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In Chaucer's Canterbury Tales, one of the stories is about an older husband who is betrayed and humiliated by his wife. I haven't looked it up, but I think the term "cuckold" is in that story which is written in Middle English and is difficult to understand without some help. Another theme in the cuckold tradition is humor--the cuckold is usually ridiculed in a manner that is funny to the listener as virtually no one was able to read back then. Now that's a piece of information you can't live without!!

Cuckolding almost always involves humiliation of the husband. Hotwife may or may not involve humiliation of the husband. Minor difference but until stag and vixen becomes a more recognized term hotwife covers everything that involves the wife having sex with another man while the husband usually doesn't if he likes it or not.

My dictionary defines "cuckold" as the husband of an unfaithful wife. It comes from the habit of the cuckoo, a bird who lays her eggs in the nest of other birds, who then feed the chicks. The term doesn't really follow, does it? A "hotwife" is not unfaithful, in that her husband knows about her exploits and encourages them. She does not belittle him, rather, she is careful to tell her husband how much more she prefers him to any other man, but enjoys the excitement and fun of extramarital sex. They usually plan her adventures together. A "cuckold" is a husband who may or may not know about his wife's dalliances (until she tells him) but does not encourage them. In fact, he may resent it very much but endures the situation because of his inner need to be humiliated. She usually belittles him when telling about her actions. There is a big difference. That's my opinion.

I know this was my original post. For me I was never attracted to other females sexually. For me it was a thing with a college girlfriend that led me to swinging. After spending a night with her and her guy friend I think I couldn't wait to be with her again. My husband fulfills all my sexual needs but I really enjoy going to parties more for the girls than the guys. I would never even thought of that before.

I'd also add that hotwife is more about physical sex, but cuckolding explores the emotional and mental aspects, in addition to sex. A hotwife may simply have sex with men other than her husband, but the humiliation and dom/sub role of a cuckold relationship add something more of a mental stimulation.

When it comes to playing separately, we usually play with the same couples that we have played together, but only "separately" such as different rooms or different locations. Playing separating changes the dynamics quite a bit, and I think you may find it different and fun even though you may have played with that person in a couple setting.

All the comments about communication are spot-on. That your wife has opened herself up to you like this shows a tremendous amount of trust. You are both very fortunate. If y'all can move forward with open minds, while also maintaining an attitude of acceptance, you will likely achieve heights in your relationship that you never imagined possible. Education is the key. You are entering a new world. Fortunately there is a LOT of good information on the web (though separating the wheat from the chaff is sometimes a challenge). Explore alone, and together. As you learn, it will become easier to find a path that is suitable to you both. Keep up the good fun. ;-)

I have found myself in a very similar situation Thanks to the 50 shades novels, my wife likes the idea of being dominated , and like you I'm not all that comfortable with it, I like it but it doesn't come naturally to me, I am getting better with it though , it's fun to practice and practice makes perfect. I noticed my wife squirming in her seat when we watched the second movie during the scene with the spreader bar, so I got one , put it on her and used a riding crop on her pussy, we had never done anything remotely like this previously and although I wasn't massively into slapping her clit (for fear of hurting her) seeing her so turned on just drove me crazy , we've been together 20 years and I remember thinking "you dirty little girl, how long have you been fantasizing about this?" I love the way she still surprises me now and then

We talked about it last night and she's finally absorbed both of those points, that she's overthinking it and nothing in particular has to happen. I'm going to be looking at airfare tonight.

I would like to second what GoldCoCouple said...talk to her, outside of sex, and discuss these new desires. Listen to what she has to say, and be honest with her about how you feel about it. On a more specific topic, I have had a play partner who was also into roleplay and specifically into the kind of consensual-non consent roleplay you describe. For me, it was an edgy and somewhat uncomfortable area to explore (honestly, largely uncomfortable because I really enjoyed it and that spooked me a little). I found the key thing to remember in consensual-non consent is the consensual element. You aren't really forcing her, you are playing a game. Another thing that I found helped was planning out our "scene" (to use the bdsm term) ahead of time... not in every detail but in a general overview. That way we were both on the same page in terms of what we wanted and what we were comfortable with. That reinforced both the "game" and "consent" elements. We were doing things we'd agreed on ahead of time. Also, remember your safe-words. It's become a little cliche but it's actually important in bdsm and roleplay. Have a word or phrase that means "stop" and when that word is spoken, the game stops... right there, no ifs, ands or buts. My local bdsm community uses a "stop light" code - green means "don't stop", yellow means "I'm ok to continue but don't do that again", red means "stop." Very valuable, especially in a roleplay scenario. When my play-partner was whimpering "oh god, please no, don't, stop" I knew to go harder. If she said "red", I knew to stop. In summery - talk to her, plan out your scene, remember your safe-words. (Now, excuse me while I adjust my pants. Damn, I need to find a new play partner who is into this kind of stuff. )

Try the standard hotel in Chelsea, the entire hotel is geared around sexiness and is adults only.

I found this is the normal experience guys and it's way frustrating. We want that earth-shattering sexual experience that we get when were alone, to happen with our lifestyle partners. It's ok to have high expectations, we're lifestylers, we're not out here to fall over and sex up anyone that pays attention. You are allowed to be as choosy as you want to be with who you get naked with. It sounds like that one responder is one of those, "You met me so you HAVE to fuck me" types. We've been at it for 2 yrs, we're in shape, young, attractive etc. and we've only had 2 satisfying experiences. One was just ok in comparison to that 1 Blockbuster experience. The rest we're tap out material. We have great sex when it's just the two of us, we're not going to add some people only to dull our edge a bit. Not ever will this happen. Don't change what you expect from this lifestyle because someone says your being to picky. Keep doing you.

There needs to be but I don't know of a specific term. Other than 'pig' (a married man wanting to sleep with women other than his wife is usually called a pig)

Actually, we often DO send thank you notes. If we play with a couple we always ask and try to remember their screen name so that even if we forget their 1st names, we can send them a note. Since we're not exactly bed notchers, we've frequently found that a follow-up email to new playmates leads to encore meetings and sometimes even a friendship (with benefits)

I kind of look at swinging separately as the something that should only be considered when things are just perfect. If there are any soft spots in either your relationship or your swinging life, then doing hall passes are best put off until you have those soft spots repaired to 100% solid. In this case, there are some things that you aren't satisfied/happy with, and so you need to work on those first and foremost before thinking about expanding your swinging horizons. It sounds like you realize this, but he may not, or else he does and just wants to look past it to get what he wants. I'd suggest taking a breather from swinging entirely until you can rebuild your relationship as a couple, including your sexual relationship. Once that is rock solid again, then there's always time to talk about hall passes.

I'm going to buck the trend here and say - yes, we both have "brought things home" from swinging and incorporated them into our own play. We've both discovered new techniques, positions and acts which we hadn't considered, hadn't known we enjoyed, or hadn't even thought possible (my wife turns out to be more flexible than she thought she was ). Some of them are things we've discussed and decided to incorporate into our own play. Other things we've tried and discovered that, while they were amazing with other partners, they don't work with our own dynamic. I think there has really been a measure of learning and growing for us, and I love that.