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Merry Christmas everyone. Thank you all for the a great present, your advice. I agree with all of you who said that talking is the most important thing in a relationship. Last night we stayed home. Just the two of us. Tired after shopping we decided we needed to just chill. We were just mindlessly watching TV. I felt it was a perfect time to talk. I said we need an honest talk about swinging. We talked about the different things we liked and we talked about some of what we didn’t. Then I asked him why he asked if I thought our friend was better than him. He said he didn’t mean it like that. I just answered Honest. Then he said he did think about some of the guys being better. Then he said I have to be honest. I said the sex that time was just great. I never thought of it as better. I just thought of it as great and that we have had plenty of great sex plenty of times. I asked him if he enjoys me having great sex, isn’t that what both want. I asked him if he has met anyone bettter than me. I think he understood where I was going. Talking is good.

What's the worst that can happen?? Meet them for a drink. If there's an attraction, go for it, if not, you owe them nothing. Finding a 4-way match isn't easy. While you don't necessarily have to kiss a lot of frogs, you WILL meet some, maybe more than some. It will however help you refine your selection process. It took us over a year to find our first swap partners. Prior to that, Mrs Doc whined more than once on the way home from a disappointing meeting, "I shaved for THAT"? Patience and persistence ultimately paid off for us.

Have a lady I'd know professionally for a dozen years. We had had plenty of non work related conversations, that were publicly acceptable, were what might be described s professional friends. About fifteen months ago we abruptly outed our secret sexual lives to each other & since been extremely communicative about our current and past adventures & intimacies. While we have had great sex with each other a few times we both enjoy the ability to discuss our sexual live with each other, which we do frequently. A combination of bragging, questioning, disappointments, & flirtation. Anyone else experienced a intimate friendship like this, where there was little actual sex involved?

"I said the sex that time was just great. I never thought of it as better. I just thought of it as great" Now, that's the way to feel about he LifeStyle! Congratulations on opening up to each other. You'll be fantastic in this hobby.

Sorry to hear things went that way. My suggestion is to put the breaks on the lifestyle. Let things simmer done. Don't be mad at her. She is entitled to her feelings and being angry wont change any of the issues. At this point the fact is she may never be comfortable with the idea of you having sex with another women. I can only speak from my personal experience. My wife was absolutely against swinging. She had no interest whatsoever. I completely backed off the idea. I accepted the fact the lifestyle was not for us and I made the decision my wife and family were more important to me than opening up our marriage. It took my wife and I ten years to get from the point of bringing up the idea to becoming a situational full swap couple. In our personal situation it took many years. I think two things helped us tremendously. The first thing was I backed off. If this was ever going to happen it was going to be my wife leading the way. She needed to feel like she was in complete control. The second thing that I think helped was going to Desire Resort in Mexico. We have been there eight times over that last six years. We love the place. My wife loves the place. At desire we learned a bunch of things the least of which being swingers are normal people. Doctors, lawyers, police and teachers. They're just everyday normal people. It was also there that we shelved our jealousy issues. Desire is not like a club, hotel take over or a couple you meet online. At Desire you spend a week getting to really know people. Once you know a couple you stop worrying about alternative motives. We have meet people at Desire that we now consider some of our best friends. We meet so many intelligent and sexy professionals that in time my wife became comfortable around the lifestyle. We learned how respectful people are of your primary relationship. Desire is an amazing place to vacation but a word of advice is book it with your wife's knowledge. We've seen people spring Desire on their spouse and it usually goes poorly. I'm telling you your wife is making note of your reaction. I don't believe she is putting you to the test today. I don't think this is an evil plan to see how you respond but she is paying attention to how you react. You should not be sleeping on the couch after discussing the lifestyle. Your wife and her feeling always come first. She needs to know you will always have her back. Don't argue with her over this because you are not getting what you want. This is a long game Dijonrichter, think long game. This is the women you will spend the rest of your life with. So thinking along those lines, you have plenty of time to get where you want. Good luck... (My wife absolutely said she would never partake in the lifestyle, last night her and the female half from our really close play friends that we meet at Desire started planning an overnight trip to another city together. The guys are staying home with the kids. I would consider that going from zero to a hundred. If you put your wife and her feelings where they should be, your top priority, you can still get where you want. Arguing is going in the wrong direction. But it's a learning process so don't beat yourself up.

