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We had been corresponding, exchanging pictures, and had a planned "first date" 48 hours later (meanIng tonight). Then arrives the following message: "OK, time for me to be shallow. I have enjoyed our mail, your wife bears such an uncanny resemblance to my wife's mother, that she has declined to meet. Best of luck." Really? This just surfaced? Like, had you mentioned the month of correspondence and photos to your spouse as you said you had? Sheesh. What's your best flake story?

This coming Saturday I will be attending my first large (to me) house party, approx 60 guests. The hosts have these parties often and it is invite only with an established guest list. I will be attending with a single invited male, but not as a couple. I have seen the guest list and the ratio of guests are around a third each couples, single woman and single men. I have only done small hotel room parties, as well as clubs, etc., so this will be a new experience for me. My escort has given me some suggestions as to what to wear, but it's varied. I need some advice/suggestions, please. I'm not sure as to what to wear, nor how sexy I should dress. After two weeks of too much overthinking and driving myself crazy, I have decided to wear a cute mini dress (see image below), but I don't know what to wear underneath. I was thinking a gartered chemise with stockings, no panties (see images below). I plan to wear a trench coat from the car to the home to conceal my outfit as I walk through the neighborhood. I know it all comes off eventually, but will I be overdressed or should I be more casual? Should I also bring something to wear as a cover up when taking a break? One other question/concern....I am a straight, single female, how will others perceive me? Will I be considered competition for the single males by the female half of the couples? What is proper protocol and what should I anticipate? Is it similar to what you see in group porn amateur videos, just one massive pile of people? There will be private rooms and open play areas. All suggestions and advice are welcome...Thanks!

@phxswingcurious I would still recommend the therapist though buddy. Good Luck

Your proposal will work fine. More important though is that *you* not feel pressured to do anything that you don't want to do. You are there to have your good time, not anyone else's. Some thoughts. *What you wear should make you feel good about yourself. Not everyone wants to parade their 'inner slut'. *Icebreakers are wonderful. A funny button, a plastic necklace, interesting earrings, something that might prompt a conversation are all wonderful ways to get past the opening line. *Leave valuables and things easily lost at home. *Bring a large scarf or similar that you would feel comfortable walking around in. It should fit in a small bag *Your small bag should include things that YOU want to have with you. Condoms of preference, of course. Our preferred lube. A small flashlight is in ours (yes, we 'check' partners before play) . Maybe a favorite sex toy. Your cell phone might want to be in the bag. It need not be fashionable--our bag is ballistic nylon., also easily identified by shape and feel in the dark. *Pace yourself. Retreat to the common area as often as you need. Shower when you feel like it. *House parties are not meant to be competitive. By definition, people come to houseparties with the permission to play. If you it makes you comfortable, "May I play with your husband?" is direct and (nearly always) results in "Of course!". Have fun and be safe.

Yes, talk to her and let us know what was said. Right now we are only getting your side (and I'm not even sure what your side is). Actually what you are talking about now is an open marriage and not necessarily swinging (although open marriage can fall under the swinging banner). Being a married guy looking for sex whole your wife is on business trips...lets just say the only thing you may be drowning in won't be pussy. Very few women will even believe that your wife is okay with you fucking around while she is gone (most will believe that this is just a story so you can cheat on her). Swinger or not, it's not an easy story to sell (and single men trying to swing are 'like finding a cheeseburger at McDonalds'). Talk with her, tell her your concerns and see what she has to say before you even think about another step down this road.

Interesting question, I think there are as many answers as there are swingers to give answers since this really falls on a continuum. For us, it's important to connect beyond a purely physical level. We don't need a long time to cross that threshold, evidenced by we have played on the first date several times. A few hours together over drinks was enough to show enough of a connection there to proceed. Some of those playmates have gone on to be our closest friends, while on others, we never saw them again. For the latter group, it's not that there was really anything wrong with the experience. But even though there was enough initial spark to put off the necessary degree of heat and light, there just wasn't enough there to light a steady flame of a long lasting relationship, either as playmates, friends, or both. I think that hold true outside of swinging too, some people you initially hit it off with, you become lifelong friends, while others you initially hit it off with, things start to quickly fade for no real reason you can put your finger on.

We are all products of evolution. Although the females of the species have a built-in desire for multiple partners, they are also wired to take care in selecting the right partners. I believe that this is the impulse your new acquaintance is feeling. I have known women in the lifestyle who say similar things. One in particular comes to mind. I would see her at a recurrent house party and she told me right from the start that she had to get to know a prospective playmate before feeling comfortable about becoming intimate. I am definitely wired to get into as many women as possible in the briefest span of time so I did not expend time or energy "courting" this woman. So to answer one of your questions, I do not feel that it is important to connect and any level other than the physical. This choosy woman apparently became "comfortable" by watching my behavior and my interactions with other people and one evening she came to me and said she would like my name on her "dance card". Evolutionary imperatives apparently told her that I would be a suitable partner. After becoming intimate, we did start to connect on other levels.

Fist off, my wife has said multiple times that she LOVES the freedom to fuck other people. Second, yes I have always been in the same room when she fucks someone else, that is our arrangement as of right now. I LOVE watching her fuck! It is like watching live porn, but with an emotional connection with the girl! There is a huge mix of emotions, but if you are in the right mindset about it going into it, it is the biggest turn on ever!! Third, yes, every time my wife has fucked someone else, at some point, I have taken part. I have had the other guy watch us fuck afterwards and that was super sexy and a huge turn on! The bottom line is this, yes it is a big decision to make, and communication is key, you will be apprehensive no matter what, you have to talk, talk, talk with you wife before, during and after and you have to agree going into the experience that you will NOT hold it against her EVER...remember that, most likely, you were the one that instigated this idea, so do not get mad at her if it doesn't go exactly as expected. Think of it as an adventure that you and your wife are about to embark on, and for bad or good, it is something that you guys will agree to take a chance on and experience together and remember forever! That is what marriage is about isn't it? Experiencing new and exciting adventures together? It should be about creating fun and memorable memories together with the underling thought always being that you love each other, and will be together forever!!!

