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Those don't cure an over thinker's brain. Viagra can't help me if I'm not comfortable and relaxed with the situation. I've started to see my pattern with this issue and if I haven't had time prior to play to make out, touch the Mrs and vice versa playfully, or just go from a club to a room suddenly I'm probably going to have issues with someone new. It's 100% my brain and while I'm sick of it, I'm at least learning what my issue is so I can work around it.

For the less experienced couple, what matters most is setting expectations and boundaries. For new couples, the venture into the LS is both exciting and scary. The reasons are simple, yet poorly acknowledged. You might simply take the list and get the issues out on the table. 1. Our relationship has been sexually exclusive; that exclusivity represents (not "is", "represents") one of our marital vows. What is the basis of our relationship if we let that exclusivity go? 2. We are new at this. We don't want to seem too forward, or too reticent, or... 3. We don't want to disappoint our dates, each other, ourselves. 4. We might experience jealousy, envy, sadness,.... There are several antidotes to this. 1. Remember the other couple are supposed to be playmates. Not lovers, spouses, judges, ... playmates. 2. Everyone has a first time. Every couple has many more first dates than second dates. Go meet them in a public place, decide if you like them, don't settle for folks you don't really like. 3. Tell them that it is not only a first date, but also your first time. You'll be pleasantly surprised how sensitive people in the LS are. 4. You are supposed to have fun. If it doesn't feel fun, stop. Regroup. 5. Communicate what you want...and what you don't want. People are not mind readers. Communicate what you like... and what you don't like. 6. At the outset, make a point of communicating and respecting boundaries--yours, your partners, and theirs. 7. Afterwards, talk though the experience with each other. Talk about what you felt for yourself, and for your partner. Many couples (we're in this group) find that even soft play with another couple gets the couple extra hot for each other. Let it happen.

Actually, the % of bi guys in the lifestyle is pretty high and getting higher all the time, so I wouldn't say they are in the wrong place. I can recall when it was a nonstarter, and almost zero guys within the lifestyle would openly admit to being bi, I've watched the pendulum swing almost completely in the last 20 years, to the point where those who are completely against it are the minority. Even those guys who aren't into it and not remotely interested are mostly accepting of the idea that others are and they can deal with the discussion of it or even the idea of it happening in front of them (so long as it's not too them). This is a forum section for bisexuality, it is not limited to female bisexuality. If a topic offends you it may be best to avoid it.

This also says to everyone else it's time to get this party started. Exposing boobs will almost always end a conversation and start something else (and something that we never get board with).

No such thing as too much sex or too much information.

I (Mr) prefer separate rooms. It's way less distracting for all the way around. If that is off the table I prefer separate beds for the same reason. I'm coming to the realization that unless I'm with someone I've already been with the same bed situation is just too distracting for me unless I've been making out with the other woman for a while prior.

The tipping balance for me was picking out the man I wanted to be with on my own. We joined AFF and originally my partner would say... look at who is interested. It wasn't until I did the searching and the chatting that I became invested and interested. My partner was amazing at making the whole experience so wonderful. The night we were to get together with the fellow I chose, my bf took me to dinner, took me shopping and then we went dancing with the fellow I chose, it was truly a fantastic night because my partner made me feel like a princess. I got dressed all sexy and felt on top of the world. The man I chose was fellow it was my first mmf and I think that helped with his gentle approach. A night I will never forget.

Glad to hear you guys were giving it serious thought, and glad to hear you're taking it seriously. It sounds like you made a responsible call.

