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My wife and I are both members of a secret Facebook group that is uberactive. Parties are posted months in-advance by the group owner. Other members post occasional dates at various locations. The parties average 50 people but have been as many as 100 for one occasion this past summer. The group owner has an adequate-size home and outdoor pool so that number is practical. We alway have a good time and meet new people.

I certainly agree that your relationship is unbalanced,Chained. Unless your wife is willing to even out the scales somewhat, I see no solution to your situation. Keep trying to fix your communication before you give up, though.

We agree. There is an old adage that as humans we tend to overestimate significance of change in the short run, underestimate it in the long run. A consistent behavior of respectful response -- in the vanilla and LS worlds -- builds a reputation for the "kind of people we would like to get to know". It takes little effort to say thank you for writing, thank you for your interest and either "no thanks" or "perhaps our paths will cross". The reciprocal is also true and perhaps even more important. When we have written, received a graceful "no thanks", we always respond with a "thank you for taking the time to respond, best wishes etc." People seem to remember that, and it is remarkable how often they (eventually) write back with an expression of interest. We think this is because SLS makes the prior conversation easy to review. A first impression of grace, wit, and style endures.

If a someone sends us a genuine, well thought out email that indicates they have read our profile interested in meeting, we always respond. If it looks like a generic email they send to many couples, we do not usually respond. I really suggest if you want responses, read the profile, pick out things you identify with and put that in the email. Take the time and make it personal. Templates or mass mailing seldom work.

We disagree! "Playing the game" is much like taking one for the team. Would you suck a dick if the male was bi and you wanted the wife? Mrs Doc has a standard answer to the pre-sex question, "are you bi"?. Her reply is "I'm not, but hubby will eat my share".

this is what I want to find...

We’ve been in, out, and around the lifestyle since the ‘70’s and like the commercial says, “We’ve seen a thing or two during our time.” I think it all comes down to mindset. As a rule, the people that you meet in the lifestyle are the friendlies, fun loving people that you’re ever going to meet. It didn’t take us long to realize that we had the most fun when we went to clubs or parties with a mindset of just having fun and enjoying ourselves. As opposed to going out looking for a specific body type or age to have sex with. Don’t over think it, be open and friendly and not pushy and demanding. Be warm and inviting, not cold and aloof and you will find yourself having fun. I think one of the biggest problems that some people make is going to events with a preconceived fantasy that they are trying to live out. For us going to these things with a mindset of a surprise party where you never know what you’re going to get were the nights we had the most fun. It’s been my experience that if people would work more on their people skills than they do at pumping iron in a gym they would find themselves getting laid more. You are who you are and you’re not going to change that so just go out and have fun.

In life, we all pass mile stones... Sometimes we stop and take a picture, sometimes we drive by, only realizing once we've passed it the significance of what we barely noticed. One such mile stone was passed this Friday night - and it is only now that we realize what it meant. We went to the club, expecting to hook up with a couple that we had met a few weekes before, but they didn't show... But, it was a fun crowd and a fun night, so that didn't bother us at all. We stayed, played pool, and as the night went on met this other couple who completely took our mind off being "stood up". The wife flirted with me, I flirted with the wife and at some point, I leaned over to her and said, "let's just cut through the crap. You beat us at this game of pool and you get whatever you want - winner take all." I gotta tell ya, for a lady who was only playing her third pool game, she played like a person possessed. And - as happens often to us - we lost the game. And to the winner went the spoils. It was a good time - and the four of us made plenty of noise. I'll spare you the details... Mrs Spoomonkey and I got home - had some late night Taco Bell (God bless Taco Bell) - and then made neighbor waking monkey love, as is our ritual. And then, in the after glow, Mrs Spoomonkey asks me, "What were their names?" blink... blink... "I don't know..." I said somewhat surprised. I can tell you the name of every person we have played with since getting into the lifestyle over two years ago. And that is no small feat! But I couldn't tell you the name of this couple to save my life - and to be honest, I really don't think names were ever mentioned by anyone. They are simply "that one couple" and no further clarification could be given. I could tell you what she was wearing as I memorized it stitch by stitch as she took it off - I can tell you how her hair looked when she told me to "get naked" and "get on the bed, bitch!" - and I can tell you, with a large hand gestures, exactly what her boobs looked like, swinging in my face like they did... But a name? I didn't bother to get that... We have evolved, brethren. We are no longer newbies.