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Been out of the loop for a bit and finally back in... attended my first big event in several years. The one thing that really struck me was the complete imbalance in presentation between males vs females. 90%+ of the females dressed to impress (even if they didn't dress to theme - which, of course, most did - it was Naughty Schoolgirl night), yet less than 10% of the men bothered to even dress nice (not even talking about dressing to theme, but just not in shorts and a tank top). My theory (please feel free to dispel it) is that most of those couples were there just for the girls to play and thus the guys did not feel any need to impress. About half of the guys who did bother to dress nice were single guys and actually made the statement to me that "I'm single I know I have to do more to stand out" (well played). As a woman who is there to play with guys (as much, if not more than, to play with women) it irks me that guys don't make an effort. It's a huge turn-off to see guys looking like they aren't doing anything more than running errands on a Saturday afternoon. I'd love to get ya'lls thoughts on this dichotomy, and find out if other women are seeing the same thing.

I have had male friends tell me to stay away from a certain woman. I was told that she was a "dead fish" in bed, and then played with her a few weeks later. He was 100% right, she laid there completely silent, with her eyes closed, and didn't move. I felt like I was fucking a blow up doll. After about 10 minutes I just gave up. If a woman isn't into it, I have a very difficult time getting into it. Me and my wife try to never speak bad about anyone else in the lifestyle, and try to change topics when others do. Women may talk more, but guys do talk.

For us guys, sex is like pizza... when it's good, it's really good, but when it's bad, it's still pretty good. I've been with some pretty dead fish, and still enjoyed myself. For girls, though, there's a lot of dead fish / selfish / untalented / jerk guys around. My wife has had many "no fun" experiences with guys. It's amazing how many don't even try.

Same as you, we have great sex together. Unlike you, sex with different people is a real turn on for us because it's different.

The advice you gave this person is correct. I was, on one occasion, the man who forgot to bring his condoms when I had been informed in advance. I was blocked from the action and not invited back. From that point onward, I have not forgotten.

The only secret FB group I'm in is one for a major club (which is also on SLS and elsewhere) but they do post their events on FB first and those members get first access to rooms (hotel takeover and it always sells out). My guess is that it's like everything else, there's a spectrum.. some good, some less than, and it probably takes some digging to find the right one for you.

My reply: I totally get where you are coming from and why you might not want to play with them again. That's something that should have been communicated about prior to play (on both sides). Make sure you make it clear that condoms are required early on so that it's a non-issue (and if it's an issue for them you'll know before you waste time).

Usually if you contact the club they will help you with this. They WANT new members, but don't want problems...they just need to see that you are not going to be a problem. Good luck as you move forward and let us know how things progress.

Thanks njbm. That'd be a "no thank you" for us.

I love sucking dick especially with a woman. Rubbing dicks together is especially intimate. Once I had a female friend take me to gay bar. I was kissed buy a man. It was the first time it made me feel strange. The way he handle me made me feel feminine. It was the wildest thing I've ever known. Laying on my back and being fucked up the ass was a whole nother experience. Women never tell you how powerful a penises is. Feeling feminine is very addictive. I don't want to be feminine but it felt strong and I liked it but I'm not a feminine guy. I never felt feminine doing anything else with a guy even going down in front of them.

While this thread is an antique and I sure hope they worked it out, I do have to make a couple of comments of my first impressions. First of all, from the way the OP is worded, it sounded like you just kinda snuck out of the room when she was starting to make out with the host. Obviously you didn't have any problem with this, you could have stopped it, you were there. I assume the OP did not go over to her while she was making out to let her know he was going to take a shit. Had to be taking a shit, how else could she have progressed from making out in the middle of the room to getting boned over in the corner in the time it takes to run upstairs take a leak and run back downstairs. I can guarantee you that if I was in his position and my wife was getting hot and heavy I would try my damnedest to hold it in, or if I absolutely had to I would be gone for about 30 seconds. She has no idea he has left the room. It doesn't sound like this is their first rodeo so she is just going with the flow. She figures if hubby wants to join her and the host he can at any moment. Probably even pauses a couple times to look for him and see why he isn't joining them. Finally she sees him and signals him to come over. C'mon Man! No harm no foul. It's not like she was fucking someone that was supposed to be off limits. She did no wrong and you probably owe her an apology for your reaction. But that's just me.

Oh yes, women definitely talk. And yes, while I would agree that there is no bad sex, women definitely have a higher standard than us guys. There are all kinds of performance issues that give a guy a low rating. Cumming too soon, taking too long to cum, not performing enough/any oral, not being attentive enough to her needs... and the list goes on. Then there are the physical attributes that affect the woman's enjoyment. Too big, too little, too long, too thick and we aren't even talking about penis size yet.

WTF is a ddlv community? Is there a "community" now for every weird fetish?

WELCOME to Swingersboard. Great introduction. Glad to see that you have been reading the forums. Seems you've been doing some earnest research. Clubs have membership so that the people of news media and the self-appointed guardians of morality do not waltz into a club and claim later that they were surprised to find "immoral acts" were happening inside. The clubs that want you to have a sponsor want only members who look like Brad and Angelina.

My wife and I are both members of a secret Facebook group that is uberactive. Parties are posted months in-advance by the group owner. Other members post occasional dates at various locations. The parties average 50 people but have been as many as 100 for one occasion this past summer. The group owner has an adequate-size home and outdoor pool so that number is practical. We alway have a good time and meet new people.

this is what I want to find...

I think that personality is the most important for me. Although I am looking for a sex partner, not a friend, and although the guy is obviously most interested in me for sex, it helps if he is respectful and at least a little interested in me as a person. If we happen to share some vanilla interests, for example in music or movies, it can be an icebreaker, so to speak. However, I am not ashamed to say that physical attributes do matter. I prefer good looking, well built guys. And yes, size does matter to me a little. My husband is actually a little above average for an Indian guy, but, all things being equal, I prefer penises that are a couple of inches longer and thicker. The situation often dictates whether a guy is the right fit for me. When planning a playdate (solo with a guy, MFM threesome, or foursome), I will first chat with someone online and then do a meet and greet in a public place. We then have time to see whether our personalities mesh. On the other hand, at a party, physical attributes probably take precedence.

My wife loves fit/muscular guys and feels like she is "taking one for the team" when the guy is not in shape. Seems most women in the lifestyle are in great shape, but many guys are not nearly as fit. It is rare to find a hot guy in our age group. This is our biggest complaint about the lifestyle. I always get hot women, so it is really unfair to her. She has taken so many "for the team", it is to the point it really doesn't matter what the woman looks like, as long as she likes the guy.

It's amazing what pleasures open themselves up to you when you drop the "Oh I could never do that." attitude. The first time I tasted a cock it blew my mind. First it didn't taste at all what I expected it to...it tasted a whole lot better. Second there was a sexual energy in the cock I'd never experienced before. Third, sharing it with my wife seemed so natural, and it aroused her greatly. Fourth, feeling the first male orgasm in my mouth was intense, powerfully sexual, and oh so natural. And wonderful.

We live in a small community in Northern Ontario. Fairly low population spread over a very large area. Makes for very few options or choices. Also, everyone locally knows everyone else. Because of this, we chose to travel. It also means we need to rely on the internet and get really good at screening, selecting and communicating with potential partners prior to traveling to meet up. We play a lot less probably then most because of this, but because of the extra effort, and expense of traveling, it means we're more careful in our choices which usually leads to great encounters when we do meet. We're usually willing to travel up to 500 km (300 miles) for the right partner.