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Wife and I just got back from a week at Hedo II. Our first time to any such place and my wife was somewhat reluctant. Let's go back some. We did a few MFM 30 years ago but just was not comfortable trying to hook up at the corner bar and way to much to drink. Raising kids, work and everyday life put us into that well known rut of basically just living with very little excitement anymore. We started having long talks and really digging into each others pasts and learned things that had been hidden in the back of our minds that we never knew about each other for the 30 years that we have been married. We bought some toys and started to explore each other an ourselves more. We talked more openly and shared inner fantasies. We had not been on a "us only" vacation in 20 years and even that one had work time requirements. I started searching for adult only resorts and doing a lot of research and comment reading. I started to discuss with my wife and started to narrow down some resorts and then more research. The LAST place that I expected to go was where we went over this last Thanksgiving week. Hedo II in Jamaica. My wife read everything about the place and was hesitant but with the clothing optional "Prude" side she said ok. It being rather easy for us to get to and IF needed, to leave. Rider, my wife, made it VERY CLEAR to me several times that she was not going to do anything that she did not want to do including going nude. I WAS NOT to try to force or suggest anything regarding others and if I tried she would leave. OH MAN>>> Ok. Booked the VIP package with ground floor room with hot tub on the beach. Having a layover in Miami we went shopping at the Dolphin Mall that has a Victoria's Secret and other shops to get Rider a whole bunch of new sexy cloths. (something that went missing from her closet 30 years ago.) She/we had a blast looking at and her trying on several different items and when done, had to really work on closing the suitcase for the flight the next day. Getting thru Jamaican customs was a complete nightmare. The VIP greeting and to the lounge while someone else did everything was not even close. They could not even find the private car to drive us the 1.5 hours to Hedo. I was not happy at all. At Hedo check-in it took over 30 minutes while we watched 2 other couples come in after us and gone to their rooms while we waited. Of course, my loving wife kept reminding me of "her rules". I was in HELL! In the room we exchanged some heated words while sitting on the semi private deck with the hot tub looking out at the ocean and a few dressed and some nude people lounging around a little ways off. After unpacking and having a drink, she wants to explore and find the spa where she already had reservations the next morning for full massage, manicure and pedicure. She wanted to see the gym and what else was available in neutral area where at least some cover-up was suggested and the norm. Then we walked along the prude beach seeing some dressed some nude and up to the sign: "Clothing Not Allowed". I start to turn around to go back but she looks at me and strips as if it was the most natural thing to do. WHAT THE f...??? I strip and she grabs my hand and we walk the somewhat busy nude beach. Seeing people of all ages and body types. Rider keeps going even though she knows from the maps that at the end of the beach has a pool and hot tub were sex is rather common. She grabs two lounges next to the hot tub and I get a couple of beers. We watch and see just about everything. We get into the hot tub and we both feel so... turned on. Others introduce themselves. It was rather strange at first being naked and having other naked people introduce themselves with no problem at all. Some made some minor comments that suggested they would be open to a hook up but really.......... only 1 couple in 5 days was aggressive and rude. After some time and seeing several BJs and ladies laid out on the tub deck with a head between their legs, we got dressed and had dinner. My shy wife then informs me that the "play room" opens at 10:30 PM so we should have a nap first. ........... Huhhh? WHAT DID MY WIFE JUST SAY? WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL HER RULES? WHO DRUGGED HER? This is NOT my wife! Having to walk some ways, Rider put on some of her new cloths. Small sheer bra and panties with a sexy cover-up. I'm not into cloths but she felt so good being naughty, sexy and being so seductive and after all those years of plain everyday work type stuff, she loved being a woman and MY reaction was obvious. The Play Room was liberating and we spent 3 hours just stroking, kissing, touching, talking and lots of edging each other. While several others were in the room on their own mattress and watching others doing all sorts of things in the dimly lit room no one was aggressive and I didn't see anyone outwardly gawking. Rider said that she had never felt so "free" and comfortable. I think that we realized that our bodies, beings and desires are pretty close to those around us. Rider came 3 times and I twice while there. Dressed and then the thrill of undressing her again in our room led to another. Up at 9 AM and she had more new items to wear to breakfast then straight back to the hot tub and in no time at all I was sitting on the edge getting a BJ in full view. I did her a little later. Met a single older gentleman and we all clicked and hung out. The next day she wanted to go for a walk and I didn't so he went with her. I had been giving them a little alone time but all in public and we had changed the rules that nothing happens without the other knowing and must be present and in a public area. I saw them return and get into the hot tub. I was on a lounge close by. Rider sat close to him with their backs to me. I saw their arms moving some. Then Rider got between his legs as he lifted up above the water and she started a BJ. She then was on his lap facing him bouncing. I entered the tub and held her beast up for him to suck while they fucked with his hands holding her checks to keep the rhythm going. Him sucking her nipples and kissing her while her head was leaned back and moaning. He came. They rested for a minute and Rider got onto the deck and just about ordered me to eat her and finish her orgasm while our new friend continued to play with her nipples. Must have been quite the sight for all the others around to watch but we really didn't notice them at all. The rest of our stay we continued to enjoy and except. Our new friend had left and we didn't find anyone else that we wanted to play with. Though several did approach us and did so with respect. Our 1st time doing this. As you can tell, I'm still very excited about the whole experience and have written a novel. Sorry. Being home, Rider puts on sexy cloths for me... NO... for US. And we are like young kids just married. Naaa. Better then that! We have already booked our next trip in March and both excited and ready to go. More new toys and cloths ordered. After all, this is Monday and we got back on Saturday. (it's going to be a very long 3.5 months.)

