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Saturday was a tough day. We went to a sports bar that had plenty of Penn State fans to watch the game and our team lost. Plenty of drinking and partying. Later that night my college friend came back to our place. We have played with her in the past and I would say we all knew that some play would happen and it did. I really don't have a problem sharing my husband. I didn't even mind that he finished with her. We all finally fell asleep. Sunday morning I woke up first and decided to shower and let them sleep. I was going to run out for bagels and donuts for breakfast. While drying off I heard something going on. I went back to the bedroom and saw a pretty hot scene. They were in a 69 position and she was definitely having an orgasm. I didn't interrupt them. When my husband saw me he motioned that I should join in. I didn't. I let them continue. I think I wanted to join but I let them play. I normally don't get jealous but after almost an hour I wanted some. I didn't want to be that person. Should I have joined at some point?

Holy shit!!!! (I just couldn't help myself). Apparently, neither could she. If she has a loose sphincter she obviously should not be engaging in anal in someone else's home. On the other hand, she may have some kind of weird fetish. I once arrested a burglar whose MO was that he'd crap on the floor of every house he ever broke into. Either way, loose back door or fetish, that couple should NEVER get invited back and frankly, I'd tell all of your friends as well. Your outrage is justified and I see no reason for you not to confront them on the next occasion you're all in the club. Its a shitty thing for her/them to do (there I go again…!!. Once is an accident, twice is just not giving a shit! Oh wait, that isn't right either. (OMG, I can't stop!!) Neither could she. Shit!!! You get my point right???

As the saying goes, "There are 10 kinds of people in the world - those that can do binary and those that can't.

