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I am sorry for what happened to you. You were betrayed. My advice is to see a good doctor and a good lawyer. You may not want nor intend to go that far, but you must be prepared. And your husband needs to know how prepared you are. It is best to have a detached, uninvolved, objective, experienced advocate on your side who can tell you exactly where you stand. Be careful to think for yourself both ways and not feel as though you have to live up to expectations of girlfriends, parents, sisters, and other people either way on either dumping the bum or keeping your man. You can always back down, but you need to do it from a position of strength. Keep strong and best of luck to you.

My sympathies @waningmoon. Being betrayed sucks, I hope you are seeking solace in friends and family that can help you heal. About your situation, there are two types of non-monogamous relationships, ethical and non-ethical. You've just discovered (to your dismay) that you've actually been part of a non-ethical non-monogamous relationship. Not by your choice obviously, but definitely by his. I would guess that this is a genie that you cannot put back in the bottle. The foundational expectation of your relationship - that you would be sexually and emotionally monogamous - was not in fact a shared by both of you. So, what do you do with that? Well first I encourage you to heal and get over your anger and grief, give yourself the time to do that, and you don't allow yourself to get pushed to 'put it behind you' etc, until you've truly processed this pain and betrayal fully. Then you need to decide what you want to do about your relationship with this man. He has revealed to you that not only is his assumptions about your relationship different than yours, but he's also willing to act on his assumptions regardless of whether you are on board or not. You need to decide if you are willing to be in an 'open-ish' relationship with him. If so, he has to decide if he's willing to abide by some ethical guidelines if that is the case. Open relationships can range from fully and equitably open, to 'don't ask don't' tell. The choice is yours (and his). However, that may be a bridge too far, and if committed monogamy is the only kind of relationship you can see yourself part of, then my gut says this relationship is over. He can promise to be better, but really I think that would just mean better at subjugating/hiding/or disguising his true desires and behaviour. D

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Spend much time reading on this site and you will find that the vast majority of people here will use the term "cheater" for your husband, not "swinger". Experienced swingers know that people (nearly always guys) who behave like your husband has do exist, and are constantly on guard against this exact type of situation and want absolutely no part of it. Trust but verify is the approach. But, I won't lie, there is a small minority that takes a "none of my business" approach and don't ask and don't question anything that does get offered up. Even for those who are on their guard, someone really convincing may be able to bs their way past the defenses the couple has to prevent becoming involved in this type of thing. I think couplers advice is good, you need to prepare and plan for the worst and hope for the best. Once some time has passed and the shock has worn off, whether that's days weeks or months, I suspect what is the right answer for you will become apparent. Your job is to not talk yourself into ignoring what your gut and heart is telling you, no matter which way that answer ends up. Wishing you the best.

These are similar to the thoughts that came into my mind as I read your story. I will add something. After processing the pain, assess you desire to save your relationship. If you feel hope that it can be retained, look for professional help -- a licensed marriage counselor.

On our 1st visit to Desire, we were at the check in desk sipping welcoming champagne and Mrs Doc saw several nude couples walk through near the gift shop. She said, "look honey, they're naked". I nodded and smiled and went back to the check in process. When I looked back at my wife, not 2 minutes later, she was behind me wearing only a smile. It was the start to a great week during which we realized that she packed waaaaaaay too much clothing!

Such stories remind us of how comfortable we are in our own skins. Such aerial reconnaissance reminds us of how fortunate we are to enjoy casual nudity, and how awful it must be to work at being an aerial "peeping Tom". We visited Cap d'Agde last month. There were--best estimate--about 10,000 nude people on the beach. Generally, Americans are remarkable for their discomfort with nudity.

In all seriousness, I think in many cultures the male version of hotwifing is simply called "male". I usually think of "hotwifing" as a situation where the woman is in control, with the husband's approval, rather than being guided by the husband. That is, that she'll go find her own boyfriends, etc. We've previously uncovered the terms 'stag'/'vixen' for a different dynamic where the husband leads. Of course, the vixen is presumably enthusiastic about the new game they're playing, rather than grappling with controlling behavior. It'd be kind of naive to ignore that there's a power thing there, but that's different from pressuring somebody to do or be something they don't want.

We had a similar experience. We went, were welcomed, given the option (it was a clothing optional destination) and found ourselves among 200 people not so different --so we thought-- as the ones we had just left at the airport -- just that they were naked. What was different? They looked us in the eye, engaged us in conversation, and went out of their way to make us feel like we members of a community. Ten minutes for us. When everyone else is naked, the "bathing suit" suddenly seems unnecessary. Such are the power of cultural norms.

