and I am secure in his choice and his commitment to love me till death do us part and I also believe that the heart is larger than we think and is capable of loving many at the same time at the same intensity. I feel this way because after finding a male play partner, I fell in love with him, but was still head over heals for my husband. If anything, I loved him even deeper, while falling for this new guy.

Well, I'm fairly new to the practice myself but I'll still chime in with the obvious: communication. Open, honest, truthful communication.