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Interesting question, I think there are as many answers as there are swingers to give answers since this really falls on a continuum. For us, it's important to connect beyond a purely physical level. We don't need a long time to cross that threshold, evidenced by we have played on the first date several times. A few hours together over drinks was enough to show enough of a connection there to proceed. Some of those playmates have gone on to be our closest friends, while on others, we never saw them again. For the latter group, it's not that there was really anything wrong with the experience. But even though there was enough initial spark to put off the necessary degree of heat and light, there just wasn't enough there to light a steady flame of a long lasting relationship, either as playmates, friends, or both. I think that hold true outside of swinging too, some people you initially hit it off with, you become lifelong friends, while others you initially hit it off with, things start to quickly fade for no real reason you can put your finger on.

My biggest fantasy has always been having a woman using a strap-on on me. Am I the only male who wants this?

The lady of a delightful couple we know and date recently offered the comment that appears below. Understanding that the LS means different things to different couples, we are curious as to how this resonates with you.. We haven't been overly impressed with the lifestyle. We have found many people just want to experience someone new, but there is neither emotion, nor bonding, nor scenario. I need the scenario, the approach, and the flirting. You understand. I don't want vanilla with someone new. Doesn't thrill me. I need a story and emotion. Some will assert that this violates the notion of "NSA sex". Others will counter that it is precisely the story, the scenario, and the accompanying seduction that makes the LS interesting and fun. What are your thoughts and perspectives? How important is it that you connect with playmates beyond the purely physical level?

This is a very common question and the answer is still the same (pulled from some of the other threads): Women (usually) seem to come here wondering if they are 'enough'...good enough or pretty enough or skinny enough to be swinging. What they are told (and usually need to see to believe) is that there is someone for everyone here. Just that a woman is interested in swinging makes them very exciting from the start. After 40, almost all women have something that they wish was better, but after 40 most men realize that the biggest sex organs are a woman's brain, personality, and confidence. While we also commend you for working out and encourage you to keep it up (it will keep you around longer until we all have time to play together ), looks become less of a priority with age. Remember, beauty is only skin deep and is fleeting, but sexy comes from much deeper within. Go to a nudist beach or resort and most of anyone's body issues will be releaved. Swingers (and nudists) are not just the 'beautiful people', but the every day people (there's more everyday people than beautiful people...it's just a numbers game). Ten minutes at a nudist anything and you'll be saying to yourself 'I'm really not that bad'...and you most likely are not. Real women HAVE curves and are more beautiful because of them. What do swingers look like (I'm paraphrasing)? Look at the average people that surround you every day. Now picture them naked. Swingers, just like everyone else, come in ALL shapes and sizes. At the same time, there are people who love different shapes and sizes. Once you go to a club, a meet and greet, a swingers resort, or cruise you will quickly realize that you aren't that bad (and better than some). Personally, we (both Mr and Ms Gold) happen to really like curves on a woman and aren't interested in those skinny sticks in most ads (afraid that they could be broken ). Beauty is only skin deep, but sexiness is something that is projected from deep inside and usually has little to do with beauty. All of the above are our quotes taken from similar threads. If your wife isn't feeling attractive, then you need to start reminding her that she IS. After that, as stated above, take her to a nude beach or swingers club so she can see how others look. Usually, making plans to attend a club will help motivate both of you care more about how you look (at least it does for us and we're not anything that special ). The bigger question here is you need to find out if there is a problem with your wife and how she is viewing herself. This is something that you need to talk with her about and find out what the issue is. Otherwise, plan on going to a club just to look and see how you stack up.

Your going to find this in every age group as well as all different situations - some people just do not take cues or requests lol - though most do... So do not give up but find others and try again - you will find that for the most part you'll get what you want. Like in anything in this life some get it and some don't. Good luck

We are all products of evolution. Although the females of the species have a built-in desire for multiple partners, they are also wired to take care in selecting the right partners. I believe that this is the impulse your new acquaintance is feeling. I have known women in the lifestyle who say similar things. One in particular comes to mind. I would see her at a recurrent house party and she told me right from the start that she had to get to know a prospective playmate before feeling comfortable about becoming intimate. I am definitely wired to get into as many women as possible in the briefest span of time so I did not expend time or energy "courting" this woman. So to answer one of your questions, I do not feel that it is important to connect and any level other than the physical. This choosy woman apparently became "comfortable" by watching my behavior and my interactions with other people and one evening she came to me and said she would like my name on her "dance card". Evolutionary imperatives apparently told her that I would be a suitable partner. After becoming intimate, we did start to connect on other levels.

