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I tend to agree, monogamists and swingers both want to believe their marriage philosophy makes for a better or stronger marriage. If you think about it, it’s the mantra of the swinging community, “swingers divorce less often”. Unfortunately, the research simply isn’t available to back up that statement. The small amount of research done has been through the lens of current, active swingers, so of course the data will Trend that direction, but it isn’t an accurate sample. Most unhappy or divorced swingers aren’t hanging around swingers forums or other places swingers gather, thus, the data is skewed. I’ve been around the lifestyle long enough to see the good and the bad, one does not outweigh the other. I have a decent amount of swinger friends that won’t divorce and put on a good front when out with other swingers, but home life is anywhere from disconnected to disfunctional to toxic, but they swing to have sex. People stay married for all kinds of reasons, and it isn’t always due to happiness and openness, even swingers. I don’t push the swinger narratives of swingers are happier and divorce less, or swingers have fewer STIs, because I’ve not seen any evidence of it. It’s a risk, and I’m willing to take it, but I could end up being one of the, not so rare, couples that one partner leaves for the swing playmate, it happens. Cheating happens in all kinds of marriages, even swinger marriages.

In my life (I'm in my late '60s) I've had four women who have entered into swinging and/or hotwifing situations. And my two wives also cheated on me (that is, they had sex with others without my knowledge or permission.) I love the idea that they screwed other men, even when they cheated. But I hated feeling that I couldn't trust them - that's what cheating does. To the OP - if this is something that turns you on, I suggest you tell her that it's okay with you for her to have teasing or full-on sexual relations with others, under whatever circumstances you two decide on. But have her fully tell you about it at a time of the two your choosing. Do not allow a 'cheating' relationship to fester.

I for one would never let my wife meet someone without me, but that's our thing. If you're ok with it then, cool. As far as her not answering/replying to you, really NOT cool. She could have at least let you know she was ok and safe.

My wife and I will be in Las Vegas beginning of February and have been trying to find out exactly where the club scene is...which is proving much more difficult than we had imagined. Having only enjoyed repeated play dates with one guy, we thought we could find a couple or single woman at a club and cross off two milestones in one trip. The problem is other than the Green Door which has very mixed reviews we are hard pressed to find where to go. Any help or advice would be very much welcome. Sincerely Mycheekypet

How we got here is a strange way. I want to thank our first couple for telling us about this forum. We are totally new to swinging not to playing around. My cheating and getting caught led to her own affairs. We finally decided to sort of cheat together. We did some googling about swing clubs. Neither of us wanted that. We found some swinger sites. My wife had been on cheating sites before. I never did dating sites. She registered on a few sites that had good reviews. I let her do the searching. She wrote a few couples and answered ads. We got scammed a few times. She had a problem with finding fakes. We met a few couples that seemed sketchy and we passed. We made dates where only the guy showed up. We stopped making hotel reservations because we always felt nothing was going to happen. My wife even suggested meeting one of her guy friends. I wasn’t into that. After all the disappointments we finally met a real couple. We met them for drinks and told them our story. They told us how they started. We joked about the fakes we both found. They told us about their first time. We laughed plenty. They were ready to do it. I had to make sure my wife wanted to. They invited us to their home. I suggested a hotel. I said I would pay. I don’t know how much to say on here. It was fine and fun. It was also strange to see my wife doing things. The couple knew to take things slow and made sure we didn’t feel too odd. The biggest turn on was watching my wife play with a woman a little. It was a first for her. She didn’t do that much herself it was more the other wife. If they are reading this, thanks.

We know this is not cheating. We have worked that out. My wife never cheated. She had sex with others with my full knowledge. You might say I encouraged her to go out when I was on the road for business. Honestly I worried who she was meeting more than that she was meeting men. Her experiences led to new things in our bed.

I see that this is your first post, so I want to welcome you to Swingersboard. I hope that you enjoy the time that you spend here. You do not find a unicorn; she finds you. The most effective strategy is to get out of the house, see, and be seen at swingers' meet-n-greet events or at swinger-club parties. Information about these kinds of social events can be found at swinger hook-up Web sites. You will see on-line profiles for single women at these Web sites but do not expect to receive a message from any of these profiles -- that almost never happens.

That's the sweetest cheating story I've ever heard. Cheating doesn't do anything for me, per se. The hint of promiscuity or a sporting attitude toward sex, though, really does. I really started to figure this out about myself after the high school sweetheart and I broke it off for good, and details would come out about what was going on. I didn't just like fucking her, I liked her getting fucked, and the same was true of other college girls I was messing around with. One knew well enough to take pictures sometimes and send them along, but otherwise, I generally kept it fairly clean with girls I was dating until I was in my early 20s. Then I was past pretending and had more experience, knew what I liked, and was more comfortable finding women who liked it, too. Some of the best head I've ever gotten is from women opening up about the other trouble they've gotten into. Finding in Mrs. E somebody who had been pretty sheltered and wanted a man to encourage her to have some adventures was like striking oil.