Yes I guess we're not used to being able to openly discuss swinging with others yet, but I'm sure we'll get used to it! lol I suppose we didn't really think about the logistics of swinging, finding other couples where we all get on is so much harder than we thought? I guess we'll have to travel a bit and have maybe a few wasted trips while we try and find people?

In a similar situation, my late wife and I met a couple in a book store coffee shop. We had arranged for the kids to visit grandma, so if things went well, we could go to our place. We liked each other and discussed birth control, the difference between "fun sex" and "making love," and we were looking for a couple for the fun part. Mrs. Playmate asked if we found them arractive. We assured them we did. Mrs. Alura pointed out that she very much wanted to fuck Mr. Playmate, and our place (with spa) was empty. We agreed to a "test fuck," went to our place and... We played with them for a couple of years until his job took them away. Don't be afraid to talk about the idea of swinging; if you embarrass yourself, it won't last long. Best of luck!

Our first time, her having sex with another man for the first time since we married and mine watching it couldn't have been more perfect. She was so nervous and afraid. I'll never forget the moment she looked over at me and mouthed the words "I love you" as he erotically fucked her. His eyes were closed and he was focused on her. He was being very respectful to both of us. She has never played with anyone without looking over at me to make sure I'm watching. The first time was for reassurance. Now she will put on a show for me

All of these are HUGE It sounds like SHE decided to open up your marriage so she could have this affair...I don't hear where you really had any option in the matter and that you are perusing an open marriage yourself. You 'almost separated over it a few years back'...what is 'it'. Is it this guy? In which case this has been going on longer than you have implied. The STD excuse is nothing more than an excuse to not reconnect with you. As stated, if she was really concerned about it, she would have already been tested. I would recommend looking up 'cuckold' and 'bull' and doing some reading. It sounds like this is what she is involved with: a strong bull calling the shots (including not having sex with you) and she is obeying his orders. Could be wrong, but even if I am, what she is doing isn't treating you with respect or love. I think everything THO has said is right on. This NEEDS TO STOP NOW (although it sounds like it may already be too late and trying to get her to stop will just be giving her an excuse to leave). This is not looking like it is going to end will. It most definitely NOT SWINGING. Good luck and let us know how things continue.

Congratulations! I hope you guys love Hedo, and I'm confident that you will. Smile, be friendly and open, talk to lots of people, you'll have a great time. FYI, there are several ways to get from the airport to the resort. You can take a private 4 seater plane, which is rather expensive, but great to look around at the scenery. There are also private taxis. We usually take the Sun Holiday Tours shuttle bus. If the traffic is not too bad, it takes about an hour and fifteen minutes, but it is interesting to look around at the countryside and the towns if you have not been to Jamaica before. Plus, it is easy to meet people on the bus, who you may end up hanging out with during the week. I wish you the best vacation ever!

