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I know what you are thinking... what does a person standing on stage scared to death have to do with swinging. Well... this is a different kind of stage fright, I call it this for lack of a better term. This is something that most people think of in swinging as only affecting the men. Here they are ready to play with some new woman, a woman they have wanted for hours, month's or even years, and just when everything is falling into place and it's time to perform they can't. How many times have we seen this, or had it happen to us. I know I've seen it plenty, and the thing is it's not the guys fault, and it's not the girls fault either. I mentioned earlier that this affects more than the men, and it does because women have the same problem, it's just not physically visible. Usually with us it's shows itself in that we aren't able to cum. What causes this? you ask. Simple, not being comfortable in your environment. In a normal dating relationship you don't have sex with a person until you are comfortable with them, this might be the first date, or it might be 3 months later, at any rate, by the time you get around to swinging you are definitely comfortable with your partner. You know what to expect. When it comes to swinging you could be playing with someone you barely know (if at all), that you only met an hour before and haven't really even talked to. How comfortable can you be, completely naked trying to have sex with what is basically a perfect stranger? Ok, so some people can, but most can't. So what is my advice? The same as my advice has often been. Get to know the person you are with ahead of time, my usual rule is 3 dates (but that's just me). At any rate be comfortable with who you are with. If you aren't comfortable, don't do it (or her or him). If all else fails, there's always Viagra... I hear it's helped many men at least stay hard (but it doesn't help them cum). And hey, remember... you aren't alone, it's actually quite common. This should be looked at from another angle as well, a warning so to speak to all the single guys out there who think swinging and group sex would be just SOOO cool. Things are much different in real life than in fantasy.

I wrote up the below for a New Member brochure for our local club. Thou Shalt Not Touch Without Permission. Don't assume that because someone is ok with others touching them that it's ok for you to touch them. No Means No (Always). If someone says no, it does not mean try again. If you say no to someone and they persist, report it to a staff member. Communicate Communicate Communicate! This is most important between you and your spouse, but also between you and those you may swing with. Be Honest. If you aren't comfortable, say so. Be honest with your partner about how you feel, and be honest with others. If you aren't interested, say so. Don't lead people on. Move at your own pace, not the pace of others. Don't allow others (including your spouse) to push you to move faster than you are comfortable. Be Discreet. No one needs to know who else you've been with. What goes on in the bedroom stays in the bedroom. Never Assume. Just because you played with someone in the past doesn't mean you are playing with them again tonight. Your relationship is the priority. Don't do anything to jeopardize it. Know Your Boundaries, and stick to them. Set rules together and abide by them. Have Fun! If you aren't having fun it's time to take a break. What would your 10 Commandments be?

