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My wife and I were ambivalent about having children. We decided not to. We thought at least one of us should be enthusiastic about it. We were not. We are happy with our decision. We are happily married for 32 years, we just retired at age 60 and when we want to socialize with the next generation, we take out some of our ten nieces and nephews, then give them back to their parents.

Gently but firmly this hits the nail on the head. Most people have a biological drive to reproduce, but not everyone has the psychological resources necessary to be an effective parent. Those who don’t are unlikely to find the experience of parenthood lives up to their expectation. And in all frankness, they may not do a good job of producing psychologically healthy children who are prepared to live effective and happy lives. In my opinion, it’s a wise person who correctly judges his or her suitability for parenthood. And as another commenter has noted, it’s possible to address one’s need to provide nurture in ways that do not include bearing children and raising them on a full time basis.

Everything I read in your original post had me nodding my head and going, yep, no problem, until I got to the above two statements. Relationships, in my view, are all about compromise, communication, and respect. Relationships with children are doubly so, in that for the first 15-18 years of their life, you need to be performing the role of both sides of the relationship with their best interests in mind because they are emotionally and mentally unable to do so. In addition, open relationships rarely mean 'having complete freedom', in my experience they usually succeed because boundaries have been negotiated and both sides understand and expect that they will diligently bring value to the whole. So, maybe your wording was just hyperbole, or maybe you really don't have any interest in supporting someone else, and maybe complete freedom is your sole motivator. If it's the former, figure out what you really are willing to offer, what you really are willing to sacrifice to give your children what they will need, and what freedoms you really are willing to compromise to make that happen. If it's the latter, I would humbly submit that (the whole question of finding a partner aside) maybe having children would be a poor fit for your personality and lifestyle.

Our life has been someone in-reverse of yours in that we married young, had a family, and then discovered the Lifestyle later, but I think I have a little insight worth offering. Having been married and monogamous, raised kids, done all of the most vanilla, normal life things that we do just like our parents did, I can tell you that I believe there are many things your are worried about that will take care of themselves if.....and I mean a BIG if.....there is love involved. This doesn't mean love replaces sex (it actually enhances it for us with both vanilla sex and LS sex) but it strangely changes the direction of thought day to day. Rather than being focused on "will he/she accept me, can we get along, I need more sex than he gives me, etc." you'll be more focussed without even trying on the betterment of the relationship and the family. And, there's one other simplifying term that I'll throw out there that has been a relevant part of ours and many other couple's lives: "nesting." It's a real thing. When kids and the strength of the family become a priority you may still want extra lovers but they won't be the key focus of most days. We often talk about whether or not we could have handled the LS in our 20's and early 30's and we both totally agree that it wasn't an option for us back then because we were nesting. We did our time as little league coaches, school volunteers etc and deeply love our kids and each other and wouldn't trade all the days of chasing kids for anything, but wouldn't want to go back at this point in our lives and do it where we are right now. Not that we wouldn't live the same life all over again, just been there done that and now enjoying being naughty together. Hope this helps. I wish you the happiness that I/we have.

The perfect way a 'first' should be. Good for you to put the other wife's feelings ahead of your own pleasure. I'd love to hear what that couple talked about after they got home.

WooHoo!! Arrogant and Condescending!!! That's awesome and a new set of names I was called. :-) I guess I was/am not really sure about it. I was coming down from a great swingers high and thought about all the BS I listen to my friends complain about. Frankly thought to myself glad that's not me.

Yep, that's exactly how I would handle it. Be prepared to have couples walk. You will meet people who will not be interested in that style of play. Don't take it personally, it's no different than you guys looking for what you want.

Hedo may be way too advanced for you two. I'd suggest a visit or three to a well attended on premises club before you go off to Jamaica.