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First, the fact that you are concerned about their feelings speaks volumes about your approach to the LS. Next, we always indicate that first meetings (whether from across the street, across town, or across the country) are just that--an opportunity for the two couples to get to know one another. No expectations or obligations, regardless of the distance traveled. Finally, it is possible to be gracious and unambiguous. After a first meeting, there are only three possible outcomes: -you never want to see a couple again; -you would enjoy them as friends; -you are interested in taking things further. There are three gracious, unambiguous scripted answers: -"Thanks for joining us for dinner, and we wish you the best on your journey." -"Thanks for joining us for dinner. We truly enjoyed the company and conversation, and we'd like to maintain a vanilla relationship." -"Thanks for joining us for dinner. We would like to get together with you again, eventually in a more private setting." All three start with an appreciation for their time and effort. The first makes sure the door is closed. The second sets specific limits. The third is an invitation to the dance. All three work.

"We have to get home to the…………dog" (sorta true) "Thank you but we never play on the first date" (NOT true) "Thank you but we're just not feeling it" (true) "Thank you but we have a 7:00 am t-time" (unlikely) "Look, squirrel"!!!!! (and run like hell!!)

We've been to a few parties at our local club, but have just enjoyed the sexy atmosphere and played with one another to date. This is partly due to our being slow movers and settling in, and party due to the infamously isolationist "Seattle Freeze." Recently our club revamped its website with a social-media style "members area" and we've been astonished by the attention and openness it has generated. We are going to a party tonight and have had three different couples who are also going intimate they'd like to "chat." All three have profiles that appeal in one way or another. We're at a point where we are ready to cut-loose and play. Wish us luck! Note: we had two other couples indicate they'd like to meet for dinner sometime, too! We're hermits on weekdays. Its crazy!

I agree that the wording of the question encourages bias a little. If you asked what matters to people the most - looks, intelligence, etc - without the focus on one of these things in the question itself, then the responses might have been different. I also think the poll is representative of the active participants on this forum. You might get different responses on other forums, and in the lifestyle in general.

Our playmates once brought us a bottle of Ménage a Trois brand wine. So appropriate!

We've not been gone to clubs as much lately as we used to, but what Myzyri said above is about right for us too. I don't begrudge anyone making some money for providing good service, and swingers clubs aren't something I'm going to value shop on worried about twenty bucks either way. But, on the other hand, make it too expensive and it's not something people can afford to do very often and you may price yourself right out of the market on whether people feel like they got their money's worth or not.

Interesting. That's a rule we don't have (can't think of a rule that we DO have). It's like foreplay in my mind.

We are satisfied. It sounds like you were satisfied, too! Congrats, glad you had fun!

The poll is closed. While the respondents might well have self-selected (would only a sapiosexual open a thread asking 'to what extent are you sapiosexual'?), there is an alternate interpretation: the lifestyle is about (much) more than physical attraction and NSA sex. That invites a provocative pair of questions: what distinguishes vanilla life from the LS? What distinguishes "vanillas" from "lifestylers"? Those questions are not quite the same.

Never been in that position so hard to say, but I'm guessing I'd try to say something sweet/polite/humorous and rely on the body language for the rest. So perhaps 'thank you for a wonderful evening, the food was lovely, sweet dreams strippers', then kiss on the cheek, wave good bye and don't look back. No idea whether that'd work or not! Great question!

Well, this kept me entertained for days! Very well researched and well written article. Prior to reading this article, I was convinced that I read pretty much everything that there is to read about open relationships, but this article references many interesting sources that I've never heard of! Thorough work. That said, even I couldn't read it in one sitting - and I'm decidedly interested in the subject! It's a bit tedious to read, and the overall feeling I was left with when I read it all, was that, well,.. open relationships happen. I couldn't get excited about open relationships as a result of reading this article, the stories seemed cold and detached, describing the practicalities of these arrangements, but largely omitting emotional aspects and benefits. Comments from the readers were chilling - predominantly negative and some rather aggressive. Sometimes we need to be reminded what the rest of the world thinks about unconventional relationships.

Does that satisfy inquiring minds?

Yes we did!

Yes we exceeded our own expectations! lol And yes shaky in places, but extremely good thanks!

We have met many newbies. To us it is more important for the woman in the couple we meet to enjoy. I can’t say I always orgasm