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I think you mean most Swingers "condemn" cheating. Not to be the grammar Nazi, but condone and condemn are polar opposites.

Jealousy, insecurities, and possessiveness are in us all. Some of us can dismiss it most of the time but, they're still in us. I watched the PSU/OSU game Saturday and I'm betting you had a feeling of betrayal when it ended. PSU should have won. I think it's the worse game I've seen James Franklin coach. Could it be that your morning feelings of jealousy and being left out might be just a hangover from your feelings from the game? If this seems possible, tell your husband about it and the two of you have a good laugh. But do let him know that you had feelings that upset you a bit. The lifestyle is all about being totally open and honest with each other.

Ok, I'm really trying to come up with an innocent explanation here and falling short. So, giving some generous benefit of the doubt, I could see that the first time he didn't want to make a big production out of dealing with the errrr "it" to save her being mortified with embarrassment, and so he just went with the quick out of sight out of mind approach and then maybe just forgot the towel was there. Ok, so that was being generous for the first time, but twice?

Holy shit!!!! (I just couldn't help myself). Apparently, neither could she. If she has a loose sphincter she obviously should not be engaging in anal in someone else's home. On the other hand, she may have some kind of weird fetish. I once arrested a burglar whose MO was that he'd crap on the floor of every house he ever broke into. Either way, loose back door or fetish, that couple should NEVER get invited back and frankly, I'd tell all of your friends as well. Your outrage is justified and I see no reason for you not to confront them on the next occasion you're all in the club. Its a shitty thing for her/them to do (there I go again…!!. Once is an accident, twice is just not giving a shit! Oh wait, that isn't right either. (OMG, I can't stop!!) Neither could she. Shit!!! You get my point right???

Of course, after I ordered Cialis from Canada, my insurer accepted the appeal from my urologist for Cialis. So I went from 400 to 212 to 40/month. It’s the only prescription drug I use!

Yes it's possible that you were set up but it's more probable that her partner talked her into something that she really didn't want to do. We've met a few couples like this over the years and we've learned to sense when the female isn't really into it. We also only do same room for the first time to make sure that everyone is on the same page. My female half watches my back with a new couple and the other male wouldn't be fucking her if the female left the room.

We started with this rule in place and have just kept it. It seems to make the other couple more comfortable and we just haven't come up with a good reason to set it aside. It doesn't hurt anything and only protects and comforts the women.

The long answer is maybe. The solution is to try talking about it. Find out why they are having problems with this. It could be that they just aren't 'cut out' for it or it could be that they just feel uncertain and afraid of damaging the relationship. If it is the first, you are done...just accept it and move forward. If it is the second, keep working on your trust and communication. This is a Pandora's box that cannot be closed after opening and they just may think that your relationship is more important than the risk...not a bad thing. Swinging is and will always be a TEAM sport. If one of you doesn't want to play, then don't play. What NOT to do is pressure them or try to convince them to do it knowing that they still don't want to. Make your relationship as solid as you can and then see where you are. Trying to force something will only do way more damage than good. Swinging will show your relationships faults and flaws and trying to use it to cover them will not work. Our short answer: Work on your relationship and then see where you both are.

Saturday was a tough day. We went to a sports bar that had plenty of Penn State fans to watch the game and our team lost. Plenty of drinking and partying. Later that night my college friend came back to our place. We have played with her in the past and I would say we all knew that some play would happen and it did. I really don't have a problem sharing my husband. I didn't even mind that he finished with her. We all finally fell asleep. Sunday morning I woke up first and decided to shower and let them sleep. I was going to run out for bagels and donuts for breakfast. While drying off I heard something going on. I went back to the bedroom and saw a pretty hot scene. They were in a 69 position and she was definitely having an orgasm. I didn't interrupt them. When my husband saw me he motioned that I should join in. I didn't. I let them continue. I think I wanted to join but I let them play. I normally don't get jealous but after almost an hour I wanted some. I didn't want to be that person. Should I have joined at some point?

And this is why we never play with anyone we just met. We need to know who they are, see if anyone we know knows them, check out their social media, etc. Sounds paranoid but we try all we can to avoid this kind of drama.

My husband and I play separately all of the time, at parties and on dates. I have a BF as well who I have spent the night with. (Yes, his wife knew. We do not condone lying and do not want any part of it) We do not do the club scene nor do we ind people online. The couples we meet we meet at parties, meet and greets, and through friends. We get to know people before playing as well as finding out who they know and "vetting" them a bit before playing. I am sure they probably do the same with us. My husband has no problem finding partners and plays a lot more than I do.

Excellent. I understand. Now that you mention, I did perceive significant lessons in your book. And Gettin' into Hot Water is a good story for Swingersboard.

This is the definition of 'taking one for the team'. We've met couples where the woman has said (when her partner wasn't around) that she was only doing this to make her husband happy and that once he 'got it out of his system' they would not do it again. But that ISN'T what happens. Once he does it the first time, he quickly looks for the send and third. Needless to say we ran (not walked) from this couple. Some (most) people just aren't cut out for the trust and communication required to be swingers...

