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Worrying is pointless. There are a number of scenarios that can play out. Maybe it will never be mentioned because she doesn’t believe it. She could ask and you can deny by laughing and saying your college friends tell everyone that just to see reactions. If she presses you it might be because she is interested. That could be difficult to read. The worst thing to do is not being normal. If you speak to her during the week continue doing that. Don’t feel or sound guilty. Talk about what a great game it was. On the plus side our best friends surprised me that they have been swingers for years. When I found out and then realized my wife wanted to join them. Looking back it has opened many new things for us. Some will say don’t do it with friends. For us it is the best.

Acting guilty is the surest way to convince him that what was said was true. Just act normal around him and more than likely nothing will ever be said. If something is actually said, just play it off as a joke, but really, what would he really say...'hey, in talking to your friend, it was said that you two are swingers, is that true?'. I think you will be okay, just don't let it change how you are around him. The first time you see him again will be the hardest, after that it won't be anything any longer.

I know what you are thinking... what does a person standing on stage scared to death have to do with swinging. Well... this is a different kind of stage fright, I call it this for lack of a better term. This is something that most people think of in swinging as only affecting the men. Here they are ready to play with some new woman, a woman they have wanted for hours, month's or even years, and just when everything is falling into place and it's time to perform they can't. How many times have we seen this, or had it happen to us. I know I've seen it plenty, and the thing is it's not the guys fault, and it's not the girls fault either. I mentioned earlier that this affects more than the men, and it does because women have the same problem, it's just not physically visible. Usually with us it's shows itself in that we aren't able to cum. What causes this? you ask. Simple, not being comfortable in your environment. In a normal dating relationship you don't have sex with a person until you are comfortable with them, this might be the first date, or it might be 3 months later, at any rate, by the time you get around to swinging you are definitely comfortable with your partner. You know what to expect. When it comes to swinging you could be playing with someone you barely know (if at all), that you only met an hour before and haven't really even talked to. How comfortable can you be, completely naked trying to have sex with what is basically a perfect stranger? Ok, so some people can, but most can't. So what is my advice? The same as my advice has often been. Get to know the person you are with ahead of time, my usual rule is 3 dates (but that's just me). At any rate be comfortable with who you are with. If you aren't comfortable, don't do it (or her or him). If all else fails, there's always Viagra... I hear it's helped many men at least stay hard (but it doesn't help them cum). And hey, remember... you aren't alone, it's actually quite common. This should be looked at from another angle as well, a warning so to speak to all the single guys out there who think swinging and group sex would be just SOOO cool. Things are much different in real life than in fantasy.

On my next lecture tour, I have five lectures (PowerPoint, of course; Prezi makes us dizzy) to deliver in two days. We like audiences.

You guys have given me something to ponder. Next time I see somebody give a great PowrPoint, I’ll be speculating that the person is in no way an exhibitionist.

Same here, we are definitely exhibitionists. Having an audience is a huge turn on. Just don't ask me to give a powerpoint presentation.

I totally agree. I find that message forums (of any topic or specialization) are a much better "tell" about a person than any profile. .... It is a more fun way to get to know folks too. ;-)

This sounds a little different and bit bit less judgemental than your original reply. I have never had a cock in my mouth and I may never but I am open to the idea if it becomes part of the play in a MfM My wife has a fantasy of both myself and the other male cumming inside of her and we get to lick it off of each other's cocks. Who am I to deny this wonderful little lady one of her fantasies? So yes I would do it but I am certainly not out shopping the internet for it to happen.

Interesting, I have had speaker stage fright since a high school debate freeze up. Strangely with fucking the bigger the audience the better.

