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There's a lot of interesting stories here. As to my wife and I, I think that we've actually been discussing it in code for the better part of our marriage (so, close to 20 years). As to discussing the idea in less abstract terms, well... it all started with me asking my wife what her deepest darkest sexual fantasies were. Upon being asked about her fantasies my wife basically gave a very generic "romantic sex" answer, but then insinuated that there may be more things but she was too embarrassed. I like writing, so I decided to write erotic literature for her, mainly to open up a surrogate dialog and help her not feel embarrassed. Basically I tried to guess at what her fantasies were and and wrote sort of scattershot, refining the stories with each "review" my wife gave. It quickly became very apparent that she had exhibitionist fantasies that slanted heavily towards gang bangs, light humiliation, putting on a show, and sex with strangers in unconventional places. So for fun I decided to write her a sexual questionnaire with 60+ multiple-choice questions, and then set aside some time to have a very frank very open conversation regarding her turn-ons. After the dust settled and all the cards were on the table we both realized that she had a wild exhibitionist kink, and I had a pretty substantial voyeuristic fetish... It was like two pieces just went click. The linchpin to the conversation was one single moment, where she looked at me and said "you don't really want to watch a stranger slide his cock in me do you?" She said it with a sort of wide-eyed look that said, and with a vernacular that said, if you say yes I'm going to confess everything that has ever turned me on. There was a long pause, and I scooted in close to her and told her if it turned her on I would absolutely watch her do that. And we were off to the races, she basically had to steady herself on the furniture in order to regain composure and continue the conversation A few of her more prevalent fantasies, meaning ones that she had given serious consideration making a reality (i.e. talking to me about the possibility of making it happen) where the mfm threesome, a gang bang situation, putting on a show with observers present, and more than a passing curiosity at goings-on in sex clubs and swinger parties. I was both floored and not surprised at the same time. Not surprised as I knew she definitely had a kinky streak, especially the things that she would talk about when she had been drinking. But floored at her frank honesty regarding being curious at the possibility of making these things a reality. Her main fear was that I would be angry and judgmental, as I tend to be a little judgmental sometimes. Or that confessing any of this would drive us apart in any way, as all her fantasies revolved around US, rather than just her (she wanted me to be into it) I basically told her in no uncertain terms that the idea of winding her up and watching her go was a massive turn on, and nothing that she had said was either shocking or upsetting. This conversation stands as probably one of the most amazingly erotic events of my life. Oh, and hilariously, I ended up compiling all of the short stories into a series of small books and started selling them on Amazon. Which added a nice exhibitionist turn on for my wife because they were all about her. I'm not sure that there is anything better than finding out that your partner is as kinky as you.

Hi all, We recently arranged...and then cancelled...our first full blown, everybody in the pool type session. I was all in...hubby not so much. All good...we go back to talking. That's how this goes, I think! Anyway, one of the things this seems to have brought up for him is the idea of respect. I'm curious to get others thoughts on this one. A little background-He says that it's seriously hot to be able to explore sex recreationally. He really enjoyed his first full swap (mine didn't work out). With this new couple, both the guy and the lady were very interested in me and the lady was looking forward to providing my first bi experience and to playing with hubby. For some reason, he wasn't feeling it and in trying to figure it out, he has realized that it's possibly a 'respect' thing in regards to me. Let me explain...you know the old saying, guys want a ' slut in the bedroom and an angel in the kitchen'? Well he's realizing that I totally wanna be a slut in the bedroom...with him and other people. And he's wondering if that is what tripped him up this time. In the cases of our first swap, it was separate rooms, with friends. He was so totally focussed on her that he really didn't think about me. After all, he trusted the guy I was with, had known him for years, and so on. With the new couple, he didn't have that same situation. Has anyone ever run into something like this? My first thought was that's a kind of controlling respect. Which he had not considered. He totally knows I wouldn't leave him, etc., etc. I think he was genuinely surprised to realize that's what he was thinking. Anyway, I thought I'd open it up to you fine, intelligent people and see what others thought, if others had run into something similar, been through this kind of thought/growth process...

Perhaps there is a misunderstanding red adding my original post...we haven't participated in any play since this incident. And we won't until we can both agree we are good to go. There is no pressure from either of us to rush it. To be fair, we HAVE already had several experiences...this issue just came regarding this newest couple. But you are correct...there are many different ways to dabble in the lifestyle. It's whatever works for the two of you. I just found the thought that I could enjoy it and that could affect his respect of me interesting. Shows we have a way to go!

5 inches will do the trick. I am a tad longer but not in anywhere near the kind of shape you are so my "usable length" might not be what yours is. There are no complaints coming my way though. I would consider that the "love of your life" was probably not worth the honor and that you dodged the bullet.