As some of you know, I'm working on a rewrite of the novel "Swingin' Down to Tulsa." The following is a chapter I'm deleting from the book. It's based, with some artist's license, on some real experiences. Comments are welcome.   Gettin' into Hot Water “That's the attitude, Girlfriend! Shall we start in the spa?” “I'm pretty lathered up from runnin' barrels. I'd pollute the water. Can I clean up in that huge shower back yonder?” “C'mon, Sugah! Laura and I'll wash your back.” “Would you gentlemen mind dealin' with the dirty dishes? Take your time,” Cynthia said. “We won't be quick. “Take our time, Doll? You got to be kiddin' me!” The men must have set a record for cleaning a dinner table. Hank found a bottle of champagne, opened it, and put it into an ice bucket. He handed Raul and Alan folding sports chairs and led the guys into the bathroom. Their women were involved in a three-way kiss, in the glass shower, their arms wrapped around each other. Water sprayed onto their bodies from two shower heads, surrounding them with a soft fog. “We're way overdressed for this party, Boys,” opined Hank, removing his cowboy boots. More suitably unclad, the three of them watched the show while passing the champagne and a joint that Hank had produced. “We must have done somethin' really good in a past life for Karma to be treatin' us like this, Boys,” said Alan. He hit the joint and passed it. “I've been convinced of that since I met Laura,” Raul replied. “I blame it on the Great Mystery.” “She rewards us in many ways,” mused Hank. He inhaled deeply. “Bring us a sip of that Champagne, Gentlemen. Please.” Three lovely, if wet, faces were in the partially open sliding glass door, their mouths gaping, eyes smiling. Hank poured sparkling liquid into each lovely mouth, then started at the beginning and filled them again. “I smell weed!” said Tammy. Alan fitted the joint to her lips. Back in the shower stall, Cynthia turned off the water. The ladies slathered each other with body wash until all three were richly lathered. Cynthia turned the spray back on. Their hands seldom stopped as they flushed the suds away. With a comb that lived in the shower, they combed each other's soggy hair, Cynthia combing Tammy's pubic hair last. “Alan, would you bring the Champagne again, please?” Each lady turned the bottle up twice. Laura and Cynthia pulled Alan under the shower and rinsed his body from head to toe, with strong emphasis on his penis. Laura and Cynthia, one on each of Alan's arms, led a dripping cowboy from the shower. “We'll be in the spa, Honey. Would y'all bring Tammy along, please?” Hank and Raul joined Tammy under the shower heads, taking turns kissing her while she helped wash their bodies. There was a trail of water standing on the brick floor tiles in a path running through the cabin to the patio doors. “And I had asked myself if I really thought swingin' would be fun,” marveled Tammy. “Silly, naive me!” “Go do our husbands, Girlfriend,” said Laura. “you're in for a memorable treat.” Hank and Raul were standing by the spa, each with a large terry towel. They wrapped them around Tammy. They picked her up like a bride who had two grooms and carried herinto the bedroom, taking turns kissing her along the way. Hank pulled the covers off the bed, leaving only the bottom sheet and a half-dozen pillows. “Face down, please, Tammy.” He retrieved a bottle of lotion from the headboard. Kneeling on each side of her, the men slowly and lightly caressed the lotion into her skin from her thighs to her neck and shoulders and back again, and again, and again. She was purring. Raul slid down and took her foot between his slick palms and kneaded lotion into it softly while Hank massaged her neck and shoulders, laying down kisses between his hands. Raul continued his attention up her leg, her thigh, to her buttocks, always kissing the spot he'd just massaged, then worked his way down the other side. Hank turned her over and kissed her lips. Raul squirted a stream of lotion across her breasts and down to her mound. Their fingers lightly spread the balm over her body, down her legs to her feet, always working slowly and meticulously to cover her skin with lotion. Raul slid up her body and found Hank nursing her left breast. He began circling her right nipple with his tongue. Hank's hand found her core. Tammy spread her legs. Raul kissed his way down her strawberry flavored body and applied several licks and kisses to and around Hank's active middle finger, licking the labia to the side. She was moaning. “I need a cock,” Tammy announced, and swung a leg over Hank's body. “Not like that, Darlin'. Reverse cowgirl, please.” She turned around and tucked him expertly into her, rocking her body into Hank's probing as she settled him deeply. Tammy's lips were available, so Raul kissed her. He kissed his way to her ears, neck, shoulders, nipples, and down her body. When he reached her mound, Raul was greeted with the prettiest clitoris, just above where Hank disappeared into her. Raul kissed her clit tenderly, teased it a bit with his tongue and spread her labia wider. “Oh, God! I'm gonna come! Oh, yes, Raul!” “Kiss me, Honey! MMMft!” Raul looked over her mound to see Alan passionately kissing her lips while Laura sucked her nipple. Raul moved up her body to her left boob. Hank lost his connection but Cynthia quickly captured his erupting penis. Tammy lifted her thigh over Cynthia's head and slid off Hank's body, allowing Raul to slide between her thighs. An anonymous hand guided him into her. Alan surrendered Tammy's lips to Raul. He kissed Laura as Raul settled into the missionary position with Tammy, who wrapped her legs around his body and held him in place while her hips continued to rock. Hank urged Laura onto her back and moved between her welcoming thighs. Alan and Cynthia lay similarly on the other side. “Do missionaries swing?” Raul wondered.

Former musician here: I cannot have music playing if I am trying to do ANYTHING else (especially sex). I end up listening too hard to the music to be able to do a good job with anything else.

Haven't been through it, but we ALL have our own scars. Have you undergone reconstruction? Either way, it would not be a deal breakeer for us. We care more about the person and the personality than the scars they carry.

We started with this rule in place and have just kept it. It seems to make the other couple more comfortable and we just haven't come up with a good reason to set it aside. It doesn't hurt anything and only protects and comforts the women.

My doctor looks for it during my checkups.

Short answer, no. If your partner is against breaking social constraints, that's the way it is. The question is, do you wish to pursue other sexual outlets, or keep your relationship?

