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Where to begin... Broadly speaking, you have two non-exclusive, options. You can go to a local swingers club or clubs that allow single males or you can set up an online profile on a swinger site (or sites). In either case, you first need to accept one simple fact - there are LOTS of single men out there and they are often ignored or rejected out of hand. The first thing you need to do is be able to handle rejection with grace, dignity and courtesy. Be able to hear "no," or receive no reply at all, and move on with a confident smile. Otherwise, you are dooming yourself to frustration. Next, you need to do something to stand out from the crowd... and - to point out a few classic single man errors - no, your big cock, massive stamina, or love of oral sex do not make you stand out. They are, in fact, so common as to be dismissed out of hand. While moving the better direction, statements to the effect of "I'm a nice guy" really don't cut it either. Everyone says they are a nice guy. What I'd recommend is demonstrate through word and deed that you are actually a nice guy. If you're online, actually read people's profiles and respond to specific points made in them in a genuine manner. If you're in person, be charming, polite, clean, generous and a little bit funny. In either case, make your introduction, smile and don't be pushy. Most people are going to reject you. Some will do it politely. Others will be blunt or even rude about. Online, many will simply ignore you. Smile, shake it off and move on to the next folks. My $.02. Take it for what it's worth.

On the one hand, I have no idea how you would feel. I don't know you. However, you are making two very critical mistakes here... 1) Swinging is not "we each get to have sex with whoever we want, whenever we want and we both know about it." Sometimes that happens in swinging, sometimes it doesn't, but that isn't what swinging is. 2) (and probably more importantly to you), Just because you have permission to have sex with whomever you want, doesn't mean you're actually going to be "drowning in pussy." It's far more likely, you're going to be sitting at home, frustrated and pissed off after being rejected, while imagining that your wife is off having crazy sex with random guys. All in all, it sounds like you have serious issues in your marriage and your relationships with women in general. I suggest dealing with those first.

I traveled for work for six years, 3-4 nights a week and I never cheated once on my ex...we divorced later for different reasons. Point is that not 'everyone' who travels cheats. As already said, swinging is about honesty, love, trust and communication and takes place out in the open with both parties participating. Cheating is about lies, distrust, silence and selfishness (nailed it Lion) and takes place in the darkness where others cannot see what is going on. If you don't trust your wife, you need to start working on improving that. I know that you have been betrayed in the past, but you will never get past this until you do. Talk to your wife (the best way to improve trust is through great communication) and tell her your concerns. Open up to her, that way she will feel safe to open up to you...that is one of the secrets for improving trust. No matter what happens to the two of you, this is something that you need to improve now (there's no such thing as too much communication or too much trust). By doing this your relationship will only improve. But back to the point: Would swinging help you two...hell no! Don't even think about it at this point. Swinging is a magnifying glass... it will take a great relationship and make it bigger, greater, take it to new places you never imagined, but it will also show every flaw in a weak relationship and eventually burn you. It will not fix the problems that you already have. There is a long road full of the broken relationships of couples who thought that swinging would 'fix' their problems. Cheating is usually someone looking to fulfill a need (emotional, physical, whatever) that is missing in their current relationship. If there isn't anything missing, then there is no reason to try and fill that. Work on the big three: Love, trust and communication and you will be fine. The only price you have to pay to obtain a better, stronger, more loving relationship is being willing to let down your own defenses...not easy to do (especially when you have been burned before) but it's the price that you need to pay for admission. Most swingers can (and do) talk about EVERYTHING with their partner, including their sexual fantasies. In fact, that they could talk about anything usually happened first and talking about their sexual fantasies came later. When you trust each other to be able to do this, then you start thinking about how you can fulfill your partners fantasies and not be afraid of you partner leaving because they found something that you didn't bring to the table. You are already bringing a four course gourmet meal to the table...nothing could be better that that. Once she sees that you are giving her a safe place to be and are opening up about your concerns, then she will most likely do the same in return. Things only get better once that starts. Don't think about swinging (at least at this time) but do work on making a better relationship for both of you. We wish you the best and feel free to ask more questions and let us know how things are going for the two of you. (PS, please notice our comment in our foot note below)

Working out together is great. Investigate modern medicine. There are things that can be dome for sagging skin or to repair the ravages of childbirth. Still, sexy and desirable is a state of mind to some degree. I(Mr Doc) have a vanilla friend who is about 20 lbs overweight, had 3 kids, and is late middle age. I wish I could convince her to get naked with me. She is just incredibly sexy. Maybe its how she carries herself or her attitude but she just exudes sexuality. Sexy is a state of mind as well as body and sexiness is often in the eye of the beholder. I'd suggest you two get out there and explore a little.

