Leaderboard

If both people in a couple aren't in it, don't do it. Your wife says 'no,' respect her wishes.

Yes. Most men do try to please the woman we are with. We get a sense of satisfaction from that. Listening to her is a skill. Having said that. Variety is a big part of the LS. When I was a kid my parents taught me that when someone else is cooking your dinner, you don't say you don't like it. You shut up and eat it. As a result, I found out I like a whole lot of foods I would never have tried otherwise. It's OK to tell a guy what you like, but don't be afraid to let him introduce you to new things. (As long as you are comfortable with them)

Don't do it, no matter how much you want to. If one person says no then the answer for both of you is no...it HAS to be this way. That you already know this woman and are attracted to her is (especially for your wife) too personal for you to move forward. Add into this that you cross paths at work...what if something 'happened' and it became known at work what you do for a hobby? This could jeopardize your job, but more importantly, going against your wifes wishes couple jeopardize your marriage. Just move along, there's other couples out there and you do want to remain a couple.

First off, open and honest, we are newbies. However, my wife and I did a lot of homework before we even thought of a first encounter. Hours of talking, sharing fantasies, and setting some goals and rules. One of our steadfast rules is we will not play alone. We will each be present when play happens. Our short time in the LS has been an experience to say the least. Some good, some not so good, but none either of us has said was bad. How to handle the awkwardness is going to be a personal decision. Some couples do play alone. Personally, I have ED issues, but my wife, who adores me, is good at hiding that little issue while enjoying the experience. There have been nights when I have fallen short, and other times when things were up standing. On the bad nights, I simply sat back and enjoyed my wife having fun. I do get a lot of pleasure seeing her being pleasuresd. Do my emotions sometimes get me? Yes, but that is when I remind myself that it nothing more than a toy and she will always be my wife and Queen and I am her husband, king, master. Just as in certain nights it will be me playing and her watching, she is assured that my love for her is always going to be, and I am just using a toy. To be in this LS and married takes commitment, and more honest and open communication that anything. Talk, communicate, love, hold, and never be jealous. Enjoy those times seeing your wife as she is being pleasured. Just as I am sure she will be as pleasured seeing you deeply pleasured by another woman.

I am going to take a bit of a different track here...yes, he needed your "help". However, "Total Neglect" isn't what happened here...you were enjoying your experience with the other hubby and he could have made his own frustrating experience with the other wife enjoyable as well. Even though we (as couples) swing together, we (as individuals) are each responsible for our own fun - and especially during a full swap (same or separate rooms). To be honest, I've been in this same situation in a previous relationship. It got to the point I didn't want to swing because I was too concerned for his fun and I wasn't having any trying to read his cues, subtle signs, and resurrect his erection. It's completely distracting to have to keep glancing over to see that your partner is having a good time - or worse, stopping your fun to go lend a hand. If he needed some assistance, he should have asked for it...or let you know in some way. You are not a mind reader! I would surmise that your husband is feeling neglected but also frustrated, confused, betrayed (by his cock) and a plethora of other feeling unrelated to you or your response. But outside of safety, he alone is responsible for his own good time. There's plenty of ways to have fun even with a limp cock. You also mentioned that you usually swap together, assuming you full swap, same bed? This time you stepped outside your comfort zone and opted for the full swap in further proximity. How did you come to that decision? Have you considered separate room play? Sometimes moving into separate rooms allows us freedoms to explore more authentically. If this is a pattern it's probably going to be an ongoing issue unless he can discern what makes his member lukewarm on the idea. Don't beat yourself up over this. You've apologized to your husband, now let it go. Later you two should talk about how to manage this issue in the future.

