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We have remarked elsewhere that we are more engaged with the organ that lies between the ears than the one between the thighs, even in the LS. The neologism for this preference is "sapiosexual", denoting sexual attraction to (and arousal in response to) intelligence. The topic has been discussed in websites aimed at men , magazines aimed at women and even in that staid publication, The New York Times. Characteristics of sapiosexuals are said to include: Attraction increases the more you learn about someone and get to know them. Given a choice, you would prefer a great conversation over mediocre sex. What s/he knows is a bigger turn on than what s/he possesses. Disregard for language (including bad grammar) is a turn-off. Sapiosexuals are more likely to seek--and are more likely to find--a diamond in the rough. Curiosity and a love of knowledge for its own sake is a turn-on. With that in mind, here is yet another poll....

We've been hosting parties at our home for 15 years, many times with 12 or more couples. We only invite people that we already know and feel that they will fit in with our style of group play. The parties have always been by invitation only and are never publicly advertised. Guests may recommend someone new as long as they have actually played with them and feel that they would be compatible. So far it has worked out well for us and we prefer house parties to hotel parties.

I feel this site attracts some pretty hard core swingers. Many are the type of swingers we all yearn to become. There's almost no jealousy and most people seem genuinely happy to watch their significant other enjoy themselves. What I am wondering is how often you actually reach orgasm while swinging? Is it most of the time? My husband is pretty hard core but rarely cums with other women. I do on occassion but definitely more often I do not. I enjoy the sex but don't climax. Is this normal?

Definitely, the mind is important, and attitude toward sex (through use of brain power) will determine if the person is an interesting sexual person. There are lots of people who I find interesting, but there is no sexual connection. But in order for there to be a sexual connection, there has to be something going on in the intellectual sphere. To Judy39, there is quite a difference between sloppy use of the language by a native speaker and the errors that are made by people that are not native speakers. I don't think we are so narrow minded that we don't allow for those slips which are often quite endearing. I, for one, have enough trouble communicating in only one language; I have the highest regard for those who can do so in more than one language.

A very interesting question. Being a guy, I can’t talk about seeing the size of another guy at a party, that would have been for my wife. I will say that the guys she was attracted to (other than the one gang bang she participated in,) were usually clothed before she decided to go with them. So, unless she had x-ray eyes, it couldn’t have been their tool size that was the determining factor. For me, it is usually a flirtatious manner that attracts me. Oh, physical attributes such as pleasing breast shape or a great ass will provide a certain bump, but that’s not the all of it. Let me tell you a story that illustrates my point. We arrived at one party, fashionably late. We only knew one other couple there, out of a crowd of thirty or so. We entered the kitchen and a woman who was dressed in a floor length lace gown approached me. She said, “I’m the inspector. Ready to be inspected?” I agreed and she then flowed to me, kissed me passionately. After thirty seconds or so we broke and she declared, “Oh, you definitely pass.” Then she walked away, giving me a glance over her shoulder. She was mildly attractive, but not a knockout by anyone’s standards. For the next hour, while the party was warming up, I kept seeing her give me the eye from time to time. Not that I was the only one, she was flirting with other men simultaneously. Later I made a point of looking her up, and as I fondly remember, she gave me a wonderful time that night! Had she not teased me the way she did, I’m sure I would have passed her over.

The reason I say women are better is because I prefer a feminine face. Two of the best I've ever had were long 69s with 2 different men. One I was on top and one I was on bottom. Big difference in the feel. You are right. If a man is going to suck, he is doing it because he likes it. There are many hangups he has to get past. One of the biggest was getting on my knees in front of another man.

I think it comes down to the individual giving the blow job and why. A male friend has shared he has sucked cock because his partner was into watching. Some women only do so because it is expected. ("I don't have to do that anymore because I am married now" has been said, they are now divorced.)I enjoy giving good head and love my partners' reactions and still ask what they like. I am a bit of an enthusiast perhaps, read a couple of books on the subject. That being said I can't get behind the idea of sucking on a strap on. Each to their own. Ironically my first high school boyfriend and I broke up because I was reluctant, I hadn't ever seen a live penis before that.

