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Very vanilla couple here, but reading and listening to the other stories of experiences. The positive attitudes and overall good nature of folks in the lifestyle is the most attractive feature for us. I'm sure we would be nervous going into a club and feel the overwhelming expectations to go past our boundaries. It's good to know you can take things at your own pace and it be generally accepted. We're also not naive to think every situation is positive, but the more we read, the more confidence we get. Thanks for sharing your experiences, good and bad.

I think you have to execute lifestyle moves at lifestyle events. Vanilla people find it baffling. Even hooking up with other lifestylers can be a kabuki dance of misunderstood intentions.

cSwing: Just from the things that you have said, you're beautiful.

The guy is a predator and you are a victim. I am sorry for you, it shouldn't have happened. I'm also disappointed in your husband. He let you down when you asked him to stay close. This incident didn't take a minute or two, he took his time. Your husband should have scanned the room for you AND the host, when he didn't see you he should have gone looking. Had he done so, he could have protected you (a husband's PRIME obligation, particularly in this hobby). After you told him the abridged version, he should have asked for details and then he should have de-nutted the host. "Telling on him" to his wife is a cowardly way out. None of this is your fault. That being said, I don't think swinging is for you two because you obviously can't count on your husband to put your comfort and safety ahead of his social activities. Good luck and again, I am so sorry that this happened to you.

We have been open to poly in the past. We could be again. It has been a rough road in some ways, but personally I think affection and love are so precious in this life that I would have a lot of trouble rejecting it when it came along.