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This jumped out at me, and I realize you were thinking of romantic relationships, but parenting requires considering and supporting someone other than yourself. The difference is that “someone else” is completely dependent upon you. It is not a part time gig and it requires self SACRIFICE. I would caution you to make sure you are “very independent” and not “selfish” before becoming a parent. I hate being harsh but the second part of your sentence sounds more selfish than independent; selfish people do not make good parents.

We've found that being around most bbc's has not been enjoyable. Mrs Doc refers to that subset as walking penises. Many bring no finesse, no class and few skills to the party, just their dick. Plus, she says there is a blood volume issue. Most human, she posits, haven't enough blood to maintain that huge erection and higher thought processes simultaneously (this applies to bwc as well). We would find the OP and his fiancé to be a much more attractive option than the standard BBC because he sounds like a caring and gentle man which to her means he's much more than the sum of his dick length and skin color. We had friends and playmates early on that, over time and moves, we lost track of. He was a C-5 pilot, a Major and was an average sized black man in all aspects and she was a petite, white Captain in the USAF. We had wonderful, fun loving and highly erotic evenings with them over three years. We both wish we hadn't lost track of them and we hope they think of us as fondly as we do them. Dick size and skin color hadn't a damned thing to do with it.

Why even bother pointing a finger? What will this accomplish? I understand that you are upset and angry, but at this point you have two options: walk away from the thought of swinging in any form or learn and move forward. Pick one. Being angry really won't accomplish much other than raising your blood pressure and wasting time on bad feelings and what if's. Would it make you feel better if it was the other couples fault, your husbands fault, your fault? Learn and move forward. If you feel like you are clicking with this other couple (all things considered), then next time meet with them but on neutral ground (a hotel) for your play time. Don't dwell on this, you have too much good in your life to waste the time. Move forward and remember that this is supposed to be fun. If it isn't, then you know what your other choice is.

That line caught me as well. Not only do you need to consider and support someone else in a relationship, but you don't have a choice about it when it comes to children. You can't divorce or break up with a child. Instead of trying to come up with a way to circumvent the system, maybe try looking at yourself and figure out why you aren't willing to give as well as you receive. No matter what happens, however, I think that there is the right someone out there for you (and everyone). Spend time looking...really looking and see what you can find. Good luck, we are on your side.

Ex's worry me since they are two people who have previously had feelings for each other. It's not that big of a leap for them to start wondering why they broke up originally and at least one of them to think about rekindling a relationship. Also, they usually know your circle of friends (if they are not a part of that circle). It would be easy for them to destroy a reputation by passing around rumors of what you have all been doing together. This is why we think it's better to keep things removed and apart from people you already know.

Thanks everyone for your replies. You've given me a lot to think about. I need to have a think about myself and what I want. I'll post back later once I have my thoughts together.

It comes down to comfort. If you are both comfortable with it then go for it but set very specific boundaries - as someone else said agreeing to it in this instance does not mean you are agreeing to it in all future instances. It's a one time thing (until such time as you agree to do it again or agree to allow it as a regular thing). That said, I can't help but have a few questions based on what you've shared so far.... You mentioned that she didn't hit it off with the other women of the couples. Is she jealous of other women being with you? Is this turning into a one-sided thing where she's getting what she wants but you aren't? You said that you really enjoy seeing her with other men and perhaps that's enough. But, if it's not enough you will eventually get frustrated and resent her for getting what she wants while you feel left out. I don't know if I'm on base, but it's worth considering, especially before you go a further step with her playing alone.

Hi all, My wife and I have been classifying ourselves as swingers for as long as we have been doing this (3 years now). We have had may amazing experiences and some not so much. One of the biggest issues is that 4 way connection. We found it in a couple that we are quite close to but we still see it as a "swinging" relationship, even though we adore them so much. At one point they entered into a poly relationship with a couple that lives in the same city as them and although kind of sad for our loss we were so happy for them. That relationship ended poorly for them and there was alot of hurt and a little strain on their marriage for a short time. Being involved in a large community I have seen numerous swingers travel the poly road and in many cases I have seen heartache, hurt and even marriages ending. In fact, I have yet to see a successful swinger -> Poly transition work out. Well, recently my wife and I met a couple we connect with like mad. I'm talking crazy connection. Lots of amazing sex, amazing friendships, communication and similar goals and values. I've never seen a man please my wife the way he does and I've never been so comfortable with another woman as I am with her (besides my wife of course). All of this is just so incredible we are talking about labeling it. We talk about the future and we have booked a family vacation with them in March. We are all very excited.....BUT, with the numerous failures I have seen for friends and acquaintances it gives me pause. I fear that it is destined for failure. Worse than than I fear a strain on our marriage as feeling develop. Not for any specific reason other than what I have witnessed. What I am asking is for people to weigh in on their stories. Stories of successes, failures and how to navigate through both keeping our relationship as the priority and without damaging it. Another note to help get you in my head. My wife and I are childhood sweethearts. Been together since we were 14. We had only been with each other up until 3 years ago and certainly have never fallen in love with anyone other than each other. Our marriage is strong, we communicate and still have so much passion for each other. We have gone through issues since swinging but nothing that we have not been able to resolve easily. We are aware of the intense NRE involved here and keep ourselves in check but we are excited to see where this goes. I just don't want to end up being hurt or hurting anyone else involved.