Years ago, we had a date set with a lovely young woman who we were going to take to dinner, then the club for some fun. The day before, she sent us a message that she had suddenly fallen in love with a blind date she'd met the night before. We figured she was just being flaky, but it's a hazard of the lifestyle so why let it ruin our fun. When we arrived at the restaurant that next night, she'd called ahead and had a bottle of champagne waiting with an apology for not being able to join us. Never did hear from her after that. We both hope she's happy and doing well, though.

I'm a single male with experience in swinging and polyamory. Did some swinging in my 20's, then was a poly secondary partner to a married woman for 6yrs +. I'm now moving back to the swinging side of things. Hopefully, hopefully, I'll have a spouse that wants to be non-monogamous in some way, in the coming years. I'd like to play seperately and together. As I think of my past experiences, I wonder what "rules" could be set in place to stop the drift towards egalitarian polyamory? Well, I came across a podcast called Why are People into That?... with some suggestions as to how to keep things casual. The guest on the show was Reid Mihalko. The host, Tina Horn. Why Are People Into That? The tips: Don't wake up by their side. Don't fuck them all weekend. Don't hookup with the same person more than once a month, unless you're a black belt at open relationships. Twice a month if you're a black belt. Last, group sex keeps things less intimate. Looking at these 4 tips we can see that 2 of them are used by swingers as a generalization. In poly, we called such rules "guidelines and expectations". That seems to encompass more. I think the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd tips are very sage advice. I do certainly think that guidelines and expectations can be a huge help in keeping the other lovers at the level of play partners or friends with benefits, and reduce the slide to deep romance. Really, the people involved have to trully believe that the FWB type relationship(or even more casual) is the holy grail. That's what they'll likely stick to if that is their belief, I think.

My Mrs. gives me permission to play separately as well (I would be happy to let her play separately as well, but she almost never wants to do so). One thing I make a point of doing is to get my wife's permission for each encounter. It's a formality really, because she has made it clear that she's OK with my playing separately. But I want to check in just in case her feelings should change, to give her every opportunity to voice any concerns that might be developing, and to make it clear that she always has veto authority. I also give her a Full Report afterwards, to reinforce the fact hat I have nothing to hide about my solo encounters.

The biggest issue that you two need to discuss is how you two would feel if anyone becomes emotionally attached to their play partner. The chances of this greatly increases with separate play and playing with that person frequently. If you two are willing to explore that, then great--keep up with the communication and honesty. If not, then see if swinging separately will only a "once-in-awhile" treat or a more regular basis. Whichever you chose, don't forget to keep your spouse as a number priority. I can be hard to keep sight of when emotional attachment grows.

I want to thank every one for their advice. My wife and I do have a good line of communication and I will share this with her. There was some good advice from both sides and some stuff we can use. In the end it is something that we have to work out but I feel confident that we will be able to do so.

Great discussion, thanks everyone! A few points: 1) We've told this guy (and everyone else) that we don't do separate play... and said it a few times. He's heard that we have been doing private dates with this other couple... and ONLY this other couple, and I think he got his hopes up. 2) In this case, the guy knows me and knows our relationship and IMO *should* know that he should have come to me first to ask it it was ok. Another guy that's in the same position (has asked a few times over the years and been told "no") also knows we're seeing this other couple, and he had the respect to come to me directly. I think I'm also mostly bothered because I always try to err on the side of caution and know I'd never do that knowing what he knows.

In a situation where you were pretty good friends with a couple and knew they were just new to stuff, would you think the guy should go direct to the girl, or get the "ok" from the guy first? One of my friends has the exact same situation. Separate play poly relationship with another couple. Then some other friendly couple they met and trusted communicated with him initially. Then the guy going through a relationship problem (didn't informed my friend) bypassed him and communicated with his wife directly. Initially he let it slide. But wife kind of broke the communication part between them and the rules since she thought he already knows and accepts the interaction. After 6 months of play, rules got flexible for her. The other couple went through a divorce. And my friend's wife asked for a divorce. And now his wife and the other guy are happily settled. Swinging for me started as a couple, and I would not accept any communication where I have to inform my bf about something that is going on behind his back. I would like it if the guy informed him first. My bf goes that extra mile to get my opinion and inform me about his interaction with other women even though he has full trust and freedom from me and I appreciate him for it. He may end up with this same question and confused if I allow direct interactions. Many things can go wrong, I rather not take the chance. Doesn't matter how much I trust the friends.

Maybe I'm the exception, but when something similar happened to us (except we had made it clear that we never play separate) and a guy asked my wife out several times after being told we aren't interested, I paid a little 'visit' to him and his wife and made it very clear that I consider his behaviour a threat. Haven't seen them since.... Sometimes you have to asshole-up or people will take advantage of you.

I guess this would depend on whether this was a first encounter, a third, a sixth or a tenth. It would depend on the comfort level of all involved. I wouldn't like being left alone with the single male after sex unless we knew him very well. Then again, I also wouldn't want to kick him out of bed. I would prefer some cuddling/touching etc from both my men, at least for a little while. Interesting topic...something I'll have to discuss further with my boyfriend. ~SS