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I don't understand the kiss thing and why people are against it. To me kissing is so much a part of any sex I have. If I am going to be intimate with someone I want the kissing and foreplay that goes with the act. I don't how I would react if the only kiss I got was a thank you kiss. Why is kissing too intimate but oral sex isn't?

Most guys REALLY like blow jobs and it is highly unlikely that this guy would turn down limited play. A simple statement, "I'm out of commission this week but I really like you. How bout we find a room or a quiet corner and make out for awhile"? He'll get the message.

This 100% I read a lot on here that only the guys should talk to each other and vice versa. We have a single guy that she plays with and I don't care if my wife texts him. Are they not supposed to communicate at all until it's time to have sex? Swinging is about trust...

Love this board!!

This is a cool idea at home. Separate beds in a hotel room works out, too: you can often get two queen-size beds for the same price as a king. Being physically separated but still able to see is exciting.

In the beginning, my husband would at least start out in the room. As we have evolved in the lifestyle, however, I find now that I enjoy the intimacy of being alone with my partner. We then need to worry only about each other's reactions and responses during sex, rather than those of my husband as a spectator.

You shouldn't have any problems. If you do, then throw that guy in the dumpster, he's not someone you want to play with anyway.

At first for a moment, I thought she meant sucking his own dick.

Never move fastest than the slowest person is comfortable with.

I agree. Kissing is a huge part of playing and sex. At first I felt there should be no kissing but as my wife explained to me she loves to kiss and lick and if I told her no kissing it would take away a lot of enjoyment of swimging. The more I thought about it the more I agreed. Like she said to me, “you are okay if I suck a strangers dick and swallow but I can not kiss him!” I had the lightbulb moment. I love to kiss as well!

We all enjoy both in different ways. More to enjoy.

It amazes me that couples are fine with their spouse having sex with someone else, but then gets upset with social contact or kissing or any number of other things.

There is a form but they were good and didn’t require all the personal info. We didn’t use last names. Gsve first name and an email address. It’s so hot fucking in front of people. My wife loves it more than I could ever imagined. We were a little shy st first but that went away quickly Oasis is great atmosphere and so relaxed. Ozone is bar style out front and play area in back, which was good too We didn’t like M4, it was creepy. Lots and lots of single men. They are not allowed to the play area until midnight. The men line up around 11:40 like cattle The single men outnumbered the couples by about 3 to 1. It was not our scene at all.

Kissing really isn't that big of a thing, but being connected on social media is a little too close to home. We have a rule that there is no M/F cross contact. It keeps the Ms. 'safe' and removed and doesn't allow the chance of drama happening...what if he WANTS to start something with the Ms. (doesn't matter of she is interested or not). being connected on social media gives him the chance to 'say' things that can 'out' her as a swinger. Just not a good idea.

Because you have already received some very sound advice, I will not say much. I just want you to know that it is possible to enter the lifestyle successfully after an affair. I had two affairs with former boyfriends, and continued both times even after being found out and promising to stop. Eventually, I did stop because of the damage being done to our marriage, and we worked on repairing and strengthening our relationship. As others have said, my husband had no objections to my having sex with other men. The deception and lack of communication was the problem.

We both kiss deeply with the couple we play with, non-issue for us. Mrs. E likes to be kissed and touched and it isn't that personal for her. The social media with a couple you're playing with strikes me as more of a grey area. If you don't know the people involved very, very well, I'd be concerned about someone getting weird. Some people tend to spill too much on Facebook after a few glasses of wine. For that reason, I won't even add coworkers on social media for fear of getting in the middle of something between people from two different parts of my life.

A little harsh there, luvin eye. OP, work on your relationship. Perhaps counseling would help. The best of luck.

One of my favorite things was a couple that had a blowup mattress in their bedroom, significantly below the level of the bed. We could play, hear the sounds of the SOs, but since we couldn't see them without some effort we weren't distracted. It worked very well for the four of us.

I heard that Ozone wants a big form to be filled fro entrance which requires personal details also like add and Tel No? secondly they dont accept cash so you have to pay by credit card which infringes privacy.Lifestyle has to be discreet and personal.I prefer Oasis as they dont ask you for details, you simple log in to your account by email and that's it. Have you been to Oasis? We had fun in red room if you remember.

Me too! I was never that flexible or perhaps innovative!

I've done a "Thank You" kiss on the forehead after cumming, I'm too tall to reach the neck while in missionary. I wouldn't be fucking someone I did not like but the kiss is more in appreciation for her sharing herself. However all bets are uncertain with longer lasting social contact, you all four sharing the same social media?