We’ve gotten to the point that we use sites like SLS to mainly check for events to meet people in the flesh, so to speak. When we do dialogue with people on those sites, we take it slow and and easy since we have no idea who they are or what the deal is. We have had people open their photos without us expressing any interest in them and then they demand we open ours. Red flags go up for us when that happens. Either it’s a Photo collector or drama is on the near horizon. Digital has some use but it’s not the end all for us.

I think a lot of men have tunnel vision feelings going into swinging. We like to think we can bang a string of ladies and have no problem with our wives jumping on some guys dick. We focus totally on the fun aspect of it with no consideration of the peripheral feelings. Then reality sets in and the terminally hard dick is asleep. He is wondering why his wife is having so much fun with this guy. Mother nature tortures us with the need to spread our seed and the conflicting need to possess our wife. Giving her up, if even for a few hours, can bring up never before dealt with feelings. Many men come out of their first experience thinking that it was not what they expected. It can wreck the confidence. A majority of men do not understand how other men can swing. Jealousy is a strong emotion, especially if rarely experienced. Analyze your relationship and your feelings on the LS. See if this is for you or was just a life experience.

Another thing - to be poly you have to not only be comfortable but actually feel good about your wife telling the other guy "I love you," and hearing the same thing back.

First of all, just because you have all connected very quickly doesn't mean a thing...it's called new relationship energy (NRE) and most couples AND singles experience it. It isn't until the bloom starts to come off of the rose that you start really 'seeing' things with clear eyes. Don't be sucked in and assume too much at this time. Take it slow and easy, make sure that your (and their) current relationships come first and foremost. Sure, spend time together and have fun, but make sure that this second relationship is...well, secondary. Only time will allow everyone to really see through the image everyone portrays and allow you to see the 'real person' inside. There is no reason to rush into this, you have the rest of your lives, literally. So who am I saying this? Well, we have been 'dating' another couple for...7, almost 8 years. We have talked about what would happen if one of us were to die, how the remaining couple would that them in and 'take care' of them. We have even imagined about the possibility of all of us moving in with each other...but we have kept it just at the talking stage for the time being. We always have a great time together, but we try hard to keep our primary relationship primary. At this time, the 'risk' is still not worth the reward and while we can get together however often as we want, we can all still go home with our SO and be able to have our private space. Maybe someday we will move towards more, but right now we would rather have a great primary relationship along with a great secondary relationship and not risk rocking this boat. It ain't broke... A better question to ask is why do you want to move into this type of relationship so quickly? Is there something 'wrong' with your current relationship (cuz this won't fix that)? Think about singles who move too quickly when they first meet and how more often than not those relationships don't work out either. Take some time, enjoy what you have, and there will always be the opportunity for more in the future. There's no reason to rush into anything as rushing (IMHO) all too often is what causes these types of relationships to fail. Enjoy what you have and let tomorrow bring what it will...tomorrow. I know, not what you were looking for, but we hope it helps somewhat.

NWlovin’ ... I see that you are very new to this BBS... Welcome! You are for sure in the right place if you want to expand your knowledge of the "Lifestyle" (LS). I do not think you are "crazy" for wanting to fulfill some of your fantasies, especially with your husband being on-board, and a fully cooperative participant. Maintaining full, open, and honest communication with your partner is paramount in the LS. Trust is a big deal too, all the way around. You sound pretty patient... describing setting up a situation in the course of a year or so. Patience is a good thing, especially in the LS. HOWEVER... The situation you are mostly describing sounds like a colossal train-wreck waiting to happen. Pulling a married guy into your bedroom for play-time activities without the knowledge, consent, or support of his wife... especially since he is part of a larger circle of your friends... has disaster written all over it. I am hard-pressed to imagine a bigger violation of trust, and a breakdown in communication (especially concerning his wife).... No one in their right mind, especially on this BBS, will ever advise you to pursue such a course of action. Keep in mind that this is a "Team Sport"... mostly with you and your partner, but also including all the guest "Teams" you play with. Anytime a player is excluded, the opportunity for trouble and excessive drama looms large. So... "What do I think?" I think you would be wise to spend a bit of time on this BBS. You do not seem to be in a real big hurry, and a few months spent grazing the forums here (especially together with your partner) could be fun, as well as informative. Pay attention to who is making posts that resonate with you. There is a wealth of knowledge, experience, and wisdom here. Take advantage of that. Continue to post questions... make comments. And there is always the option of connecting with folks here via a "PM" (private message) through their "SB" profile. For me it is more about the journey, than the destination... and I suspect most folks here would agree with that. Enjoy the journey. Let us know how it works out. Be Well... Have Fun! ;-)