UPDATE: Well after last night were are now a full swap couple. It was AWESOME! So 2 weeks ago we had plans to visit Trapeze with our playmates. Unfortunetely J had a death in her family and they had to travel out of state. So my buddy and i rescheduled a vanilla date nite of bowling and drinks with a group of friends. Their babysitter fell thru at the last minute. Mrs 2b and i decided to hang out at the bowling alley for a little while, have a drink, and wait for our playmates kids to go to sleep. So we head over around 11.My buddy and I go to the garage to have some rum and a smoke while our wives were in the living room drinking wine and watching a movie. After a few shots we were all back in the living room finishing the movie. It's about 1am at this point and i know my wife really gets sleepy this time of night without stimulation so I'm thinking nothings going to happen at this point. Boy was i wrong. All of a sudden D goes over to his wife, pulls down her pants, and starts eating her out. This gets my wife's attention and she starts giving me head on the other sofa. After a few J brings my buddy oct and tells him to sit beside me. We are both laying back getting blowjobs for a couple minutes then J leans over to me, and starts sucking me. My wife switches places and starts giving D a bj. This was my first time making eye contact with my wife with another dick in her mouth. It was tough not to cum right then asty that site. Also J is very talented so that watt making it any easier. They gave us nough double blow jobs and then the girls started eating each other out while we watched. After they got each other off J came to me and my wife went to him. My wife and i are both giving oral. So while I'm eating J pussy, my wife turns around to join me between Js thighs. D sees this as his opportunity as my wife's magnificent ass i200ys pointed in the air, to go for. Next thing i know i see my wife getting entered from behind. J looks at her husband, pulls me up to her missionary, and i stuck my dick in as far as i could! So we stayed at it for about 15 minutes with each other's wives and went back to finish with our own spouses. Somewhere in there Mrs2b got her MFM as well. Overall it was the most thrilling sexual experience I've ever had. All of us for that matter after chatting today with them. It felt surprisingly comfortable, effortless even. All the trepidation i had leading up to the event went away immediately. Like jumping right into cold water instead off wading. I guess that worked for me. My wife is my superstar. I feel so hot for this woman words can't describe it accurately. She mentioned this morning that this lifestyle was a longtime fantasy of hers. Well it did blow my mind, hers as well and we feeling right at home here. So we'll be sticking around. Thanx for any advice given

