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In my experience the decision to have sex is almost always made on personality and compatibility. Body type, penis size, etc are much less important, if relevant at all. If a woman likes you enough to swap then penis size won't come into it. You're an average size anyway, it won't be an issue. Huge cocks can cause problems anyway. Relax and have fun.

Normally, we don't look at the Craigslist Ads; we've found them to be predatory and full of people looking for money. That said, we saw this one recently. It's not the usual, in that I don't think they're looking for play partners -- but Holy Cow! -- the sentiment totally resonated with us (well, me (the male-half), anyways). Almost (!) makes me wonder if I should rethink why we're always looking for new partners. Here it is: Anyone want to offer their thoughts?

Last I checked 5" is considered normal...nothing wrong with being normal. In our experience, most 'well endowed' men have no skill. Their size is all that matters so they just slam it in over and over until they are done (how was that for you, sugar?). A little skill and effort can easily outperform them. Remember it's the skill of the magician, not the size of his wand...

Size doesn't just mean length hun, many people forget that. For vaginal sex girth is more important, a thick cock makes for a far better feeling than a long one. Many women can't take more than 6-7 inches fully inserted anyway, so at 7-8 inches (usually about an inch at the base doesn't actually get inserted) cocks can get uncomfortable or painful. For anal the opposite is true. When getting to know a girl who you want to swing with I'd just ask what she's looking for, the conversation should go in that direction anyway. I doubt the answer will usually be BBC anyway but if it is just say you're average in size, no shame in that! BTW I also prefer well endowed men, 7-8 and very thick (6"+ preferably), but I'd never be disappointed or think twice about having sex with a guy that's 5". I've slept with guys more like 4".

It's interesting because there is a group of people I know from the lifestyle who now get together for dinner parties. About half the group no longer swings. I think the Craig's List post reflects the sentiment of many who have tried the lifestyle briefly or who have been in for many years.

Whether or not exchanging text messages ahead of a meeting is already debated contentiously here at Swingersboard so I'm not going to touch that question. What I will say is that after your husband achieves his first success he will never again avoid a run-up period. His excitement will build, like yours, as the meeting time becomes closer.

Padoc had a great idea. Go to Trapeze in Atlanta. You don’t have to play if you don’t want to, but you’ll have a much better idea of what the hobby is like. It is mysterious until you’ve seen it in practice.

I realize this has been discussed many times before but looking through all of the threads I didn't see this specific issue addressed. I am interested in everyone's thoughts and opinions. We know there are large, average, and small penises when erect. We know that a large flaccid penis can become larger when erect but usually by only a small percentage... Roughly 20% or so on average. A small flaccid penis can enlarge by a large percentage... up to 650% or so. Therefore and 8" flaccid penis may become 9 1/2" but a 1" flaccid penis can become 6 1/2". How does the flaccid size come into play in your play decisions? How does one judge the penis size unless you are at a clothing optional area? Do you think OMG at the large flacid penis and/or laugh and ridicule at the small flacid penis? Would you decide to not play with a couple that has a 1" flaccid penis due to size alone not knowing what the final erect length will be? Lastly, only about 30% of women orgasm from vaginal penetration by a penis. So even though their are a lot of opinions on penis size... Does it really really matter since a penis penetration orgasm is such a small percentage in reality? Or, is it important from the mental and psychological point of view since the brain is the most powerful sex organ we have.

Doc I can’t imagine she left you because you didn’t measure up. After reading on this forum and many others, it is usually men who write about size. I can tell you first handed, you can also google it, that the average is much smaller than you see in porn. 5 inches is normal. I know you are black and maybe the average is larger. Let me give some advice, you have what you have. Obsessing over it doesn’t make it 10 inches. I have been with men smaller than you and had fun. 5in doesn’t feel much different than 6 or 7. When it comes to bigger men, which isn’t as common as you may think, it is more of a holy shit moment. I won’t say playing with one isn’t exciting. The actual sex isn’t necessarily better.

Lots of kind things will be said and hopefully all will go well. I was in a situation where I thought I was past the size issue. I was going to be having sex with a guy and his wife. He and I had been friends with benefits for several months and he finally talked me into a 3-way. On the big day, when I dropped my pants, all ready to go, she says 'wow, that's really small'. So shit happens, some people speak without thinking about others feelings or have no idea how to treat a man's ego. So go forth, but be prepared for some ignorant 'lady' to do a few years psychological damage. The 3 of us had an affair that lasted 2 years. She got past the size issue once she learned how much 2 average size dicks can do to one woman. I will say though that her opening comments had a major effect on how I felt about her from the very beginning. I felt nothing for her feelings and if she was liking or wanted whatever we were doing to her. This is what she wanted though, to be treated like a total slut. So I guess it worked, in some sordid manner. This lifestyle can lead to some odd situations.