Not really, SW_PA_Couple. I've gotten some criticism that the sex scenes overwhelm the lessons to be learned from the rest of the book. I admit that Laura and I waxed heavily on the sexy parts, with the idea that "sex sells." The flow of the story works better, with Tammy's first threesome (Six-some?) left in mystery. I thought this chapter would be well-received here on the board, so I posted it here rather than delete it. The people and events that inspired this chapter are at ease with their sexuality. Thanks for your input! Alura

I forgot that I wanted to also say: Cheating is something that you do behind your partners back...in the dark, and involves lies and deception. Swinging is something done WITH your partner as a team. It is only done because they have good communication, love and trust. There are no secrets and no deception. The ONLY thing they have in common is sex. Most (if not all) swingers condone cheating. Swinging and cheating are not even close to being related.

Walking thru the door is going to be much harder than anything else you may experience. Most people in a club are very polite and professional. Most will usually ask before doing anything. Of course the key word is 'most', however if you run across someone who doesn't, usually telling them to stop will end it. Nobody wants a bad rep and to not be invited back. Set your boundaries (even if it is to just watch for the night) and go. You will most likely have an amazing time (there's that 'most' again).

Probably not. At most clubs (check out the one you're thinking of on the 'Swinging at Clubs' forum) people are pretty respectful. If anything, your first experience may actually be a disappointment in that you may not get approached enough! The probability is that everyone will respect the boundaries that they know about. If someone's too pushy, politely tell them you aren't interested; they should leave you alone. And if that doesn't work, tell a member of the staff. Go - you'll be fine!

Are you removing this part owing to the fact that people involved in the actual incident might recognize themselves in it?

You are an angel. You let them experience a sexual moment. You will have many chances to join if that's what you want. I would have gone for the donuts and left them alone. I'm not one to watch though.

Greetings. First, we're glad you have come here for insight. Second, we can reflect but only you can respond. There are only two people who really have insight into a relationship--those who are in it. Third, the conversation here really is about the relationship. All relationships have physical, emotional, financial and other aspects. Sex is a component of a physical relationship. Yet the conversations you will have with your partner will span all of the aspects. Fourth, cheating is operationally defined as doing something without your partner's knowledge and consent. Going and buying an expensive luxury--particularly one that is not shared--without your partner's knowledge and consent is also cheating. Reciprocally, doing something with your partner's knowledge cannot be deceptive; doing it with their consent implies acceptance. Swinging and cheating can both involve sex, but the knowledge/consent aspect of the former makes the two mutually exclusive. The only way that swinging and cheating are "similar" is that they involve physical pleasure with other people. There are two issues on the table that are worth of discussion. First, what does sex represent for the two of you and importantly for your relationship? How are exclusivity and any (marital) vows wired into the fabric of trust? Second, what is your (plural) calculus for pleasure and happiness? Under what circumstances (if any, even in vanilla life) is it okay for your partner to have a better experience than you do? DO you require each other to "take turns" doing fun things? Do you find joy when your partner is happy and having fun, regardless of your current experience? Is sex the only venue in which you focus on each other's pleasure? Good luck.

Thank you guys, thank you so much. At times I can be overly selfish and start thinking about myself and my carnal desires a bit too much. I know it's something she enjoys also but it's something she has to enjoy when she feels like it, not only me. Put alot of things into perspective, I really appreciate it.

Thanks for the replys, I feel alot better about the situation. I think what had me paranoid about it is a story that I heard. There was a couple that would only play separate rooms. Turned out they weren't a couple, they were cousins. The while thing was a set up. They'd separate the couple and the guy would get his rocks of while his cousin would cry and and try to stall. A really FD up way to try and get laid. Anyway, my wife is very happy to hear that you all don't believe it was a setup. She felt very dirty over the whole thing.

My wife has not had a surgery for removal of a lump or a breast but I do play frequently with a woman who has had both breasts removed. She feels a little self-conscious about her scars so she wears a sort of a corset that is rather like a sports bra so as to cover that part of her upper torso. She tells me that she misses activity like nipple play but enjoys all other aspects of foreplay and "the sex act". And I enjoy playing with her. I nibble on her lower lip and on her neck and see much the same response as I used to see nibbling on nipples. Your mileage might vary.

My guess, Lioness, is that you enabled them to have a unique experience. Had you joined that would have changed. In my opinion, you handled the situation beautifully. Next time, you might join in during a rest. Thanks for posting a unique question.

...or, there are 3 kinds of people in this world, those who understand math, and those who don't...

My wife likes no more than 2 at a time but there can be multiple 2s in the same night if its the right party. I know she has had 8 different guys in one night. After a while I cant keep up so I just watch or talk to a few of the women.

My wife and I have been playing MFM or MMMFM for many years and I would say that it happened a lot of times, mostly in Clubs, but this may not be common to every woman because mine loves anal, so she really enjoys DP. Sometimes we went into a group room with up to 4 or 5 other guys and she outperforms all of them on this sense. We have a long-standing friend who is our more frequent partner and since he is long and thin it is perfect for DPs, in her opinion, and every time we get together we DP'ed her.

When swinging "started" it was defined as "Recreational sex between consenting adults." Thus, "Swinging Singles" Until the "lifestyle" came along there was no definition that included couples. Swinging was doing just fine without it being defined as something for "couples" for many years thank you.... I got it!