When I copied the CL advert to this thread, I mentioned that it 'resonated' with us, and I think I was reflecting on the 'modern subdivisions no longer have sidewalks' idea. (I read a book a while ago lamenting the decline of the traditional 'friendly neighborhood', and it touched on that very point). One of the things we've noticed in online ads and profiles (we're usually checking out SLS) is that many couples say they're looking for "Friends With Benefits" -- heck, *we* say something similar in our own profiles -- and we're pretty adamant that there be at least an emotional connection with any couple we meet one-on-one. We consider some of our dearest friends to be those we met through our adult playtime, and it morphed into decent 'vanilla' friendships too. So, which part to we value more -- the sexual or vanilla aspects of our relationships? Hands-down: it's the non-sexual part of those relationships. And it seems that way for our playpartners as well.s I just thought that the ad described the end-result perfectly. The friendships we have are the core of the relationship; sex is just an added bonus. Just my $0.02

I most certainly will!

Guess what: your wife knows just how big you are and yet she still stays with you. You must be good at something else since size doesn't matter (to her).

Two more days...report back what happens.

This thing isn’t for everybody, and what’s right for some isn’t right for others. For us it’s about a shared sexual experience, we don’t do hall passes or cheat on one another. Now that’s not to say that we haven’t done separate room romps because we have. We just haven’t gone out on dates without the other, that’s just not our thing. With all cases with us I’m in control of the situation and that’s just from a safety stand point. I don’t have to be close enough to hear her scream out her orgasm, but I will be close enough to hear her scream for help if she ever needs it. The one thing you said that caught my attention is that your third might have felt uncomfortable with your presence. My thought on that is that we always try to be good hosts, but we are the hosts and if he’s not into that then he’s free to look elsewhere for his pleasure. It’s up to the couple to set the rules of engagement not the third. I would also be curious to know if her meeting him without telling you about it was something that your lady is just thinking about, or if this guy has contacted her behind your back and mentioned that as something that he was interested in. I can tell you emphatically that if he is contacting her behind your back you need to send him packing. I can’t tell you what’s right or wrong, that’s up to you two. I can tell you that her meeting another man without you knowing about it has too many warning flags to count. There’s having fun, and there’s being careless, this can be a lot of fun, but it can be real dangerous if you’re not careful. Have fun and play safe, good luck to you two and I hope it all works out for both of you.

There are plenty of men out there who would admire your traits and want to share a life and family with you. There are questions that will come up, however, particularly how you envision your marriage, you need to think about and answer for any interested guy. Would you: Swinging together? Have an open, one-sided (you) marriage? Open, both sides of the marriage? From what you say maybe sharing a girlfriend would work. Questions about conception of the children: Be monogamous for a while? Restrict play to other than your pussy? Conceive "in the wild"? You need to look in "marriage" places where people find spouses (eHarmony, the church, social groups), rather places of casual sex (save that for the fourth date ). But early on you'll need to be brutally honest with those you like about who you are and will continue to be. It will take some concentrated effort, but will be worth it. How many people make all of their dreams come true?

Your right, it doesn't matter how the other guy feels, but it does matter how your girlfriend feels. It's a different experience fucking someone alone than with someone watching. My wife likes it sometimes so she does it. I can understand because I get the difference when were swinging and break off into separate rooms, or ocassionally I fuck one of her girlfriends alone. Different kind of play.

First I find the term BBC dehumanizing. I don't like being identified by my body parts. I am turned off by men who advertise themselves by their endowments or brag about their skills. If there is chemistry and we are having fun I would have no problem taking a ride on average, with your wife's permission and perhaps her participation.

That's what I'm thinking too...but am glad to hear someone else say it! The other couple already know it may be an issue and are totally fine with it. They are fairly experienced and say they want nothing more than for us to have fun, no pressure. Hopefully he can relax into that and enjoy it!