We had a good time with them Saturday, and we will see this couple on a regular basis! I took things a little too fast with her. It turns out she is super sensitive, and I got her off too many times, too fast. So she and I, never actually got to intercourse, but a great time nonetheless, and a learning experience for me for the next time. My wife is not so sensitive, so I can play with her for hours and never get her off. As a couple who has been together as long as we have, it's all I know! He took my wife to the bedroom, and it went well. She told me they had multiple positions. She can be vocal, so I know he was pleasing her! This lifestyle has not only reignited our sex life, but has almost given us a new lease on life in general. So far, it's been very positive, and refreshing. We are looking forward to continuing our journey! Thanks again to all for the advice we've received from you folks in this forum. It's not a decision we took lightly, and as you already know, once we pulled the trigger, we dove straight in!

I would think that you need to help fix the thing that hold her back 1st then think about playing again (if you ever do) Sometimes it's hard to get going again in the fitness area because of other problems (thinking bad backs, torn muscles and so on) and sometimes it is just the thought that "I'll never look 20 again". Take your time and spend a year one getting into shape with her and enjoy that for a while - then later ask again if it's still no then forget it and be happy you have had a wife in this life that at one stage did play and gave some great memories to the both of you. Best of luck.

So this all what you think - but what has she said about your concerns? Have you talked to her straight out and said how you feel? please let us know this and then we can go from there. But from what you have posted - no swinging or anything else will not help - well it may help you split up quicker - now if you both are on solid ground and all cards are on the table then it would be different because your love,respect and trust for each other would be in play. But it's not yet and that can only hinder you guys. Have a talk with her and let us know. Good luck

Working out together is great. Investigate modern medicine. There are things that can be dome for sagging skin or to repair the ravages of childbirth. Still, sexy and desirable is a state of mind to some degree. I(Mr Doc) have a vanilla friend who is about 20 lbs overweight, had 3 kids, and is late middle age. I wish I could convince her to get naked with me. She is just incredibly sexy. Maybe its how she carries herself or her attitude but she just exudes sexuality. Sexy is a state of mind as well as body and sexiness is often in the eye of the beholder. I'd suggest you two get out there and explore a little.

My wife and I use the word cunt and pussy frequently when making love. Talking dirty and hearing me talk dirty turns both of us on. She loves it when I ask if she wants me to fingerfuck her cunt or her pussy. She says it's so nasty and so exciting to her because she loves being nasty.....a real turn on for us. To each his own.

On the one hand, I have no idea how you would feel. I don't know you. However, you are making two very critical mistakes here... 1) Swinging is not "we each get to have sex with whoever we want, whenever we want and we both know about it." Sometimes that happens in swinging, sometimes it doesn't, but that isn't what swinging is. 2) (and probably more importantly to you), Just because you have permission to have sex with whomever you want, doesn't mean you're actually going to be "drowning in pussy." It's far more likely, you're going to be sitting at home, frustrated and pissed off after being rejected, while imagining that your wife is off having crazy sex with random guys. All in all, it sounds like you have serious issues in your marriage and your relationships with women in general. I suggest dealing with those first.

Everybody else has already said what needs to be said, but I'll add that like GoldCoCouple, I travel often for business and have never cheated in spite of the opportunities. That's a choice, not a necessity. You want to back way up if you're thinking about grudgingly doing this because you fear you can't trust her not to do it without you.

I think you should start by talking with your wife about your concerns with the present situation of your sex life and your past experience with your ex and travel. See if you can improve things with the two of you and get reassurances of her fidelity when she's away. Once things are on more solid ground you might talk about swinging together.

I've been in one and found that sucking one guy while the other sucked me was very enjoyable, makes you more excited about the dick in your mouth when yours is being worked

So last night was amazing! We met for dinner and got to know each other a little more. It went well, so they invited us over to their campsite afterward (They had pulled their RV to the next town over attending an event, we grabbed a room). We got back to the campsite and did a shot, and talked for a while. As it turned out, myself and the other couple, all went to the same high school together! He and I, actually hung out once or twice among mutual friends! Anyway, we begin a little heavy petting, and things escalated quickly! We ended up doing a full swap under the stars outside their camper! We had a blast! No fears, nerves, or anything. It was certainly not what we were expecting! It seems to have come very natural for us, and we will be getting with them again soon!

I do it all the time to my wife and she loves it. She gets super wet so I'll take my hand and get some of her juices on my hand then gently rub my finger on the outside of her anus. But some women don't like it. Preference I guess.

Now every time I've watched my wonderful wife having sex with another man, I've been playing with his wife. But, honestly, I've enjoyed watching her/them as much as I've enjoyed his wife. She doesn't want to play anymore but, if she did, I think I'd want to explore threesomes with a guy and us more than couples swap. Enjoying another woman is, of course, great but it was rather distracting too.

There is a gay B&B close to my place that hosts "Bi-Married Friday". For $20 the place is open from 11 to 3. The parking lot is packed on Fridays. They recently started doing every other Saturday as well and last week I saw an ad for Wednesday. There appears to be no shortage of married bi guys looking for an orgy. I hinted to the wife about the place but her reaction was really negative so I haven't joined them. Sounds like a blast to me!