My wife and I went to the ozone in August. The staff were very friendly. They took us on a tour and showed us around. It had a great dance floor and bar with lots of people dancing and having a great time. Half the people migrated to the play areas around midnight. The play areas were very clean There were many people of all ages with the majority ranging from 25-50. The showers were clean. There were lots of different areas to play No one was pushy. We had a great night and are looking forward to going back soon. We liked the oasis better. It was a much more open and relaxed crowd.

Pretty much the same advice - use a hotel room... never your place - he can get the room or you can but he should since he is the one getting the fun too - Best to use something like kik instead of txt. Do not give out your phone number to him and especially hers. Kik allows communication w/o phone numbers. - make sure he understands your rules and abides by them - If this is a first time meeting, best to meet in the bar for a drink and see if he is who he claims to be from his profile. She needs to make the final decision if she wants him or not. - Always us protection... never without.

I was going down on my wife and I told the other girl to play with her boobs. I knew my wife was ok with a little touching. Next thing I know they're making out like crazy...I stepped back for a second in awe and the girl asked my wife if it was ok to lick her. I asked if she was comfortable with this and she said yes...next thing I know she's having an epic orgasm. It was quite a sight to see! I doubt she would ever reciprocate...but after that who knows? We'll have to wait and see.

You (probably unknowingly) put a ton of pressure on yourself with this being you second woman and your first swinging situation (and your first time with a second live penis). While you may not have known, your subconscious did. The brain will also play tricks on you as well. While you are seeing the hottest thing imaginable, your brain will also say that it can't be happening and not pass on the info to the rest of the body. All of these things are 'normal' (and they SUCK!). Now that it has happened, you keep worrying about will it happen again...so it does (self fulfilling prophecy). The bigger question is how to fix it. Here 'search' is your friend since it has happened to dozens before you. The basics are quit watching porn, quit masturbating (if you are doing it), and stop putting the pressure on yourself (much easier said than done). More extreme solutions include talking with your doctor (there IS a pill for this). While it may be hard for you to ask, they are totally used to being asked and usually won't blink an eye. Bottom line is it's all in your head and you just have to get it worked out, hopefully with the help of a patient girlfriend.

We had a miscommunication moment ourselves last weekend as it happens,we're still quite new experience wise and told the other couple this numerous times along with the fact that we like to take things slowly to start, we had food and some drinks and headed to a club where we had a few more drinks and a dance, we swapped partners to dance and both made out a little, we were then asked if we would like to find a play room, we said yes and off we went, as soon as we got in the play room all the respect they had shown seemed to go out the window, his wife had my cock in her mouth before I'd even got my shirt off, the other guy started fingering my wife quite furiously as soon as her butt touched the bed, we were both a little taken aback and my wife ended up stopping play about 10 minutes in saying that she couldn't relax enough, there were no hard feelings or animosity but my wife and I learned that we really could have perhaps communicated what we wanted better at some point in the evening, but slow and sensual is kinda the norm for us, furious finger blasting must be the norm for them lol My arms still aching actually, I'm not used to keeping up that speed for a full 10 minutes

We would have interpreted it the same way, my wife would have probably informed me not to play and then returned to her play with the other lady, so I'd put it down to miscommunication by them, if you were unsure at the time what she meant then learn from it and just ask next time, but because you were already playing together she should have simply asked you to stop if that was what she wanted

When reading your original post, we thought the same thing that you thought: the two girls were playing and the other couple wanted to keep the guys to their own women. Are you in the wrong: no, not in our opinion. Did they overreact: yep! Either of them could have easily (and politely) asked for you to stop now and this most likely wouldn't have been an issue at all. This is why people who have been in the L/S for awhile shy away from 'noobies'...too much chance of drama (not the two of you but the other couple). Don't take it personal, just move ahead. Maybe in the future you MAY (but we don't feel it necessary) ask to clarify things in the future. You didn't do anything wrong, don't worry about it.

We get what happened and some times it can go a little side ways - they probably think your the worst in the world lol but really it was not that clear either given what was happening, so.... Next time just say do you mean no for both of us? or just your BF? in this kind of situation then everyone is clear, most people that have had a bit more experience would of made it clear with out the drama. Chalk it up as a learning curve. Best of luck to you both for next time.

Well we are engaged and 4 years into our relationship, they were just dating and were 8months into their relationship I believe they said. For us this s something we've been discussing for a while now. No clue about the other couple. But Jay and I know we're going the distance and that trust and honesty we have is shown. I don't think people need to be married to swing but I think having a strong relationship is the block you need to stand on.

