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The mfm trysts that I participated in hotel rooms were always more comfortable. The couple would book the room, arrive early to allow themselves some dress up time. They would text me the hotel name and room number and time to meet. When I arrived I text’d my arrival and proceeded to the room. Sometimes a couple would want to meet at the hotel bar or a non-affiliated restaurant before going to the room. I personally don’t like to eat before play unless some time elapses and I bring my toothbrush. The less any guy knows about you personally the better you’ll feel about protecting your privacy. I met a couple once where the woman wanted things to happen “organically”. This approach to me does not guarantee a successful fun event. The more you plan ahead and discuss the what if’s the better experience you two will have. It’s great to have a connection with the other man (sexual and/or personality) but until you spend a lot of time with him sexually and non-sexual he is not your buddy, he is an accessory to your sexual adventures. Always err on the side of caution.

Give yourself plenty of time to process what happened, you'll be clearer on your feelings and why your feeling them after a few days, don't pressure yourself or feel like you have to say yes or no to swinging , I would have recommended a slower start to be sure, we have been visiting clubs for over 6 months and have only just got to the stage of doing oral with others , might seem slow going to others , but we're happy with it and that's all that matters

Our best mmf memories are from hotel rooms. Sometimes we would get the room, sometimes the guy, sometimes split the cost. Our favorite was a guy who would rent the penthouse suite in a downtown hotel to play but then leave us the room for the night. That room cost nearly $400 and we saw him in it a half dozen times. I always felt the hotel option was safer than going into a guys house, safer than letting them know where we live. I never thought about taping but since I was the one snapping pictures, I guess it's not a big deal to us. Don't worry about the staff. They have seen, tolerated and cleaned up after a hell of a lot worse than an mfm.

Which is why we don't get involved with single guys! That's not to say we don't enjoy a 3-some occasionally but when we do, the 2nd penis belongs to the male half of another swinger couple with his wife/girlfriend's knowledge and consent. We've found that, unlike most singles who just want a warm and semi wet place to put it and get it off, committed swinger males generally understand that they are receiving a gift from Mrs Doc and me and she's treated accordingly.

You (probably unknowingly) put a ton of pressure on yourself with this being you second woman and your first swinging situation (and your first time with a second live penis). While you may not have known, your subconscious did. The brain will also play tricks on you as well. While you are seeing the hottest thing imaginable, your brain will also say that it can't be happening and not pass on the info to the rest of the body. All of these things are 'normal' (and they SUCK!). Now that it has happened, you keep worrying about will it happen again...so it does (self fulfilling prophecy). The bigger question is how to fix it. Here 'search' is your friend since it has happened to dozens before you. The basics are quit watching porn, quit masturbating (if you are doing it), and stop putting the pressure on yourself (much easier said than done). More extreme solutions include talking with your doctor (there IS a pill for this). While it may be hard for you to ask, they are totally used to being asked and usually won't blink an eye. Bottom line is it's all in your head and you just have to get it worked out, hopefully with the help of a patient girlfriend.

I think using a hotel for your first swinging experience is a good idea. First off you don't need to worry about what the neighbors might think or incur any of the usual interuptions one experiences at home (phone ringing, older kids coming home instead of staying at their sleepover they told you they were going to do etc...). The last thing you need to worry about is the hotel staff. They have no idea nor do they care. I do think that you should be the one reserving and staying in the hotel room as opposed to going to the guy's room, just for the very reason you state. You want to be comfortable and relaxed and in control of the situation. If the other guy doesn't like it there are plenty of other men who would understand and respect your choices. I've had a handful of mfm experiences (wish there were more!) and the hotel room meet up I think helps keep your personal life in the vanilla world separate from your extracurricular activities. My opinion only.

We had a miscommunication moment ourselves last weekend as it happens,we're still quite new experience wise and told the other couple this numerous times along with the fact that we like to take things slowly to start, we had food and some drinks and headed to a club where we had a few more drinks and a dance, we swapped partners to dance and both made out a little, we were then asked if we would like to find a play room, we said yes and off we went, as soon as we got in the play room all the respect they had shown seemed to go out the window, his wife had my cock in her mouth before I'd even got my shirt off, the other guy started fingering my wife quite furiously as soon as her butt touched the bed, we were both a little taken aback and my wife ended up stopping play about 10 minutes in saying that she couldn't relax enough, there were no hard feelings or animosity but my wife and I learned that we really could have perhaps communicated what we wanted better at some point in the evening, but slow and sensual is kinda the norm for us, furious finger blasting must be the norm for them lol My arms still aching actually, I'm not used to keeping up that speed for a full 10 minutes

This would have been your second woman to have sex with. This was going to take place in a swinging situation with new emotions and unknown expectations. A situation where most men worry about coming too soon, here we are, flaccid. I know when it happened to me, (the first time in high school) I was astounded. I was always hard, but here I was, looking at a hot, naked, willing woman, flaccid. Then again in my first 3way. Don't give up on these guys. Go on a couple non-sexual 'dates' and get to know them a little better. Once you are really comfortable with them, the rest of you will cooperate.