We've never had an issue with new couples. We were new ourselves once and were quite surprised by what we saw going on at our first club. We were also so turned on that we locked ourselves in a room and boinked like newlyweds….twice. The next time we went to a different club that had stick-on name tags, red border for 1st timer/blue for returners. Several couples approached us and were very open and friendly even though we both had that "deer in the headlight" look. One couple, a few years older than us kind of adopted us and made it a point to seek us out each time we were at the club and always asked how we were progressing and were open to questions. Eventually, they invited us to a group room with them and another couple. We weren't ready to swap but we were ready to get naked in a group. We stayed to one side of the big bed, we watched, played with each other, and eventually did a bit of touching with the two couples while they boinked and swapped. It was the most erotic thing we had ever seen/done. After that night, we were hooked. Next time we soft swapped with that couple and it was wonderful. We eventually met another couple with whom we got comfortable enough to finally swap in the same room. We're STILL friends. The point is that for most couples, this hobby is a progression. We understand that as do many of our friends and we (and they) don't mind investing a little time and consideration in helping new couples find their way. Our advice…go to some on premises clubs, be friendly and approach people (" hi, this is our 1st time here, do you mind our asking…..?"). As a conversation progresses be up front about what you'd like to do/see. You'll be pleasantly surprised at how many nice and genuinely interested and kind couples you'll meet who also want to have sex with you. Remember too, this is YOUR journey, go at YOUR speed. You owe no one anything except honesty. Let us know how you are progressing.

What bryonboru says is correct. If a guy ejaculates and decides the night is over, he is either insensitive or inexperienced. There are at least 999 different ways continuing after an orgasm.

In our opinion your new playmate was selfish. Sometimes the new guy has anxiety and can not get hard, other times they do not last long. Either way he should of continued the fun another and made sure you enjoyed yourself.

To date we've done MFM exclusively and it has never come up. Babe loves anal, but says she only wants to do it with me because, in her words, "it requires me to surrender and I only bottom to you." Nevertheless, she does fantasize about DP, and if I were there and she were really super-comfortable with the other man she might be more receptive. I don't bring it up, however. If she decides she wants to do anal with another man it will happen in her time, not mine.