Actually I would say your bi-flexibility could give you an advantage over all the other blue fish. All you need to do is change your search parameters on the sites like SLS/C4P or whatever you use to exclusively search for couple with bi/bicurious males. You have something to offer that most of the other blue fish don't. I would add that if you actually are bicurious you might want to change you profile on whichever site you use to reflect that. It will probably limit your opportunities some with the non-bi-male couples, but it will be more likely to open the doors for you that you want to travel thru. And will also limit any resentment the bi-male couple might feel towards you if you list as totally straight then reveal that you are actually bi-curious.

This question surfaces at this board with some regularity. Some insights. 1. The question of what is appropriate for kids really depends on the family dynamic generally about bodies and physiology. Some families are comfortable with casual nudity, discussion about assorted physiologic functions and so on. If sex is part of age-appropriate conversation, then sex partners will be part of age appropriate conversation. Eventually the question may come up whether mom and dad have consensual sex with others. Decide in advance whether you will answer or you will dodge. There is some likelihood you will eventually be asked. Bear in mind, kids think of parental sex as "Ewwww". What matters to kids is that their parents are happy and the marriage is secure. We grew up with parents having affairs leading to divorces. Our child has grown up with her parents together for > four decades, yet having 'special' friends. She has plenty of friends with the parents-who-divorced phenotype and is MUCH happier that we are still together. 2. Non-immediate family have no need-to-know. Say what you choose, but remember information can never be taken back. Once you're out, you're out. There are ways to provide accurate yet indirect responses to questions. 3. Friends are something else again. There are again matters of trust. A few friends know, obviously those in the LS, others who have been in the LS, and a very trusted few who want to know why we come back from some of our vacations a lot happier than so many others. 4. Keep private lives out of the workplace. There is one community that NEEDS to know: your healthcare team. The lifestyle has its own issues and risks.

A number of my friends in the lifestyle are out to adult family and select close vanilla friends, and I applaud that. (Among the vanilla people in my life only my wife - who many years ago when we were married to other people was my first lifestyle partner - and one close friend know about my involvement, though I've become social, friends with a number of folks I've met through the lifestyle.) My graduate training was in clinical psych. My opinion is that pre-adolescent and adolescent children should be shielded from explicit knowledge of their parents' sex lives, whatever they are. For most (perhaps not all) children seeing their parents nude in bed with another couple would add to the burden of redefining the parent/child relationship in an adult context. In the case of friendships that are long term and perhaps with some poly aspects, I believe it would be appropriate for parents to let their children know that this other person/couple is special in their lives.

Yeah well it is up to her to do something about it. Ever thought of working out together? Kind of a bonding experience? This will certainly bring out your insecurities. Do you guys do a date night once a week? There are all sorts of body types in the lifestyle. All sorts of interests. I know I prefer more of a 'mommy' body than a young girls. I think getting out for regular vanilla dates would be a big help, fun and you guys can grow closer. Good Luck have Fun!!

Sorry for you are going through, been through a divorce in the past and it was a horrible horrible experience. Here is the thing - you need to look a little broader rebuilding your social life. I understand the appeal of swinging to single guys but the reality is unless you are really into MFMs you are better off at "normal" singles venues. Single men in the LS are treated like dirt. They are not allowed into events and clubs. When they are allowed in they pay much more, get the riot act read to them upon arrival, are not allowed into certain areas and are treated as guilty until proven innocent if anything happens. Things that were just fine as a couple and don't even register if you are a female will get you marked as a creep and have people flipping out on you. On top of this nobody *nobody* really cares if you have any fun or your needs are met in any encounter, you are just supposed to be grateful to be included. Is this really what you want to be doing while rebuilding your social life?

It has been said on these forums many times - swinging and cheating are polar opposites. Swinging is about honesty, trust, communication and sharing. Cheating is about lying, distrust, silence and selfishness. Swinging does not cure cheating. Clearly, you don't trust your wife, doubtless due to the serious emotional damage you are still suffering from your divorce. You've taken your ex-wife's behavior and generalized it to "everybody," probably as a way to mitigate the pain you feel from her betrayal. You need to actually deal with that pain, heal those wounds and learn how to trust again. That is the first step on what may be a long road to emotional recovery. My $.02. Take it for what it's worth.

Swinging requires trust and it sounds like you have a 'trust' issue. Talk to her.

I can't imagine needing to do this. I can only talk for myself. After three or four times even with my husband over the course of a night, I am sore or numb. We have had to stop because of the pain and that is with someone who is making love not with guys trying to show how hard they could do it. This is a man's fantasy not a woman. Any woman agreeing to do this is just trying to please others, not herself. She is looking for acceptance. At what point is fun turning to torture. I think I know my limit.