I agree absolutely. That's why I have worked on being exceptional in every other area that I can, so that whoever I was with can look past the average part if that makes sense.

My wife and I were ambivalent about having children. We decided not to. We thought at least one of us should be enthusiastic about it. We were not. We are happy with our decision. We are happily married for 32 years, we just retired at age 60 and when we want to socialize with the next generation, we take out some of our ten nieces and nephews, then give them back to their parents.

Gently but firmly this hits the nail on the head. Most people have a biological drive to reproduce, but not everyone has the psychological resources necessary to be an effective parent. Those who don’t are unlikely to find the experience of parenthood lives up to their expectation. And in all frankness, they may not do a good job of producing psychologically healthy children who are prepared to live effective and happy lives. In my opinion, it’s a wise person who correctly judges his or her suitability for parenthood. And as another commenter has noted, it’s possible to address one’s need to provide nurture in ways that do not include bearing children and raising them on a full time basis.

Our life has been someone in-reverse of yours in that we married young, had a family, and then discovered the Lifestyle later, but I think I have a little insight worth offering. Having been married and monogamous, raised kids, done all of the most vanilla, normal life things that we do just like our parents did, I can tell you that I believe there are many things your are worried about that will take care of themselves if.....and I mean a BIG if.....there is love involved. This doesn't mean love replaces sex (it actually enhances it for us with both vanilla sex and LS sex) but it strangely changes the direction of thought day to day. Rather than being focused on "will he/she accept me, can we get along, I need more sex than he gives me, etc." you'll be more focussed without even trying on the betterment of the relationship and the family. And, there's one other simplifying term that I'll throw out there that has been a relevant part of ours and many other couple's lives: "nesting." It's a real thing. When kids and the strength of the family become a priority you may still want extra lovers but they won't be the key focus of most days. We often talk about whether or not we could have handled the LS in our 20's and early 30's and we both totally agree that it wasn't an option for us back then because we were nesting. We did our time as little league coaches, school volunteers etc and deeply love our kids and each other and wouldn't trade all the days of chasing kids for anything, but wouldn't want to go back at this point in our lives and do it where we are right now. Not that we wouldn't live the same life all over again, just been there done that and now enjoying being naughty together. Hope this helps. I wish you the happiness that I/we have.

It is like any new encounter with the opposite sex. What does she like? Will it stay hard? Will I get off too fast? Will I get her off? add the element of the same room and your other half is having a blast: Stay focused on my play partner Do not blow a nut hearing my other half get off, before my play partner is ready Enjoy hearing her enjoy herself All in all it is nervous good time with the extra element of something new while something you love an know being in the same room.

No, it's not possible. She'd be back to normal by the next day. If you went immediately after the huge guy, you might feel a difference. A few hours later or the next day, she'd be back to normal. Yes. Unless this happened in the last week or so, she'd definitely be back to normal by now. No. It depends on how girthy and violent the assault was. But most likely, it's not going to happen from a standard rape. You'd see something like this from a violent gang bang, a perpetrator with a massive cock who was extremely aggressive, someone who was using extremely large toys and being very aggressive, etc. Assaults are usually violent, but for any damaging stretching to occur, it would have to be pretty far outside of the norm. She probably did. Absolutely not. The internal portions are more elastic and will return to normal faster than anything else. Based on what you've said, no, I don't think it would. AND, even if it did, it wouldn't enough for you to even notice.

From my perspective, it would seem the more guys your wife is fucking, the less each one of them means to her in any way other than sex. Think about it, if your wife is having sex only with one guy she will get to know him, they can perfect their routine, they have an opportunity to perhaps, maybe, develop some sort of relationship. (Not that there is anything wrong with relationships; some people, like my husband, are fine with it.) But if she is fucking multiple guys, they are nothing but sexual objects to her (and to you). She may have get tremendous pleasure from it, as you should hope, but in the end they mean nothing. You, however, are the one to indulge her fantasy and the one she will love.

As you know, my wife has had a few gangbangs and enjoyed them a lot. At the end of the night, no matter how many guys she's fucked, she always comes home with me. Because I'm the guy she married. I'm the guy she loves. I think you need to identify the source of your insecurities and admit them to her. At the same time, you need to listen to her and respect her feelings and desires. The greatest risk I see to your relationship is your own insecurity. You wanted your wife to "free herself." I say let her be free. You are the guy she will go home with at the end of night. Because you are the guy she married. You are the guy she loves.

If my wife wanted me to, I would. I wouldn't suggest it myself, but I'd happily do whatever made her happy (well, almost anything).