Last night, we had a couple come over who was more experienced to come talk to us about the lifestyle, with no pressure to do anything. I think we initially gave them too much credit, thinking that they would be really good with newbies, not being pushy, making everyone feel comfortable. When they first arrived, they were not at all what I expected, personality wise (we already saw their picture). I wasn't really attracted to either of them and kind of wanted to call it a night. We had some drinks, and my husband basically kept the conversation going. The only thing the woman said was, "Mhm." At one point, the man said his gf should give me a massage, which was fine with me, but I didn't want them to get the wrong idea. My husband was constantly checking in with me, making sure I was okay. At one point, we were both making out with our own partners and then moved onto blowjobs. The two of them started crowding around me and touching my breasts, which I was fine with, but again didn't want to give them the wrong idea. At one point, the man steers me towards him, and even though I wasn't really feeling it, I went along with it. Part of the reason was because I knew mg husband really wanted to try swinging, and I didn't want to be the buzzkill for everybody there. But being with this man didn't turn me on at all. Things escalated so quickly that I didn't even have time to decide if I felt comfortable or not, and I certainly didn't feel comfortable pulling my husband aside at that point. After we swapped partners, both pairs did oral. I didn't feel jealous watching my husband with another woman, but I also didn't feel turned on. At no point did the man ask me if I was okay with it. At one point, he tried to sit me on his penis to have sex with me, with no condom in sight, which was incredibly disrespectful. We didn't do anything more than soft swap, even though they were hinting at it, and my husband was on board. I had no desire to have sex with the man and didn't particularly want my husband to full swap either. As things were winding down, the other couple started getting dressed rather abruptly, before my husband had a chance to finish. We talked things out afterward and my husband said he was really surprised we did as much as we did. I told him that I really wasn't attracted to either of them and didn't really get much out of it, but definitely stepped out of my comfort zone. I did not like how pushy the man was being, how he didn't ask if I was okay at all, and how it didn't really seem okay to him if nothing had happened. It seemed like he came with an agenda. I also really didn't want any cumming in the mouth or face, which my husband knew, but the couple didn't bc we didn't talk about boundaries. At one point, the woman was going down on me, and the man tried to come on my face. I turned and it ended up on my collarbone, but that was not what I wanted at all. That night, every time I woke up, I couldn't fall back asleep. I felt really alone, even though my husband was being extremely loving. Towards the morning, I started crying uncontrollably, mostly due to the fact that I realized I didn't want to be with another man and I didn't really want my husband to be with another woman, even though he seemed to enjoy himself. I wanted our intimacy back, not shared with anyone else. He said that it was totally okay if we never did it again. I hate that he found this thing that he enjoyed, just to have it taken away. I keep replaying all the things that my husband was doing with the other woman. It didn't bother me at the time but now, it kind of makes me sick to my stomach. How much of my feelings are due to this incompatible couple and how much is it due to the fact that I'm not cut out for the lifestyle? I really don't want to try it with another couple just to feel this way again.

DO NOT LIE. That's starting everything off on the wrong foot (it doesn't sound like you are willing to trod this path anyways). While we haven't seen your profile (maybe tell us where to look so we can offer suggestions?), there are ways to do this and ways not to do this. Don't make a big deal out of how neither of you have much experience, make a big deal about how you are both on the same page and ready to do this with your eyes wide open. No drama, both parties ready to take this next step, both of you working together. Talk about how you've both been in a committed relationship for years and have been talking about doing this for (insert how long here). How you have together decided that you want to take this next step together and are looking for another couple who is interested. Say what you are looking for and looking to do...FWB or just sex, same room sex/soft swap/full swap. It's also okay to say that you want to start with something (say same room sex), but are ready to do more with the right couple, or that you just want to take it slow. Minimize the potential drama part but say what you want while downplaying your 'inexperience'. That shouldn't really matter anyways. You are both good at sex, aren't you? How many partners you have had (or haven't had) shouldn't really matter. Neither of you are monsters or live under a bridge, are you? Be positive and keep what you think are negatives to a minimum. It SOUNDS like you are both really nice people who have been in a long term relationship and after years of talking about this fantasy are ready to take the next step and explore it and are looking for another couple to make this a reality. Am I close? If I am, then build on that. If we are mistaken and you really are a couple who doesn't have much experience with sex (and are probably not very good at it) and are hoping to find others to teach them how to do it better, or that the man is trying to get his wife to allow him to have sex with other women without him having to actually cheat on her, or she is 'letting' him do this 'just this one time' to get it out of his system, or you are both scared that you haven't had the chance to 'sow your wild oats' (or any of a dozen other bad examples of a couple about to crash and burn)...well, it's not going to do what you are hoping for. Personally, I think it's the first choice... As for a club, nobody is going to try and make you do anything you don't want to do. Most people will ask if something is okay to do before doing it. If they don't, then everything STOPS and play time with them is over. I don't know what you have read, but most swingers are the nicest people you will meet (after all, they are trying to make a good impression so they can get into your pants...just like dating). Set your rules and limits, share that info with whoever you are interested in, and stick with it (and walk away if someone cannot honor your rules and limits). The scariest thing you may ever do will involve standing outside of a club...until you walk into it. Then you will realize that it really wasn't that scary.

We've been together for over 25 years and we've been playing with the swinging/swapping fantasy in several forms for probably 18 years, although it has to be said that actually planning on doing it has only really evolved over the last 3 years?

