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If this was easy, everybody would be doing it. In many ways, swinging is worse than high school. Then, all you had to do was like the other person and ultimately decide how far you wanted to go in the back of a Plymouth. With swinging, you need some kind of 4-way connection and after that is established you need common ground on rules of engagement. Generally speaking, the venues are better than a Plymouth but everything else requires effort and thought and some degree of trial and error.

We tended to play for extended periods with the same couple, years in a couple of cases. We varied the situation by doing different non-swinging things together and making the sex fun as well. With swing partners we were able to concentrate on carefree fun sex. We seemed to gravitate toward making love when we were together. The best part of swinging for Laura and me was after a swap when I glided into my wife's semen-filled pussy and told her how much I loved her. You don't need new people for that and the sleep afterward is just as sound.

Variety is why we're swinging. It's a turn on for us to watch each other with other partners but I don't think we would want to have just one other couple we played with. That would get boring too. The connecting us fun too though. It's nice to have friends in the lifestyle, who else can you talk to about lifestyle stuff. It's not like you can go to your local Rotary club meeting and talk about it with vanilla buds the same way you'd talk about fishing or football. Hearing women talk about their favorite sex toys in a casual conversation is fun and sexy. Many times it can lead to more. I want her to experience different guys. I want to see different guys come on to her because that reinforces how hot I already think she is. I love seeing her flirt. If it was the same couple or group of couples all the time it just seems like the familiarity would get a little old. I like the challenge for myself as well. I like the feel of other women, discovering something we can connect over, getting to that first kiss, unrapping a new willing present and finding the surprise inside.

My wife and I got into the lifestyle recently, about last six months. We did a ton of research. Actually, this forum helped to answer many questions we had before we ultimately decided to jump in. Jump in we did. We made a couple of profiles on free sites, and began talking to some couples online. At first, we really didn't know what we wanted, other than to spice up our sex lives. The first couple we spoke with, in hindsight, was pretty aggressive. I won't go into details, but we ended up hooking up with them on a first date after a few weeks of very flirtatious chatting. They ended up being a little too different from us. After a couple of other dates with different couples, we realized that we were looking for friends with benefits. I mean, we're not club people, and sex parties never sounded appealing to us, but we still wanted to bang other couples together! The only other couple we've hooked up with since we got into the lifestyle, seem to be what we were looking for. We made a good first impression, and on the second date, we made it to the bedroom with them. It started a little rough, and not in a good way. I had some performance issues the first time with her, but those have since been resolved. We chat with them on a regular basis(several days per week), and we've seen them several times since our first vanilla meeting. My wife and I, are looking forward to continuing to build our relationship with these two. They are good people, and I'm happy to call them friends. Friends that have a good time together on a king size bed, banging each other's spouses! All that said, I don't know how big of a part we will play in this couple's lives, but we're going to ride the wave till the end. Why not, it'll be fun while it lasts!

While that sounds interesting, my wife and I are in very basic mode right now. Same room. Probably limit it at first to soft. Etc.

My Mom came from East Prairie, Missouri, Padoc. That's across the river from Cairo, Illinois. (Pronounced "Kay-Row.") Having spent time in the Arab countries, I learned about their customs. I'd not choose to swing there.

This is why we don't waste a bunch of time with emails and texting. We try to set up dinner or drinks (with no play planned) to see if there is any interest. You will be able to tell more in 5 minutes than an eternity of email and texting. Just to let you know, there will be couples that you are totally into but will not be that into the two of you. Don't take it personally, just move on. It happens. Finding the 'right' couple, especially if you are looking for a four way match, is hard, but it is worth it when it happens. It's a numbers game so meet when everyone seems interested and don't take if personal if after meeting one or more aren't interested. Find the next couple and start again.

We tried the online thing. Too much flirting without any payoff. Lots of time spent trying to connect with couples then you they ghost. Finally got to a meet and greet with one couple. Their pics weren't all that representative and they confided that they had lied about their age with made them several years, not just a couple years, older. Not that age was a hang up for us but what else were they lying about? During the emailing phase we explained we were soft swap only if we were comfortable. At the meeting now they telling us that separate room full swap is their preference and why it's a better way to go... After that we ditched the sights we were on. We prefer an on-premise club. Most people are there to meet and play. You see what they look like. If they look like your type you can approach. If they are receptive you can talk a bit to see if there is a connection. If there isn't you can move on to another couple. You aren't stuck with them. We see some couples regularly at our club that are just there to watch or be watched. We know who they are and what they are there for. We still talk to them if they want to talk and we don't have any dashed expectations. The hardest part about a club, especially if you are both shy or introverts, is approaching people. On the internet it's easy. You send out a flirt and if you get a response you might have something. It's really not that much harder in person. Most people in the clubs are very receptive. A few aren't but they are stuck in the corner anyway. Just walk up and say "hi". A good opening line is for the woman to comment on the other woman's shoes, hair , dress, whatever. That usually breaks the ice.

