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Two things: First I've been practicing edging and aspects of Tantric sex for some time. It takes some time and practice to train your sex brain to slow down and back off. The ability is worth it. Second this leads to me often not actually ejaculating. I experience moments of intense pleasure. The moments can be extended & then either continued to unloading, or allowed to subside. As often as not when I have three or more rounds of these partial orgasms I end up as satisfied as if I had the muscle contractions & squirted my load. This has been really handy when in threesomes or foursomes as it lets me fuck more than one partner. Anyway I'd recommend ChaTam start practicing control, with his wife and through mastrubation. Both are useful, or even essential to training oneself for this. I suspect it will also open new communications between him & wife which is never a bad thing.

Before I retired, I worked in an office with all women except for me. They all were also friends of both me and my wife. One day, when we happened to be talking and alone, one of the single women let is slip that she was enjoying a threesome with a couple she knew. I'm pretty sure she was hinting about me and my wife. I told her the truth that we had been into swinging in the past but that we no longer did and that was at my wife's request. And I also mentioned that my wife wasn't the least bit bisexual. The woman never approached the possibility again but, our revealing our swinging adventures to each other, sure made for better conversations after that. I've been retired for 8 years now and she and I still keep in touch, mostly on FaceBook. She is also a FB friend of my wife. I guess the closest we ever came to crossing the line from purely friendship to something more was when she told me how she loved to deepthroat. We both laughed when she asked if I'd like her to demonstrate. So, absolutely, you can be just friends with another swinger. And, hey, it sure makes the conversation more interesting and less guarded.

I totally agree with Adam Gunn’s sentiment. Every lover and every sexual act is a part of out lives and hopefully a contributor to a joyous sexual life.

GMO, good advice. However, my ex-HW and I never had any troubles talking about our past lovers before we got into it, it was a sexy way to get us primed, and we learned more about each other, our likes and desires. Eventually, that kind of talk got us into the lifestyle. I think everyone should celebrate their past (and current) lovers.

I had a 'girlfriend' back in my late 20s where our relationship had no sex but a lot of conversations. She was a self admitted slut, one of the first I had met. I found her life to be fascinating, degrading, horrible and wonderful. She told me about 3 weeks after first meeting her, that she expected me to fuck her. She said she hung out with guys mostly and they all fuck her. Well, I never did, for many reasons. We hung out together for a couple years until my wife asked me to stop. Even though I never fucked her, or did anything with her along those lines, it was assumed by everyone that we had. So my wife was like wtf dude, and I got that.

My ex-HW sometimes enjoyed being pounded, sometimes she wanted something slower. My current GF had a pounding experience recently when we were swinging, she seemed to enjoy it at the time but the next couple of days she was rather sore and decided she didn't want to be with the man again. In all depends on the woman, and the situation. You never know . . .

I call it the difference between fucking and making love. She enjoys both.

Everyone is different, and it never hurts to ask. Even if you happen to meet someone who enjoys hard sex, even then you will score extra points for asking first.

My experiences suggest there is wide variance in how vigorously women want to be fucked. Many prefer a “slow hand.” Some, and my wife is one, like to start off at a slow and deliberate pace but as they become more aroused desire hard and fast thrusting. Assuming you are with a new partner who is not distracted by talking a little during sex, it’s probably a good idea to check in with her from time to time to see if she’d like a change (faster/slower, deeper/shallower or harder/gentler) in the pace.

Going back a couple of weeks to our first time, this almost stopped us and might of steered us away from swinging all together. We've since discussed it and neither of us can quite put our fingers on the actual reason? Our first time with another couple almost didn't happen. We'd been to a club, which although it was nice and we chatted to several couples....not to mention watched some pretty erotic displays, nothing was going to happen. Anyway we're basically heading for the door when we're stopped by another couple. We are still blaming the whole sexual situation and the hot people we watched enjoying each other, as we never actually meant to do anything other than meet some people and get used to the idea of playing at a club? Anyway half an hour later after having a quick conversation, we're all heading back to our hotel! I'm not saying that they did anything wrong at all, but things moved extremely quickly, with almost no time to think. It felt like only minutes, but was certainly longer and we were all naked. I was with the couples husband, we were kissing and he was touching me. From the first time I saw it, he was hard and I mean hard! As I look over, theres a problem. Neither are making a fuss, but its just not getting hard. I know D and he's not going to be happy. I'm starting to think I've got to stop, but well I'm pretty turned on and felt this was a now or never moment. And just to clarify, she was beautiful, very pretty and trying very hard to help. It was denied later, but I saw a worried face. So I went to D and I whispered that if he wasn't happy lets call it a night. Do assured me that he didn't know what the matter was, but wanted us/me to continue. Now I was pretty turned on, but there was no way I was carrying on without him doing the deed as well! I suppose it should have been awkward, but it didn't seem to be? Anyway we kissed and basically he was hard! After a few moments we parted and I went back to the other couples husband and that was the only time it happened. I've/we've hesitated to write this as its not something we'd like to dwell on, but I felt that its important to share the not so good moments as well as the amazing ones. Basically I feel for you, but it happens...apparently quite a lot.