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Well, three out of five of the responses the OP listed are positive ones, one could go either way depending, and only one was clearly negative. Read through the threads here and that's consistent...some women are really turned on by it, some are in the middle somewhere, and some are turned off by it. The vast majority of society doesn't understand swingers either but that hasn't stopped any of us from doing it. Although I'm not into it myself, I feel the same way about this subject as I do that one - don't want to swing, then don't. Don't want to suck cock, then don't. But for those that do, they're grown adults able to make their own decisions, so more power to them if that's what they like.

My first thought (also) is: Does your wife participate with you on this BBS? There is a wealth of information and expereince here, and it could be a really fun thing to do, and learn, together. Lots of good suggestions here, especially the "Meet & Greet" attendance. That is a very popular way to connect with like-minded folks, and get clarification on questions y'all may have. Just be sure to do what you need to do (whatever that may be), to assure her that the event will be "no pressure". As for your question about your wife getting wet associated with role-play... I'd be inclined to answer: "Yes".... However: I agree with the tread lightly ("baby steps") approach. Being pushy and aggressive seldom gets you a desirable result. About 8 years ago I was trying to get my partner to warm-up to my favorite kink: V&E (voyeurism & exhibitionism). We were on cam on AFF (which can be a bit of a zoo), naked in bed, just chatting with some of the watchers, and lightly fondling each other occasionally. Folks were being civil, and politely encouraging & complimentary, especially of her. (It took months BTW, to get her to agree to do even that. We always kept our faces hidden.) She was being (typically) quiet, and a bit shy. I was doing most of the chatting. Something prompted me at one point to feel how wet she was, and much to my surprise she was completely soaked. After a quick whispered exchange we turned off the cam and had one of the best play sessions we'd had up to that point. This was definitely a turning-point event. She soon afterward (matter of weeks) became a very willing participant, putting on live sex shows on cam, and even getting creative about it, making suggestions, etc. She really got into it, which was a very substantial turnabout from her attitude when we started. The main point to the story is that, as mentioned, everyone is not necessarily wired the same way, but sometimes it takes the right trigger for someone to come out of their shell, if that is where they are inclined to go, but don't know it yet. As has been suggested already, be patient and keep your relationship first. The fact that she will even discuss these things is a good indicator. And always be sure to move no faster than the speed of the slowest person involved.

Booze wI'll also retard my orgasm. We have to know what our limits are. This is difficult sometimes when considering the dynamic of a club, house party or private meeting. We have cocktails to be social and to break the ice. My ability to get off seems to be inversely proportional to the number of cocktails I have injested.

We seem to have the same problem at getting things started. I know when we were new another couple had us play some games to break the ice, one of them being sexy dice. It took hours of warming up before we finally played. Others that are more forward with us seem to get us to play a lot sooner. Our problem is we aren't forward enough sometimes (or I don't take their hints seriously enough I guess) so we end up missing opportunities. We're trying to figure out what to do to speed things up as well. The thing that I am going to focus on is maybe being more subtle with hints like touching their back, arms, legs occasionally to test waters and boundaries, flirt a little more and maybe play some games as well. We have a newer couple coming over tonight and we're going to have a few drinks, get in the hot tub and maybe play sexy dice or truth or dare if we need to in order to get things going. When we've seen more successful couples at parties it seems that they just go for it. The more you put things off the more the other couples get disinterested. I hope that helps.

Has your wife read this board at all? What about going to a meet and greet in your area? She would have the opportunity to talk to other women about the exerience and fantasies, things we don't share with our vanilla friends. At a meet and greet there is no pressure to play. If interested she may agree to a party or club with the agreement to only play with each other and enjoy the environment. MFM's are my favorite, my idea as a single lady without a partner. Fantasy to reality took a while as I was trying to understand my desires and how to make them happen.

There is never an excuse or reason for cheating. There are excuses that one will give. To shift the blame is wrong. I am saying this from the one who has cheated. I owned up to it. I felt guilty. The best part is my husband excepted my apology and this was before we were married. My cheating is different than your husband. I/we were not swingers, I ended up in a bed with a college friend and a guy she was with. It was my first time with a female. It's a long story but in the end my mistake was forgiven and it even made our relationship stronger. I have figured that his forgiveness is a major part of why we love each other.

Sun&Moon display what is probably a fairly popular response to the mfm or swing idea. The idea appeals to the woman during sex, and the fantasy makes her super hot. The actual act with a 3rd person or swap can bring out some amazing sexiness. But the brain is great at torturing us. Women in particular seem to be more influenced by feelings and perceptions. If they feel like a slut or threatened, even socially or religiously, it can have a negative effect. I don't think men are very good at understanding a woman's feelings toward sex. To the guy, it's just another dick, another way to have fun. To the woman, they are putting everything they are out there. The risk is way higher in several ways. I must have read a hundred posts about guys trying to get their wife interested in some group sex. Sometimes it works, sometimes it works for awhile. Usually it doesn't work. I feel that pushing it can have the desired immediate effect but cause long term damage. Remember, your wife want's to please you. Sometimes she will go along with ideas she is not on board with to please. Be careful.

Difficult. Trying to figure out why it happened will just eat you up. Even the cheater might not understand or be able to articulate it, not even in his own head. But it's not your fault, and not a reflection on anything you've done (including swinging). The usual advice for these situations is giving yourself space and time to calm down and work out what you want, in your own time. You could even ask him to move out until that happens - actions speak louder than words. But maybe him staying in the basement for a while is distant enough... If you decide to stay together it should probably be on the basis that he has an awful lot of redeeming features which, if this ever happened again, would compensate for his selfish behavior.