We are totally new to this and had our first foursome a couple nights ago. Please let me start by saying that I (the wife) had not been with another man in almost 20 years. MFF were the only playing we had done up to this point. We were very comfortable with the couple and they're very experienced. My husband and I are in this to play together but had agreed to be full swap. When the time came and we had separated into couples (him with the other woman and me with the other man) he had issues with staying hard. This had happened once before with a MFF and it seemed like the more I focused on him the worse it got because it seemed like I was making a big deal out of it instead of just letting nature takes its course...however later talking to him he said it is just the opposite and that he wanted my help because I am the one who could help him. But this time I didn't really step in. As a matter of fact I continued to have sex with the other guy. I do not know why I didn't just place all of my focus on my husband. I can't explain it. I have NEVER done that. He has always been the center of my attention and my focus the same way I have always been his. He is crushed! He feels totally neglected and as though I didn't care if he was there or not. This is not at all how I intended this to be. I wanted him there but for some reason I focused on the other man more. I am trying my hardest to understand what happened. Has anyone else ever experienced this??? How do I make sure my husband knows that he IS my world and that I don't ever want this to happen again.

Me and my wife have been swingers for quite a few years. The last time we were out at a club, I ran into a woman (Heather) that I know and work with several times a week. Me and my wife had a good conversation with her and her husband, and it turns out they live very close to us, even their kids go to the same school as ours. Since I found out Heather is in the lifestyle, many of our work conversation immediately turns to swinging and sex. There is definitely very strong sexual tension between us. The type of tension where I just want to rip her clothes off and take her right there and then. I don't hide anything from my wife and have been open about talking to her at work. Last night, I mentioned to my wife that Heather and her husband were going to be at a swing club this weekend and they would be interested in playing. My wife said, "You really want to fuck her bad?". I just answered "yes" trying to cover my obvious erection. A couple hours later, my wife told me we should have a rule about not playing with people we see or interact with in everyday life. My wife thinks it is "too close to home" and I should tell her that I am not interested and try to avoid her. I understand her point. In this case, I feel it would be better to get it out of my system. The tension will not go away on its own, and I still have to work with her. Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you handle it?

"Shouldadones" don't count," my old pappy was fond of saying. Laura and liked this philosophy so much we included it in our wedding vows. Accept what happened and move on. Personal advice the Husband: You are responsible for your own needs. I would suggest, if dysfunction threatens, kiss your partner, pull her closely and stroke her back. If her tongue finds it's way between her lips, suck it gently. Don't be in a hurry. Let your kisses roam to her neck, particularly that spot near the jawbone, below the ear. Let your tongue flutter over her earlobe on your way back to her lips. Stroke her abdomen. As her legs part, find her pussy and press it warmly with your open palm. Starting at the membrane that separates the vagina and anus, slowly working your way up, lightly touching her clit when your fingers finally arrive. Work your fingers around her vagina, further smoothing back the labia. Ease your middle and ring fingers into her wetness and saturate both fingers. Linger a while at this, using your palm to lightly touch her clit. Kiss her lips. Drag your sopping hand across her abdomen and paint a wet circle around each nipple. Break the kiss, look Mrs. Playmate in the eye and suck her juices from your fingers. Another kiss on the lips, and the next delightful journey begins. Lick the juices off her nipples and follow the taste trail to your goal. Tend to the labia again, this time with your tongue. This needs to be done until she cackles. My late wife was fond of shouting, "Somebody FUCK ME!" about this time. What? You have a raging hard-on? It worked for me, too. Mrs. Newswing: Keep doing what you are doing. Although the distraction may have caused you to enjoy your experience with Mr. Playmate less, I think you did the right thing. My late wife once said, "It wasn't great, Darling, but it was sex. I came. How bad could it be?" Good luck to both of you. Alura

Your problem, Three Way Pleasure, in not playing close to home. It is a lack of discretion. No matter how strong your yen for this woman might be, it is vital that you don't let it slop over into work. If this is allowed to fester, it is only a matter of time before a stolen-kiss in the break room is interrupted by the boss. You should not even be trading nuances which may seem understandable only by yourselves, but are easily interpreted by others. "To play close to home" is less of a problem than lack of discretion. Playing close to home requires discretion in king-sized portions. If your wife will not consider swinging (away from work) you will experience a myriad of personal problems if you persist to acknowledge your attraction to this other woman. Simply tell the lady and her husband (at the club rather than at work) that y'all have discussed the matter and have decided they are "too close to home." Playing close to home requires much more discretion that you have demonstrated.

