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It's a little hard to unravel this from a distance, but you mention the "lady in the street, freak in the sheets" thing. It's valid. There's a lot of cultural baggage about women enjoying sex. Our situation was the other way around, in that she had reservations and I was pretty open about it, which maybe isn't as helpful here since the gender roles aren't interchangeable. However, what helped a little bit, I think, was being able to get conversation about sex separate from talk about the relationship. Sex is what bodies are for, and it's not easy to disentangle that from a bunch of other issues, but at a basic level people have been getting off for fun from the beginning and it's normal to thrive on a little novelty. It doesn't have to "leave" anybody else anywhere. Getting past the idea that there's something morally wrong with casual sex in the first place was a big hurdle, and then she wasn't convinced until we'd actually done soft swap (oral) that we had the general idea "right" and we could do full swap without reservation and get off on each other getting off. "What if my spouse likes sex with other people" assumes that there's some reason to think sex with everybody else automatically became unenjoyable when we got married. Most orgasms aren't about romantic love and don't need to be (although the ones that are certainly great).

Most people in the L/S will gladly honor the requests of the other couple. Since they know that your wife isn't bi, I think it's REALLY safe to assume that she won't be asked to do something that she has let everyone know she isn't interested in. You have already played once and nothing happened between the two women that wasn't agree to and I don't think that anything will change the next time (or the time after that). Go, have fun, and stop worrying about things that haven't happened (and most likely won't). That they still want to get together with the two of you means that they enjoy your company even with the 'restriction'. Give them a break and a chance...

My wife and I are completely new. It is for the reasons you stated above that we are going to take this ultra slow. The first step is just being around people having sex, adjacent to people having sex while we do (with each other) and some touching/feeling/caressing and potential toy play with another couple. I've learned a lot from this board, and one of the biggies is that swinging comes in all shapes, types, varieties, and flavors. We have even read of a couple going to Hedo that wants to do Chastity play while there. A couple people questioned why that at Hedonism 2 of all places, but they reminded them that they swing in a different way than others, but that it was still a valid way to swing. Reading that was when it dawned on me how many different ways to participate in the lifestyle there really are. If my wife and I only ever have intercourse with each other but touch, breast play, and play with toys with others and that is as far as it goes -- it will still be non-conventional and a flavor of the lifestyle. And it will be OK if that is as far as it goes! Don't feel pressure to go any farther! The universal truth is this: your marriage or relationship should be of the ultimate importance. If an activity is going to risk your marriage don't do it. Period. It will impact so many more people than just the two of you. A happy couple is more important than a couple willing to do a certain activity just because others are doing it. I'd rather be with a happy couple than a couple that is forcing and pressing the limits because of peer pressure. Wow! I surprised myself with this post since we haven't even been to Trapeze yet. That adventure starts in less than two weeks.

As I read through the story the notion that was coming into my mind is that the guy was typing while high on some drug.

A voice helps verify someone is real, some people use Skype or video chat. Sometimes there are nuances I pick up on in a brief conversation that also weeds out a few more and saves trips for coffee.

While we are not strangers to the online world, we have yet to hook up with anyone from strictly our computer or other devices. We are more of meet and greet and "get to know you" kind of people. That being said, there's a lot to be said for manners and civility. I think Fundamental Law outlined it quite well. We prefer people who use common sense and a decorum of politeness. If we click on that level then the rest comes naturally.

So true. When things seem off from the start, they just stay that way. You see it with everything, but especially in swinging. If there is the slightest hint of cluelessness even in their profile, much less any communications, then we immediately write them off. If they can't get their act together on those simple things when given plenty of time to figure out which path to take and formulate a good response, then in the heat of the moment, they probably aren't going to have their act together either and that just leads to a sucky night for all involved. One of my favorites was a message from probably the more bi-furious profiles I've seen, one of those "I WILL eat that pussy" types. Them - Hi, She's hot, she can't wait to eat that pussy! Us - no reply, since she's straight and profile indicates that. Them, second try a few days later - She eats pussy like you wouldn't believe, she'll have her screaming out all night long! Us - You all did see where she's straight, right? Sorry, not interested. Them - Yes, we saw that. Y'all want to get together and fuck this weekend? I mean WTF, do these approaches actually work for anyone?!

Hello, Petra here again with the same old story and a few questions. Actually, I'm not sure even what "poly" is; is it just something sexual or must it be more? I have accepted the label for our group, or "family" as I like to call it - two guys, three women and five children (so far, probably two more before we quit) from various combinations among the guys and women. Our family was not the merger of couples, but the accretion of individuals over the years. If you want to read more, I joined the Swingersboard ten years ago and have documented over the years how it all evolved. (Short version: I broke up with my fiance but never stopped seeing him, met a guy who was OK with it and married him, I got over my jealousy and found women for hubby to date (and explored my lesbian side), two of the women joined us, and we bought a large house and had children. To me just because you like, have great sex with, and get along with another couple doesn't it poly, even if you're exclusive. It's a flavor of swinging. Poly requires that everyone in the group is equal and makes sacrifices for the others, and lives together. Here's my test: 1) Try a couples swap for a week; at the end does everyone feel good about it? 2) For a week live as an FMF, halfway through switching out the M; then live for a week as an MFM, switching out the F halfway. How do the dynamics work out? See how it feels when your wife is wanting him and you have to settle for sloppy seconds. See how the household works. 3) Are you willing to let your wife has his child? He let his wife have yours? 4) Most importantly, can you manage finances of this ménage à quatre? We've been there and done all that. It has many difficulties, but if you sacrifice to make it work it is worth it in every way.

So you set this up and played out the cuck old role play / fantasy right? - i'm not sure . If so then it went well - yes? if not then you both are in need of some real talking to each other. There are so many red flags here the list would take all night. - if this was not staged or what you wanted that is.

You're better than I am right now. I don't know how I'd respond but I know I wouldn't be too thrilled about someone doing all that.