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I agree with BuiltforSin. You are now single. Suck it up butter cup and delete the old profiles and start new ones where you are single. Really how much money will you be out a few hundred bucks? How much are you paying the lawyer handling your divorce, a lot more than that I bet. Secondly as you are only separated, make sure you are in a no-fault divorce state. Google it. The last thing you want is her to see the profile and use it in front of the judge. Single men in the lifestyle are at the bottom of the stack. Changing a couple's profile to a single profile just puts you farther down the bottom of the stack. On the opposite note, YOU ARE A SINGLE MALE, opportunities abound. Not just in the lifestyle but out of it as well. Nothing is stopping you from dating multiple women. There are lots of single women out there that just want and have guys take them out for a 'romatic date/weekend/vacation' and then go back to being a single proper nurse(love nurses), teacher, single Mom whatever. I have a two good friends that just kinda serially dates, she just always looks for the next good time. I would also recommend checking out the guides on meeting women. There are books and online stuff. Sometimes it can be a bit misogynistic, but if you push through that, you'll learn a thing or two. As you are in the middle of a divorce I would also highly recommend seeing a therapist, this is a tough ride to do alone. Good Luck and Have Fun As you are in the middle of the divorce

My late wife, Laura, and I were not club people, but I can tell you how we approached attractive couples in an otherwise vanilla situation. We always approached as a couple. Further, we would look at the way they were standing. Laura would take one of my arms and we would approach the couple so that I was facing the woman and she, the man. She would deliver the opening line, an introduction: "Hi, Y'all! I'm Laura and this is my husband, Raul." We had a compliment prepared (to be delivered by Laura) that explained our approach. "I was admiring your Navajo jewelry from across the room. It's wonderful!" is an example. It is better to approach a couple, rather than a group of couples. A conversation will be going on and your approach may seem to be a rude interruption. During the initial conversation look for several tell-tale indications. Is the conversation lively and mirthful? Don't look only for positive indications, like smiles, but for negative ones like doubtful looks. If they constantly peer over your shoulders, they were likely hoping for someone else. Buy a good book on body language and study it together. Good Luck!

Sorry for you are going through, been through a divorce in the past and it was a horrible horrible experience. Here is the thing - you need to look a little broader rebuilding your social life. I understand the appeal of swinging to single guys but the reality is unless you are really into MFMs you are better off at "normal" singles venues. Single men in the LS are treated like dirt. They are not allowed into events and clubs. When they are allowed in they pay much more, get the riot act read to them upon arrival, are not allowed into certain areas and are treated as guilty until proven innocent if anything happens. Things that were just fine as a couple and don't even register if you are a female will get you marked as a creep and have people flipping out on you. On top of this nobody *nobody* really cares if you have any fun or your needs are met in any encounter, you are just supposed to be grateful to be included. Is this really what you want to be doing while rebuilding your social life?

It has been said on these forums many times - swinging and cheating are polar opposites. Swinging is about honesty, trust, communication and sharing. Cheating is about lying, distrust, silence and selfishness. Swinging does not cure cheating. Clearly, you don't trust your wife, doubtless due to the serious emotional damage you are still suffering from your divorce. You've taken your ex-wife's behavior and generalized it to "everybody," probably as a way to mitigate the pain you feel from her betrayal. You need to actually deal with that pain, heal those wounds and learn how to trust again. That is the first step on what may be a long road to emotional recovery. My $.02. Take it for what it's worth.

I think you should start by talking with your wife about your concerns with the present situation of your sex life and your past experience with your ex and travel. See if you can improve things with the two of you and get reassurances of her fidelity when she's away. Once things are on more solid ground you might talk about swinging together.

I went through a divorce a number of years back, and immediately tried the online dating, both normal sites and adult sites. I suggest when you start dating a woman, before it gets monogamous / serious ask her to attend a swing club or party. I was surprised how game most were within a few weeks of meeting. At one point I had a choice of 4 single women, who would attend lifestyle parties with me. I met my current wife on AFF while she was going through a divorce. She became both my submissive and swing partner about 2 weeks after I met her. Our bachelor / bachelorette party was an epic swing event. Our wedding night after party turned into an orgy. Honeymoon was a swingers cruise. We have tried being monogamous at a couple points during our marriage, but keep coming back. I'ts never really been a part of our relationship.

