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We offered the following observation to this couple... 1. It’s wonderful that you want to organize an event. 2. Swingers distinguish a meet-and-greet from a house party. They have expectations. Typically a meet-and-greet is a vanilla event at a public location. A house party is a play event at a private location. 3. Having a get-together at your home is a wonderful idea, but saying that you are inviting only lifestyle people and inviting them to get naked in the pool sends a message quite distinct from a meet-and-greet. Our suggestion: Invite your lifestyle friends for a casual vanilla get together, not much different than a get together you would organize for your vanilla acquaintances. Let your guests know that you are hosting a meet-and-greet at your home to bring interesting couples you have met together simply because you think they might find each other interesting. Avoid the pool, avoid anything that approaches adult playtime. That doesn’t mean it’s the same as a vanilla party. A few ideas: A speed-dating session where couples have three minutes to introduce themselves. A go-around the room to talk about their funny or embarrassing experience in the LS. Asking everyone to write something down that no one else would suspect and then reading them aloud and have people guess who wrote what. When everyone at the party is known to be in the LS, people “let their hair down.” Bottom line: Have fun, be social, but don’t confuse those with playtime.

Let me share my own experience, for whatever it's worth... My wife and I had tried swinging "before" and stopped when we decided to start a family. Some years later, our marriage hit a low patch. She had a one night stand, in part to break us up. It didn't work out as she planned. Instead, we reconciled, we talked, we rebuilt trust and eventually got back into a good place with our marriage. Later, we started swinging again and it's been great. I'd say you have to separate swinging and cheating in your mind, because they are two very different things. Cheating, for me, is something that happened when our marriage was weak and broken. Swinging is something we do now that our marriage is strong and whole. All relationships have their ups and downs. If you feel yours is in a place of strength, than do things that you enjoy together... including threesomes and kinky sex if that's what feels right for you. If, on the other hand, you have the idea that swinging will somehow prevent cheating, don't do it because it won't. My $.02. Take it for what it's worth.

Hello all, I’m a total newbie here and this is long so my apologies in advance My husband and I have been together for 18 years, married for 6. I recently discovered that he had a long time affair with another woman. He broke off the other relationship immediately and we have been going through the process of repairing our marriage - honest conversations, full disclosure, STD testing, marriage counseling, etc. Our sex life, which was basically nonexistent the last few years, is back to where it was when we first got together as 20 somethings. Between the reignited sex and our conversations, we’ve started talking about threesomes and various kinky scenarios. I’ve always thought about those scenarios in a hypothetical, fantasy way but I’m now realizing that it’s something I’m really into exploring. Obviously, we have work to do on our marriage to recover from his affair and we are both committed to doing that. But the deeper I think on it, I feel it was the hiding and secrecy of it that hurts me. The actually thought of sharing a woman with him or him watching me with another man drives me insane (in a good way). Is this a really bad idea? This is something I really do want, I know he wants it too, and I know we should take it slow considering we have other issues to overcome. But I don’t know if I’m being too naive.

You don’t have to be married to “know you’re right for each other.” Some couples never get married.

We get what happened and some times it can go a little side ways - they probably think your the worst in the world lol but really it was not that clear either given what was happening, so.... Next time just say do you mean no for both of us? or just your BF? in this kind of situation then everyone is clear, most people that have had a bit more experience would of made it clear with out the drama. Chalk it up as a learning curve. Best of luck to you both for next time.

I have NEVER been to the clubs, but I am going to jump in anyway. you were both new. I can see where you could misunderstand her statement and believe she was just uncomfortable with your guy. In the future, I think it would be ok to clarify a statement like that. This is one reason however, that I do not find any interest in going to the clubs. regardless, I have had some pretty crazy experiences anyway. I have been on the trouble causing side a few times too and have figured out, it's better to learn something from each experience and move forward with the new knowledge. In this case, to clarify unclear intentions. should you try again?? well, were you enjoying the experience before this uptight couple ruined it? if you went to the bar and an obnoxious person hit on you repeatedly,then a woman came along and told you to back off her man, would you go back to that bar? most likely you would think "what a crazy pair" and you would not hold it against the bar, but would just move on wondering what was wrong with them... you should look at this the same way. they were also new and she miss communicated with you. you should absolutely try again. Don't let one bad apple spoil it for you. If it had been me, I would have probably started crying and ruined everything good that could come of the night, but I would still want to go back another night.

I find the notion that swinging doesn't fix relationship problems a bit hypocritical. Strong, secure, flawless relationship is a great foundation, sure,.. but just how perfect do you have to be to try swinging? And would you even be interested in naughty fun if you were *that* perfect? ;-) Lots of swingers are normal (not perfect) people, with normal (not perfect) relationships. Also, problems in long-term relationships can be due to boredom and lack of communication. Swinging can actually improve these things. If you felt pressured to try swinging to satisfy your partner's needs, that would be a red flag, but if you're both willing, I'd say go for it!

Now the affair was wrong on his part but it could be he was simply wanting the things you say you'd like to explore. In other words, the excitement of someone different. If you're thinking the same way, which you mentioned you are, then this could be something you two will share and that will strengthen your relationship. Someone here wrote something years ago that I've always remembered. "Swinging means never needing to cheat again". I've always felt that was true. I once told my wife, "I don't want to cheat on you, I want to cheat with you."

Thank you for your positive words ? I want to take things slow but I’m really excited to see where this leads us.

I was never crazy about MFM, did a few of them in my swinging years so my GFs could experience it. The presence of another cock never bothered me but the sex for me was completely void of pleasure. I had no problems getting hard but very rarely had an orgasm. When we swapped it was 1 on 1 with my partner(the other woman) and that is what I love, to be 1 on 1 with a woman. During MFMs I could have never sat back and watched so I directed and controlled everything. In group situations I always had a tendency to kind of run things, in sex I've always been dominant (no BDSM....lol)except if I was with a woman that I trusted, then letting her dictate activities was not a problem. You must find what works for you or stop the 3somes.