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I think people are quick to dismiss potential partners in the lifestyle. Some people are a little heavier, a little less glamorous, but may have good skills. We like to err on the generous side, particularly if we feel people are nice.

Never better always different!

My wife is the same way. She just didn't like seeing me with other women. I don't think it's that unusual. And, like your husband, I loved watching my wife in action. Separate rooms worked for us. I do understand about your feelings of singles. There is just something more comfortable about being with someone who your spouse is with their spouse. But it's difficult for a lot of people to find a couple that you're both into. Now, honestly, I found the whole concept of swinging such a turn on that I wasn't as picky about who I was with. The fact that the other wife was into swinging made her very appealing to me. So we went for couples that my wife was into the husband.

We agree with that statement ? % In our opinion there is a big difference in sex and making love. Even if my husband is fucking me hard, we are still making love to each other (you can’t separate that connection). If another man is fucking me even harder...it’s not the same (we have no connection in the heart, could be awesome but never the same) By the way my husband always hopes for someone to fuck me harder...He looks forward into reclaiming what will always be his.

I would suggest: "You're both great. You do this thing I like. He does this thing I like. Let's make sure you can do both things!"

If she is saying it is okay and you are saying it's okay, then why not give it a try? If either of you don't enjoy the experience, then don't do it again. She's been open enough to tell you about this fantasy, it's something that she wants to see, then give this one to her (and you might enjoy it yourself). Just keep talking with her and make sure she doesn't have any reason to feel threatened by the 'other woman'.

The best time to reconnect is RIGHT NOW! Make the time, call in sick, miss a party, this is and always should be WAY MORE IMPORTANT than ANYTHING else. Reconnect using a condom if it makes her feel better. Her not wanting to reconnect even if you do wear a condom is just another red flag. The longer it takes to reconnect, the greater any potential damage is done. Do some research on 'cuckold'. It could be that he has told her not to have sex with you, only him now. You need to take back what is yours from him. The longer the delay, the more we are concerned about your relationship being damaged. Don't put this off any longer!

"Better" is a relative term. As said above, I'm not the best at anything (there will always be someone better, no matter who you are), but having sex is and never will be 'making love'. Without the love, everything else is 'just sex', and we love each other. I don't mind if someone is better at some aspect of sex as long as she teaches me what it was he/she did to her that she enjoyed. We're never too old to learn and (maybe) teach someone else a thing or two.

Ask him. You are very open with each other and in love, just ask him. Most guys usually give a positive response when the woman asks "so, would you like to have a threesome with another girl?" or any variation thereof. "Would you like to go to a swingers club?" works as well. Just as long as the communication and trust is well established, ask and see if he is interested.

"I remember after the first time, I couldn’t wait for the weekends so we could try it again." For a decade, I always looked forward to the times we spent playing, which was usually at least two weekends a month, and some weeknights. It was our social activity, and we found it much more pleasurable than meeting vanilla couples or groups for a dinner or at a cocktail party. The right amount of swinging time is what makes both people in the relationship happy.

Well, right now it sounds like NRE. Unless she's not willing to have other experiences (you said you two talked about swinging,) I wouldn't worry too much. However, I would make it a priority to reconnect - that's important to temper the NRE. On the other hand, if after a couple of weeks she's still not reconnecting with you, she's not considering swinging, I'd say there are some problems that need to be worked out. And until they are worked out, I'd be very cautious about letting her see him again.

Everyone is different in all different ways, so without having a two-way honest conversation with your wife you may never know her reasons? But I can tell you that me and my husband have been together over 25 years and he initiated the discussions on swinging/swapping etc way back. Cutting it down, way down, he has always wanted to see me with another guy. There is obviously a lot more behind the scenes, but primarily he ideally wanted us to have a threesome with a guy. Firstly I was shocked and very surprised and I just didn't understand.....I didn't want anyone else! Over the years we've talked and played with the idea, fantasy stuff in the bedroom and it grew. You see I didn't really understand, but I got it, if that makes any sense? We have a very loving relationship and like most have been through some tuff times. A couple of years ago we had a good sit down and and although I couldn't or rather wouldn't picture my husband with another woman there was absolutely no way I was going to do anything on my own and potentially risk our relationship. We talked and talked and the answer was another couple. My husband was adamant he wasn't interested in any other woman, but me. Well now he understood! Now there is a lot I'm not saying here, but we live as a couple, so we either did this as a couple or not at all!

