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The best approach is to tell the truth, but not all of the truth. If you're Bob and Carol, don't pretend to be Ted and Alice. But no last names at the outset. If you work at the VA Hospital, it's enough to say that you work for Uncle Sam. If you're a nurse, it's enough to say you're a healthcare professional. And so on. If it's a random hookup, that's more than you'll need. But if you find that you like a couple and want to see them again, you'll end up exchanging additional information on some level.

Hey, somewhat new to the forum and this is my first post! My husband (early 30s) and I (early 20s) are fairly new to swinging, though we've talked through it a lot over the years and are ready to start going to clubs this weekend. We've also made plans with a single guy we're familiar/comfortable with for a couple weeks out from now. We're definitely getting started here and very much looking forward to it all! We were talking the other night about chatting with people at clubs in general, and the topic of overly-identifying info came up as we wouldn't want to be caught off guard by questions that could reveal where we work, for example. We're not sure any of this stuff would be brought up by others anyway, so I have two questions: 1. What's your experience at clubs/sex parties/etc as far as whether or not this stuff really even comes up in conversation? 2. Which details about yourself(ves) do you avoid giving other swingers? Thanks!

While everyone knows how I go on and on about needing love/trust/communication to be successful in swinging, the truth of the matter is that you need all three to be successful in ANY relationship. That a huge number of couples don't have the trust and communication to be able to talk about past 'experience' or are unwilling to even listen to the suggestion (even if only as a fantasy) of a threesome or swinging is why so many relationships fail these days. I especially love it when one partner says that they are going to punish the other partner for THINKING about something (...but now I'm married and he better not even bring up the topic or I'll kill him). Just because you threaten your partner, isn't going to stop them from thinking about it and it only starts you down a road that ends in a dead end.

On occasions I view some vanilla family and parenting boards, which are populated primarily by women. Sometimes there will be a thread about nonmonogamy, like "my husband wants to swap with another couple," or "I want a threesome," etc. (The replies fall into three general categories: "We do that - try it," "We don't do that but have fun," and "Just thinking about that is despicable.") All understandable except the few who reply, "I used to ........... (have threesomes, swap, do anal, give blowjobs), but now I'm married and he better not even bring up the topic or I'll kill him." Some women say their husbands don't even know about their wild past sex life. To me, how can you not discuss an important part of your past (and present and future) with someone who is supposed to be closest to you? How can you deny your mate at least a discussion of giving him his fantasies? Another topic was about not going to bed mad. Sounds like a good idea if you can pull it off, but in our poly family the dynamic is different. If one of us is mad at someone in the family (we're all lovers except the guys), that person will go to bed with someone else. Two advantages: the other person will talk some sense into you, and you can still have sex without thinking you're giving in.

Agreed. But I couldn't see being in a relationship with someone whom I considered a mate and not want to tell them everything, the good, bad, dreams, fantasies, mistakes, and hope they want to do the same. This doesn't mean just sex, but everything. And that's the way it is in our family. We are all naked to each other in more ways than one. It's not a horrible thing to say; it was at first, however, a little difficult. What was more difficult to say is that you love someone else as well, and likewise to hear him/her say "I love you" to someone else. Two things make it normal and even joyous - that you love the other person as well, and it rests your mind knowing that someone else can take care of the person you love.

Two seemingly disparate questions. Both get to the notion of partnership. Partners keep the line of communication open, no matter how hurtful it might seem. Going to bed mad with the communication line open usually results in "It hurts when you won't hold me." "Maybe you should hurt--you hurt me." "Can we break the cycle of hurting each other?" After a few turns of conversation, one or the other says what they're really angry about and the issue is addressed if not resolved. The only exception is when one or both parties is too tired to have a rational conversation. Communication also includes disclosures of wants and needs. "I want to have sex with someone besides you" might sound like a horrible thing to say--but it's a lot better than not disclosing that want and cheating. The quest for sexual alternatives--if not variety--is biologically hard-wired, and it makes a lot more sense to get those fantasies out on the table. Once exposed, they are a lot less threatening. And in a partnership, it's fun to fulfill the other's fantasies. Not every day, but enough.

I'd post a link sending them here, Couplers. It's where they need to be to get the answers they seek.

Having done it a couple of times with my wife and our close male friend, I can say it was a lot of fun for all three of us. If you are having sex, do what you enjoy and don't spend your time worrying about what others are thinking. Just remember that the mere fact that you are fine with and enjoy non-monogamous sex just for the fun of it means you are doing something a majority of the population does not approve of.

i havn’t a bisexual bone in my body and I vote “not gay”.

Curious as to what your MO is for texting another couple. If you've been conversing say via SLS and they provide a # for each of them. Who do you text and from who's phone? Do you cross gender and have the male text the female and vice versa? Or, do you just text the same sex? What's your preference on getting texts from the other couple? I'd personally prefer that everyone be in the loop via a group text so that there's no issues of someone being left out or situations like this one occurring - https://www.swingersboard.com/forums/topic/60095-should-i-be-upset/

Being older and a lot more experienced I have a wife that enjoys having me swallow. Having sucked my own cock and swallowed my own come, as well as her feeding my own come in a kiss she put certain demands on sharing each other’s bodily fluids. Both of us are very healthy and eat right and have studied and learned that urine is basically sterile in a healthy person. My wife has trained her PC muscles to urinate in small spurts or amounts IE a mouthful. We performed a ceremony using the magic blue pill in the shower with me kneeling as she gave me the pill. To wash it down I would open my mouth and she would feed me her golden champagne spurt after spurt as I swallowed. She would finish by ceremonially spray my cock and balls washing me clean. My wife warned me that she would never suck my cock again if I was afraid to swallow her golden Champagne. We enjoy Tantra and ritual lovemaking especially the art of “karreza” withholding ejaculation. I was able to stay hard giving my wife multiple orgasms in multiple positions including having her suck me hard to keep me going for the entire four hours. Many times after our lovemaking the only thing in my belly would be here golden shampagne having championed the ability not to release my semen. My wife would go to bed totally satisfied and I would be laying awake holding my erection.

Don't do anything you aren't comfortable with. If you decide you want to be gang-banged then it is up to YOU to set the rules for what happens and make sure that they are expressed to the guys involved. Here are a couple of other topics that you might want to read through: Gangbangs for him or for her? Gangbang Advice