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Deep down it's one of my biggest concerns (about myself), but I try not to let it get in the way. Confidence is so sexy! Insecurities of any kind are not. So no matter how you feel inside, act like a winner! I find that swinging actually helps alleviate these anxieties because in the end we are all real people and no one is perfect. Exercise helps too because you know that you've done your bit and you are the best you can be.

That's very similar to where we find ourselves. We periodically check it, maybe once a week tops. But, online profiles were a big part of getting us where we are at now, so they remain a very important part of swinging, but for some, that importance may come and go through their swinging life. At some point in the future when we have more time available, I wouldn't be surprised if we don't get more active again using the online route.

No, we wouldn't play with anyone we knew is cheating. Lots of reasons for that, no Bible Belt necessary. If they'll lie to their spouse, they'll lie to you. High potential for drama...lots of drama. If someone wants to cheat, they're a big boy/girl, that's up to them...just like it's up to me to choose not to be a part of it.

Parabola, we simply don't want to be complicit in cheating. How is that a Bible belt mentality?

Just an update here. I decided that the general viewpoint shared on this board was right and so decided not to go to the local club as it puts people in an unfair situation. What we did decide to do was join an online site and look for couples that way, while being honest about our situation. That way, we give people the choice to decline upfront and make their own decisions based upon their full knowledge of our situation. Surprisingly to me, we are currently chatting with 4 other couples, none of whom have stated they would be unwilling to play with us because of our situation. Yesterday, we met with one of the couples and so I had my first swinging experience, which did not go as I expected but still was fun. So I just wanted to thank u all for your opinions as it has been helpful in cementing my decision to be honest with people so they can choose their own response.

cSwing: Just from the things that you have said, you're beautiful.

Our opinion: Swinging is supposed to be recreation and fun for us. The last thing we need is drama. Simple natural law, cheating = drama. In our 15 years in this hobby, we've had opportunities to play with cheaters and have NEVER knowingly done so. In the case of the OP, your situation could go to shit in the blink of an eye and we'd want absolutely no part of it. What we used to tell our kids, "doesn't matter what you thing you're doing, if you're in the room when the crap hits the fan, you're gonna smell really bad" !

We agreed to not log into our SLS account for a little while for one reason...lack of time due to having already made a few recent contacts with couples that we have had chemistry, and are currently dating. Limited to only a few days a month it was starting to get overwhelming trying to schedule so far ahead, that we didn’t want to put off couples by telling them that we can only schedule a meet in the next few months (that would turn us off as well). It doesn’t help that we don’t play on 1st dates. But that is our comfort level, and we “are” finding what we set out to when we started our account (FWB). We prefer a small circle of friends over a notch in the bed.

To be honest, I’m not sure what it would take for me to love my body. I say time, but that’s immeasurable and surgery isnt always the solution. I had breast concerns after nursing my children for 15months total. I researched and went ahead and got a procedure (breast lift and reasonable sized implants) hoping to change my outlook on myself and boost my confidence. I got the breasts I wanted...with the cost of having huge scars under my breasts, up the underside and around my areolas and am now ashamed of the scars. I suppose the grass isn’t always greener and presumed remedies don’t always remedy an unhealthy personal outlook.

Wish there was a way to flag or somehow log those we run into on a list for others to see and save a lot of wasted time. But with experience they do become easier to spot.

I can bottom for my wife now and then. She uses a Realdoe with a Rodeoh brief. I have bottomed for a couple guys over the years. Although the feeling is really good, and the experience is really hot, I can't do it with guys any longer. For me, my head gets in the way. Bottoming for me is more submissive than my personality presents. Being at the hands of a man like that, you give up any control. I totally get why so many guys love it and I wish I could get over what I can only define as homophobia. Concerning topping...when it comes to giving anal sex, I am 'by request only', and even then I have to be really worked up. I never ask for it. Again, this is a conditioned response. Too many horrible experiences from inconsiderate assholes, literally. I never understood the attraction for anal sex, other than control. To me it's pushing away a porterhouse in favor of a burnt hot dog. Once anal sex starts, that's where it's ending without a trip to the shower. I dislike that kind of break during sex. If I am seeing a guy, it's just for oral sex on my part. I have tried to top the last couple guys we saw but even if the heart is willing, willie aint willing.