Yes we do enjoy their company, but they know that we are new to all this? We might be reading too much into things...we need to have a good conversation tonight.

The only way to find out is to ask! Just make sure you preface whatever conversation you need to have with how much you enjoy their company.

I think we should discuss what we're looking for regarding this couple and then have a conversation with them and see if we're all on the same page?

Swinging has been a topic of discussion with us for a very long time. There was a few sticking points and one was him going with others. It took me a long while and plenty of conversations before I realised that either it was going to be both of us or neither of us. I wasn't prepared to do anything without him doing the same, he was fine with that, but I wasn't. After a lot of fantasy play in the bedroom we finally took the plunge and although it still worried me, I was both surprised and shocked to find that I did in fact really enjoy watching my husband with someone else. Fundamentally only do what your both happy doing, sometimes it takes time and sometimes it just doesn't happen?

I think I read somewhere that the pineapple has a place among "black rings on the right hand" and anklets as far a jewelry goes. or silly stuff like upside down in a shopping cart as far as a signifier of "I am a swinger" What I am waiting for is a cell phone app for the same purpose. It could use bluetooth to pick up other phones with the same app. With a limited range say 10-15 feet it could make Big Box stores and grocery shopping fun. BEEP BEEP BEEP

Yes it was pretty daunting at first and the amount of people just having sex while others watched......liberating and quite scary!

Sun and Moon has provided the best summary of this issue that we have seen. And we agree with all of them and have experienced some of them. Since we have seen a thing or two, we have expereinced it on both sides (me not getting hard when needed as well as the other guy not getting an erection). What we have learned is that while ED drugs can help, they are not the full solution. What we have found works many times is for the guy to reconnect with his spouse for a few minutes of attention and then move back into the game. That works for us and we have seen it work for those getting with us. The other big thing that helps is for the woman to realize it is not her and to let the guy she is with know that there are other ways to satisfy and continue.

Maybe she is an exhibitionist not a swinger. Not all men have to get his “woman” to swing. Some women have to convince their man. Before we were married I had a 3some which was more a bi experience that included a guy. I had guilt and confessed to my boyfriend. It didn’t go over well at first. We almost split up. I think what convinced him to try was involving him in a 3some with one of my girlfriends. It must be easier to get a man to swing than a woman.

For Babe and I, no. Its not a question about whether we can feel affection, attachment, or love for couples we might play with. I'm sure we can and will. Its about where we want to invest our romantic capital. Love may be boundless, but time and energy are not. As a result, we've chosen to focus our emotional investment on one another. We've achieved a very deep bond and are very in tune with one another and maintaining that requires a lot of hard work. That doesn't mean we don't want to find other couples we care for, but we prefer to define them as friends and playmates rather than lovers. Its simpler, clearer, and less cumbersome that way. For us, at least. If poly works for others, more power to them.

When I travel to see someone on my own, the guy I'm seeing pays for it. If all three of you believe that that's fair then there's your solution to the expensive problem.

I wish I resembled that remark. I do know every line in the script—as does Mrs. FL—and alas we saw it first run in the movies. At least we saw it together! Blazing Saddles was so politically incorrect that it could not be made today. The demonstrations would be widespread. The internet would erupt with indignancy. Interest groups would bemoan the caricatures. And Mel Brooks would have been run out of town on a rail. If there is anyone—anyone!- on this board who has never seen “Blazing Saddles”, for heavens sake go rent it and watch it with someone you love. But do not drink anything that might stain furniture or carpeting. You’ll be laughing so hard it will spray everywhere!

One cannot help recalling the complaint voiced by Madeline Kahn as Lili von Shtupp in the movie “Blazing Saddles”. ... “I’ve been with thousands of men...again and again ... and they’re always coming and going and going and coming...and always too soon!” In the quest for total orgasmic control, we have achieved ... overcontrol.

Nobody comes to our home, we use hotel rooms.

I just wanted to mention that my wife and our poly friend Bill had a play-date Sunday afternoon. Both of them had a wonderful time and I was glad to drop off my wife at his house and pick her up afterwards. One thing that is important to all of us is that we have not only threesomes but that my wife and Bill have some alone play-dates without me. That allows a lot more intimacy between the two of them. I think it's great.