So, you want to swing. You’ve had all the discussions and you think now you’re ready. But wait, how do we get started actually finding people to have sex with us? You could always ask a close friend that you are comfortable with but this is not recommended by most. Some have had good luck with it and others have lost friends by even mentioning the fact that they are interested in exploring an alternative lifestyle. The two most popular ways are placing a personal ad on one of the many different adult ad sites on the internet and attending a swinger’s club or event. Both have their advantages and disadvantages. Geographic location also plays a part in which of these will work best for you. The club route: If you live in an area where there are clubs available this is a very good option to start meeting people with. Clubs come in many different forms...Off-premise, On-premise, Socials and Meet & Greets...you also have house parties in the mix but they are not something I would recommend for a newbie. Off-premise clubs are basically like any other night club you would attend, with the only difference being that everyone there is a swinger or is interested in becoming a swinger. They are great places for new people to check out the scene, interact with others and ask questions in a no pressure atmosphere. There is a sexually charged atmosphere, lots of dancing and talking and getting to know people. No sex occurs at an off-premise club, if you meet someone for playtime you have to leave the club and obtain a room or head out to someone’s house before play can occur. On-premise clubs are the same as off-premise with the exception that sex can and does happen on-premise. Usually in rooms that are provided specifically for playing, which range from private rooms to group rooms. Socials are basically like off-premise clubs, but are usually held at a hotel that has a large meeting room or ballroom, and are usually held only once a month. You will find dancing, socializing and lots of flirting going on. Sex does not occur at a Social but the advantage over an off-premise club is that you are only a walk away from a hotel room if you happen to meet someone for playtime. Meet and Greets are basically just a group of swingers who get together only for the purpose of meeting face to face for dinner and conversation. Hook-ups can and do occur but it’s not the main focus of a M&G. All of these have the advantage of getting to see the people you are meeting right away, there’s no waiting for pictures to be sent and no time between e-mails and/or phone calls trying to arrange a time that is convenient for all to meet. Play can and at times will occur the same night you meet someone, if everyone is in agreement. The disadvantages are that you can be overwhelmed at times with numerous people vying for your attention as well as having those you would rather not play with asking to play and then dealing with having to turn them down gracefully. The ad route: Ads are a way of meeting people when you don’t live in a place where there is a club close enough to visit and/or you’re just not a club type of person. By placing an ad you are able to spell out everything that you are interested in exploring. What type of people you enjoy spending time with, if you’re just looking for a one time hook-up or if you’re looking for long term play partners. When placing an ad you’re able to tell what type of experiences you have had, what type of experiences you want to have, what you like to do sexually and with whom you would like to do it with. You are also able to search ads and find people you are interested in and contacting them. One of the things that you will have to deal with when placing an ad is answering the responses you get. Some will be from people you might have no interest in. You will have to write back and let them know. Another possibility is that you might wind up playing tag with those that you are interested in trying to find the time to meet. Also, you will have to deal with those who are not really serious about swinging and those that will stand you up once a date has been made. No matter how you decide to meet people for sexual play, be it via the ad route or attending a club, you will only get out of it what you are willing to put into it. You must be able to put effort into your search. If you’re at a club get up and talk to people, don’t wait for them to come to you. If you have an ad out and you’re not getting the response you want, look it over and see what you can do to make it more appealing to others as well as looking for those you’re interested in and making the first move with contacting them. Always remember, there is no right or wrong way to go about it. Find the way you’re comfortable with and have fun in your adventure.

You guys have given me something to ponder. Next time I see somebody give a great PowrPoint, I’ll be speculating that the person is in no way an exhibitionist.

Thanks for sharing your adventure. Great to hear that things went so...great!

our first cruise was a bare necessities cruise, i.e. clothing optional. We went with a large group of couples from The Grove, a clothing optional Lifestyle resort in north Georgia. It was huge fun, but lifestyle conversation had to be kept on the DL, and all playing was behind closed doors. Our second cruise was a Couples Cruise (Lifestyle). Very little nudity allowed. They did convert the rewards club into a on premise play area with beds, booths and conversation areas. We met a Unicorn on the first day and had a lot of playtime with her and other playmates. We have booked the Bliss cruise for April 2019, once again with several couples from the Grove, and expect to have a great time.