The WallFlower Part 1 - Approach Anxiety and Why We Have It When it comes down to it almost all of us feel uncomfortable in social situations. A party with strangers is one of the most common fears. When it comes to swinging we know that a party with strangers is almost a necessity, so we go, yet when we get there we have no idea what to do. So, we sit at the table and hope that someone else, someone with more experience or just someone braver, will approach us. When it comes to understanding how to move past these issues first it's helpful to understand WHY we have these issues in the first place. Problem #1 Don't Talk to Strangers - From an early age we were taught that talking to strangers can be dangerous. You talk to people you know and only when someone else introduces you to the "stranger" can you talk to them. We teach this to our children for a reason, but the problem is that it sticks into adulthood. Even though we know that we are not likely to get hurt by talking to a stranger, we still shy away from it because no matter what we do Mom's voice is still in the back of our head. Solution: Change our mindset and realize that these people are not strangers. If they are at the same party, they aren't strangers. They all have at least one thing in common with us and probably many more. Problem #2 We Have to be Polite - Another thing we were taught at a young age is that you are to be polite and that you wait for someone to introduce you. Of course Miss Manners probably never had any issues getting others to introduce her around, and we all have to start somewhere. If you know no one at the party there's likely no one who can introduce you around. We often assume it's the hosts job to do this, but they are typically rather busy just keeping up with all the details of their party. Solution: Stop waiting. It's not impolite to introduce yourself and others will appreciate that you made the effort. Problem #3 Good Things Come to Those Who Wait - You don't want to be the pushy people so you wait patiently for the right time to approach. It's most often the shy people who are worried about coming across as too pushy and usually the fact that they are worried about it means that it will never happen. It's never being pushy to introduce yourself. Solution: Stop worrying so much. Be yourself and go say hello. Also remember that while good things may come to those who wait, they won't come without a little effort. Problem #4 Better the Devil We Know - Our fear of rejection is probably the one thing that prevents us from taking action more than anything else. It's so much easier to sit idly by and talk about how much we enjoy the "people watching" and know that as long as we take no action we will not be rejected. We may never get a "yes" but we'll never get a "No" either. It's just safer this way. Solution: Realize that approaching someone you maintain control of the situation. Not only are you approaching them to determine if you accept or reject them, but since you approached them you can easily walk away at any time. Problem #5 They Might Take it Wrong - But, what if we just want to say hello and they assume we want to have sex with them? This is exactly the opposite of the fear of rejection, it's the fear of assumption. This fear leads us right back to The Devil We Know. Solution: Control your approach. We will discuss this more in another article, but for now know that while you can't control their reactions or thoughts, you can control your own. All of these problems simply build on each other, one making another worse until we are frozen with our fears, unable to move. As a result, we sit at the table all night wishing someone would approach us so we could have a good time. We blame others for our bad time because they didn't approach us when, in fact, it's our own fault because we let our fears rule us. Don't Be a Wallflower Part 2 - Re-frame the Situation It's funny that we often worry about the objections of others, yet it is our own objections (excuses) that really get in our way. We talked about the 5 Causes for Approach Anxiety, now it is time to discuss how we can move past those. In order to move past our own objections, we have to figure out how to reframe the situation and look at it differently. It's all about perspective. Change the Context - Just because you speak to someone at a party does not mean you are interested. Instead of approaching someone with the idea that you are wanting to see if they are interested in you, approach them with the knowledge that you are doing so to find out if you are interested in them. Keep in mind that no matter how attractive someone may be from across the room, once you speak to them you may discover that you are not interested at all. Changing the context in this way gives you control of the situation. Change the Focus - There are always going to be couples who are more uncomfortable than you are. Perhaps you've been to this party twice but it's their first time. Find the couples hiding in the corner and introduce yourselves. Think of it as doing something nice for someone else. After all, it's exactly what they are waiting for because they are too scared to leave the table and talk to others for all the reasons we've already discussed. Retain Control - Always retain the knowledge that you can walk away at any time. Even if you are the one who approached a couple and they find you to be a perfect match, you are still in control and can decide to walk away at any time. This is actually one of the best things about doing the approaching, you are still standing and it's easier to walk away. Start Small - Make it a goal to introduce yourselves to just 1 or 2 new couples at a party. The first one is always the hardest, so just pick someone and do it. Don't spend a lot of time or worry on who to approach. Once you meet one, the next one will become easier and easier. Eventually it becomes habitual and you will find that you are rarely sitting down because you are too busy interacting. Fake it till you Make It! - Changing your actions can change how you feel. Even though you are scared to death, forcing yourself out of your comfort zone, making yourself smile and say hello will make you feel better about doing so. Your smile will spread to others, and eventually you will find that it's standard practice. These five techniques seem simply but they each take some work and take some time to wrap your brain around. While it may be something you have to force initially, it will eventually become the norm and you will find yourself simply 'flipping a switch' when you walk into a party. Don't Be a Wallflower Part 3 - Pre-Party Planning There's a few things you can do before you even head to a party to make the whole night go smoother and leave you feeling a lot less anxious when you walk in the door. Build Confidence - Building confidence is a team activity. You should be constantly building each other up. No matter how much you might want to have sex with others, your partner should always be your #1 and you need to make sure they know it. If there is doubt that your partner wants to be with you, it kills your confidence. A lack of confidence is obvious to everyone. Remind each other daily of your positive attributes, of why others would want to be with you, and of what you have to offer. Check the List - Most parties have a list online of who is attending, whether it's on SLS, Kasidie or the clubs website. If there is a list online of who is attending, check it out in the days or week leading up to the event. Read the profiles and look for the couples that you might want to meet. Discuss them together and decide which ones you think you would at least like to meet. Pre-Party Intros - Once you determine which couples (or singles) you'd like to meet from the list, send them a message to just hello. This opens the door for them to approach you at the party, or at least to give you an easier opening when you approach them. A simple intro message is best, something like "We saw that you are also signed up for XYZ Party. We read through your profile and we really hope to meet you there. If you see us please do say hello." Dress for Success - Swinging isn't that different from dating and when you were dating you never would have shown up in sweat pants or tennis shoes, or forgotten to clean the motor oil out from under your nails. Dress appropriately for the event. Choose clothing that is both comfortable & sexy. If you feel sexy and attractive it shows. Avoid clothes that are too small - sure we like tight clothes to show off our goods, but if things don't fit right and you spend the whole night adjusting, it will affect your confidence. Guys skip the t-shirts & tennis shoes. Unless it's a nice plain t-shirt that shows off your body, it's best to leave it at home. Same goes for the ball caps. And, we know you want to be comfortable, but women do judge a man by his shoes. Don't forget the little things. Trim you nails (guys & girls). Guys don't forget the nose hairs and ear hairs. Now that you are dressed and ready, it's time for the party. Don't be a Wallflower Part 4 - At the Party There are three things that you can do when you walk into a party that can make the difference on how your whole night goes. Arrive Early - Not only do you get your choice of seats, but it's so much easier to talk to people when the music is low and the crowd is thin. This makes it not only easier to make that first approach, but it makes that first approach go more smoothly. It's also a whole lot easier to start off in an almost empty room and allow it to fill around you, than to walk into a room that is already full. By doing this you are no longer walking into a room full of strangers, they are coming to you. Your Seat Choice Matters - Stay out of the corner! Don't get stuck on a wall where you can get out. Try to sit in high traffic areas where you can see people as they walk by. Your best options are often near a door where people have to walk by you to enter or leave the room, near the drink set-up table or near the dance floor where you will not only have most people walking by you at some point you also get the added benefit of constant entertainment throughout the night. However, don't let the entertainment distract you to the point that you don't leave the table. Approach ANYONE - This is especially important in the early days of getting yourself used to talking to people. Any practice you can get talking to new people will help your confidence and make it easier to talk to others. You do, however, have to be careful not to over-extend your stay and eventually, you will want to adjust your approach so that you only approach those you MIGHT actually be interested in. In time you may find that you walk into a party and choose a seat only to lose it later because you never returned to it. But, at least initially, it's nice to know that you have a place to escape to, if needed. As you move around and talk to more and more people you will create attraction for yourself and induce others to want to approach you. People are attracted to those that seem attractive to others. This is called "Social Proof". Just be careful that you don't become that couples that others are afraid to approach for fear that they are "too popular" or in a "clique". As you get to know more people it can sometimes become very easy to simply hang out with the people you already know and are comfortable with (returning back to the beginning with "The Devil You Know"). No matter how comfortable you get with people, keep trying to meet new people at every party and always try to approach those who look the most uncomfortable. Don't Be a Wallflower Part 5 - The Approach One of the scary things about approaching others is the idea that you might get "stuck" talking to someone after realizing you aren't interested. This is one of the great things about approaching others, rather than being approached; you are less likely to get cornered and can more easily walk away. Although the ability to walk away and knowing how to do it or feeling comfortable doing it are different things. One approach that works really well for overcoming a lot of the fears that we have about approaching others is the Time Constraint Approach. This is an approach that we discovered while watching The PickUp Artist on VH1 several years ago and have since modified to suit our needs. The Introduction - Approach with a with a smile and say "HI, we just wanted to stop by for a minute an introduce ourselves, we are......". Saying "for a minute" gives you a time constraint. It makes them feel better that you aren't immediately planting yourself right away, but it also gives you an easy out because you were clearly never planning to stay for a long time anyway. Don't Sit Down - You may not end up sitting with them at all, but definitely do not sit down right away. Stay standing as you make your way through the next step. If they invite you to sit down re-iterate, "oh we can't stay... we were on our way to..." (say hello to someone, get a drink , go to the bathroom, dance...) "but we saw you and decided we had to say hello." Find Common Ground - If they are receptive to your introduction, try to find common ground. At this point you are just feeling them out to see if there is any sort of connection. You can do this in many ways. Compliment them. Ask if they are new to the party/ event? Ask what they think about the party/event? Remember you aren't looking to go deep here, you just want to know if there's any sort of connection or interest on your side. Can they hold up their end of a conversation? Are they giving you two word answers to everything? Do they look bored? Is their accent so thick it drives you crazy? Ask for a dance - if things are going well at this point and they seem receptive, ask for a dance. If you aren't into dancing, let them know you enjoyed meeting them and don't want to keep them from others. If they are into you at this point they will say something "oh no, you aren't keeping us....." and probably will invite you to sit and join them. If you are interested in doing so, do so for a short time. Ask about their interests regarding swinging and establish if they are a match. Give Them Space - If at any point in this setup things don't seem to be progressing, simply say "it was nice to meet you" and move on to another couple. Even if things are going really well, eventually, you will want to give them a little space to talk about you (and to talk about them). Remember absence makes the heart grow fonder, well it works here, too. By leaving them for bit they can discuss you and think fondly about you, so that when you re-appear, whether they were expecting it or not, they are all the happier to see you. When you walk away determine if you are interested in playing with them. If you are interested make sure to return to them within 15 minutes and find out if the interest is mutual. At this point you should have already discussed the basic limits you each have and know if you are a match in terms of your swinging preferences, so the idea of playing is already out on the table. Now, all someone has to do is put out the invitation. If you are interested in playing with them, don't be shy they know it's on the table so just ask them. If the interest is not mutual or if upon walking away you determine you aren't really interested, do not return and occupy their evening. Leave their door (and yours) open for others.