We host parties just about once a month. We have Never asked for money! I've never heard of that before! We supply everything except alcohol: towels, mixers, snacks, lube, condoms, you name it. Usually people bring us a hostess gift: flowers, cookie platters, someone even bought us lifestyle jewelry (the best gift we ever got!). Nothing is expected. We only invite people we have met personally (usually at a swing club) and sometimes we ask guests to bring a couple if we are short on people. We will never invite people from SLS or SDC because we have learned they are never who they claim to be. This way there are no surprises.

It sounds like you are enjoying parts of it and it sounds like you are communicating. He is responding to you. I would recommend listening to the We Gotta Thing podcast #46 "Staying Connected. They do a good job talking about the perspectives of each participant of what being connected means and how we set our own expectations. I just found the podcast yesterday and listened to it so it just seems kind of relevant. They also talk about soft swapping as a way to know they are going to reconnect before the end of the night. That might be a better way for you to go right now so that you can get your need met to reconnect with him and not be resentful that he doesn't have time for you. Kissing was one of the first things my wife brought up when we first started talking about swinging. She felt like it wouldn't be a problem, quite probably a turn on for her, to watch me have sex with another woman but didn't know if she could handle the kissing. We love to kiss though. It is always a part of our foreplay and kissing seems to always be the first step. It's a turn on for us both and I can't see sex starting any other way. I explained to her how I felt about it. Like you did, we agreed to give it a try and if it was too much not to freak out at the time but to revisit it at an appropriate time. Our very first encounter was just her playing lightly with another girl which included lots of kissing for her. It got her really turned on. On another outing at our club a group of three or four couples were seated near us. We watched as the partners kissed and teased each other's partners. It was difficult to tell who the real partners were. As she watched that she got turned on. We talked about it later and she said after watching those couples she didn't feel like kissing was an issue after all. We still agreed we'd try it and revisit if need be but she seemed way more comfortable. A few weeks later we had our first full swap opportunity with a couple we met at our club. There was flirting, teasing and showing of skin at the seating area. We moved to the play area. I could tell my wife was getting turned on. She looked to me for a little reassurance which I gave and before I knew it she was making a move to kiss her guy. I could tell she was thoroughly enjoying it just by the way she kissed him. It was very passionate. I could hear her cooing even. It was a great experience for us both. I asked her during a debriefing a if we needed to revisit the kissing rule and her response was basically "what rule?" with a coy smile. Through our two year journey to get to this point she has always been the brakes and I was the gas until she became the gas too. She got that way by us being able to communicate our feelings and build trust that I wasn't going home with anyone but her. We are both very passionate people. I think we've realized along the way that we want to see each other be able to enjoy passion with others or there's no point in enjoying the variety this lifestyle offers. We do this for us. If I see her not having passionate sex then I'm going to think she's not enjoying it. I'd be more upset about that, perhaps thinking she was taking one for the team, than I would seeing her thoroughly and passionately having an encounter with a guy she is connected with at the moment. Then, being able to talk about those feelings of lust and sexual desire, replay things we remembered about a hard dick or a tight pussy to each other is a whole new turn on. Other women find your man attractive and want to have sex with him. Take pride in that. I love knowing other guys want to have sex with my wife. I promise you they don't want to take him away from you. It sounds like you've got a great guy that is trying his best to stay connected but wants to enjoy and wants you to enjoy, which you say you do. Enjoy it. It's going to be OK. It's OK to be the brakes but don't overthink your feelings too much and slam on the brakes. Relax and ease off them with every little victory. Find the victories even in the failures. As long as you are still working on it those are victories. Talk about it but acknowledge, as you have here, that some of what you are feeling may be irrational or based in you personal history. Give him the chance to prove that you should put it behind you and you will, just give it some time and keep moving forward. The jealousy and other shit you might be making up in your head will fade.

On our site, there are a lot of couples with a wide variety of preferences. Some only play with females, some only do soft swap. Some only play with single males. Some list only girl on girl with the guys watching, some have only mmf where only the husband watches. It is very diverse, but it all comes down to each couples individual wants and desires. I am sure any husband out there would rather have some fun in the lifestyle rather than none at all. Why not both of you list what you both enjoy the most, and what you dislike the most about a variety of situations and then go from there. If you feel you just really want to get past certain situations in order to get comfortable with it, assuming that is what you really want, it may come to that in time. For me, I just simply don't do what doesn't feel comfortable for me, no matter what it is. I have had more positive experiences taking that route than forcing something that goes against what I feel is enjoyable.

We are moderately experienced swingers and we have these events happen, too. It’s hard to find a four way match. Here’s an idea: try a club or resort or a cruise, if the funds and time permit. This way, you will be exposed to a multitude of couples and increase your odds of finding a good one. Also, if a couple or a member of a couple is not receptive, we move forward.We move to another couple. We had a couple of situations where we gave it a second chance and it worked, but usually not. Don’t give up. It’s tough to match and we’ve tried a lot. It’s (probably) not you! You don’t know what problems the other couple has. The failures to launch may have nothing to do with you. My thought: their loss. Next!