I could accept this scenario because it does provide as in your case, a very close friend, what true love means. I love my wife like no other person and I do not want her to be alone. Ever. I am very sorry for what had happened in your case but am very happy to hear that you and your wife continue to be as close as you are with your friend. Sure, some may still consider this as a swinging relationship but swingers have one thing on their mind in general and that is just sex. What you and your wife are doing is well beyond that. You truly care about this man and his well being and this is something I would be ok with regarding my wife in a poly relationship with another male or a couple. Yes, there could be issue that come about like in a normal loving/caring relationship like any marriage but someone would be there for her in the immediate aftermath upon my passing. I would like to think before I leave this Earth that she will not be left alone. Your poly triad, hell the poly lifestyle friendship itself is why I have so much respect for people that opt to live this lifestyle. Folks truly can not show much they care for their fellow human beings as much as those that do in a poly relationship as well as committed couples in general. Again, I am sorry for what happened in your lives but I think you now know why I posted what I did the other day. I wish the three of you continued success in life. I'm sure his wife is smiling down at you two everyday as well as thanking you folks for allowing him to share his life with you both.

Last fall we entered into a poly triad with our best male friend. My wife and I have played with him for over 30 years, and have also done a lot of vanilla things together. That means that we have a lot of history together and really know each other. If I died, I am fairly sure my wife would not marry him, but I am sure he and my wife would continue to hang around together a lot. One of the nice things about having a long marriage, 48 yrs for us, is that you have all those memories of what you have done together. Losing those memories would be very hard. Since the three of us have known each other for about 35 years and played together for 30 years, we three have a lot shared memories which would help my wife. Our friend's wife died unexpectedly 3 years ago and I know how much our closeness with him over the years has helped him.

That I have not asked her but she definitely knows how I feel about it. I can say that she is not the type of person that likes being alone because she was for many many years in her early adult life. She has even told me that she felt like that the way things went she would never get to spend her life with someone. She did finally marry someone but the guy turned out to be a jerk and they got divorced, then spent many more years alone. She is not of the social type when it comes to life outside of work. Why? I've asked that myself. She has never told me directly but I think it may be a security thing regarding her looks. I'm sure I will get smacked for this but with her weight sometimes could be the issue. I know that there is the chance that it may not work out but I will have at least tried my best to make sure that it doesn't happen to her ever again. She has nothing to worry about while I am here but we are 7 and a half years different in age with me being the oldest.

Same here. We've already had conversations with our naughty BFF's about how if anything happened to either of the guys, we hoped that the other couple would take care of the women. Not that we ever expect something to happen, but it's good to know that they would have a support group while going through this.

Somehow I think I could totally handle this and would be open to it. I'm straight, and I share really very well.

So I never really got the idea of poly until we got close swinger friends, I must admit. Now, at least I get it, I don't think it would be a lifestyle I would currently choose, but at least I understand the concept.

I've mentioned before in the forums that prior to even started our swinging experiences, I knew that "falling in love with someone else" would be a possibility for myself. I tend to care about people easily and it can grow into emotional attachment. From the get-go, Mr. Sun has been uncertain about it and said, "If it happens, we'll deal with it." We had a slight brush with it early on in swinging and Mr. Sun, to his credit, tried to see if he would be okay with a poly situation growing between myself and a playmate but in the end, he wasn't so we ended it. Personally, I am still interested in polyamory but I know that Mr. Sun will need to be more comfortable with the idea before we explore it again.

You know Chicup that I've never completely agreed with on this. I say completely because I've also seen things you've mentioned. I was in a poly relationship for four years. Well a poly one for three of the for I suppose. I could have worked even longer otherwise. I find the ones who are most truly comfortable with the lifestyle are those that have never fallen for the concept if monogamy at all. It is very nice to see true compression and happiness in your SO's relationships with others. It's out there. Vol

After being in the LS a bit longer and actually going to a meeting with the local poly group, I guess I think a bit differently about this. It was my assumption that to be truly poly you had to live together. Then I meet these people in relationship where some live together, some live across town, many have lovers across the country. To this outsider it seems like a bunch of people with internet friends that they like to visit and fuck. And it sounded a lot like long distance swinging. Of course there is no way to paint everyone's relationships with the same brush, but it surely expanded my thinking.