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It's unfortunate but it happens, don't tie yourself in knots trying to understand why. If they're experienced then you're likely just one piece of the puzzle and it's highly unlikely that their decision is directly linked to something that you've done, or not done, etc. Ans yes of course finding a good match is hard!

Some of the things you could say are... - You look cool, are you friendly? ;-) - If you could fuck anyone you wanted in this room, who would that be? Also, any kind of conversation about the other people who are some distance away from you can be fun, because it engages your dirty minds, I mean, sexy imagination. What are they up to? Do you think they will fuck each other? Will they fuck us? Everybody? Is she a screamer?.. You get the drift ;-) For females, discussing outfits - past, present and ripped apart - never fails to entertain us!

Back in the 70's when my wife and I started swinging and were really careless and stupid, we never use condoms. We had sex with everyone bare. There was the pill. Then when AIDS came along we think twice about wearing condoms or not. If we don't know or trust the people, condoms. If they are good trusted old friends always bare and cream pies.

Lol I just made a comment in a different post to a girl that gets upset about her man swinging with a chick like you - oh how diverse this forum is! Honestly if you have a personality that i like then your body does not matter to me because it's yours - only you and those close to you will know the whys and so forth - you have talked about the things that you do not like about your body but i would like to know what you do like about it. What are your eyes like - do they have a story in them? what about your nose,lips, etc.. and your frame , do you have great legs or maybe a cool butt ? - perhaps you could make a list of everything you do like - just to show yourself how great you really are. The battle scars of life will not put us off you - but that's just me and EVERY other swinger man i know.

I am happy that Judy39 located that year 2016 "too picky" discussion and posted a link to it. This same discussion came to mind when I read your story. You have a perfect right to be picky. I have looked up the discussion you started here last year about the defensive reactions that you receive from your boyfriend. I believe your fear of "coming across as arrogant" is reflecting the fact that you continue to fear his defensive reactions.

You shouldn't feel pressured to 'take one for the team' if you don't want to. That said I think it's possible to be too picky, and comparing potential playmates to your long-term partner is a bit out of place here and creates unnecessary limitations. I find that people who enjoy swinging the most are very flexible, open-minded and willing to enjoy a wide range of scenarios, situations and people. However it works the other way around too - swinging teaches us flexibility, shows us how to enjoy more than one partner, one script, one relationship. Who's screening the couples, to start with? Might be worth for you to do it, in order to increase the chances of you liking the guy and being more in the mood? Also, lots of great thoughts on this here: https://www.swingersboard.com/forums/topic/57390-can-you-be-too-picky/

You are quite correct. 1. Finding that elusive 4 way chemistry take some time. 2. Couples come into...and nearly all eventually leave...the lifestyle. Your post suggests that you are looking for something more than playmates--you found a couple that you (thought you) genuinely like. And now you have received conflicting signals. You have received good advice here--when conflicting signals persist, time to move on. Continue your search. There is a couple somewhere for you.

You just got introduced to DRAMA which is an occupational hazard you should try to avoid when involved in this hobby. As you get more experience you may recognize that you two dodged a bullet with this couple. Time to move on.

Nudity is natural. Should be at least practiced around the house.

Sexy turns me on. If you feel sexy you will look sexy. No one of us is perfect. I would like to have six pack abs and a beer can thick cock.

cSwing: Just from the things that you have said, you're beautiful.

To be honest, I’m not sure what it would take for me to love my body. I say time, but that’s immeasurable and surgery isnt always the solution. I had breast concerns after nursing my children for 15months total. I researched and went ahead and got a procedure (breast lift and reasonable sized implants) hoping to change my outlook on myself and boost my confidence. I got the breasts I wanted...with the cost of having huge scars under my breasts, up the underside and around my areolas and am now ashamed of the scars. I suppose the grass isn’t always greener and presumed remedies don’t always remedy an unhealthy personal outlook.

We really don't care what you think, if you can do it without pain, or believe our experience.

I feel comfortable naked, not a problem for me.

I'm indifferent. Couldn't care less if anyone sees me naked or having sex, but it doesn't excite me either.

There is a learning curve in swinging that pretty much requires an openminded approach and a grasp of the concept that it takes time to find your niche or to hit your stride. Think about dating and how difficult it was to find a partner with whom you clicked and where attraction, conversation, and sex came easily. Multiply that by four and you'll understand why this hobby isn't for the faint of heart. To answer your question, we started with firm rules and a determination to find a really good match. Those are few and far between. Over the years, we have, through trial and error (lots of errors), refined our selection process to the point where we have had a lot of success in finding fun and compatible couples. Rather than looking for that perfect couple, we start with certain parameters, HWP, non smokers, educated, with well written profiles and certain body types. We meet and assess in person. Since we recognize that the "Wow" factor often won't apply to both parties in the other couple we generally accept that one of us will be quite attracted to one part of the other couple. After that, our decision is based on whether the other partner is considered "doable". If not, we go no further. We've had some really great times and repeated them with couples where I found the wife very attractive and Mrs Doc thought the husband was doable or vice versa. Sometimes, we've found that the less obviously attractive part of the couple kinda sneaks up on us and suddenly there really is a Wow factor. Back to the learning curve, this hobby isn't as easy as bowling or bridge, but when you win in this, there are orgasms.