So far it sounds like you have just been unlucky. Personally, I LOVE it when a woman tells me what she wants and how she wants it. We both like 'learning' new things...one of the reasons we are here. Maybe meeting couples on line as suggested is an option for you. Just don't speed too much time emailing and texting since once you meet in person, there may not be the same interest. Maybe you just haven't met the right couple at the club yet. It makes me crazy with how many men in the L/S have problems taking direction or already 'know' what women want. Just keep looking but don't be afraid to walk away from a couple if things aren't going where you want them to go. I don't know what else to say here...is there something that you would like me to do or say different?

We had been forewarned that it was going to be only a matter of time before we encountered people at a swing club who knew us from other social venues. It happened the first time about two years into our swing "careers". They soon invited us to one of their private parties and we have occasionally been getting together with them even since.

I totally agree. If the wife isn't comfortable it doesn't happen. Just wondering if other couples have general rules about not playing with people that they know from "everyday life"?

I don't think this is all that unusual. Something as new and exciting as this isn't going to lose its thrill for awhile. You are getting to the point right now that it won't be that long when you both decide to skip a Saturday. Then, most likely, your swing life will mellow out to a more manageable and less life consuming hobby. For now, don't sweat it, dive in!

Maybe if you and your husband meet couples online? This way, you can exchange emails detailing what you like, and don't like, and the man will know it all beforehand.

We like to create 4-way text/FB messages with couples if we are really interested in them. That way everyone knows what is going on.

I totally agree with the need to actually meet a couple ahead of time because you really don't know who you are dealing with. That being said, when couples offer "private parties" on SDC (or any other sites) and choose people solely based on their profiles, is that safer? These people are, after all, total strangers as well. I'm talking about from a safety standpoint. You are inviting total strangers into your home...

We have gotten some great advice on here. We really appreciate the input. In this case I think we move on from online chats and emails.

Take your time, there's no rush. Please remember to let us know how things are going. We wish you both good luck.

My wife got to see it, she says she LOVED it. It just kinda happened. Certainly wasn't planned, I didn't know he was bi and he didn't know that I was bi-curious. But when he asked me to do a DVP with him and his wife, I just had to ask him if he was bi? They both answered in the affirmative and my wife and I just looked at each other. Well from there his wife got off off him and joined my wife over in the jacuzzi bubbles and played with each other while he and I played on the bed. The next morning I got to eat his cum out of his wife's pussy. We are going to be seeing them again this coming weekend at the same club we met them at last time. It was really hot and I am sure we will do it again and probably go beyond oral, but the next time I am hoping we get to put a little more emphasis on the ladies and our play will be strictly for their entertainment.

This was the first time it happened, you then told her about it and the two of you talked about it. It sounds like she is now better aware of what you need and (I assume) will be more attentive in the future. There is nothing to be concerned about unless it continues to happen. There really isn't anything to overcome. Either the next time the two of you are paying more attention to each other 'in the moment' or she does the same thing again. If it is the first, then there isn't a problem, if it is the second, then there IS a problem. One time is a mistake, an accident. Something happening again and again is a problem. If you are both okay with it, give it another try and see what happens.

She ever done anything like this before? like maybe two or three guys or something similar as a lead up? Not necessarily a gangbang but just multiple guys in one night.

I'm surprised that nobody has brought this up yet... Sometimes a man's eyes will tell his brain 'look what I'm seeing, can you believe it?' and the brain will say 'why no, I don't believe it. Especially since my wife is here and what I'm seeing is NOT ALLOWED!'. Then, quite possibly for his first time, his 'little buddy' is asleep when he should be paying attention. He overlooks this issue the first time, but when it happens for the second time...all that advertising for little pills comes back to mind and he has now caught ED (dun, dun, dunnnnn). It can really mess with a man's mind and once he starting worrying about it, it usually will just become worse. Fortunately, thanks to several multi-billion dollar advertising campaigns (that usually helped cause the problem in the first place) there's a pill for this. An expensive, usually hard to ask your doctor for pill (but doctors are used to being asked). It's not your fault. It just happens. You need to let it go since you apologized for it. Learn from it and just make sure that it doesn't happen again. If he doesn't already know that he is your world (and you his) and you don't remind each other on a regular basis, you have much bigger issues. Talk to him and I'm sure it will be just fine.

