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Had a very similar situation a few weeks back. A guy approached me and my wife and started talking. His wife was frantically look around for anyone else to talk to but us. Later the guy apologized to us, saying his wife was mad at him for approaching us without getting her OK first. His wife didn't like my wife because she was too tall and not petite (my wife is 6', HWP / full figured ). I was a bit confused and asked him if his wife was bi. He said no, but his wife likes to tell him who he should be attracted to. I really appreciated him being honest.

I'll second the notion of finding a better club...once is chance, twice is a coincidence, three times is a pattern. You say the clubs close to you are like this, and I know having to travel further will mean you will go less often, but when you find a good club, I think it will be worth it...quality over quantity. From what we've seen, often times it is the wife who does the approach, so I don't really see any problem there. The only thing I picked up on your post that may be a possibility, not saying it is, but when I read your description of how when your wife sees a guy she likes she goes straight to him. A direct approach is good, and honestly, something that we struggle to be very good at ourselves so we envy those who can, but the target needs to be the couple, not just one of of them. If it's obvious she's zeroing in right on the guy and blowing right by the wife in doing so, that's usually not going to get a very good response. It wouldn't from us I know, doesn't matter which one of us was getting targeting and which one was getting shouldered off to the side.

Swinging requires trust and it sounds like you have a 'trust' issue. Talk to her.

We have seen it all Swingers are the friendliest people if they want to do you and the rudest if they don't. Our personal favorite move is when the husband is drooling on my wife (sometimes quite literally) and the wife of the couple has left and walked away after the four of us started talking. I am no ogre, I would say I am above average on looks and HWP. You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you hit paydirt. But if that club is snobby, find another venue.

I think you guys should keep up the work. Yeah that gig with the wife ignoring you, is part of the scene, time to eject. Same thing will happen when you approach a woman and the guy just stands there or doesn't say anything, or my favorite, when a woman approaches you and her partner is PO'd and won't talk to anyone. All of the above has happened to us and weirder, frankly (Ok the one I can't get my head around, women that make out with me to get to my wife, when their partner isn't around, I stop asking questions). Anyhow we quickly learned to stop asking too many questions and start talking to as many people as will talk to us. No harm no foul, and if only one of the couple we are interested in is interested in us, bail. I will add this as well. It is a shallow game. Make sure you look the best you can possibly look. Your potential partner doesn't know you and may never want to know you. Dress sharp!! Good Luck and have fun!!

My late wife, Laura, and I were not club people, but I can tell you how we approached attractive couples in an otherwise vanilla situation. We always approached as a couple. Further, we would look at the way they were standing. Laura would take one of my arms and we would approach the couple so that I was facing the woman and she, the man. She would deliver the opening line, an introduction: "Hi, Y'all! I'm Laura and this is my husband, Raul." We had a compliment prepared (to be delivered by Laura) that explained our approach. "I was admiring your Navajo jewelry from across the room. It's wonderful!" is an example. It is better to approach a couple, rather than a group of couples. A conversation will be going on and your approach may seem to be a rude interruption. During the initial conversation look for several tell-tale indications. Is the conversation lively and mirthful? Don't look only for positive indications, like smiles, but for negative ones like doubtful looks. If they constantly peer over your shoulders, they were likely hoping for someone else. Buy a good book on body language and study it together. Good Luck!

I traveled for work for six years, 3-4 nights a week and I never cheated once on my ex...we divorced later for different reasons. Point is that not 'everyone' who travels cheats. As already said, swinging is about honesty, love, trust and communication and takes place out in the open with both parties participating. Cheating is about lies, distrust, silence and selfishness (nailed it Lion) and takes place in the darkness where others cannot see what is going on. If you don't trust your wife, you need to start working on improving that. I know that you have been betrayed in the past, but you will never get past this until you do. Talk to your wife (the best way to improve trust is through great communication) and tell her your concerns. Open up to her, that way she will feel safe to open up to you...that is one of the secrets for improving trust. No matter what happens to the two of you, this is something that you need to improve now (there's no such thing as too much communication or too much trust). By doing this your relationship will only improve. But back to the point: Would swinging help you two...hell no! Don't even think about it at this point. Swinging is a magnifying glass... it will take a great relationship and make it bigger, greater, take it to new places you never imagined, but it will also show every flaw in a weak relationship and eventually burn you. It will not fix the problems that you already have. There is a long road full of the broken relationships of couples who thought that swinging would 'fix' their problems. Cheating is usually someone looking to fulfill a need (emotional, physical, whatever) that is missing in their current relationship. If there isn't anything missing, then there is no reason to try and fill that. Work on the big three: Love, trust and communication and you will be fine. The only price you have to pay to obtain a better, stronger, more loving relationship is being willing to let down your own defenses...not easy to do (especially when you have been burned before) but it's the price that you need to pay for admission. Most swingers can (and do) talk about EVERYTHING with their partner, including their sexual fantasies. In fact, that they could talk about anything usually happened first and talking about their sexual fantasies came later. When you trust each other to be able to do this, then you start thinking about how you can fulfill your partners fantasies and not be afraid of you partner leaving because they found something that you didn't bring to the table. You are already bringing a four course gourmet meal to the table...nothing could be better that that. Once she sees that you are giving her a safe place to be and are opening up about your concerns, then she will most likely do the same in return. Things only get better once that starts. Don't think about swinging (at least at this time) but do work on making a better relationship for both of you. We wish you the best and feel free to ask more questions and let us know how things are going for the two of you. (PS, please notice our comment in our foot note below)

