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Just be careful crossing swinging and friends. The lines need to be drawn very dark so everyone understands what is and isn't allowed or expected afterwards. It might be better not to use a friend for this unless you are both certain that they can handle keeping the friendship and the sex totally separate.

LOL...yes, things 'evolve' and can change quickly. This is one reason to keep the communication with your spouse open since things can change so quickly. Rules change, limits change, expectations change, just keep talking.

I acquired the use of a private airplane that we flew to Vegas many years ago with a couple we were friendly with. The wife was with him in the back seat and she was beside me in the front seat. I don’t think we were in the air for more that five minutes before the two of them were removing each other’s clothes in the back seat. As our passions rose with our furtive glances into the back seat. When they culminated the act of my wife’s initiating him into the mile-high club I set about to initiate her into the same club. After she undressed she pulled my pants down around my ankles. I moved my seat all the way back and she climbed onboard. As I defied the laws of gravity by pushing the yoke back and forth, she rose off me when I descended and was slammed back down on me when I climbed as I joyously initiated her into the mile-high club.

I noted on the original blog that I thought your marriage was in BIG trouble. I did not have time or perhaps, because your foolishness was so obvious, the inclination to go into a more specific response. Tahoe covered it quite well. You should follow his advice TODAY but it's probably too late.

I see that you’ve made a new post on this subject, I don’t know why unless you’re trying valiantly to find somebody to reinforce your belief that you’re not being a fool. If that’s the case you’re not going to care much for the rest of my reply I’m afraid. There are so many things that I see wrong in what you’ve told us that I’m just going to go by the numbers and tell you what it sounds like to me. 1. You sound very insecure to me, it appears you are trying to be worldly and understanding but deep down this is bothering you. You’re looking for validation of what you know is a very bad situation. 2. In this post you casually mention that your wife originally met this man when she was in Europe several months ago. Then from that time until she reunited with her lover in Africa a month ago he pursued her online and by phone. You didn’t mention it, but you must have seen while this was going on how her attention focused more on him and less on you. That’s because you’ve allowed the contact that’s allowed you wife to fall in love with another man. 3. Regardless of the excuses that you’ve been given for her refusing to have sex with you after her return, it seems to me that the true reason for her not being intimate with you is because she’s found a man that she wants to be with. She appears to be home to tie up loose ends before returning to her lover for good. She may still have feelings for you but there seems to be another man in her life now that she truly wants to be with. If she was worried about STD’s she would have been tested on the day she returned, STD’s in this case is merely an excuse for not being sexually active with a man she no longer wants to be sexually active with. 4. You sound more into the racial aspect of this than she does. You see the enticing aspect of their union, while she only sees a man that rock’s her world. 5. You understand that it’s not normal behavior for a spouse to have hidden FB accounts for her to correspond privately with her lover. I think you’re just desperately searching for somebody to tell you that there’s nothing wrong with that, well I’m afraid you won’t hear that from me. The bottom line is that if there wasn’t anything to hide in her correspondence then they wouldn’t have been hidden from you. I’m not talking about the times that you’ve caught her talking to her lover when she blows it off with, “it’s (???) honey would you like to say hello.” I’m talking about the times you haven’t caught her corresponding with him when the conversation is more likely, “honey I can’t wait to be with you forever.” To be honest I think you two should be seeking some professional help before it’s too late. You don’t need help from a swinger’s web site you need somebody to wake you up to wants going on here before you find yourself being the ex-husband to the woman you love. This isn’t swinging, this is a marriage coming apart.

I don't care if a guy is more handsome, more well hung, or better in bed than me. I'm the one she loves and I'm the one she's coming home to every night.