You like the others here are tiring to imply at the very lest that because you swing you try hard - that does not come from your swinging practices or at lest i would hope not. this kind of thought process that wants to have all the thing you have said comes from the person and no matter in what life style they will give everything to it mind body and soul. a Lot is said by people thinking some how because they have a"Better sex life" ( in there own eyes ) or car or money or lawn that some how this shows them to be more, even some thing else ..... "is a indication that they keep trying and NEVER want to lose that passion." for what ever it is. This is truly not right - the above comes from having those qualities - the things you see are a result of using them. and swinger do not have a monopoly on these qualities nor do monogamist people.

We had only 1 bad experience with a couple we met at a club in over a decade and when it happened, we were 2 years into exploring our hobby. I missed warning signs and I've never made that mistake again. From that point on if someone gives either of us the slightest twitch, we move on no matter how hot the couple. There is always a risk, but people at swinger clubs tend to be less prevue (believe it or not) or at least more honest about their pervs. We actually got roofied at vanilla bar one night. Mrs Doc was at the bar and I was in another room for awhile watching a game and chatting with a buddy. When I came back to the bar, she was on the dance floor. My drink was empty so I drank hers. A short time later I was totally wasted (only 2 drinks, barely enough for a buzz). She had to help me to the car and then help me into bed. I remember very little. She said she had exchanged pleasantries with a guy before going out to dance. Our best guess is that he targeted her figuring she was alone and I tanked his plans inadvertently. The moral is: bad shit can happen anywhere

My first wife and I were together from the late ‘60s through the late ‘70s, basically the period of our 20s. We were both pretty curious about sex and not scrupulous about fidelity. We should have been more explicit with one another about what was permissible and what wasn’t in terms of sex with others. Once, when I came back from a lengthy business and pleasure trip we got into bed and she asked if while on the trip I’d had sex with a woman we both knew, who I was going to be staying with for a few days. I admitted I had. At that point she told me she’d been having sex with our next-door neighbor, one of her medical-school classmates, adding that they had talked about fixing me up for sex with his (recently-acquired) wife, a nurse. I found this revelation literally breathtaking. And completely unexpectedly, in a good way. A very good way. I was so turned on. We were already naked in bed and we immediately began fucking. It was more than 40 years ago and I can’t recall how many times she came, but I did three times before we were finished. She told me she’d recently broken off this sexual liaison but I was seriously tempted to suggest we renew it, this time as a four-way. (She said her lover had complained about his wife that her pussy was so tight he could barely find his way into it, at which point — bless her heart — she told him that with the size of my erect penis sex with his wife would be a non-starter. :-) This was the point in my life at which I realized I was wired sexually a bit differently than many others. We later had a soft swing with another couple and I deeply enjoyed watching her jack the other guy to orgasm several times. (It slightly distracted me from my task of pleasuring his wife.) My then wife and I several times discussed swinging, but our schedules were busy and there was not the internet through which to make connections, nor a place like this one, providing helpful advice to novices. So, it never happened, and a few years later, worn from the stresses of medical and graduate school and the poverty that went with it, we divorced. And now she and I are old. She’s a grandmother. After a period of estrangement that lasted decades, we are again friends, both quite happy in our lengthy marriages. (She has implied that she and her husband no longer have sex, and that she’s fine with that.) We live a a little more than an hour from each other and with our spouses sometimes see each other in social situations with mutual friends. Several times a year she and I have lunch together and catch up. Her hair is white and her face is wrinkled. But I still think she’s attractive and sometimes looking at her across the table in the restaurant, in my mind’s eye I picture us as young and fucking our brains out. And when I think of her having sex with other men at that time in our lives, it still really turns me on.

Cheating is usually frowned upon in the swing community. I'm thinking what you are talking about is 'hotwifing'...where she is allowed to have sex with others and then tells you about it. Do so research and see if this is more of what you have in mind.

Yes, as said above, couples that don't care about what they are doing are the ones to worry about. The couples that are concerned about their partner more often than not are going to do well...or realize that this isn't for them and walk away. Back in my younger days, I was VERY jealous of my partner, but with my current partner, I KNOW that she is coming home with me. That this is just something we do together and enjoy it. Love/trust/communication are all paramount in the relationship but as long as you have an abundance of all three, it seems like the jealousy stays away. Getting to the point where you have all three in abundance is the much harder part. No matter what, you never can be sure what you will feel until you get to the actual point of it happening. Keep checking in with your partner and don't be hesitant if you decide you are not ready yet (do NOT continue forward because you don't want to ruin their good time - it's called 'taking one for the team' and it almost never ends well). Take your time, talk, be TOTALLY honest with each other and (if you decide to move forward) move forward as a team. Whatever you do, however, don't do this because it is something he wants to do and you don't. Go together because you BOTH want to or don't go at all. Good luck and let us know what you choose to do.