I have a question for the learned people here. First off a little about us. My wife is 37 (she looks around 29, and is very cute and curvy, no it's not just because I'm her husband) I'm 40, and we've been together since she was 18. Our marriage is really strong, and we are not looking into this to "fix" anything, I know that that's an immediate concern on a lot of forum postings (it is nice to see that people look out for each other). Back when we were young we use to hit a lot of the goth clubs, and sometimes we would go on the bdS&M or "sex positive" nights, but we never did anything but dance, and usually after doing a fair amount of people watching, go home and boink each others brains out. Then, along came kids and responsibility and adulthood. Though we never stopped being kinky, and constantly challenging each other's sexual notions, we did drop out of any sort of club scene. On a side note, I am a writer and photographer, and for years now we played a little game where I would try to guess the kinks that turned her on by writing stories with her as the star. Recently, after writing her a similarly themed story, we begin to talk about the exhilarating feeling of going out to the clubs, and she really begin to express interest in possibly visiting an on-site venue. She is very much an exhibitionist, and I am very much a voyeur, we are perfectly matched. After a bit of research I found that there are quite a few clubs in our area, and quickly got us invited to more than one (when she found out I had done this it turned her on no end, so she's not exactly timid about the idea). After discussing everything frankly, honestly, and openly we both came to the conclusion that a visit to the club would be a lot of fun. We are both confident/trusting in each other, and comfortable in our own skins. Our marriage could honestly survive a neutron bomb, let alone some dude sticking his cock in my wife's very aroused pussy... That being said, we are really not interested in swapping. I guess the "hot wife"scenario is closer to how we feel, but even that's not completely correct. heh, I get off on her getting off, and she gets off on me getting off on her getting off. Here in comes the question. We really want to go to a club or event where we can be wallflowers, and if she wants to, and feels comfortable enough, she can jump in and play with a male attendee, or two, or three:D (If they are equally interested in playing with her of course) Most clubs seem to look down on single males, and I don't know what the etiquette is regarding the other wife feeling left out (since it's more about my wife's sexual liberation then any sort of swap) I don't know, maybe I'm overthinking it, as we've never been to one of these clubs, but do some couples split up and do their own thing, or is there a specific type of venue that we should attend if we are interested in more a bilateral situation. We definitely aren't interested in adult personals, or setting up any sort of long drawn out scenario.. We just want to go somewhere and be wallflowers until she decides that it's time to be naughty with some anonymous someone, and even if that does or doesn't happen we will probably put on show ourselves. My wife has said that the gang bang nights some of the clubs have really arouse her curiosity, but are definitely too extreme for dipping your toe in the water... Right now she's just thinking about touching, oral, and maybe intercourse (the more exhibitionist the better) Please excuse the messy punctuation and wall of text I am sort of going stream of consciousness. Everything written here comes from the both of us and not just the husband. Oh and I should probably mention that we are completely aware that we can expect everything to happen on the first night, or second night, or maybe even third night. We just wanted to get some perspective on where it might happen when it does.