İ agree with Lionheart on this. Not sure how much swinging you have done but every swinging couple has boundaries and is looking for an added spice in their relationship. People who are new to the lifestyle usually enter it thinking how much sex with strangers they will get to enjoy but those of us that are experienced enjoy the sex with others but none of it can hold a candle to the sex we have with our partner after we have been with another couple. For my husband and İ we already have mind blowing sex, it's nowhere near as good with someone else because we know exactly what each other wants, likes nd needs without saying a word and we share the bond of love when we have sex. With anyone else it's just sex, no feelings whatsoever. FYİ:İ am heavily into BDSM and my husband isn't into it as much as İ am i look for an experienced DOM. You can't really compare a straight BDSM experience with swinging unless the person or person's you are with is looking for that in particular.

Don't go outside your marriage unless you are certain that you don't wish to be married any longer. İf you get caught that's likely going to be the outcome. As one half of an experienced swinging couple i can tell you that we would never put ourselves in a situation where we played with a single male nor female behind the spouses back. The other partner doesn't have to participate but what we do is meet with both and find out their boundaries for each other and we would never cross those boundaries. Not everyone has the same standards as we do but we believe in 100% transparency in our encounters. We believe in the sanctity of marriage. Swinging is lots of great fun as long as everyone is respecting boundaries and each others relationships.

Thanks everyone. Good to know I'm not alone in this problem. I'm thinking about suggesting to my gf that we explore her BBC fantasy so that way if it happens again I won't spoil the night for another couple. I can't figure out if I was nervous because of only being with my gf so far, and I was about to get with someone else for the first time. Or, if it was the other guy in the room. At least if I am hard with only one other guy, I know it's the new girl aspect. If I still can't get hard, at least it won't affect the sex that night.

You mentioned that it is "uncommon." NOT SO!! If you read posts on this site, you will find that this happens a lot, it happened to me, and it happens without warning and the unexpected characteristic makes it even more of a head game. Thankfully, you have a supportive girl friend. Keep working on being a participant with your girlfriend, remember that you have a tongue and fingers as backup. Saying, "don't worry or be nervous" is almost a command for me to be nervous and worried. Just keep trying. Good luck, and it isn't permanent.

It sucks, really really bad, but it happens. Contrary to the every male being a constant drooling horndog just waiting to stick it somewhere stereotype, it just doesn't work that way. Swinging is a very strange thing and very powerful, you can literally be quivering with excitement...in everywhere but where you need to carry through on that excitement. It is worse your first time with a couple. Usually the less time you have spent with the couple, even down to measured in minutes, then the higher the odds of it happening. It's really really unpredictable, which is why it sucks so bad. Easier said than done, but the more you think about it, the worse it gets, so just try to relax and take more time with your next experience and everything will likely be fine.

It happened to me the first time with another couple too. Don't worry about it too much or you'll make it worse. It's also pretty shitty that the couple won't give you a second chance.

Freudian slip...

Good luck as you both move forward and remember to keep us up to date.

Thanks again for all of your input, everyone has been so helpful. We begin counseling this weekend so I’m hopeful that will be a good start to the process of repairing our relationship. ?

Just because another couple has been 'doing this' longer, doesn't mean they aren't carrying baggage to the party. Keep looking, there's a perfect couple for you out there. Good luck and keep looking.

If you cannot be completely honest with your partner (without the help of drugs or alcohol) then you are not ready. Improved communication will lead to greater trust which increases the love...its a vicious upward spiral that only leads to a better relationship.

Swinging is a magnifying glass: It will make a really great relationship even larger, but it will show the small flaws and eventually burn you if the relationship is not rock solid. Since it sounds like your relationship is less than solid, you need to take a pass at this time.

Basically, I'd say if you're concerned that swinging could cost you your marriage, than your marriage is not in a place where swinging is a good idea. I'm curious - what is that attracts you to swinging as an idea? What do you feel swinging will bring to relationship? Also, I wonder why you feel swinging has less "structure and accountability" then BDSM. I ask because that has not been my experience... though everyone's experiences are different.

Stay in your marriage but try to improve it. Swinging won't help at this point.

Some of our close swinging friends were met in church. It was/is amazing just how many swingers you can find in a church setting. Our view is cool comfortable of sharing together, and only sharing with married couples in the same marriage. We do not covet their relationship or one of them. We have a relationship that is deeply committed and has been one in marriage and in church as a union for 50+years. With our church friends in certain conversations (more than once), adultery became a discussion point with the "coveting" driver as the root sin. So when the actors perform sex without the underlying driver of "coveting," it can open up discussions that yield tell tale body/facial/word responses that suggest paths for deeper conversations with some. Of course, the response of someone messes with my mom ole lady gets shot really is a conversation changer (LOL)

To myself it is a totally normal feeling to enjoy seeing my lady with both other men and women! Doesn't seem weird at all. Just incredibly hot. She is the hottest woman in the world in my eyes. Watching her being pleasured and appreciated is such treat to experience. It is a part of the lifestyle I enjoy more then anything. The only time I get to see her with other men is when we are playing with couples. Although I would be game to sharing her with just men she is more interested in playing with other women so we seek out other couples with women that feel the same. She knows however if she ever wants just another man or men to join us that I am totally on board. If it wasn't for all the clueless meatheads out there it would have happened already.

I'd think if you found one trusted couple who agreed to being condomless exclusive with you it might be less risk. And, sure, why not discuss it with one of your regulars that you trust?