Going back a couple of weeks to our first time, this almost stopped us and might of steered us away from swinging all together. We've since discussed it and neither of us can quite put our fingers on the actual reason? Our first time with another couple almost didn't happen. We'd been to a club, which although it was nice and we chatted to several couples....not to mention watched some pretty erotic displays, nothing was going to happen. Anyway we're basically heading for the door when we're stopped by another couple. We are still blaming the whole sexual situation and the hot people we watched enjoying each other, as we never actually meant to do anything other than meet some people and get used to the idea of playing at a club? Anyway half an hour later after having a quick conversation, we're all heading back to our hotel! I'm not saying that they did anything wrong at all, but things moved extremely quickly, with almost no time to think. It felt like only minutes, but was certainly longer and we were all naked. I was with the couples husband, we were kissing and he was touching me. From the first time I saw it, he was hard and I mean hard! As I look over, theres a problem. Neither are making a fuss, but its just not getting hard. I know D and he's not going to be happy. I'm starting to think I've got to stop, but well I'm pretty turned on and felt this was a now or never moment. And just to clarify, she was beautiful, very pretty and trying very hard to help. It was denied later, but I saw a worried face. So I went to D and I whispered that if he wasn't happy lets call it a night. Do assured me that he didn't know what the matter was, but wanted us/me to continue. Now I was pretty turned on, but there was no way I was carrying on without him doing the deed as well! I suppose it should have been awkward, but it didn't seem to be? Anyway we kissed and basically he was hard! After a few moments we parted and I went back to the other couples husband and that was the only time it happened. I've/we've hesitated to write this as its not something we'd like to dwell on, but I felt that its important to share the not so good moments as well as the amazing ones. Basically I feel for you, but it happens...apparently quite a lot.

For us it was swinging evolving into poly. Mrs. WS and I are kind of different that way, too. She likes the connection with someone else. She likes what others offer besides sex. I do to. I don't have the time or energy to pursue another relationship outside our marriage, but I'm completely supportive of her doing so. For her having someone different than me completes another part of her that I simply can't, because I'm not that type of person. Her boyfriends have tended to be much different than me in many ways, physically, mentally, emotionally, interests, etc. They are an addition to herself, not a replacement for me. And I love how happy and totally fulfilled she is when she has another man she is interested in beyond sex. We kind of stumbled into it also with a single male we were including in our play. Again, he was different than me and therefore brought different things to the table than I, and because they are different they are not a threat to me. Again, it is in addition to me, not in replacement of me. Basically, Mrs. WS fell for him, though to my knowledge the words "I love you" never left her lips or his. I don't think he was in as deep as Mrs. WS was and she/we were too new at poly situations to go there. After several months that relationship ended as he moved-on, however we are all still friends. We weren't looking for it, it just happened, and what we thought we feared the most when we first got into the lifestyle ended-up not being all that scary at all. Mr. WS

I personally feel that more poly relationships evolve from swinging by people who are open to all possibilities, physically and emotionally, than "planned" poly relationships. I never knew there was a such thing until after we had started getting closer to Tech and Kitten. It is alot easier in some ways and more difficult in others. Easier in the fact you don't have to sort through the potential swinging partners which we all know can be quite a chore, and harder in the fact that if something is wrong you need to work it out instead of just walking away. Poly is not for everyone but for those it is it can be very rewarding. Gator

I don't agree with you. First of all, the love is absolute other thing then sympathy, even then infatuation. And sympathy and infatuation are not taboo for swingers. We have very long emotional relationship with one couple and it was beautiful. May be we have not infatuaton and don't fall in love every time when have sex with other couple but we have not sex without sympathy.

The 'Poly' lifestyle comes in so many flavours and it has much in common with the 'Swinger' lifesyle. There are many instances where swingers have blended into the poly world and I know of a number of folk who consider themselves to be basically poly, yet enjoy, on occassion, no strings attached sex. Where both lifestyles overlap and can usually agree is where 'cheating' is concerned. It is a No-No, no matter where in the lifesyle you see yourself. Ethical Non-monogamy, with or without emotional involvment is the basis on which all the many varying flavours of most alternative lifestyles are founded. M.