We are so sorry to hear about this as well. Just be aware that the swinging community dislikes cheaters probably more than the vanilla world. Cheating and swinging (other than sex) have NOTHING to do with each other. Cheating is about lies, deceit, and darkness while swinging is about open communication, trust and takes place with everyone knowing what is happening out in the light. Most couples know that 'single' men very well could be lying about how 'single' they are and usually make sure that what they are saying is true (single men in swinging are a dime for...well, dozens and dozens). With so many men the 'bad ones' usually don't last very long (once it becomes known they are cheating, the info spreads rather quickly). That, however, doesn't help you at all. As pointed out, just because he got caught this time (it was his first time back...not) doesn't mean that he hasn't been doing it. Do whatever you need to do but realize that most likely he is going to continue doing what he has done and continues to do. If you choose to say, make sure that you 'trust but verify' and do whatever you need to protect yourself. We are so sorry to hear he is putting you through this and wish you the best.

In one class in high school we had assigned seats and I was put in the very last row (given a choice, I was a first or second row girl). Next to me was Mark, and directly in front of him was Cathy. All year Cathy would turn around and place her large breasts on Mark's desk, often on his hands. He would always politely pull away, until once near the end of the year when he just kept them there. After that I saw several times where he had his hands forward, she turned around and placed her tits on top, and he would feel as much as they dared. They became a couple and the classroom play stopped.

Our neighbor 3 houses up has a drone that he's flown around the neighborhood. Friday, when everyone was out getting ready for the hurricane, he made a comment to Mrs Doc which led her to believe that he knows she never wears a suit in our pool. Guess he didn't have his drone the last time we had "company"! He's kinda creepy but in the end, what's the point of caring? Short of shooting the damned thing down (I was tempted) there's not much we can do about it.

Do you really believe it was ONE time!!Do you really think the other couple gives a crap if he had your permission?? Show him the door, get yourself checked for std's and be happy you didn't get knocked up.

It's sad what our culture has told everyone about the value of youth, and how attractiveness and sexiness fade, or only belong to a small group of people, and only so long as they fall into very specific parameters. We're new here and into the lifestyle. I'm not any sort of expert. But I know that, as I'm browsing profiles for who to contact, I'm looking at people, not at bodies. And people are damn sexy and attractive. If I see a spark in someone's eye, a cute face, or something about their personality grabs me...I couldn't care less if they're soft around the middle or saggy somewhere. They're already sexy to me before I even find that much out. Real people are sexy. Loving life is sexy. Having a fit body is... Having a fit body. And it doesn't necessarily mean you'll be sexy, attractive or desirable.

We agree with GoldCOCouple, post a pic from the neck down (dressed not dressed, in lingerie, what have ya), and let us (most likely) tell you that you are being too hard on yourself.

There needs to be but I don't know of a specific term. Other than 'pig' (a married man wanting to sleep with women other than his wife is usually called a pig)

We went to a hotel ballroom meet and greet last weekend in a city about 250 miles from home. We found the M&G listing on the Swing Village site. We did not know anyone there and it was a crowd ranging in ages from 30's to 60's. The basic rules when signed up were no nudity or sexual behavior in the hotel hallways, lobby, etc. People were really well dressed in the ballroom with about 40 couples attending. The DJ played really a good range and selection of dance music. Boxed wine and tap beer were included in the fee, but it was noted when gone, it was gone. I wore a black strapless short short cocktail dress. I also had my "shrug" as the AC is too cold at times. Near the end of the dance, Robb had my dress and strapless bra off with me just in heels, black lacy panties and my shrug cover which didn't cover my breasts at all. Out of the 40 or so couples, only 5 women, including me went to the lingerie stage of dress. It was almost uncomfortable and to make it worse, we didn't hit it off with anyone there. Have others had experiences like this? Julie

Our whole outlook changed gradually after we started swinging. Sex didn't always have to be "meaningful", sometimes just fun and sometimes one of us just wanted it….bad. Mrs Doc, over time, became much less embarrassed if the wind blew up her dress and ceased to mind strangers giving her the once over at the local Giant. I discovered that she had a few little kinks that might have taken me years to find on my own if modesty and inhibitions hadn't been blown up by our swinging experiences. Post swinging play by play is another benefit that invariably leads to excellent reclamation sex. Vanilla couples don't have that. Even now, with that damned storm bearing down on us, we've joked that we ought to have planed an Irma Orgy! Damn, too late now!

I wouldn't recommend having them spend 'quality' time together, especially when it's easier to just find another guy. If he isn't feeling comfortable with you there (and he knew going into this that you would always be there), then move along to the next guy (there are more than a few out there). What changed from the first meeting when things were fine to the second and third where now he's 'not getting into her'? Either he was looking for one and done and not a two and a three or something else is developing. No reason to leave your lamb unattended with a potential wolf.