It has been said on these forums many times - swinging and cheating are polar opposites. Swinging is about honesty, trust, communication and sharing. Cheating is about lying, distrust, silence and selfishness. Swinging does not cure cheating. Clearly, you don't trust your wife, doubtless due to the serious emotional damage you are still suffering from your divorce. You've taken your ex-wife's behavior and generalized it to "everybody," probably as a way to mitigate the pain you feel from her betrayal. You need to actually deal with that pain, heal those wounds and learn how to trust again. That is the first step on what may be a long road to emotional recovery. My $.02. Take it for what it's worth.

I think you should start by talking with your wife about your concerns with the present situation of your sex life and your past experience with your ex and travel. See if you can improve things with the two of you and get reassurances of her fidelity when she's away. Once things are on more solid ground you might talk about swinging together.

We have been swingers on and off for many years. It seems we go through phases where we are more into it, followed by long times where we are completely monogamous. When we first started we were addicted. Now it is not a high priority, swinging once a months is "really into" for us. We have lived out every fantasy, and just being with a stranger isn't a thrill anymore. Now, most of the time having sex with others just reminds us how great the sex we have between us really is. We are real good for channeling sexual energy we get from swinging back into our own relationship. The "thrill" of swinging does wear off over time. We are just coming off a 3 year break, so it is kind of "new" again, but can tell already the thrill will be short lived.

Anything can turn into an addiction. If you don't make love to each other on a regular basis then this is a problem. If you need this to get excited, then this is a problem. If you aren't interested in each other other than when you are planning on a visit to the club, then this is a problem. If your 'normal' life seems boring and the only thing that brings excitement to your relationship is this, then this is a problem. If you are having problems in your relationship and they are being overlooked or ignored because of the excitement of this, then this is a problem. If you two are drifting apart or not as close as you once were, then this is a problem. If none of those things are true and this is bringing you closer together and 'adding sprinkles' to the ice cream sundae that is your love for each other, then this isn't a problem. If it IS a problem, then you both need to stop now before you can't come back. As mentioned, there is something called NRE (new relationship energy). While it is usually reserved for a new male/female coming into the relationship, I guess it could also be extended for a new 'type' of relationship (one that involves NSA sex with others). As mentioned, once the newness wears off, things will calm down and go back closer to your normal.

I think a better question is why don't you try finding another club? If the club you are going to isn't friendly, find one that is...

Our firs mfm , she has never been with anyone else over 30 years except me, so meet this gentleman at restaurant week before we we gonna meet again so mrs gets comfortable with him we talk flirt then we go home without anything happening, that was the plan just to get to know one another, week of time they text each other with flirting and some pictures, I had seen in he's profile he's private album he was huge? Big and thick, so when he asked mrs to do you want to see what you be playing with tomorrow night, she said yes, and he sent her a picture so I saw the picture and said to my wife wowww honey he's really big so you know, she didn't think much of it and I let it go, figured she will find out soon, the day came we met at the hotel while we were getting undressed he was also but 15 feet away from us , I was facing my wife, I was asking something to my wife she was answering me then she stopped talking, when I loooked her face impression she was like ? I looked back at our friend he was naked and hard very thick, I knew she was going to enjoy that, especially at some point she took him in her mouth she was full I knew what she was thinking, how am I going to take that in me!! But she gladly did and as our firs ever playing was extremely memorable and success, I didn't think I could possibly top my fantasy with a reality, but happened, yes she was little bruised by it the next few days. But never stopped us keep having fun

My wife used to wear ankle bracelets. This question has come up several, citing both ankles as the meaningful one. Laura decided that her right leg would denote she was a swinger and wore it there. She really relished the idea she was announcing she was a swinger but nobody would know to ask. Nobody ever did.