I was diagnosed with testicular cancer when I was 40 and had one testicle removed. Prior to the surgery I was always concerned about premature ejaculation, but afterward I found ejaculation through regular penetrative sex elusive at best. It turned me into a fricken' rock star! Babe decided to up her game and always ensures I climax, but its hard work, takes time, and 90% of the time it only happens through oral. As a result, I don't ever expect to climax when I'm with anyone other than her and don't feel any women I might swing with are obligated to "get me off." I just want to have some fun with them and make them cum. For me, swinging is just "heightened sociability" and very adult fun.

Well we finally made it to a club which was fairly local. Intentionally went on a daytime as we figured it would be a bit quieter for our first time. It was a complete sausage fest lol. There were 7 or 8 blokes in there and not a single female so my wife felt very uncomfortable and self conscious. The people in there were very nice and respectful and we spoke to several, hung around for a few hours to see if anyone else turned up but it just wasn’t our day today. We locked ourselves in a private room to have a bit of fun between ourselves and came out to 3 of them sat outside in the corridor jerking off. Not sure she wants to go back now but she had a very intense orgasm so hopefully she will try again. At least she knows now she isn’t going to be pawed and stared at when she walks in.

We are definitely not prepared to lie or intentionally lead anyone on. We expect anyone wanting to meet us to be honest, so we think thats the least we should do ourselves.

Theres quite a few people saying that perhaps we should be economical with our profile or maybe even lie, but neither of these options are for us. We have fantasised for many years and taken those years to get to being ready for the real thing and we both want to be completely honest with each other about what we each want to get out of the experiences and how we both feel along the way. We may be showing our lack of understanding/experience, but we also need to have a good connection with the couple that we intend to share each other with. Therefore we feel that we have to be completely honest from the outset and throughout as we are definitely not looking for hundreds of different partners, just a select few.

So, in other words, you're saying they should be less than honest. How is that productive for them or for the people they meet? Use different pictures and see the results?? Is this a social experiment? How is that different from posting a profile leaving out other pertinent information like, I don't know…..maybe the wife weighs 300 lbs or one of them has a social disease and a heroin addiction yet the profile reads d/d free or the posted picture is 20 years old and 170 lbs lighter. We expect honesty from people we meet to possibly get naked with. We'd be more than annoyed.

I think not. It’s the humiliation that is at the core of the cuckholding. Otherwise it’s just an MFM with a voyeuristic twist, a husband being gratified by watching his wife having sex with another man.

We like to be kind to newbies. But since many newbies have experience in the subject at hand, we are sometimes wowed by their prowess!

This will be hard, but... Plaster a big smile on your face, walk up to the host, stick your hand out and say "Thank you for inviting me. I'm new and I'm terrified, can you point out some nice people who will go easy on me?" You could also pick a warm-open-friendly looking person, introduce yourself when they aren't in the middle of talking to someone else, and say much the same thing. Maybe, "I'm not sure how all of this works. You look very comfortable. Can you give me some advice?" My experience with swingers is that you have a higher statistical likelihood of finding someone who will will take a minute to chat with you, or who might even introduce you to people they know there. Just look for someone who looks like they are in their element.

Yes, I would. I've never equated bi-sexual with sloppy impulse control or poor boundaries. I am comfortable being around naked gay men, including gay men having sex, so insofar as a bisexual man respects that I am incuriously straight I don't see any issues swapping with him, or participating in a MFM threesome, or even doing a DP with him as the other man. If he gets a secret vicarious thrill out of it, so be it. Of course, I am a self-described "average guy" who is routinely told how "gorgeous" his wife is by men and women alike, but no one other than Babe tells me how good looking I am so I don't assume, just because a guy is gay or bi, that he has designs on me. I'm not enough of an Adonis for that! One thing people seldom think to ask is whether the female half will play with a bisexual man. Its just assumed men are the ones who would object. For us, would Babe play with a bi-curious man? The answer is "it depends." She plays with masculine men because that's what she likes. If a bi-guy presents as charming and manly, she wouldn't have a problem playing with him. If he's a beta-male or effeminate, she will take a pass irrespective of his orientation (straight dudes, too). However, I have known women who would say "no" to any man who didn't present as exclusively straight.

Our first experience was at a club. Although we didn't play that evening, we made contacts and had a foursome swap at their house ten days later. After that, it was off to the races . . . I can't recommend starting to find couples at a club highly enough.

We started with me watching my wife with a single guy. They're easy enough to find, and that way you can see if you're ok with your wife and another man.