I want to clear up a couple of misconceptions in Sun&Moon's post above (no offence S&M)... Cialis actually comes in 4 dosage strengths, 2.5mg, 5gm, 10mg and 20mg. The lower doses (2.5mg and 5mg) are generally used as daily medications, while the higher doses are "as needed". The daily low dose is also used for BPH (Benign Prostatic Hypertrophy). This is part of the reason for daily dosing. Cialis is not necessarily aimed at long term treatment, unless for BPH, or spur (sperm?) of the moment action (same as Viagra). Viagra is no more of an instant fix than the higher doses of Cialis. The nice thing is that there are choices. If one doesn't work for you, the other might. There is also Levitra which is in the same class of drugs. I would caution against breaking any pill in half, especially those intended for slow release (ED drugs are not slow release however). Breaking pills in half will sometimes break down the slow release matrix and cause the drug to be absorbed much faster than intended. As mentioned in my previous post, I start taking low dose Cialis a few days before a planned sexual encounter, and it most often starts working after the first dose. On the day the action is to take place, I will take the full dose, just to be sure (Cialis or Viagra). Almost any medication comes in a trial sample pack. Pharmaceutical Sales Reps provide these to physicians for this precise reason, as a trial. Just ask your doctor. Unless he's hoarding them for himself, he should be happy to supply you with some.

I use low dose Cialis (5mg) and find that it works very rapidly, within a couple of hours. I usually take it for a few days prior to any planned sexual activity, just to be sure, and find it works VERY well. In my case, the effects last for several days after stopping taking it.

there were so many people and it was so quick that there was no way to know who it was. I was pretty much done after that though.

Black is a safe option that always looks good so I'd say black is most popular.

My ex understood that many men (including me) enjoy bright lingerie, so she'd wear that. On the other hand, my current partner is a black, beige and white person . . .

It has been one year since my first ffm. It was unplanned and I found myself in bed with a college friend and a guy she was with. My first time with a girl. The guy was just there. I didn’t pay much attention to him but we did have sex. At the time it was the sex with him was more troublesome to me. I was in a serious relat with the man is now my husband. To this day I think I rather a ffm but not in the typical situation where the m is the center of attention. We enjoy making the other f the center of our attention. I have sex with my husband most days so when we have someone join us I enjoy the friend. When we are with a male friend the dynamic changes and it has been mostly me with the other guy.

@ Erik13. That could go either way. Mrs Doc and I were at Trapeze in FLL one night in a curtained bed area. Mrs Doc was giving me a leisurely bj when I felt a hand on my foot and calf. I opened my eyes to see a woman had pulled the curtain aside and had reached in to touch me. I swear, all I did was smile at her. She dropped her towel (very nice body) and crawled up beside. The only words she said were, "may I"? to my wife who nodded yes. The lady then proceeded to blow me to completion and swallowed. She patted my thigh, picked up her towel and walked away. That had never happened before and hasn't since but what a memory and NOT an erection killer.

Wow. I hope you told whoever was doing that to get lost.

Desire RM in Cancun MX. Clothing optional and swinger friendly. As for privacy, they limit where you can 'display affection', but the rooftop hot tub should come with a warning label before you can go up the stairs.

Saturday was a tough day. We went to a sports bar that had plenty of Penn State fans to watch the game and our team lost. Plenty of drinking and partying. Later that night my college friend came back to our place. We have played with her in the past and I would say we all knew that some play would happen and it did. I really don't have a problem sharing my husband. I didn't even mind that he finished with her. We all finally fell asleep. Sunday morning I woke up first and decided to shower and let them sleep. I was going to run out for bagels and donuts for breakfast. While drying off I heard something going on. I went back to the bedroom and saw a pretty hot scene. They were in a 69 position and she was definitely having an orgasm. I didn't interrupt them. When my husband saw me he motioned that I should join in. I didn't. I let them continue. I think I wanted to join but I let them play. I normally don't get jealous but after almost an hour I wanted some. I didn't want to be that person. Should I have joined at some point?

I think I can understand that for some it may be easier to find an M to join. For us we started with my husband and my girlfriends. I wasn't looking for sex with two men. My husband who was just my fiancé at the time seemed to be very happy with that situation. I thought he would have a hard time sharing with another guy. I was surprised when he suggested his friend join us. We had already been to a party and he had said he was fine watching another guy with me. For me a fmf is more fun.

This is a pretty fun thread!! This past New Years Kiko and I were at Couple's Choice here in Chicago. Typically New Years is fun but not a lot of play, people get pretty drunk. Anyhow clock strikes 12 and we figure nothing was going to happen. I go to the bathroom and on my way back notice a couple is playing in the bondage room with the doors open, so people can watch. I run over and give Kiko the heads ups. We go over to the viewing area/ door and start watching this naked red head getting whipped with a belt while she was strapped to the wall. I suggest a blindfold, which she eagerly agrees to. So myself and her partner blindfold her( not even sure what article of clothing we used). Then I suggest he mix in something soft with the belt. We use my shirt with he and my wife using the belt and me driving her wild with the shirt. So at this point a bit of a crowd has gathered. So now the girls ( there were like four including the red head and Kiko ) are taking turns spanking each other bottoms while I gave them the soft sensation of my shirt!! So now the guy in the couple that originally has the room kicks everybody out and asks us to stay. Kiko and I agree, he begins to introduce himself and the red head yells...'No, no names', that I remember DISTINCTLY. In fact Kiko and I still joke about it. So the red head demands to be locked up again and spanked harder. So until this time I hadn't really spanked anyone, but since she wanted to be spanked harder, everyone looked at me. It's not really my thing, the soft part earlier is definitely, but hey she was a hot naked red head demanding me to spank her. Anyhow my wife, Kiko and the other guy start entertaining themselves on the one side of the big bed in the room, the red head and I, after a good spanking did likewise on the other side. and 'no names'...great night.