The house party dynamic is always dicey. When we did house parties, we often saw couples splitting up--easier to find 1:1 than 2:2 matches. That doesn't get to what makes someone attractive--or not--at a party. What seems to matter most is how quickly and efficiently one can build a connection and establish interest. Introverts have to put on their extrovert faces, and extroverts often need to tone down their style. While it's true that the traditionally attractive folks are going to get some initial attention, that usually is insufficient to close the deal. What seems to matter the most are (a) confidence and (b) how you make your potential playmate feel about themselves. Bear in mind, a house party is a fantasy of sorts. People adopt personas that they would not use in ordinary life, and there is a distinct beginning and end to the party, much like Cinderella and the ball: if you're not playing by midnight, might as well pack it up and go home, etc. As for how you make your potential playmate feel about themselves, here is where the splitting can work to advantage. It's pretty easy to see the usual dynamic -- often there are dominant men who circle around "the most attractive woman" in the place. A glance around the room will reveal their significant others who have been to some extent abandoned. Strike up a conversation with one of them. It should be about them, not you. Listen to their comments, their feelings. The reason is simple. The outcome of "That most attractive woman" thing has only one (initial) male winner. If it happens to be (the lady you are talking to) spouse, she will be feeling vulnerable. More likely her husband will not be of interest to that "most attractive lady". Yet you have already endeared yourself to a potential playmate. There is some likelihood that your social graces puts you ahead even head and shoulders above-- the other men in the room : if she intends to play at all, she wants to be treated like the lady that she is. It is a truism that women run the lifestyle. It is not a truism that "Barbie" of "Ken and Barbie" is calling the shots--actually, it's all the rest of the ladies in the room.