It's very easy to fall into the cuckold thing from here unless very clear boundaries are set and enforced. It is actually much easier for you to learn more about becoming her Dom than allowing someone else to assume that role. We would steer clear of allowing another person to take the place you should be in (as her first and foremost).

I started my internet education the day after Mr Gore invented it. My 9800 modem didn't make it a fast experience. Rule 1: Trolls; When there is a discussion that is invaded, added to, or slid into, with a comment that causes an emotional reaction, this is planned. I could go on and on about feeding trolls but best to not react at all, and just move on. Someone is going to get frustrated, let it not be you.

I don't think we would decline. We are both pretty open-minded, and discretion is of big importance to us. We have met a few singles that were attached, some were honest about it, others I personally have been contacted by the gf, or so. Our priorities are to answer to each other, there simply isn't enough free time to run background checks, and play P.I. Life's too short. If I am comfortable with couples, or singles, my so leaves it up to me. Generally speaking, as long as the drama doesn't come around to us, not our concern.

We have really good friends that got us going. Luckily they had friends that accepted us a play partners. Up until we started playing I didn’t need any variation. I thought I was the luckiest man in the world to fuck my wife’s best friend. My wife who is now acting out he bi side told me how she gets so excited when she knows she is going to be with someone new. At first I was self doubting that she needed variety. Now I say why not enjoy.

This is true. Many years ago, my wife and I accepted an invitation to a meeting at a remote mountain cabin from a man and a woman who were married -- just not to each other. We accepted the invitation and subsequently had a couple more nice play dates. About a year after the first meeting, a call came from the woman saying he had been found out. We wished her the best of luck in future endeavors and knew we would never hear from either again. So here is the thing. We made it clear that if either or both got caught that they should not expect either of us to get onto a witness stand and tell lies. They understood and seemed to have already considered their risks. We considered ours. If we encountered a situation like this again, we would consider it on its merits. We have encountered and heard of other married-but-not-to-each other pairs. Although not having played with these others, we don't walk circles around them or treat them like outcasts in social situations. Unless you know the whole story, how can you judge,

I need variation, but not infinite variety, so the three guys I have regularly (and a forth sometimes) is enough for me.

We have been to several nude beaches both in Caribbean and here in NJ and I don’t think I ever saw an erection. There definitely was not any sex at all either. My husband and the guys we went to our first beach with joked about getting one. Gunnisons beach in NJ gets very crowded during the summer. Sex is prohibited. There are gawkers as you might expect. There are those who are curious as we were the first time. I know there are swingers there I think. There is an area that gays tend to go to. It’s a nude beach not a sex beach. It is not Hedonism. There is no sex, no hand jobs, no blow jobs. It’s a regular fun beach without the clothes.

We had been waiting for the weather to warm up to tempt a visit to Sandy Hook and it's nude beach. In the past I worried how my bathing suit looks. No worries here. Lot was pretty full. My boyfriend and I grabbed our chairs and cooler and hoped we were walking to the right place. Soon we saw a sign saying that beyond that spot we might encounter nude bathers. We kept walking and the first nude was a man about 80 years old. We kept walking. More people but not many our age. We knew not to stare. Of course you look but don't want to be caught looking. We saw middle aged couples, a few groups of what seemed to be friends. We saw one young girl probably in her 20's alone and my boyfriend nudged me. We kept walking. Saw a bunch of guys together. As we walked I am sure people were watching us. We found a spot, away from being to close to anyone and we opened our beach sand chairs. Now we had to take the next step. We had bathing suits under our shorts and tops. Getting down to our suits I noticed some women wearing bottoms, not many. I could swear every guy watched me take my suit off. Probably not. Finally in the nude we put on lotion. Felt funny sitting on the beach nude. Felt good but strange. We then decided to walk to the water. I still didn't see people our age. I know people looked up as we walked. I made sure not to stare but I know I looked. I looked at many penises and I looked at breasts. I saw too many out of shape people. I know this is a nude beach. It's about being nude and not a muscle or beauty pageant. The water was too cold to go in. We went back to our chairs. It was hot but so nice. Our only contact with anyone was from a couple sitting near us. He came over and asked if we were new to the beach. He was I think around 40+. He was nice and said if we wanted we could move over to them. I know I was looking right at his penis because he was standing in front of me and I was low in the chair. His face was in the sun. We thanked him but we stayed where we were. If we go back I know I won't be as shy.

There is that possibility, Peter. Lee just mentioned that it was not in the vows. "Oh, really, Mom? Hey, Darling, wanna forsake all others?" "You bet, Sweetheart. "Let's!" Lee rolled her eyes.

We are long term nudists and short term swingers (30 years vs. 2 years). We've seen very few woodies at nude beaches and resorts. There was one character at Sandy Hook who was nicknamed Woody, but other than him, it was rare to see. After being nude for a few minutes, most people swim, sunbathe, play volleyball, etc. and forget they are naked. In swinging, stimulative activities begin and things rise. One hopes.