The same girlfriend from my original post had what I like to think of as a naughty streak. I’d never thought about it until now but most of the women I’ve been sexually intrigued with have had some element of this. I think I have a lot more LS related stories than I thought, I’d just never had the proper terminology to classify them as such. The GF from the original post was in touch with her naughty streak early. 1 - Early in the relationship, when we were teenagers, we’d sometimes go on road trips with my parents in their stationwagon. Safety regulations weren’t what they are today so seatbelts were optional. When she was “tired” my girlfriend would lay down across the backseat with her head on my thigh. While my parents drove on completely oblivious, my girlfriend would stroke my cock through my jeans until I forced her to stop so I wouldn’t cum. After she did this a couple of times, I learned to wear shorts in the car if it was even remotely warm and we were going to be on the road awhile. 2 – One night we were out with her friend Nancy third wheeling. I was 16 and they were both 15 at the time. A friend of mine was out of town and had given me the keys to his parents’ house in case my GF and I wanted to make use of the place. The three of us headed over there with a little pot and some wine coolers (we were teenagers). After we’d all indulged a bit, listened to some records and talked for awhile, Nancy jokingly brought up playing strip poker. She believed my GF and I to be much more sexually innocent than we were so she was taken aback when my GF said “okay” and looked at me. I, of course, said it sounded good to me. Nancy was not as voluptuous as my GF but was cute and had a nice figure. Nobody backed down and we played. After a few hands, my GF was down to her bra and panties, I was down to my underwear and Nancy still had on her bra, skirt and panties. I lost the next hand and was the first nude player. Due to the situation and being 16, I was fully erect. I’m not sure that Nancy had ever seen a real live penis before, she kept stealing glances at my cock. Fortunately for me, my GF’s naughty streak kicked in and she dealt another hand. Nancy lost and removed her skirt, she was in a white bra and panties and looked a little uncomfortable for the first time. My GF lost the next hand and removed her bra. Nancy looked at me and then at my GF’s breasts smiling. My GF’s breasts, full 34C’s, were much larger than Nancy’s with fairly large areolas and very small nipples. Nancy lost the next hand and, blushing, removed her bra. Her breasts were creamy white like the rest of her skin, they were smaller b-cups and she had pert, pink nipples that were fully erect. I must’ve looked as if I were watching tennis looking at the girls’ breasts. We were playing on the carpeted floor of an upstairs loft with throw pillows, I laid back on some pillows making it easy for the girls to watch me as I watched them. My GF lost the next hand and removed her panties. Nancy and I looked at her soft bush as she laid down on her side with her arm propping up her head, letting us take in her stunning body. I dealt another hand to the girls; to my surprise, they played it out and Nancy lost! She removed her panties seeming hugely embarrassed. Her bush was smaller than my GF’s and her skin was so milky white I couldn’t take my eyes off her. She curled up covering herself as best she could. “Your girlfriend is naked right over there!” she said gesturing to try and take attention away from herself. I put my hand on her knee and pushed outward a bit. Nancy sat back in a crouched position and let us look at her pussy. Not to be outdone, my GF rose to a similar position. The three of us sat there, nude and fully displayed for each other. Nancy was dividing her viewing equally between my GF and I. My GF scooted closer to me so that our legs were touching. “I’d better leave you two alone” Nancy said as she quickly gathered her clothes and walked downstairs bare-assed. We heard her turn the TV on, she had left the door open at the bottom of the stairs. My GF and I stayed up there for awhile with a lot of foreplay leading to short sex. Nancy never came back upstairs and we never called her up. About a year later, during one of the many off-again periods with my GF, Nancy and I spent a pleasant afternoon together culminating in a 69. A year or so later, she began to explore her bisexual side and I realized how much more interesting strip poker night could have been had I been experienced enough to read the obvious signs. This was the only time I recall my GF seeming open to a bisexual experience or at least the only situation we were ever in where it seemed realistic that it could happen. 3 – My GF and I spent one very uncomfortable night with her best friend Katie and their gay friend Martin. Katie and Martin had left us at Katie’s parents’ house alone while they walked to the store to find someone to buy beer. About forty-five minutes later, they came back empty handed and laughing. My GF and I didn’t think much of the laughing since we’d all smoked pot before they left. Eventually Katie told us that they’d never actually left, just snuck outside and watched us through the cracks in Katie’s bedroom window curtain on the side of the house. They saw us blush and said they were kidding that there was just nobody around to buy beer but we never knew for sure. If they weren’t kidding, what they saw in some capacity was me pulling up my GF’s shirt and sucking her tits while I reached up her skirt, pulled off her panties and began fingering her hard. Then they would have seen her get up, panties around one ankle and in a mini-skirt, pull out my cock and give me head in a crouched position until I came in her mouth. We’d cleaned up and re-arranged ourselves about ten minutes before they’d returned.

Your examples are serial killers and crime statistics? OK, we can agree that men commit 80.4% of violent crimes. However, the percentage of violent crimes to the total population is, if I have calculated this correctly, 0.4%... if 80.4% of those are committed by men, we have roughly 0.3% of the total population are male violent criminals. Not 98%. Not 90%. Not 80%. 0.3% of the total population (based 2013 US violent crime statistics). Two takeaways here... Most people aren't violent criminals and inflammatory statistics don't impress data analysts. Sound you use caution when meeting new people? Of course you should. You should look both ways before crossing the street. You should bring an umbrella if it looks like rain. You should use a condom. However, there is a big difference between reasonable caution and fear.