Where to begin? First of all: all of our homework and preparation for Hedo was worth it. We weren't shocked by anything that we saw there around the pool. We also fit right in with the group we went with, even though we weren't as wild as some of them were. We hung out with them and laughed, drank, and told stories the whole time. My wife and I deepened our connection with each other and it was absolutely wonderful to spend time with her around the clock with no kids and no responsibilities. The first night we were there we were approached by a couple. They were relatively new like us. We had some drinks, hung out in the hot tub, and wound up in the open air play room. Neither of us anticipated going this fast into debauchery, but we had good chemistry and they accepted our boundaries. We started off side by side with our spouses. Somewhere in the middle the other wife rolled over and started kissing all over my wife and BAM.... she had her first girl on girl experience. She was surprised how much she enjoyed it. The rest of the experience was just touching, feeling, and being with our own spouse. The second night we met up with the same couple and went back to our room. About 3/4 of the experience was good, but it seemed a little off this time. Rather than be about the two ladies, it seemed like the husband was quick to transition to my wife. At one point we all thought he was about to 'go for it' in terms of penetration and I stopped everything and reminded him we weren't doing that. So we resumed. Well.... a few minutes later (I find out afterwards) he desperately whispered twice into her ear to 'let me fuck you'. It was so low that I couldn't hear it, and neither could his wife. I could sense something was up though...I really don't know how. It was the way he was kissing her -- like he was almost a little too much into her. When we were done the other wife got up and got them the hell out of there very abruptly. I think she sensed something too. The rest of the trip we exchanged passing niceties but didn't really hang out with them. Very very weird. Overall the trip was fantastic! The aforementioned experience did nothing but strengthen the communication bonds between us. I have to admit that I was surprised that her sounds of pleasure didn't bother me at all, but seeing him kissing her like that did. Remember that boundary that everyone says usually gets tossed out first? I'm not sure I can toss it. At least I have to think about it some more. My wife didn't get to see me kiss the other wife so she's not sure if it would bother her or not, but she definitely knows that it would bother her to see me have intercourse with another woman. If she knows that without us trying it -- then we definitely do NOT need to try it. Trust your gut! What has happened to us over the past two months: -- we now openly talk about sex to each other, and we do it a lot. Before she didn't really want to talk about it unless we were having sex at that moment. -- she has discovered that she is a bit of an exhibitionist. She didn't want to have sex in the daytime at the pool (understandable), but she LOVES to do it in the playroom. We will be extending our membership at the Trapeze in Atlanta. -- she has discovered that girl on girl in the right situation with the right girl is totally hot, and she likes it. Our adjusted boundaries based on what we have learned: -- girl on girl is a yes. In fact we think for us it should kind of center on that and the husbands just touch and feel -- intercourse is out. We are a soft swap couple methinks. That's ok. That first night went just about perfect for us. -- kissing is out for now. I don't know if it was the situation or not but it made me uncomfortable. Thoughts? could it have just been the situation? -- the wife of any couples should be highly self confident and own a room when she enters it. That might sound strange but we think it could save some intimidation for the couple of my wife's very energetic and confident personality I'm sure I'll think of more and will follow up. Thoughts? Suggestions? Questions?

Nudists don't look at nude gatherings like swingers do. If they want to gather for sex the like minded ones will gather someplace else

This is probably the last place that I would expect to be having a situational ethics quibble similar to some I've had in Theological circles but here goes.. 1.Thou Shalt Not Touch Without Permission. Don't assume that because someone is ok with others touching them that it's ok for you to touch them. 2.No Means No (Always). If someone says no, it does not mean try again. If you say no to someone and they persist, report it to a staff member. Inside of the concept of setting up safe parameters for newbies I have no quibble with these two a guidelines for polite behaviour. Guidelines in the sense that there are some pretty obvious extents that you are over the line. If however #1 were followed strictly throughout society nobody in their teen years would have any sex life at all in the plural sense. If # 2 is a strict rule then no married couple would have any sex life at all after a few months. ( NO means NO ALWAYS) I've been together with the same lady for nearly 40 years. There are many things that are part of the play list that started out as "No I don't do that!". There is nothing we do that at one or several point wasn't a NO. ( at least until she figured out I did not care if she hadn't finished her period or had not showered immediately before I grabbed her.) I realize that you wrote these in the context of a swinger social event. Yes , OK, but I wonder how many fun times started with a fairly soft physical approach. Our first time started after a LENGTHY naked conversation when the other gentleman got up leaned over gave my wife a short kiss on the mouth cupped her breast and then backed off with a " I hope that was all right, but I couldn't resist I have been wondering all night what that would be like." We all laughed. The tension was broken and we spent the next two days together. He had judged the situation correctly and was not to forward. Now running down the hallway grabbing every woman by her genitals is clearly beyond reason, I am not quite so certain about a pat on the butt after eye contact, smile and a flirtatious conversation.