Wife and I just got back from a week at Hedo II. Our first time to any such place and my wife was somewhat reluctant. Let's go back some. We did a few MFM 30 years ago but just was not comfortable trying to hook up at the corner bar and way to much to drink. Raising kids, work and everyday life put us into that well known rut of basically just living with very little excitement anymore. We started having long talks and really digging into each others pasts and learned things that had been hidden in the back of our minds that we never knew about each other for the 30 years that we have been married. We bought some toys and started to explore each other an ourselves more. We talked more openly and shared inner fantasies. We had not been on a "us only" vacation in 20 years and even that one had work time requirements. I started searching for adult only resorts and doing a lot of research and comment reading. I started to discuss with my wife and started to narrow down some resorts and then more research. The LAST place that I expected to go was where we went over this last Thanksgiving week. Hedo II in Jamaica. My wife read everything about the place and was hesitant but with the clothing optional "Prude" side she said ok. It being rather easy for us to get to and IF needed, to leave. Rider, my wife, made it VERY CLEAR to me several times that she was not going to do anything that she did not want to do including going nude. I WAS NOT to try to force or suggest anything regarding others and if I tried she would leave. OH MAN>>> Ok. Booked the VIP package with ground floor room with hot tub on the beach. Having a layover in Miami we went shopping at the Dolphin Mall that has a Victoria's Secret and other shops to get Rider a whole bunch of new sexy cloths. (something that went missing from her closet 30 years ago.) She/we had a blast looking at and her trying on several different items and when done, had to really work on closing the suitcase for the flight the next day. Getting thru Jamaican customs was a complete nightmare. The VIP greeting and to the lounge while someone else did everything was not even close. They could not even find the private car to drive us the 1.5 hours to Hedo. I was not happy at all. At Hedo check-in it took over 30 minutes while we watched 2 other couples come in after us and gone to their rooms while we waited. Of course, my loving wife kept reminding me of "her rules". I was in HELL! In the room we exchanged some heated words while sitting on the semi private deck with the hot tub looking out at the ocean and a few dressed and some nude people lounging around a little ways off. After unpacking and having a drink, she wants to explore and find the spa where she already had reservations the next morning for full massage, manicure and pedicure. She wanted to see the gym and what else was available in neutral area where at least some cover-up was suggested and the norm. Then we walked along the prude beach seeing some dressed some nude and up to the sign: "Clothing Not Allowed". I start to turn around to go back but she looks at me and strips as if it was the most natural thing to do. WHAT THE f...??? I strip and she grabs my hand and we walk the somewhat busy nude beach. Seeing people of all ages and body types. Rider keeps going even though she knows from the maps that at the end of the beach has a pool and hot tub were sex is rather common. She grabs two lounges next to the hot tub and I get a couple of beers. We watch and see just about everything. We get into the hot tub and we both feel so... turned on. Others introduce themselves. It was rather strange at first being naked and having other naked people introduce themselves with no problem at all. Some made some minor comments that suggested they would be open to a hook up but really.......... only 1 couple in 5 days was aggressive and rude. After some time and seeing several BJs and ladies laid out on the tub deck with a head between their legs, we got dressed and had dinner. My shy wife then informs me that the "play room" opens at 10:30 PM so we should have a nap first. ........... Huhhh? WHAT DID MY WIFE JUST SAY? WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL HER RULES? WHO DRUGGED HER? This is NOT my wife! Having to walk some ways, Rider put on some of her new cloths. Small sheer bra and panties with a sexy cover-up. I'm not into cloths but she felt so good being naughty, sexy and being so seductive and after all those years of plain everyday work type stuff, she loved being a woman and MY reaction was obvious. The Play Room was liberating and we spent 3 hours just stroking, kissing, touching, talking and lots of edging each other. While several others were in the room on their own mattress and watching others doing all sorts of things in the dimly lit room no one was aggressive and I didn't see anyone outwardly gawking. Rider said that she had never felt so "free" and comfortable. I think that we realized that our bodies, beings and desires are pretty close to those around us. Rider came 3 times and I twice while there. Dressed and then the thrill of undressing her again in our room led to another. Up at 9 AM and she had more new items to wear to breakfast then straight back to the hot tub and in no time at all I was sitting on the edge getting a BJ in full view. I did her a little later. Met a single older gentleman and we all clicked and hung out. The next day she wanted to go for a walk and I didn't so he went with her. I had been giving them a little alone time but all in public and we had changed the rules that nothing happens without the other knowing and must be present and in a public area. I saw them return and get into the hot tub. I was on a lounge close by. Rider sat close to him with their backs to me. I saw their arms moving some. Then Rider got between his legs as he lifted up above the water and she started a BJ. She then was on his lap facing him bouncing. I entered the tub and held her beast up for him to suck while they fucked with his hands holding her checks to keep the rhythm going. Him sucking her nipples and kissing her while her head was leaned back and moaning. He came. They rested for a minute and Rider got onto the deck and just about ordered me to eat her and finish her orgasm while our new friend continued to play with her nipples. Must have been quite the sight for all the others around to watch but we really didn't notice them at all. The rest of our stay we continued to enjoy and except. Our new friend had left and we didn't find anyone else that we wanted to play with. Though several did approach us and did so with respect. Our 1st time doing this. As you can tell, I'm still very excited about the whole experience and have written a novel. Sorry. Being home, Rider puts on sexy cloths for me... NO... for US. And we are like young kids just married. Naaa. Better then that! We have already booked our next trip in March and both excited and ready to go. More new toys and cloths ordered. After all, this is Monday and we got back on Saturday. (it's going to be a very long 3.5 months.)