I'm trying to put myself in your husband's shoes, and unless you were somehow callous toward me about it, I think I'd be have to be pretty understanding. With that said, if you've never done MFMF before, and never done MFM, the question is whether he was stressed out about being with the other woman without you or if he was stressed out about you being with the other man. That could greatly influence how he's reacting to this. If the woman just wasn't that interesting to me, no harm, no foul. If I was having some trouble with the idea of my partner playing with another man and that was frustrating my play with a woman I could enjoy, I'd probably have some feelings about it.

What a hot thread. Glad it resurfaced. For me the best bi sex is mmf or mmff, a woman & I pleasuring a cock together. Some wives like to watch, others prefer to get down with me on their husbands cock dropping hints or showing me how he likes it. Some times her & I will be fucking and take the husbands cock together. Having a couple share my cock as they fuck is both red hot pornographic and draws me into a another level of intimacy.

Wow! I enjoyed the LS for 35 years with 3 partners (not at the same time...lol). If any of these wonderful three women had at any time: 1) ignored me and not tried to include me 2) as you said...''had a could not give a shit attitude the next day'' I would have put a loud stop to any kind of swinging immediately and would have told her that her actions and her attitude was making me reconsider the existence of the primary relationship...ours! My partners always knew that I do not believe in the bullshit excuses like, got carried away, booze, etc...if she did not remember at all times that just like she was always number one for me, I expected to be number one for her, than maybe it was time to find another partner. We're educated, intelligent adults saying we love each other, lets put some actions behind those words.

PassionFruit It's not about the sex any more - it's about his attitude to you and your feelings, this is a huge red flag 0 stop swinging now and fix this before going ahead again. Be firm say no more at lest until you can have some respect shown to yourself from him and any one else for that matter.

We found the thought of going down this path very intimidating to begin with, we weren't sure of anything, but we've taken things slow at our own pace , sometimes it's been my wife putting the brakes on and sometimes it's been me , but we're making the trip together. We had body image issues, neither of us liked how we looked all that much, but just a few months in and our confidence is sky high, it's an amazing thing for me to see my wife starting to be comfortable in her own skin, it really isn't just about the sex, going on this journey has already improved our relationship in every department.

When I was in the habit of hosting house parties, we invited couples and singles...but never allowed for a "sign up" - all invitations were personally extended. We would invite about 10-15 couples, 3-4 single men, and 3-4 single ladies. Most of these people we had already met or had been in contact with and wanted to meet. As an attendee, I like single men in limited quantities and of the highest quality. I mean super respectful, engaging, and lifestyle experienced.

We gave up on attending parties, clubs, and events that allow single males. Too many negative experiences. All with the same few themes.

Well, our house party experience is limited, so speaking mostly hypothetically here. I think it would all depend on the number involved, and then the behavior of those making up that number. Since we're mainly looking for couples, but wouldn't totally rule out a MFM threesome just because, then if there are some single guys there, then ok, as long as the relative proportion is right to keep it sort of an icing on the cake type of thing. The next thing then is those single guys need to be respectful and not just going around perving and making a nuisance of themselves. So, I guess the answer is it depends. Like njbm said, if the theme of the party lends itself to single men, well then sure, that's to be expected.

Welcome to the forum, ronys. I don't know how many women have gang bang fantasies but I'll say that you aren't alone (if you're a woman). I know I fantasy about it every so often. It used to be near the top of my swinging bucket list when we first started but currently, the logistics of it all overwhelms me now that I've had a taste of how it is to have 2-3 men at the same time. Any more than that and it's too much multi-tasking. I'd probably be much more willing to take on a train, several men one after another...no need to multi-task. As for women who take on several many men at the same time, she has two hands and I've heard of women who also use their feet. That takes care of 7 cocks. From what I've heard, there is usually a fluffer or two (other women) who help keep the other men erect so they can be ready when it is their turn with the main attraction.