I have NEVER been to the clubs, but I am going to jump in anyway. you were both new. I can see where you could misunderstand her statement and believe she was just uncomfortable with your guy. In the future, I think it would be ok to clarify a statement like that. This is one reason however, that I do not find any interest in going to the clubs. regardless, I have had some pretty crazy experiences anyway. I have been on the trouble causing side a few times too and have figured out, it's better to learn something from each experience and move forward with the new knowledge. In this case, to clarify unclear intentions. should you try again?? well, were you enjoying the experience before this uptight couple ruined it? if you went to the bar and an obnoxious person hit on you repeatedly,then a woman came along and told you to back off her man, would you go back to that bar? most likely you would think "what a crazy pair" and you would not hold it against the bar, but would just move on wondering what was wrong with them... you should look at this the same way. they were also new and she miss communicated with you. you should absolutely try again. Don't let one bad apple spoil it for you. If it had been me, I would have probably started crying and ruined everything good that could come of the night, but I would still want to go back another night.

Now the affair was wrong on his part but it could be he was simply wanting the things you say you'd like to explore. In other words, the excitement of someone different. If you're thinking the same way, which you mentioned you are, then this could be something you two will share and that will strengthen your relationship. Someone here wrote something years ago that I've always remembered. "Swinging means never needing to cheat again". I've always felt that was true. I once told my wife, "I don't want to cheat on you, I want to cheat with you."

Swingers, as a group, are very conscience of health, hygiene and stds. I'd be willing to bet your husband did not catch the clap from the people he's blaming, they are just convenient. I'd bet he really doesn't know where he got it but that truth really IS inconvenient. Time to cut your losses he's been screwing around for years.

I agree with everyone else that he is NOT going to change. I would also agree that most likely this was not his first time. As a matter of fact I wouldn't be surprised if the STD screening she showed him was legit. I really have a hard time imagining a couple faking a clean bill of health, why mention it at all, I seriously doubt he requested it. If indeed she showed him a legit clean bill of health, it is very possible he also gave it to them (the clap). If so I bet they will be a lot more careful next time.

These are similar to the thoughts that came into my mind as I read your story. I will add something. After processing the pain, assess you desire to save your relationship. If you feel hope that it can be retained, look for professional help -- a licensed marriage counselor.

My sympathies @waningmoon. Being betrayed sucks, I hope you are seeking solace in friends and family that can help you heal. About your situation, there are two types of non-monogamous relationships, ethical and non-ethical. You've just discovered (to your dismay) that you've actually been part of a non-ethical non-monogamous relationship. Not by your choice obviously, but definitely by his. I would guess that this is a genie that you cannot put back in the bottle. The foundational expectation of your relationship - that you would be sexually and emotionally monogamous - was not in fact a shared by both of you. So, what do you do with that? Well first I encourage you to heal and get over your anger and grief, give yourself the time to do that, and you don't allow yourself to get pushed to 'put it behind you' etc, until you've truly processed this pain and betrayal fully. Then you need to decide what you want to do about your relationship with this man. He has revealed to you that not only is his assumptions about your relationship different than yours, but he's also willing to act on his assumptions regardless of whether you are on board or not. You need to decide if you are willing to be in an 'open-ish' relationship with him. If so, he has to decide if he's willing to abide by some ethical guidelines if that is the case. Open relationships can range from fully and equitably open, to 'don't ask don't' tell. The choice is yours (and his). However, that may be a bridge too far, and if committed monogamy is the only kind of relationship you can see yourself part of, then my gut says this relationship is over. He can promise to be better, but really I think that would just mean better at subjugating/hiding/or disguising his true desires and behaviour. D

We are so sorry to hear about this as well. Just be aware that the swinging community dislikes cheaters probably more than the vanilla world. Cheating and swinging (other than sex) have NOTHING to do with each other. Cheating is about lies, deceit, and darkness while swinging is about open communication, trust and takes place with everyone knowing what is happening out in the light. Most couples know that 'single' men very well could be lying about how 'single' they are and usually make sure that what they are saying is true (single men in swinging are a dime for...well, dozens and dozens). With so many men the 'bad ones' usually don't last very long (once it becomes known they are cheating, the info spreads rather quickly). That, however, doesn't help you at all. As pointed out, just because he got caught this time (it was his first time back...not) doesn't mean that he hasn't been doing it. Do whatever you need to do but realize that most likely he is going to continue doing what he has done and continues to do. If you choose to say, make sure that you 'trust but verify' and do whatever you need to protect yourself. We are so sorry to hear he is putting you through this and wish you the best.