Every situation is different. On one hand it's easy to say "avoid newbie-ish" couples/people and things will roll smoother, but I've had the same problems with more experienced couples (especially the can't get them to stop talking part). What I've found does help the most is 1. Make sure there is mutual interest in play before getting together into any play scenario. I know you said you'd met hotel couple a couple of times before, but it sounds like that was the first intent to play occasion so it kinda makes sense that things would move slow. It may also have helped if there'd been a little more expectation laid out for the weekend. "Hey let's get together and spend the weekend TOGETHER doing x,y,&z". The fact that they disappeared all day every day leads me to believe that they weren't totally comfortable yet and were "hiding" a little bit, then came out in the evening when (just a guess) alcohol was probably a little more free flowing, which leads me to... 2. If they have to drink to play, move along - they aren't ready 3. Have something worked out with your own partner so that if things aren't moving well or if they get stuck you can get things rolling even if it's just on your own. My current partner and I have a thing where if he gets stuck in a conversation too long (which has happened a few times) I pull my boobs out. This is his sign to wrap that conversation up because I'm bored. Also, nothing gets things moving quite like naked boobies. At some point, someone's clothes have to start coming off. It's hard if you aren't the outgoing type or are afraid of rejection. In this case I look at it from the aspect of I know I won't be rejected by my partner so whatever else happen is bonus. If you get things going with your own partner chances are they will follow suit or join you in some way and things can move from there.

When we first meet (for us it's usually dinner or drinks and goodbye...gives everyone a chance to talk about the meeting and decide if it is a good fit), we make it a point to bring up the topic of sex (you would be surprised how many couples that we've met that were uncomfortable to talk about sex). Any past experiences, limits and rules, preferences, expectations, etc. That way if there is a second meeting, everyone already knows what is and isn't on the table. The second meeting, the 'hurtle' is getting started. This is where the hot tub comes into play. We have a sign on the deck that says: Pool and hot tub -> Suits optional. We give them the option. If it isn't a home game, we try to (at some point) steer the conversation towards sex again and see where that goes. We also are quick to remind them that nothing will happen that they don't want to have happen. History has taught us that noobies are expecting the 'more experienced' couple to take the lead, but to do so in a way where they feel respected and 'safe'. Trust is key so take them to the door and let them know that they control what does or does not happen from that point.

I'm going to call it a successful failure; a failure in that we did not go to the club. It was a successful failure in that I used what I'd learned on this site to make the decision that we weren't ready to go. We never did quite have "the talk" prior to going out and I decided our communication needs to improve before we put ourselves in that situation. Newbies are one thing, newbies who haven't communicated clearly before going to the club are a disaster waiting to happen. A disaster that would likely put a damper on others' evenings too. I'm certain that in our case a first club experience that was a bad experience would also be our last experience at the club. Better to wait until we're ready, if ever, than set ourselves up for a bad situation out of impatience and slam the door on this notion forever.

ED meds, Viagra, Cialis, etc. I call it my insurance policy. If a man has trouble achieving erection, this is the ticket.

Sun&Moon display what is probably a fairly popular response to the mfm or swing idea. The idea appeals to the woman during sex, and the fantasy makes her super hot. The actual act with a 3rd person or swap can bring out some amazing sexiness. But the brain is great at torturing us. Women in particular seem to be more influenced by feelings and perceptions. If they feel like a slut or threatened, even socially or religiously, it can have a negative effect. I don't think men are very good at understanding a woman's feelings toward sex. To the guy, it's just another dick, another way to have fun. To the woman, they are putting everything they are out there. The risk is way higher in several ways. I must have read a hundred posts about guys trying to get their wife interested in some group sex. Sometimes it works, sometimes it works for awhile. Usually it doesn't work. I feel that pushing it can have the desired immediate effect but cause long term damage. Remember, your wife want's to please you. Sometimes she will go along with ideas she is not on board with to please. Be careful.

Why would any man suck cock when there are women in the room? There have been several threads like this lately and neither I nor Mrs Doc understands the trend. The OP may want to pay attention to the laughter or the disgust from women, there's a message in laughter and it's not encouragement. Unless of course the OP's primary goal is sucking cock. If that's the case, he's looking in the wrong places. There are plenty of cocks to lick, angle your head properly and suck in gay bars (Im sure there are a few in AZ)or on Craigs list.