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Hi all, I love the camaraderie, the supportive attitudes and general concern that are shown by the members of this board to other members, new or old. I really feel that this is a place where like-minded people can talk, discuss, introspect and honestly "put it out there" without fear of insensitive "snarking" or ridicule. You guys are great, and an absolute treasure as a resource for those of us who are not yet vastly experienced. That said, I would like to pose a question. I'll be happy to be the first one to answer. Even after all of the planning, fantasizing and talking you and your wife or SO did prior to your first experience, how, in detail, did the men of this forum feel the first time you saw your wife open her legs and willingly accept another man's penis into her vagina? As he actually took his place upon or (or she him) and pushed his penis into her body? Despite all of the preparation and desire on both of our parts for this experience, I found a cornucopia of emotions, feelings and thoughts running through my brain and body like a torrent. The male in question was someone we'd gotten to know fairly well; his wife was absent that day due to illness. The hello kiss between he and my wife turned very passionate and prolonged; he began to fondle her breasts and her pussy (she was wearing short shorts) and she began, almost unconsciously, to stroke his cock. One thing led to another, soon they were doing oral on each other, and I signaled my wife that it would be ok with me if she fucked him. We hit the bedroom, and I stood at the edge of the bed, looking into her eyes and holding her hand, as he moved between her legs. She spread them wide for him, and I got the feeling in the pit of my stomach, like a pang of EXCITEMENT mixed with ENVY, mixed with FEAR, mixed with a highly erotic feeling. She put her legs on his shoulders, and as I watched, his very rigid cock penetrated her pussy and she made a noise I'd never heard her make without me. Erotic excitement, incredible arousal and jealous feelings poured through me, as I watched him aggressively drive himself deeper and deeper into my wife. I wasn't sure if I wanted him to stop, or to continue forever. The excitement was incredible, as was the arousal, but strangely I wasn't hard. I watched as she squirted several times for him, and had orgasm after orgasm. Again, I wasn't sure what I was feeling except that it was VERY powerful. Regret that we had decided this and couldn't go back, excitement to do it again and again, incredible desire to join and to put my cock in her mouth, uncertainty as to how to proceed. Finally, I could see he was ready to cum, and when he did, I looked at and kissed my wife as she thrust into him. We always use condoms, so he carefully pulled out, and I mounted her with him behind her, cradling her shoulders as I drove MY cock into her. We thrust hard against each other, and I came deep in her with him holding onto her from behind. Our friend was polite, showed deference and was very gracious; my wife, for her part, really enjoyed it and had nothing but pleasure and positive emotions flowing through her. In keeping with her usual, she really had no memory as to what he did to her after she began to fuck him...she's in another world during sex and remembers very little. I had to fill her in (which she was eager to hear). I, on the other hand, took a bit to integrate all of the feelings of jealousy, excitement, loss, gain, fear, eroticism, pain and pleasure that I had experienced. Things have been similar but less startling as other events have unfolded. I'm not sure, but I really think it is the gamut of emotions, from jealousy and pain to pleasure and massive sexual excitement, that make, for me, seeing her with another man so incredibly hot. I've said before that I think it's our power to channel the power latent in jealousy (and the envy, fear of being left out, fear of not being good enough that jealousy encompasses) into our similarly intense erotic experience that keeps us (at least ME!!!!) enthusiastic about the lifestyle and finding opportunities to play again and again. Our stated reasons for getting into the LS is that we love to watch each other as we're pleasured....and that's still true. How about you?

Hi Everyone We are a young married couple 35 and 37 years old and been together since 16 and 18 years of age. We are pretty new to this LS and with little experience. We have gone to clubs in Europe, but not done anything too serious, mostly just enjoyed the environment and played with ourself. We have thought about meeting up with couples, for soft swinging if we would like them, however we are so unsure about how we would feel, that we are hesitant. The husband has read quit a lot of threads here and has maybe a better idea on how far he could go but wife is anxious about how she would feel with him just touching another women as the feeling of thinking about it gives her an uncomfortable feeling, in the pit of her stomach. She would like to try MFM first since that is the only scenario where she does not get a anxious thinking about him he however is more comfortable with meeting couples, specially couple that have been in a long term relations ship. Do we all feel this way in the beginning? and does it go away ? or is this just not for us since this uncomfortable feeling comes up?

You're talking about a business transaction. In our opinion, that's not swinging. BTW, isn't "escort" a fancy name for hooker?