Hidden Beach Resort 7/29-8/7/17 The Canadian couple we met, Sue and Jeff, were good dates. Rob went around to their room door 3 doors down from ours and picked Sue up for dinner at & PM. He wore sandals, no bottoms and one of his dragon Tommy Bahama shirts. Later when I saw Sue and Rob across the restaurant, she was wearing sandals, and a pareo (sarong). She had tied it around her waist and was topless. Dressing for dinner at a nude resort is always interesting. A minute after Rob left Jeff was at our swim up patio door to pick me up. I had the black lace lingerie on that shows in the photos we have posted. Jeff had a crazy red and white Hawaiian shirt on, sandals and that was about it. Soon after we took a table for two at the other end of the restaurant, I removed my lace bra to be topless too. I checked the bra with the waiter(LOL) to pick up later and dined topless. Jeff walked over to the towel shelves and got two towels and put them on our chair seats (a gentleman). Jeff and I ordered off the menu, talked, laughed and enjoyed the evening. We finished eating before Sue and Rob. That’s not surprising because Rob often orders grilled shrimp that are are not on the menu. Jeff and I walked the circuit around the resort talking to kill time before going to the Moonlight Club about a quarter to 9 to be ready for the Maya Dancer show. We had a table for two in front of the stage when I noticed Sue and Rob come in. The chairs and tables were pretty much all taken, so Sue and Rob took their seats on the red bench seating back along the wall. Once again as people came into the club, they all picked up fresh towels to sit on. Gotta love a nice upscale resort. Check the photos out that we have posted of the Moonlight club. Other guests were undressed or dressed in everything from nude to dressy casual if they had been to dinner next door at the sister resort. (We do like the Karisma Chain of El Dorado Hotels). The Maya dancer show was not too good but only about 40 minutes long, but another couple rounds of white wine went down well. I had my hand on Jeff’s thigh a couple times and “happened” to “accidentally” brush his cock...very nice. Rob’s in longer but Jeff’s is definitely thicker/wider. When the Maya show was over the DJ started playing dance music. Rob went up and asked for some better dance music, which finally the DJ played. Many of the guests started leaving after the show and by 10:30 PM there was a table with two couples in the middle of the room, Sue and Rob on the bench seating and Jeff and me at a table close to the stage and dance floor. When Sue and Rob came past us going to the dance floor, they were both nude wearing only sandals and some jewelry. Jeff and I joined them on the dance floor and chatted each other up and decided this was going to be a “really fun” evening. Jeff and I sat down again to finish our drinks and watch Sue and Rob. With my hand on Jeff’s cock, it was getting a rise so he moved his hand to my lap. When I spread my legs a bit, he moved right in to finger my pussy gently. As Rob and Sue left the dance floor, I noticed he had 2/3 of an erection. Generally, he is in better control (LOL). When they got back to their bench seat area, they were all over each other. The bartender and the other two couples could have cared less that Sue and Rob were making out and feeling each other up big time. Rob had a huge erection out in front of everyone that she was feeling. I think lifestyle activities are probably tolerated well as long as people don’t complain and it’s not blatant during the day. Jeff and I got up to leave. Jeff stopped and told Sue and Rob “we’ll see you kids later”. Jeff and I headed back to my room to really get to know each other. Later I found out that Rob and Sue left the Moonlight and walked back to Sue and Jeff’s room. She got a little zip bag with condoms and lube to take way to the end of the resort to a beach bed next to the new high rise. On a beach bed with a blue light shining down, waves crashing, 3/4 full moon, Rob was soon banging Sue. He said he mentioned that two security guys (white shirts, pith helmets) were 10 steps away. He said Sue really went wild and fucked him right back. When they were done, Rob put his used condom in a folded used towel and left all the towels on the beach bed. Rob said he and Sue had to walk right past the security men, saying hi. Evidently, sex on the beach beds is accepted if late and private. Jeff and I were on our bed and I was riding him cowgirl with the patio sheer curtains partly open. I noticed Sue and Rob standing on the patio and tried to give them a really good show. I asked Jeff to finish up doggie style and what a thrill it was especially with Sue and Rob at the patio door watching. When Jeff and I were done, Sue and Rob came in and we all visited for a bit, planning to get together at dinner and the Moonlight the next night, which as their last night. We really like Jeff and Sue as a couple!!!! It’s is really special when everyone get along with each other so well. Better Run!!! Be sure to look at the Moonlight Club photos in with our photos. Julie