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On occasions I view some vanilla family and parenting boards, which are populated primarily by women. Sometimes there will be a thread about nonmonogamy, like "my husband wants to swap with another couple," or "I want a threesome," etc. (The replies fall into three general categories: "We do that - try it," "We don't do that but have fun," and "Just thinking about that is despicable.") All understandable except the few who reply, "I used to ........... (have threesomes, swap, do anal, give blowjobs), but now I'm married and he better not even bring up the topic or I'll kill him." Some women say their husbands don't even know about their wild past sex life. To me, how can you not discuss an important part of your past (and present and future) with someone who is supposed to be closest to you? How can you deny your mate at least a discussion of giving him his fantasies? Another topic was about not going to bed mad. Sounds like a good idea if you can pull it off, but in our poly family the dynamic is different. If one of us is mad at someone in the family (we're all lovers except the guys), that person will go to bed with someone else. Two advantages: the other person will talk some sense into you, and you can still have sex without thinking you're giving in.

Only happened to me once...because my cock was in my wife's mouth.

I too want to welcome you to Swingersboard. You have come to the right place to ask your questions. I perceive nothing in your story that indicates to me that your wife is associating the size of your penis with her ability to have an orgasm. And I perceive nothing that indicates your wife is signaling that she wants to experience sex with a different man. Take care that your imagination and your fears do not carry you away. I agree with what cplnuswing wrote: you should talk to your wife about your concerns and ask her about her feelings.

Hello, and welcome to the site. First, I doubt size matters like you think it does. There are many many aspects to pleasuring a woman that have nothing to do with penis size. Second, if you aren't able to honestly communicate about how you each feel about your sex life together, then I assure you swinging is not going to work out well for you. Good communication is the foundation upon which swinging is built, and if you don't have it yet, then that's what you need to focus 100% of your efforts on, improving the communication. Third, swinging and surprise are two words that should never be said together, so no, arranging something without her knowing is not a good idea. One, it goes back to the communication thing, since by their nature surprises don't involve two way communication, and second, doing something like you are suggesting is not showing much respect for your wife. If a couple are already experienced swingers then some sort of special surprise on something they have already proven they like and are into by their past actions, then that's one thing, but to hit someone cold with swinging, that's a good path to divorce. Just talk to her, and keep talking, and the answers will come.

Thanks a lot for sharing your thoughts. When I think about how she was when I met her, everything from now gives me goosebumps. It wasn't only about the religion though; the society as well as religion taught her that a girl couldn't even talk about her sexuality, let alone express it. She wore clothes covering up to ankle and wrist, barely showing anything beyond her face. Being raised & restricted like that, she was so perplexed when I first expressed my fantasies to her. Even with loving each other so much, we two were far apart with out thoughts and indulgences. I remember that we even passed a small stage where we both were even hesitant bringing up or discussing about our sexual wishes and needs. I understand that it must've been so difficult for her to even allow herself to think about some of these stuff. She grew up in a place where the girls are never even supposed to shake hands with guys. I think it would've been equally probable had closed herself her more since moving here had we not started sharing and talking about all the things she considered taboo. Fast forward a few years, with the changes in surroundings, I noticed her trying to embrace a bolder style. I didn't say anything to her, just made her feel comfortable with the things she bought, the choices she made. Now when she wears a sexy outfit, I can see the glow in her eyes, the satisfaction of not hiding, rather looking sexy & be proud of it. Others noticing her luscious legs or curvy breast don't make her self-conscious anymore, rather confident & joyous. But, even now, sometimes she says that her religious teachings may not agree with her choices. She still does her prayers & all, yet don't let them much interfere with her enjoyment. A few days ago, she was telling me like, "I always knew & believed that sex should be only between husband & wife. I still think somewhat in that way and a huge deal for me, but sometimes I feel like we should enjoy, coz it's just sex." I wouldn't believed at all a few years ago that my wife would ever be able to think about sex like that. Everything about this transformation is just so incredible​. When I went to visit her right after the day she had that party. At that night, as a prelude/foreplay, she enacted the things that happened at the party and showed me with my hand where the guy touched her, how she felt. The sex afterwards was so fun and intense that I can't begin to describe. I just tongue-fucked her for we don't know how long. And these are not like the usual fantasies we used to share only during sex & would become uncomfortable to bring it up the following morning. Day or night, we talked about everything and I bet she's also immensely enjoying that I am getting the hardest of the hard-ons coz of her. How far has she grown is absolutely amazing and we both are so much enjoying that. It's like we both are falling in love with each other again and again.