Her first time with another man in front of me since we were married couldn't have been more perfect. She was so shy and nervous it was like watching a virgin. She kept her eyes closed from the moment she was naked and laying on her back on the bed waiting for him. As he began to press his cock into her her mouth and eyes opened wide to look at him and down at his cock as he pushed into her.

That's kinda similar to how my wife and I got started honestly. I loved it when we went out and other guys would check her out. Maybe just start there. Tell her that. Don't start with swinging, just start by saying you love it when other guys check her out, so you want to go out on a date night, but for her to dress very very sexy and then just go out together. After doing that a few times, maybe suggest going to a place separately, so you can watch guys try to pick her up. My wife and I did that a couple times, was very hot. She was never planning on going home with anyone, but it was fun to watch guys hit on her, buy her drinks and you could tell they really wanted to go home with her. After we did stuff like this, the later that night after hot sex we would talk about it. I would tell her how much it turned me on seeing the other guys check her out or hit on her. Then one time I just brought up how hot I thought it would be if she actually brought one of the guys home and I watched them fuck her. That turned in to us looking for a couple to swap with and here we are. Now of course every woman is different, and you definitely can not force anything. Best thing you can do is start slowly and communicate. Tell her about these things that turn her on and hopefully she will talk back about things that get her turned on. However, you go about it, love, trust and communication are the keys.

For us, it isn't about the orgasm so we don't use that to keep score. It's difficult for Ms. Gold to get out of her head and have an orgasm...and the same can be said about me at times. That doesn't make it any less fun or sexy or exciting, however.

Men are visual...hence some misinformed men think that taking a picture of their cock is a great idea. Women are more emotional...hence they think "WTF was he thinking" when they see a cock picture. Neither of us have ever seen a picture of a cock that made us say "OMG, it doesn't matter what this guy looks like". Stupid should hurt...

I am still getting used to watching. I wanted to watch but did want to watch. I wanted her to enjoy and wanted to hear her enjoy. I am happy that she can enjoy. She said she watched me and it was very exciting for her. We are still new and learning.

I love watching my wife enjoying herself with other men and she loves me for letting her have those experiences. It took her a few times and many reassurances from me for her to relax enough to enjoy herself and totally immerse herself in the experiences she was having in front of me. It took one special man to transform her. The feelings between them were just right. Watching her reactions with him as they fucked was an incredible sight. He was the first man I watched her making love to. The kissing and passion was hard for me to witness. I felt uncomfortable seeing the emotions he was bringing out of her. It was the first time I had feelings of insecurity. He was the only man she was interested in having sex with in front of me after that. I didn't care. Watching her enjoying herself so much with him are memories I'll never forget.

My fiance and I have are new (our very first time) to the lifestyle. We have our first date with a couple that have lots of experience. We are going directly to the couples home and we are very aware that something will happen. I am wondering just what to expect? I am not a shy person but I know that I am going to feel withdrawn and somewhat up tight.........I will need to have a drink or 2or 3 to relax. Can anyone give me any idea of what we may expect?

I think Hedo might be to your liking. Lots of action in the hot tub after dark. I don't know if any have straight up play rooms. Most require that you play in your own room. What may be more to your liking is something like the Splash Party hotel take-over in Orlando FL (twice a year). It's only a few days (and specific days). When we went we arrived a couple of days before the event (and others did as well) and stayed a day or two after (and there were still people there). Only the specific days are swingers only (and play rooms). Outside of that you have to be a bit more discreet.

I am one of those men whose wife brought the idea of swinging to me. The feeling that I might be jealous did not occur to me: not at first, anyway. The Green Monster appeared when I developed the perception that she was having more fun than I was having. Then I started thinking, "she did this just for herself and isn't even thinking of me." A newly-found male acquaintance put me straight on this point. He said he was watching me and I wasn't even trying: girls are not going to just jump into my lap, he says to me. Once I was put onto the straight path, I was having as much fun as she was having and my jealous feeling subsided. So to your question, starting with one girl between the two of you would be a step in the wrong direction if what you really want is to meet boys. If this is true, tell him you want the attentions of men and deal with any reaction early. Assure him that it will be OK if he wants to pursue girls.