We can't agree more. In addition though the try it once with someone you are paying (a job to them) and decide everything based on one unnatural and forced situation sounds like a lot of pressure to me. IMHO it almost sounds like you're setting yourself up to fail. The lifestyle club approach sounds a lot better - go with NO EXPECTATIONS and see how you like it. Take small steps and expect for there to be bumps in the road. This is true for most anything - not just lifestyle - things rarely are perfect the first time. If you've got the time and can afford to get away for a bit, a week or two at Hedo (or another similar location) would be another way to dip your toes into the lifestyle with no pressure and at your own pace. No matter what you do try to relax and have fun! Anyway just my .02 worth...

I see it never happened so you still have that to look forward to. It can be exciting thinking of the possibilities though I think plans never work out the way it is planned. The plan when it happens is to let it happen. It’s better to be spontaneous.

some times i think we as a group tend to make everything we do about swinging - for me i do not want to go out swinging on a spiel day - those are for us - i'd rather be with my family celebrating the b/day and so would my wife - swinging is not what runs us - its just something we have a hobby in.

Sorry to hear things went that way. My suggestion is to put the breaks on the lifestyle. Let things simmer done. Don't be mad at her. She is entitled to her feelings and being angry wont change any of the issues. At this point the fact is she may never be comfortable with the idea of you having sex with another women. I can only speak from my personal experience. My wife was absolutely against swinging. She had no interest whatsoever. I completely backed off the idea. I accepted the fact the lifestyle was not for us and I made the decision my wife and family were more important to me than opening up our marriage. It took my wife and I ten years to get from the point of bringing up the idea to becoming a situational full swap couple. In our personal situation it took many years. I think two things helped us tremendously. The first thing was I backed off. If this was ever going to happen it was going to be my wife leading the way. She needed to feel like she was in complete control. The second thing that I think helped was going to Desire Resort in Mexico. We have been there eight times over that last six years. We love the place. My wife loves the place. At desire we learned a bunch of things the least of which being swingers are normal people. Doctors, lawyers, police and teachers. They're just everyday normal people. It was also there that we shelved our jealousy issues. Desire is not like a club, hotel take over or a couple you meet online. At Desire you spend a week getting to really know people. Once you know a couple you stop worrying about alternative motives. We have meet people at Desire that we now consider some of our best friends. We meet so many intelligent and sexy professionals that in time my wife became comfortable around the lifestyle. We learned how respectful people are of your primary relationship. Desire is an amazing place to vacation but a word of advice is book it with your wife's knowledge. We've seen people spring Desire on their spouse and it usually goes poorly. I'm telling you your wife is making note of your reaction. I don't believe she is putting you to the test today. I don't think this is an evil plan to see how you respond but she is paying attention to how you react. You should not be sleeping on the couch after discussing the lifestyle. Your wife and her feeling always come first. She needs to know you will always have her back. Don't argue with her over this because you are not getting what you want. This is a long game Dijonrichter, think long game. This is the women you will spend the rest of your life with. So thinking along those lines, you have plenty of time to get where you want. Good luck... (My wife absolutely said she would never partake in the lifestyle, last night her and the female half from our really close play friends that we meet at Desire started planning an overnight trip to another city together. The guys are staying home with the kids. I would consider that going from zero to a hundred. If you put your wife and her feelings where they should be, your top priority, you can still get where you want. Arguing is going in the wrong direction. But it's a learning process so don't beat yourself up.

The most obvious is having sex with another man. The way it changed my sex at home is that I told my husband that I was made love to. My husband and I have plenty of sex, really good sex and playful sex. Maybe we don't make love that much. I never gave it much thought. Of course I love my husband. I never thought I would be with anyone else sexually. That changed on a vacation. A man I met on the trip and his wife swapped with us. He brought me back to his cabin and made love to me the way my husband and I used to do. Another thing I did was be with another woman. It really was not something I wanted. Not sure why I did it either. I have done it now a few times.

Be gentle and generous to all concerned, especially your wife, and enjoy riding the wave regardless how it turns out. As a poly person, I admire you and those involved in this situation for all being cool. Why is it so many swingers can not only allow but enjoy having their spouse get sexual satisfaction from other people, but recoil at the thought of there being any emotional attachment? As if another person not just fucking, but actually caring about the one you love is a bad thing. My husband feels comforted that my boyfriend treats me well and would take care of me if anything happened to him, and I about him and our girlfriend. If there is no jealousy, no dishonestly, then work it for everyone's best. I truly hope you get the opportunity to see your new love twice a month, at least, and that her husband and your wife are there to celebrate in mutual joy.