Do’s and Don’ts of On-line Profiles Do: Buy a subscription at the Web site where you have your on-line profile. Swinging is not a poor-man’s sport. When people see “Free Member”, they wonder who is going to be left to pick up the tab at the restaurant or pay for the hotel room. Do: Include at least one picture. The only people who lack the knowledge for uploading a digital picture or the funds to buying a digital camera live on a small island in Patagonia where there are no swingers. Do: Show yourselves together in at lease one picture. This makes a firm statement, “We are both available and are both engaged in the lifestyle.” Privacy is an understandable concern. If you do not want the public to be able to view your picture, put it into a category where subscribers can see it only when you give permission. Do: Tell people your marital status. Most married couples accept two people who live in a committed relationship but many will be unhappy if you surprising them with the fact after you have taken them down the road a bit. Don’t say you’re a “committed couple” That sounds like you live in an insane asylum and the orderlies let you out on Friday nights to go swinging. You are a couple who are in a committed relationship, not a committed couple. Do: Let people know whether you are experienced in The Lifestyle or just beginning. None of us are so far from our beginnings that we do not recall what it was like at the start. You can expect a helping hand. Do: Let people know your sexual orientation. Do: Be specific about your desires. If you want partner exchange, say so. If you want soft swing, say so. If size really does matter, say so. Don’t use vague statements like “Looking for exciting times” or “Looking for people having similar interest” or “Seeking like minds” or “Want to spice things up.” People might be left to wonder whether you are a souse chef or a swinger. Don’t use cliché: “We want to improve our already incredible sex lives”; “Cum on over.” Don’t be so explicit that your profile sounds like an adolescent fantasy: “I want to hang you upside down on a ceiling fan, suck on your tits while your mouth is full of pop rocks, etc.” Don’t brag, “I have a nine-inch wang that stays stiff for hours until I cum in quarts.” Don’t display religion or politics. Do: Keep the number or negatives and “we wont’s” to a minimum. If possible, display none. Whether or not you include “No single men”, you will receive inquiries from men. My advice is, therefore, don’t clutter you profile with this admonition. It is not necessary to tell people that children and animals are off your list of interests. My wife and I have be in the lifestyle for years and nobody has ever come even close to hinting. If you are burdened with the belief that persons of certain ethnic background, economic status or regional mannerism are below your dignity, keep it to yourself. Should a person of lower station happen to make the blunder of expressing interest, just decline politely. Lastly, don’t cut-and-past from other peoples’ profiles. Make your profile a reflection of your own personalities and your relationship with each other. People are reading and watching.

We have been to Sandy Hook too. For the most part it is as you said. On occasion I have seen full staffs. It is usually men who are alone or like you said gawkers. Last summer we saw a younger group, I guess in their twenties. From what we could tell first timers on the beach. You can tell how they undress. Some of the girls leaving their bottoms on, the guys jumping out of theirs. One of the guys got a little excited. One of the girls, I think his girlfriend was more embarrassed than him. There were towels thrown at him by his friends and towels pulled away in fun. I am pretty sure it subsided pretty fast.

Obviously there are some intolerant people on here and people who do not understand the difference between bisexual and gay, in fact they don't understand bisexuality at all. Just because you don't understand something or personally disagree with it doesn't make it right for you to pontificate like your opinion is the only one in the world. There are millions and millions of bisexual people, so it is not abnormal just different. Big difference between "Why would anyone do xxxxxx....!!!" and "I am not into it so don't understand why people do xxxxx.....". That being said, in answer to the original post, men should not need to take cocksucking lessons from women. Ask any bi sexual male, men are typically naturally better cocksuckers than women - they know what feels good. Same is said for women eating pussy. Which brings up another interesting hypocrisy - why is it so much more acceptable for women to be bisexual than men? Even the same people will often decry male bisexuals but applaud female bisexuality. Perhaps they are confused by the fact that masculinity and bisexuality are not mutually exclusive.