Welcome to the Swingers Board! I'm going to guess that an experienced couple may have, at one time, played with a new couple. With a new couple, one never knows how it is going to go down. Thinking about your wife having sex with someone else and seeing it is completely different. No one wants to be in a situation with a jealous spouse. Maybe you guys should try a club. This way you can break your news after getting to know a couple. Good luck! Keep us posted on how it goes for you guys.

If your sleeping with them you are not doing something right>

First, if you choose to continue down this road, learn from this. Always do the first meeting in a neutral location: a restaurant, bar, or someplace with other (vanilla) people around (not at a swingers or strip club). This way you can find out if there is any mutual attraction. Pictures really don't say anything about what a person is like. We've met some people who looked great in the picture but in real life...ehhh, not so much, and others where the pictures were so-so were very fun and sexy in person. Personality is (at least to us) more important that physical looks. Just because a couple SAYS that they have experience, doesn't mean that they aren't a train wreck looking for a place to happen (and the reverse is also true for noobie couples: just because they are new doesn't mean that they aren't ready and will be drama free). We also have a word (or phrase) that tells the other if we are just not interested in a couple (if one of us says pass, we both pass) and to start planning an exit strategy. NEVER 'take one for the team'...never, it's just not a good thing. You will not have a positive experience and your partner will usually be discouraged that you were doing something that you didn't want to do. If you DO find that both of you are interested (and assuming that the other couple is also interested) this is a good time to talk about boundaries and limits with them so it doesn't become a problem the next time you get together. Also, don't ever exceed your rules and limits unless you can talk to each other about any changes OUTSIDE of a sexual situation. Most couples will find that their rules will change as time goes on and you find out how you feel about different situations (we, like most couples, had a 'no kissing' rule in the beginning but as we became more comfortable with watching each other with someone else, we decided that this rule was no longer needed). We usually limit all communication to take place between the two men or the two women, but never between one guy and one girl. Once again, it's just less potential for drama this way. If you do decide to see a couple again and in a more private situation, it's best to spend the money and get a hotel room. Until you really get to know the couple better, you don't want them to know where you work or live...can you say 'stalker'? While it rarely happens, once again, it's better safe than sorry. So now you are meeting them at a hotel: ALWAYS ask permission. It's hard to go wrong if you are asking them (both of them) if it is okay to do something with one of them. It will also usually be returned in favor by them. This way if there is something you don't want to do or are feeling uncomfortable with, you can just say 'I would rather not at this time'. Both of you should also 'check in' with your partner to make sure that they are fine with what is happening (just a mutual glance is usually enough, but don't be afraid to say something or even 'call a timeout'). All four of you should be able to talk about what is happening...you are all adults and there for the same reasons. If you don't feel comfortable TALKING about sex, you most likely shouldn't be HAVING sex together. Sometimes, even with a couple that you have played with before, you may not be 'feeling it' that night. Say something (like 'I'm just not feeling like playing tonight'), most couples will understand and you can just have a 'vanilla' night talking...it's okay to just be friends as well. NEVER do anything you are uncomfortable with. A post follow up with the other couple afterwards (like the next day or two) is a nice touch. Just to make sure that they are also doing okay with anything that happened (and it's just polite). Usually, this will prevent drama from happening. If, however, one of you just isn't 'feeling it' afterwards and wants to pause or even stop doing this, it's okay. This isn't for everyone. Why can't you just take this at face value? You don't believe that you are more important to him than playing with others? I know that if my partner asked to stop, I would in a heartbeat and only love her more because she was willing to even travel down this road. Quit selling your man short and believe what he has told you. Take a break, and after awhile IF you want to try again, spend the time to find a couple that you connect with and do things better the next time...or not. If you don't want to try again, then you (and most of the rest of the world) might not be cut out for this, and that's okay as well. I would be willing to walk away in a second and would only think about how great my woman is for even being open to try this. Trust his words, communicate with him, and the reuslt is you will just love each other more. We wish you the best with whatever you both decide to do. Please keep us updated as to what is going on from here.

4 for her, 2 for him....we are very new!

We didn't know there was going to be a test!!!! We started this hobby in 2003. Prior to our meeting, Mrs Doc had 3, I had 9. Those numbers are much higher now and more even :face lick: This probably ought to be an essay question!

You know Chicup that I've never completely agreed with on this. I say completely because I've also seen things you've mentioned. I was in a poly relationship for four years. Well a poly one for three of the for I suppose. I could have worked even longer otherwise. I find the ones who are most truly comfortable with the lifestyle are those that have never fallen for the concept if monogamy at all. It is very nice to see true compression and happiness in your SO's relationships with others. It's out there. Vol