Had a very similar situation a few weeks back. A guy approached me and my wife and started talking. His wife was frantically look around for anyone else to talk to but us. Later the guy apologized to us, saying his wife was mad at him for approaching us without getting her OK first. His wife didn't like my wife because she was too tall and not petite (my wife is 6', HWP / full figured ). I was a bit confused and asked him if his wife was bi. He said no, but his wife likes to tell him who he should be attracted to. I really appreciated him being honest.

Swinging requires trust and it sounds like you have a 'trust' issue. Talk to her.

We have seen it all Swingers are the friendliest people if they want to do you and the rudest if they don't. Our personal favorite move is when the husband is drooling on my wife (sometimes quite literally) and the wife of the couple has left and walked away after the four of us started talking. I am no ogre, I would say I am above average on looks and HWP. You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you hit paydirt. But if that club is snobby, find another venue.

I think you guys should keep up the work. Yeah that gig with the wife ignoring you, is part of the scene, time to eject. Same thing will happen when you approach a woman and the guy just stands there or doesn't say anything, or my favorite, when a woman approaches you and her partner is PO'd and won't talk to anyone. All of the above has happened to us and weirder, frankly (Ok the one I can't get my head around, women that make out with me to get to my wife, when their partner isn't around, I stop asking questions). Anyhow we quickly learned to stop asking too many questions and start talking to as many people as will talk to us. No harm no foul, and if only one of the couple we are interested in is interested in us, bail. I will add this as well. It is a shallow game. Make sure you look the best you can possibly look. Your potential partner doesn't know you and may never want to know you. Dress sharp!! Good Luck and have fun!!

Just to Put my oar in, I agree. Before I became a widower, I saw a friend, in a different department at work. We both just stared at each other, before we spoke; we both realized that we could lose our security clearance if "it" became known. We just nodded to each other, and the next time we saw them at a club, "What happens in . . . Stays in . . . ! And I would stay out of the other department.

Yes. Most men do try to please the woman we are with. We get a sense of satisfaction from that. Listening to her is a skill. Having said that. Variety is a big part of the LS. When I was a kid my parents taught me that when someone else is cooking your dinner, you don't say you don't like it. You shut up and eat it. As a result, I found out I like a whole lot of foods I would never have tried otherwise. It's OK to tell a guy what you like, but don't be afraid to let him introduce you to new things. (As long as you are comfortable with them)

Your problem, Three Way Pleasure, in not playing close to home. It is a lack of discretion. No matter how strong your yen for this woman might be, it is vital that you don't let it slop over into work. If this is allowed to fester, it is only a matter of time before a stolen-kiss in the break room is interrupted by the boss. You should not even be trading nuances which may seem understandable only by yourselves, but are easily interpreted by others. "To play close to home" is less of a problem than lack of discretion. Playing close to home requires discretion in king-sized portions. If your wife will not consider swinging (away from work) you will experience a myriad of personal problems if you persist to acknowledge your attraction to this other woman. Simply tell the lady and her husband (at the club rather than at work) that y'all have discussed the matter and have decided they are "too close to home." Playing close to home requires much more discretion that you have demonstrated.

For the life of me, I cannot understand why a man wouldn't take advice and guidance from his partner! I'm searching for the right metaphor--you would not serve meat to a guest who you knew was a vegetarian. We respect the dietary wishes, why would we deny the sexual preferences when we know that abiding by that coaching would give us a better experience. SMH

So far it sounds like you have just been unlucky. Personally, I LOVE it when a woman tells me what she wants and how she wants it. We both like 'learning' new things...one of the reasons we are here. Maybe meeting couples on line as suggested is an option for you. Just don't speed too much time emailing and texting since once you meet in person, there may not be the same interest. Maybe you just haven't met the right couple at the club yet. It makes me crazy with how many men in the L/S have problems taking direction or already 'know' what women want. Just keep looking but don't be afraid to walk away from a couple if things aren't going where you want them to go. I don't know what else to say here...is there something that you would like me to do or say different?

If both people in a couple aren't in it, don't do it. Your wife says 'no,' respect her wishes.

Maybe if you and your husband meet couples online? This way, you can exchange emails detailing what you like, and don't like, and the man will know it all beforehand.

What is his? My wife and I know only a few people who move within the BDSM circles but the two of the doms we know are female. We've encountered swing men who want to call the shots but within our swing circles, women are free to make their own fun in their own ways.