Here's a follow up to my original question. I used STDcheck.com to arrange for the testing. They offer a 10 panel test for $198.00, covering HIV type 1 & type 2 antibody/antigen (4th gen), herpes type 1 & type 2, hepatitis A, hepatitis B & hepatitis C, chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis. After setting up an account and making your online payment, you choose Quest or Labcorp for your blood draw, and then you print a certificate for that lab that describes the tests to be done and to indicate you've already paid for the tests. Because it's a simple blood draw, you don't need to schedule an appointment (which can further protect your identity, if that's important to you); you can walk in, present the certificate, and then wait for your blood draw. I scheduled an appointment just to be sure I wouldn't have to wait. I went to Labcorp, presented the certificate, and they did the blood draw. Total time there was less than 10 minutes. The medical assistant was very nice (and chatty). I received my results in my account mailbox the next day. (All clear!) That was surprisingly fast but it may be because I live in a major city and lab facilities are abundant. While the cost felt a bit steep, the experience was easy and quick.

It's not that there is one particular site. It's what Sun&Moon and others talk about in their post responses. It's quite simply knowing yourselves, being honest about what you want and getting to know people. I sometimes use the term "vetting" someone - it sounds a bit business like but that's kinda what you need to do IMHO. It often goes sometihing like this for us - we find a profile which is well written and intelligent with some pictures that actually look like some time and thought was given to selecting the pictures. The Mrs has her type and she will say let's see how it goes. The initial conversations are with me and the Mrs reads them later (she will join the conversations when she feels like it). A good number of the men usually flake at this point or some flags show up that have us thank them and we move on. If the conversations go well we meet in a public place for a drink and see how we all get along. There is often a difference between an online personality and a RL personality. If that meeting goes well we will play. The only time we have ever met someone and played that same night was with couples. We never have done that with a SM. So really try and get in tune with what you guys are looking for and take your time selecting someone to be with. My wife calls me the PR person, she doesn't get interested in all the talking and sorting through the messages, I actually enjoy it. To me it is very much like dating in that you will talk to a lot of people and eventually end up meeting the right one at the right time and those end up usually being the best dates for us (both 3 somes and 4 somes). When we first started we didn't understand what some folks meant when they mentioned they wanted to "click" or have the "right vibe" with people. We do now. It's a slower process but we aren't looking for numbers and so far we have not had anyone stand us up and no show on a meet. Even the few folks who after we have met and did not end up playing are still friends. Take the time to understand what you both want out of it. Understand that, at least for us, we are not looking for someone to date or such, just someone who we sexually click with and it all just kinda flows when it's right.

Music engages my mind almost completely which makes it a distraction while having sex. My wife feels differently. She likes music that has a lively beat while having sex. When it becomes a choice between here preference and mine, I concede to her preference.

This is a cool idea at home. Separate beds in a hotel room works out, too: you can often get two queen-size beds for the same price as a king. Being physically separated but still able to see is exciting.

You share a fantasy many guys have once they have been in a secure relationship for a while. It was my fantasy as well and one I never thought or dreamed I would see but time and patience made it all happen. And the outcome has brought us closer together and the sex is even hotter. I learned a couple of things along the way and it verifies what others have said that have had success as well: 1. Don't push the agenda. Needs to be slow and patient. 2. You will not be able to convince her. She needs to come to a level of comfort on her own terms and time. 3. Provide opportunities that allow her to explore a little further each time. 4. Reassure her that you love her and her only. And you are not jealous of seeing her pleasured by others. 5. Make it all about her. She makes the final decisions each time as to how far she wants to go. It has taken some time but it is unbelievable now where we are and we continue to explore...together!

I would say to just keep doing what you are already doing, talking. She may never become interested, but the more she knows about what your thoughts and motivations are, and the more she examines her own thoughts and motivations, then it's possible she will start to break through the barriers she has about it. It's no guarantee, some people, most people actually, just aren't cut out for swinging, and that's ok. I should also say that even though the idea is very exciting to you, make sure talking doesn't turn into nagging from her perspective, because no one likes to be nagged at, especially on a subject they aren't that comfortable with. Should she start to have interest in expanding your sexual horizons together, then the idea you mention about letting someone watch is on the right track I think. Instead of trying to make that happen, just let it develop on its own. Go away for a weekend together and go to a swingers club. Go with absolutely no intentions or plans other than having a fun night out with each other. If she finds that environment sexy and she is open to you two having sex with each other in one of the open playrooms where others can see you, then try that. If she isn't that comfortable, then don't push it. Everything should be about letting her decide what is right for her.