Knowing that there MAY be predators is all you really need to know on this subject. Just be aware and check in with your SO and make sure that everything is going well with them is all you need to do. Otherwise, 99% of the couples are great and will obey any rules and limits that you have. Just be open with what you want and don't want. Start out with chatting and being social and most couples will understand that there is a possibility that it could lead to something but nothing is ever guaranteed. Plan on having a night of fun and whatever happens, happens...even if nothing else really happens.

Not all have these feelings, but I did. They haven't gone away, but now I enjoy them - the feelings that another woman enjoys my partner, that he is having fun, having intense "reclaiming" sex with him after they finish. It is addictive. It is like the good feeling after intense exercise that hurts. It is like riding a scarey roller coaster and wanting to get on again.

Welcome to the board. You are young, and yet you are not young marrieds. You have been married--to each other--longer than you have not been married to each other. Here is the question that you should answer for yourselves, and for each other. Do you love each other enough to commit to spending the rest of your lives together? Is there anything--anything?--that could or would tear you apart from each other? If so, what? The fact that you are hesitant is normal. It means you see value in your marriage that you are unwilling to risk. You are that important to each other. Now here is the secret. Couples that are indeed hesitant, couples that value each other and their marriage above all else, those are the couples who will find the lifestyle wonderful. They are unwilling to cheat on each other. And giving each other permission to play, to have a bit of physical pleasure in each other's presence and with each other's consent, typically does not put such marriages at risk. Pretend it is not 2018 but 2058. You are now 75 and 77 years old. What memories do you want? That you spent 4 decades wondering? Or that you spent 4 decades exploring together? Good luck on your journey.

Do we all feel this way in the beginning? and does it go away ? or is this just not for us since this uncomfortable feeling comes up? Yes, I think most people feel that way initially. What you're contemplating is out of the general norm of society and really goes against the moral strictures that have dominated the US since the days of the puritans. If you can't get past the pangs of conscience or insecurity and jealousy than swinging is probably not a good hobby for you. Consider initially limiting your activities to watching/being watched, same room sex with another couple but restricted to spousal contact only, or soft swap. Jumping right into a full swap situation can work but may be too big a 1st step for you. Does you husband not share your feelings of jealousy? If he does, a MFM may not be the best place for you to start. If you don't pick a really good extra man, your husband may feel left out and left behind by you unless he wants the cuckold experience. This hobby isn't for everyone but if you can get beyond those feelings together, the erotic fun is well worth the effort. We've been doing this since 2003 and hope to continue till we're too old or ugly to get naked any more.

We can't agree more. In addition though the try it once with someone you are paying (a job to them) and decide everything based on one unnatural and forced situation sounds like a lot of pressure to me. IMHO it almost sounds like you're setting yourself up to fail. The lifestyle club approach sounds a lot better - go with NO EXPECTATIONS and see how you like it. Take small steps and expect for there to be bumps in the road. This is true for most anything - not just lifestyle - things rarely are perfect the first time. If you've got the time and can afford to get away for a bit, a week or two at Hedo (or another similar location) would be another way to dip your toes into the lifestyle with no pressure and at your own pace. No matter what you do try to relax and have fun! Anyway just my .02 worth...

Whatever we think is going to happen is not what happens. One of our mottos in the LS.

Mrs Doc had sufficient one on one sexcapades before we met, married and later started swinging. We got into this hobby to share the erotic fun together. While we loosely have hall passes we don't use them often and we won't play without the others knowledge and complicity. Notice that I didn't use the words consent or permission. Part of why we became swingers was to minimize the likelihood of cheating. Our thought was 'why go off on the side when we can pick our playmates together and enjoy them and us at the same time"? If I boinked one of our female playmates on the sly, I'd feel guilty and Im certain my wife would feel that I betrayed her and our partnership. Our swinging days would probably be over. If she boinked one of the guys similarly, I'd be pissed. I'd be pissed at her of course but I'd be more pissed at him for his lack of respect for our relationship. His swinging days with us would be over.

Welcome to The Swingers Board! Hopefully you will find your answers here. The problem I see in MFM relationships is the guy wanting more and more. We really wanted to not be bed hopping and to have an FWB or 2 who were good friends and safe. We had one who we were with for quite awhile, even taking him on vacation with us a few times. But eventually he made his move to break us up and take my wife. After him, we changed a few things we were doing to avoid another event like that. Our best system was to have access to a few guys we could see every month or so. Rare enough to keep it fresh and hot and not enough to develop feelings. My $.02 is to avoid allowing this but you know you guys and if you are a strong enough couple, it may be ok. Keep in mind, it may be him talking her into this.

I'll never eat the brussels sprouts on the party buffet..... cheese and crackers are not nearly as windy