A guy goes into this situation with a set of expectations, even if he doesn't think so. We think we know ourselves and we expect our bodies to do certain things without even thinking about it. Erections are usually something we are trying to NOT get. Going into a very erotic situation, ED isn't even a thought. So when this happens, it's usually a bigger deal that the guy can vocalize. Now, as he is going into the next erotic situation, he has only one thought. This can cause a snowball effect. That's why he's trying to not think about it. The best cure seems impossible but he has to relax. Also, communicate to the other couple that this may happen. If they have ANY experience, they have probably experienced this. There are many ways to enjoy each other without a hardon. Once he can relax and start to enjoy the person and put the situation to the side, it will rage.

Thanks so much for reply! It's funny because our first time was exactly planned and like you didn't work out so well. I agree...not thinking about it still thinking about it! Lol... All I can do, I guess, is take him at his word and jump in...see what happens! I agree too, with the build up/nerves things. I get those whoops in my stomach (like when you're on a swing?) when I think about the fact that it's getting so close! Nerves for sure but also a serious turn on!

So.... Basically 'Everyone'?

Believe me, you will never come home from Desire wondering what the big deal was. Lot's of action at Desire... We've been to Desire about ten times. We like it more than Hedonism but really enjoy Hedonism also. You can't go wrong with either. After you go to Hedo be sure to give Desire RM a try.

Got it. Yes it's done now whether we like it or not. lol We are going with a group though, so that should help I think. I've been asking questions on the travel forum and everyone seems to agree that we can be benign over on the clothing optional side if we need a break from the wild side.

Thanks everyone for your replies. You've given me a lot to think about. I need to have a think about myself and what I want. I'll post back later once I have my thoughts together.

Hedo may be way too advanced for you two. I'd suggest a visit or three to a well attended on premises club before you go off to Jamaica.

What about exes? She's been with them before and they're exes for a reason, plus you know they're safe. (Unless someone is violent and then you stay away.) You might have guessed my wife plays with some of her exes. Works good for us.

My wife and I settled this question many years ago. We trust each other to the extent that texting with others bothers neither of us. It typically does not start, however, until after an in-person meeting. It is also typical that we occasionally tell what kind of messages we have recently received, especially any funny stuff.

It comes down to comfort. If you are both comfortable with it then go for it but set very specific boundaries - as someone else said agreeing to it in this instance does not mean you are agreeing to it in all future instances. It's a one time thing (until such time as you agree to do it again or agree to allow it as a regular thing). That said, I can't help but have a few questions based on what you've shared so far.... You mentioned that she didn't hit it off with the other women of the couples. Is she jealous of other women being with you? Is this turning into a one-sided thing where she's getting what she wants but you aren't? You said that you really enjoy seeing her with other men and perhaps that's enough. But, if it's not enough you will eventually get frustrated and resent her for getting what she wants while you feel left out. I don't know if I'm on base, but it's worth considering, especially before you go a further step with her playing alone.

I voted #2: "Some physical attraction required, but what really turns us on is their minds." ... but a better choice may have been something like: "Physical attraction lends a lot, but adding a good mental connection is more likely to take it to the top." (Yep. Creating comprehensive polls is tough.) So... It can be an either-or-both kind of thing, and it can depend on my mood. The range can be pure, raw, animal sex, to sweet & sensual. Sometimes the entire range is experienced in a single session, sometimes just one segment of the range. The raw animal sex side can be just a physical attraction. Mother Nature's plan (procreation) is executed well here. On the more sensual side, I'd have to say that a good mental / intellectual connection is pretty much required. So from an evolutionary viewpoint, what you end up with is a lot of good bodies, some good minds ("animal" usually wins), or some combination. I think humanity is pretty fickle in general. So the "mixed bag" is prevalent. Personally, I believe diversity is essential. This is probably the biggest attraction to the Swing Lifestyle for me. One person cannot bring it all, but one person can bring a lot. Find that one person, who also allows you some occasional diversions, and you've really got something. This condition is exceptionally rare, however. Partly because of personal differences, partly due to social structure (status quo). Bottom line is: Animal sex is great, but adding the intellectual element brings the best experience, and is always worth the wait (IMHO). ;-) BTW - Most of the time... The intellectual element tends to be more a part of foreplay... followed by great animal sex. :">

However, you'll have much better luck on the swinger sites if you're a paid member. Put profiles on the ones mentions, and perhaps Kasadie, hang around for a week or two. See who has the most people of the type you're looking for in your neighborhood. Then pay for access on that one. You'll be taken more seriously by others.

I think there is a place for a good guy in the lifestyle, regardless of size. But I think opinions from some women here might be more inspiring then mine! We have one couple who we like, who are plus sized. The Mrs. told me after one play session with them at the local club that the guy was kinda smothering her during play. This was the second time they had played, and she had not had that observation after the first time. The upshot of this was that it would be good if the plus-sized guy had a repertoire of sexual positions that were well-suited to his size, and fun and comfortable for the woman!